A/N Hey readers. :P


Chapter fifty

"Welp, let me see it." Donnie said with a winded voice.

Every one had just returned from the dinner trip a few moments ago, upon seeing Leo laid up on the couch, Mikey shuffled to a stop, ending his joyous pizza-carrying parade, Karai bumped into him from the unexpected halt. Splinter kept his usual expression as he entered, but his aura showed his clear, unsettled concern as he shut the front door behind him once they were all through. Within a few minutes, all was explained and Donnie's doctor instinct kicked in.

Leo sat up and gingerly picked the ice pack up off his knee, revealing its once again, bruised and swollen form. It took not long for Donnie to come to a conclusion without even touching it, "it's dislocated." He said with quiet but seemingly agitated certainty. Looking at it from another angle Don tried to pick Leo's injured knee up, but Leo was quick to flutter his hands in the way and prevent any kind of movement to his knee. Leo stared at his younger brother, pleading with his eyes for Donnie to do something, but at the same time nothing.

"I gotta-"

"I know what you have to do." Leo replied to Donnie's unfinished sentence with a fearful glare.

Mikey's quick voice started up and caught everyone's attention. "You gotta let the doctor D. do it this time, Le-" Mikey clapped his hand over his mouth as soon as the words came out of his mouth, almost before he said it. As if he wanted Don to know, but would rather it look like a careless accident.

"Mikey!" Leo cried out annoyed and now in distress. Don swung his angering glare back at his eldest brother, his hand that was on Leo's shoulder twitched as if he were about to smack Leo. Donnie was at a loss for words for a moment, he glanced back down at Leo's knee.

"You've been relocating your knee yourself?" He asked slowly, almost in an offended and hurt fashion as he turned back to face Leo. He had been hiding this, not even I knew, Mikey must've been the only one. Leo just stared at his younger brother, an apologetic look and physical pain written on his face. Donnie sighed heavily. "Leo, you can't just- knees are an entirely different field, no matter how many shoulders you've had to relocate..." Donnie sighed again. "How many times have you done this?"

"Three." Came Leo's short, quiet reply.

Donnie put a hand on his forehead, mouthing "Jesus's shell," before heading for the door. "I'll be back." He said over his shoulder in an exasperated tone before leaving the house. We all kinda glanced down at Leo knowing what was to come when Donnie came back, I don't think any of us could stand it. I sat back down next to Leo, he kept his gaze downwards as everyone slowly scurried out of the living room to escape Don's possible wrath.

After a few minutes of empty silence, Leo spoke up. "I didn't think it would happen again, it hasn't bothered me like this for almost two months." Leo said solemnly, tapping his fingers rapidly on the edge of the couch as a distraction from the pain. "I would've told you." He said sincerely, looking at me with apologetic eyes. "But I thought this was over." He stated looking away.

I put my hand on his shoulder looking back at him, trying to give a comforting and forgiving grin. "Leo, I know you just want to get better, we all want you to. But like we've been saying, you can't do it alone-"

"I'm not." He said shortly, looking to the side with an annoyed look. "I stopped doing that." He sighed, his glare softening quickly. "As I said, it hasn't happened in a while, I've been open with you since." He huffed scratching the back of his neck nervously.

"You haven't told us about this." I said gesturing to his knee.

"I didn't think I had to. It hasn't been bothering me... And I don't want to burden you guys with having to worry about me twenty four-seven and trying to fix me all the time." Leo stated looking back down.

"I'm just so sick of this! What am I gonna be, crippled for the rest of my life?! All because I broke it twice?! Actually it wasn't even my fault, for once something isn't my fault and the pain won't go away!" Leo yelled out angrily slamming his fist against the top of the couch as his face turned red. The whole house silent even with everyone in it. His sudden expression of rage startled me a bit, but a lot made sense now. Leo blamed it all on himself, the one thing he didn't burden himself with is the very thing that continues to haunt him.

