"I can keep my head."

"No you can't."

"You know what I don't get?" asked Amanda Rollins, hands resting lightly on her hips as she challenged her co-worker defiantly. "I've spent the last two years hearing stories about an Olivia who would break every rule in the goddamn book for her partner. An Olivia who saw beyond the case, beyond all the red tape bullshit, black and white, right and wrong..." sometimes Olivia felt as though she were seeing the world through the eyes of her ten years younger self when she spoke with Amanda Rollins, "... and who would do whatever it takes to help a friend. What the hell happened to her?"

"She grew up." Replied Olivia coolly, the air con catching a hair lifting chill on the back of her neck where her hair was now pinned in a casual clasp. Inside she may have been a bundle of hormones but she was determined that it not show in her appearance or demeanour.

"Oh great so that's where we're at now is it? You're gonna patronise me like one of the rat squad's little..."

"The bus terminal was packed out. It was rush hour and we'd lost control of the sting. Gitano was spooked and when I ran him down he pulled a knife."

"I heard about that case. What you and Stabler did was incredibly brave."

"No, no it was incredibly stupid..." said Olivia with a quiet, deliberate calm, "... and I know that now."

"I..."

"Stabler should never have taken his eyes off that boy. If he hadn't he'd be a teenager now. I should've taken the shot..." hearing Elliot's own words coming back to her with haunting clarity Olivia truly felt what she was saying for the first time, "... I should've taken him out the second I had the chance because we had no clue how long we had to save that little girl. I put my partner's life before the victims and I was wrong for that."

"You were in love with him."

"I had no right to be..." stated Olivia unflinchingly, "... because it meant I could no longer do my job."

"Can you seriously look me in the eye and say that?" asked Rollins with hostile disbelief. "Are you honestly gonna stand there pregnant with his second child and try to sell me this crap?"

"You're off the case, Rollins."

"No!"

"That wasn't a suggestion..." replied Olivia with a husky command rushing in her tone, "... you will recuse yourself or..."

"Or what? You'll make me?" challenged Rollins, shaking her head incredulously. "Who the hell do you think you are Olivia?"

"It's Sergeant Benson..." holding her ground, feet lightly parted and her shoulders square and head held high Olivia held her voice steady, "... and the person in charge of getting Zara Amaro justice is who the hell I think I am Detective Rollins."

"You're a hypocrite."

"We're done here..." said Olivia, staring at Rollins with an impassioned, unblinking gaze, "... you can go now."

"Fine, fine I'm gone." Yelled Rollins, unable to hide the blind rage and indignation she felt as she turned on her heel and stalked across Cragen's office to seize the door handle as if it were a weapon.

"Rollins?"

"What?" came the snapped reply, as the incensed blonde stared white hot daggers at her new superior.

"Hand over anything you learned from Zara's school this morning to Fin before you leave."

"Fin?" asked Rollins, a little thrown despite her ire. "I thought Stabler was..."

"Detective Stabler transferred back to narcotics first thing this morning."

"I..." began Rollins, her mouth struggling to keep up with her racing mind, "... I thought..."

"How close would you come to influencing a line up if it helped Zara sleep at night? How far would you be prepared to push a potential suspect to get a confession? What are you going to tell her when she wants you to sleep over at her Dad's place so she feels safe and you know you can't because of a rule she will never understand?"

"She..."

"How fast would you pull your weapon if you came face to face with the guy we liked for abusing the little girl who calls you Mandy?"

"It was your idea, wasn't it?" realised Rollins, regretting ever having doubted her co-workers integrity. "Having Stabler transferred back out?"

"I can't watch him feed my daughter toast soldiers on a morning and then watch some lunatic hold a gun to his head by lunch..." rounding her shoulders and shoving her hands into the pockets of her slacks Olivia softened her body language and relaxed her face to a warm smile, "... and I can handle you thinking I'm a bitch but not a hypocrite."

"I just feel so damn helpless."

"We'll find the bastard who hurt Zara..." warm brown eyes indomitable Olivia vowed, "... we will."

"You're really benching me?"

"You can either be the friend who keeps trying to help him get clean once and for all and reads his daughter bedtime stories at night or you can be a detective on this case..." delivering a this time much softer ultimatum Olivia added, "... but I can't let you be both."

"I'm owed some time..." removing her weapon from its holster on her belt Rollins lay it on Cragen's desk with a trembling hand, "... will you let the guys know I decided to take it?"

"Of course."

"And for the record? I don't think you're a bitch, Liv..." sighed Rollins, shaking her head wearily and flashing a fond smile of admiration and unreserved respect, "... you're a bad ass but not a bitch."


"We got 'em."

"The grandparents?" asked Warner, inclining a spot lamp onto the Petri disk she was holding up to the light and then lowering it to give Fin her full attention as he entered the lab. "What happened?"