He was angry and scared and he had a right to be. But I think I realized why he's been so distressed and breaking down, he can't really blame this one on himself, its out of his control. Leo doesn't know how to handle something out of his grip... because well, no one can. The Shredder was a situation he can't control and in Leo's mind, Shredder could do worse to him, even have control of every aspect of Leo's life. And it scared him, I saw it in his face as he stared off, now with tears streaming down his face.

I couldn't say anything, I didn't have anything to say. Leo's felt his life was ruined because of the one thing he couldn't control. He feared it would follow him and his family forever, there was no way out unless he gained control somehow. So he was trying to reason in his head how he could blame it on himself, so he could improve, or do whatever he thinks he has to, to defeat the Shredder.

"You've been through a lot, we all have. But it'll get better, Leo. I promise that." I said hopefully in a last ditch effort just as Don walked through the front door once more with one of his first aid bags. Donnie, although being the one who may fix Leo, at the moment only made the aura feel that much darker. Leo looked up nervously at him, then me, I pat his shoulder before moving aside so Donnie could get a better look at Leo's knee. Leo never let go of my hand so I stood next to him, keeping a firm grasp on his hand.

Without a word Donnie kneel down by the couch and carefully inspected Leo's knee and Leo bit his lip to hold back any grunts or whimpers as Don turned it and gently pressed on a few places around the bruised area. After a few moments Donnie sighed and looked up at Leo, still with his hurt but now also saddened look. Donnie glanced back down at Leo's knee, not making eye contact with him while we watched him intensely.

Don opened his mouth and for a few short seconds no words escaped. An angry sigh from Don fulfilled the empty silence before he spoke. "I have to relocate it." He said shaking his head with a slight shrug of his shoulders. Don grabbed the ice in Leo's lap and placed it directly on his knee. "Let it numb for a few minutes and get yourself comfortable now. You're gonna be laid up for a few days." He said shortly, reaching into his bag and pulling out some bandages.

"Donnie, how bad is it?" Leo grunted as he adjusted his position on the couch under nervously shaking arms.

"I don't know." Donnie replied simply as he pulled out another bandage. "The fact that this is the fourth time it has occurred, and this is seemingly the worst so far, I'd say pretty bad." He said annoyed.

"Don, what's with the bad attitude man?" I asked cautiously. Leo was in a completely vulnerable state right now, and Don was making it seem like he was angry at Leo, which couldn't be helping.

"Gee I wonder." He replied stiffly, almost forcing his backpack onto the ground from his hand. I glanced at Leo, but he was still looking at his lap, not looking at Don either. "Let the ice sit for a moment, I'm going back to the lab real quick." Don said heading for the exit of the house.

I stared after the closed door for a minute, still loosely holding Leo's hand. I was doing some hard thinking; how, how could I help Leo? What could be done, I didn't want to see him like this any more. What if this leg issue didn't go away? What if Shredder really did wreck his knee for the rest of Leo's life? (This made me angry to even lightly touch upon.) I wanted the goofball leader I first met and knew. The one who worried about everybody and didn't appear to have any weaknesses or worries-

"Koda?" Leo's tired and broken voice called up to me as he tugged on my hand. I turned to him and bent down a little as he pulled me. Before I could ask him what he needed he squeezed my hand with pleading eyes. "Koda, you got to tell Donnie to knock me out- g- give me pain meds or something, find something I can't do this." Leo said as his voice faltered with tears rolling down his cheeks. "I can't, I just can't anymore. I can't do it." He cried burying his face into my side and clinging to my arm. I was stunned, Leo- ask for some kind of pain meds. I wasn't sure how to react to this, it was like he'd given up. I put my free hand over the back of his head.

"Leo its alright. I'm sure Donnie has some medication for it. I won't let him do your knee without any." I said sternly, standing straight and patting his back.

"Okay." Leo shakily replied trying to stop his tears. He released my hand as I started for the door, it was best to get Donnie before he came back or else he might argue over Leo's request, he seemed in a pissy mood.