"They confessed." Said Fin with a plain detachment from the profound implications of the situation. "They couldn't cope. The grief, the strain, the stress..." shaking his head bitterly he almost spat, "... pretty much every self pitying piece of bullshit in the book."

"You charge them?" asked Warner, laying her feet gently down on the eggshells layered over Fin's onion skin heart.

"Yup."

"I wish I could offer you some equally good news..." sighed Warner, removing her latex gloves and rubbing her forehead tiredly, "... but still no joy on anything you sent me this morning. This guy is a pro."

"The kid loses her mother in Iraq, her father to grief..." his eyes boring holes in the floor to prevent confessing just how badly the Amaro case was getting to him Fin swallowed, "... and then her grandparents beat the crap out of her for twelve months."

"Come here, come over here and look at this slide..." directed Warner, donning a fresh pair of gloves and knowing that though he was ever reluctant to let her to use words and dialogue to talk him down from the ledge he would often allow distraction, "... I'll hold it steady and then you tell me what you see."

"A tonne of swirly little sperm." Grinned Fin, flashing his teeth and feeling his spirits lift instantly as she rolled her eyes.

"They're not sperm..." she chuckled, with fond amusement and relief at seeing his smile return, "... they're..."

"Can you put anything under this thing?" asked Fin, lifting his eye from the rest and pulling a curious face. "Can I magnify my finger? Can I see the little hairs on my arms? What would happen if I put my..."

"You are four years old sometimes, you do realise that don't you Odafin?"

"Benson took Rollins off the case and sent Stabler back to the drugs squad..." he informed her, having become somewhat of a carrier pigeon for the sixteenth precinct's latest headlines on his increasingly frequent after work visits to the lab, "... she's a bigger ball buster than Cragen. I think the power is going to her hormonal head."

"If I thought you meant that..." rolling her eyes and shooting Fin a withering stare Warner locked a new specimen under the scope and gestured for Fin to take a look, "... this is the STD present in Zara's rape kit."

"Kid has an STD as well?" winced Fin, not sure how much more he could take that day. "Great, more good news."

"Sick as it sounds this actually might be good news..." mused Warner, as Fin peered down the microscope lens, "... if you can find me a specimen from a potential perp?"

"Why do those pink bits stay still but the blue and black ones keep swishing around in there?" asked Fin attentively, feeling Warner's body press up against his as she leant sideways in to the scope to see what he meant without the luxury of magnification.

"Which pink bits?" she asked, furrowing her brow and concentrating so hard she failed to notice his hand accidentally brush against hers on the lab bench.

"The little tadpole things you say aren't sperm that..." stepping blindly, tentatively, potentially recklessly into the unknown Fin held his hand steady, gently uncoiling his fingers from a fist and allowing them to stroke lightly at Warner's wrist, "... maybe they're more red than pink..."

"I couldn't be sure without taking another look down the scope but I think you might be seeing..." swallowing hard as Fin lifted his eyes from the lens and fixed them on her Melinda trailed off, his palm warm and grip firm as it slid from her wrist to her hand and his fingers danced around hers, "... well the medical term is..."

"Go on..." tested Fin, his words dripping languorously like black treacle sliding mesmerically from a teasing spoon, "... you got me hooked now, doc."

"I have?" she breathed, realising that with all the will in the world there was no way she could remember a single medical term so long as he was staring at her like that. Like a moth to a flame.

"I'm pretty sure if I could've had you as my lab partner in high school..." allowing his lips to slide to an impish grin Fin shrugged, "... then I might actually have shown up to science class."

"Weren't you just dropping by on your way to a poker game?" tested Warner, as Fin's head began to shake slowly from left to right.

"What poker game..." he murmured at a low growl, moving forward swiftly and sinking his lips onto hers before either one of them could start mentally listing reasons to run.


"You gonna come join us?"

"You gonna let me get through the door and take my coat off first?" replied Olivia with a desperate exhaustion as she arrived home to find Elliot, Eli and Eve sat around the breakfast bar making pasta pictures and eating from a generous bowl of grapes.

"I saved you some green twirls..." said Eli, scanning the cluttered counter before finding his precious bag of pasta and declaring proudly, "... they're my bestest colour and shape."

"I..." feeling her bottom lip tremble slightly Olivia bit down on it hard and used every muscle not numb from the day to force a smile, "... you know what Eli they are my favourite too. Thank you so much for saving me some. I'm gonna come make a picture with you just as soon as I get changed.

"My mommy says you're a nice lady and I can be your friend..." looking from Eli to Elliot, catching his eyes and seeing her own tears reflected in them Olivia struggled to catch her breath, "... didn't she Daddy?"

"Yeah, yeah son she did..." nodded Elliot, quietly choked, "... come take a load off, babe. I'll make you a decaf with extra sugar?"