I flung the door open and started my bolt for the barn but my first few steps were halted as I stumbled face first over a figure sitting on the last step, unseen in the dark until the motion sensor light came on. I picked myself up out of the snow, turning to see Donnie behind me, tears streamed down his face, some dried others fresh. He stared at me with a "what the fuck" look. I stood and casually sat next to Donnie as if I hadn't just whitewashed myself in the dirty snow. I wondered if Don ever did go to the barn, or if he even really needed to, I could tell though from his slumped expression, the answer to both was no.

With nothing else to say or do, I simply sat there next to him, trying to enjoy the silent spring evening despite the current circumstance. Don clearly had more on his mind than he let on and as of this moment, the best thing I felt I could do was just be with him.

"Koda?" Donnie's sad voice interrupted.

"Yes?" I quietly replied.

"I- I'm worried about Leo." He said, sniffling and wiping his face, exhaling shakily. "I- We all say that a lot but- *sniff* I just don't what to do. I'm not a doctor, I don't know everything, and Leo keeps crashing like this and I can't help him." He huffed, folding his arms over his knees and resting his head over them. "I feel useless. I feel like the bad brother. It doesn't matter how much I research or study, I don't think I can help him- any of them half the time." Donnie said helplessly.

"Donnie you know that's not true, you've saved their lives more than you think you have, whether it be literally or metaphorically. They -We all look to you for fixing and guiding where others can't provide it." I said putting a hand on his shell.

"I know but- I don't know." He sniffled. " I just get so frustrated with it all. And I know Leo feels like I hate him for his 'lack of need for our support,' but, I don't. I'm not even mad at him, anybody or anything, just frustrated- and scared." He said tugging his knees closer.

"It's okay to be scared Donnie. And I think Leo knows you well enough and is too caught up in his own position for the word hate to even cross his mind about you. You've done a fine job of taking care of him and all of us, Donnie. I thank you for that." I said.

After a moment Donnie turned to me and hugged me. "Thank you." He whispered before he let go.

"No problem Donnie, because its all true." I said sincerely, patting his shoulder.

He sighed heavily as he looked towards the house. "I just- too much has happened. We've all been through so much, to fix my brother I unfortunately have to hurt him to re-adjust his knee. I don't know if I can handle it. But it's better than him doing it himself." He looked back out into the dark yard. "If the pride master would just take some pain meds or let me knock him out with some anesthetic, it would be easier on the both of us. But noooo 'a true warrior can endure the pain.'" Donnie huffed at the words. "Warrior my ass. I call it being comfortable." Donnie said a bit agitated under his breath.

"Actually Don, that's what I tripped over you for. Runnin' out here." I said and he swiveled his gaze at me faster than I've seen him swing his bo staff.

"You mean Leo... asked... for pain meds." Donnie gawked a bit.

"Yeah... kinda begged for them actually." I stated glumly.

Donnie put a hand to his forehead, before rubbing his face in concern. "I know I said it's make it easier, but I know that's just not what Leo would do. I'm happy because it'd be better for the both of us but- it worries me at the same time." Donnie stated looking down. "I'm actually more concerned at this point, that Leo- he might sink into a depression after I fix his knee now. That's just not like him." Donnie huffed.

"I'm surprised he hasn't already. The poor kid's been through so much, Don. He has so much on his mind."

"I know but, I'm afraid he'll give up. He's toughed out so much stuff that, this might just tip him over the edge. I mean he's been sort of depressed the past few months, we could all tell, not just from his breakdowns nightmares, just the way he's been acting. But he's managed to find purpose and reason the whole time, I'm just worried now he won't." Donnie said with a quaking in his voice.

"Why are ya so worried Don? You're just gonna fix his knee and he'll be back to where he was before, might still hurt, but like he was before he dislocated it again." I said with uncertainty, folding my hands in my lap. "He might be a little depressed, sure I'd expect that, but we'll work with him, Don. Com'on it's Leo we're talking about here he always bounces back. Right?" I said nudging his shoulder.