"Sure, sure I'll be right there..." strained Olivia, the words pinching at her throat as she staved off stinging tears and managed, "... just let me take a shower first."

"Mama?" came a little voice, slightly slurred by what Olivia assumed was a mouthful of grape as Eve's palm rapped curiously at the bathroom door. On the other side of it Olivia sat hunched against the bath, exhausted both physically and emotionally from the kind of day at the office most women in her condition could not have endured. She realised now how deeply she had had underestimated, on every possible level, the brutal toll going back to SVU would take let alone when the victim was the child of a close friend.

"I'm just busy right now, sweetheart..." forcing a breezy air of pleasantness into her tone Olivia urged, "... go play with Daddy and Eli and I'll be there soon."

"No..." said Eve, a child who even in infancy knew her own mind and had the courage to follow it, "... imma come see mama."

"Oh Evie..." melting the second her chubby, peach cheeked little doll barged around the bathroom door and presented herself belly first with her diaper crackling as she stomped Olivia raised a smile, "... hi there, hi baby girl, how are ya?"

"Ut-oh..." stricken at the sight of her mother's tear stained cheeks Eve stirred her ten toes to a little run, pit pattering across the bathroom and flinging herself against Olivia's chest, "... gotta boo boo?"

"No, no baby I..." feeling the unrivalled joy of having Eve's warm body hugged close into hers, and her warm clammy little palms grabbing at her possessively Olivia allowed instinct to take over, "... yeah, yeah mommy got a boo boo but I'm okay now."

"Oh." Said Eve, listening to her mother speaking words she understood and concepts she could wrap her little mind around and gaining reassurance from them. "What's-is?"

"That's my badge, see?" turning around the shield she had yet to remove from around her neck Olivia held it out for Eve. "It's what I have to wear when I go to work."

"Mine?" asked a hopeful Eve, flashing Olivia her baby blues as she wrapped her chubby fingers around the NYPD emblem.

"No, sorry, but you can't have it..." said Olivia with a soft but firm refusal, "... it's special and it's mommy's."

"Mine." Asserted Eve, dragging slightly at the shield's necklace chain and surprising Olivia with her strength as she leant forward on its pull.

"No Eve..." raising her voice just slightly and meeting her daughter's eyes Olivia spoke with a plain but unbending authority, "... no not yours. You can't have it because it's mommy's, now please let go okay? Let go, please?"

"Kay..." swallowed Eve, hearing the modulation in her mother's tone and knowing she meant business.

"Thank you, baby..." drawing her lips to a warm, rewarding smile Olivia reached down and stroked Eve's rounded apple cheeks with her thumbs, "... there's my good girl."

"Mama..." mirroring Olivia's gesture Eve reached up her arms high over her head and landed her palms with a light splat on her cheeks, rubbing gently and proudly showing off the little white milk teeth sprouting from her gums, "... mine."

"Yes..." said Olivia with a gushing laugh as she scooped Eve up in her arms and squeezed her tightly, determined that despite all that she knew and all that she saw of the world's evil nothing would ever take the innocence from those bright baby blues, "... yes you're right on that one Evie Grace. You got me. I'm your mama."

"Issa bay-bee..." said Eve, as though Olivia might have forgotten the rounded swell of unborn child that sat wedged in the middle of their cuddles, "... issa bay-bee for E-vee?"

"It's a baby for all of us. For mommy and for your Daddy and for you too baby girl..." brushing her fingertips lightly through Eve's thin tufts of dark hair Olivia nodded, "... it's a new baby for all three of us."

"Issa bay-bee for E-vee..." and there they were again, little milk teeth and dimples displaying a depth of love for her mother almost too much for Eve's nineteen months to handle, "... mama mine."

"Oh boy..." sighed Elliot, peering around the doorframe and shaking his head with an adoring smile and chuckling trepidation, "... she is gonna have a really hard time sharing you."

"I spent three hours walking Zara Amaro through hell and back all over again this afternoon..." confessed Olivia with a small voice, clinging tightly to Eve as the toddler sucked her thumb, buried her head in her chest and rubbed her mother's baby belly like it were a magic lantern, "... and it nearly killed me."

"You want me to call the kids? We could cancel the weekend and just keep things low key with Eli..." then, seeing how tired Olivia looked Elliot added concernedly, "... if you want I could even can Kath and have her..."

"No, no way, we're doing this thing. Coney Island, the junk food, the beach, all the things you and the kids do every year. We're not changing a thing."

"Liv this case is brutal and after the week you've had and the week you're going to have the last thing you need is a weekend of family birthday chaos tiring you out."

"I'll have my cell on me the whole time. Fin and Munch are keeping the case live and Rollins is with Zara. On the ride home I might've agreed with you but now I think you're wrong..." patting Eve's diaper and reaching out for Elliot to give her a hand up she smiled wearily, "... a weekend of family birthday chaos is exactly what I need."