"Right." Don said as if he wasn't ready to finish the sentence. "Right, it's Leo." He said quieter before standing. "Come, let's go get a little something to knock him out before I fix him up." He said with a bit of a flash of a tell-tale fake smile. Donnie and I walked quietly back to the barn, but before entering I could sense Mikey and Raph in there.

"What'dya think Raph and Mikey are in there for?" I asked quizzically as Donnie pushed on the door.

"They are?" He asked, but then opened the door. "They are." He said a bit surprised.

"Took you long enough genius." Raph commented with a grimace as Donnie walked in and me after.

"Oh I just love being greeted by your kind face when I enter my own lab." Donnie spat back.

"Hey not like we like yours either." Mikey retorted. Mike and Don exchanged growls, about to lunge at each other.

"Hey! Whoa! No need to fight." I said stepping between them. They both sourly looked away from each other. "Now what's the deal, why you two in here racking on Donnie?" I asked as Donnie went shuffling through his supply draws.

"Nothing." Replied Mikey as he slumped down onto Don's computer chair.

"Oh there's something." Raph quickly put in stepping up to Donnie, while Donnie busily searched for this and that, almost readily ignoring Raph's encroachment.

Raph poked Don's shoulder, hard.

"Hey!" Donnie said grabbing at Raph's hand which was quick to snap away.

"What do you mean 'hey?' We should be the ones asking hey!" Raph said rather loud. I sensed the tension between all of them rising, this was their own family issue they needed to work out; whatever it was, it wasn't my place to be here. And remembering what sensei said about them this time of year, I was ready to slip out of the barn.

"I'm just gonna go now." I trailed, jamming my thumb towards the door.

"No you stay." Raph demanded in a rather demanding but pleading way, so I stood still. He looked harshly at Donnie with folded arms.

"What?" Donnie asked Raph agitatedly.

"You know 'what,' Donnie." Raph said angrily but with obvious fear. Donnie looked off to the side seemingly shameful. "Are we ever gonna get the old Leo back?! What's wrong with his leg Donnie? Why can't you just fix him?!" He asked angrily. "It's been long enough." He said through his teeth.

"I told you! I! Am! Not! A doctor! I'm not God! I'm not a miracle worker! I can't fix everything! Especially Leo!" He shouted, throwing his hands out, sending papers to the air and floor. He suddenly dropped his hands realising what he had said. "I didn't come here to be insulted. Now let me be!" He said shoving Raph by the chest out of his way to search more drawers. Raph, with his anger, had the worst reaction he could've, he grabbed Don and threw a punch at him, Donnie narrowly ducked out of the way. Before any of us knew it, they were in a full-scale fight. Objects and unspoken words flew left and right. Just as I had told Don he'd done a good job, fucking Raph comes in and fucks it all up.

Mikey suddenly bolted up from the chair screaming with tears in his eyes, "stop! Get off each other!" He yelled trying to tear the two apart. I ran over to try and help. "This won't fix anything!" Mikey screamed, but before I was close enough, Mikey got thrown into a shelf by Raph who was so entranced in the fight he didn't even look twice at what he'd just done. But Donnie however did and stopped, but Raph kept pounding on him.

In my own panic, from looking at the crying and hurt Mikey to the getting beat on by Raph Donnie; I ran over, body slammed Raph off Donnie, pinned him down and nailed him in the chin with a clenched fist. Raph stare up at me wide-eyed as I had my fist ready and loaded for another swing, I gave an equally wide-eyed stare back. My tiny self just knocked over the almost two hundred pound ninja prodigy, and managed to nail him in the face. I gathered myself and turned my look of fear into one of anger, releasing my fist.

"Knock it off all of you!" I said glaring down at Raph. I stood pushing Raph down to make a point as I stood up, lent Don a hand to stand, then went over and hugged Mikey as he buried his tear-stained face into my shoulder. "What the shell has gotten into all of you?!" I asked the three turtles as Raph looked down shamefully with folded arms, but Donnie angrily with his whole body tense. "You guys are family, and instead of talking about, whatever this is; you beat eachother up? I understand we're all under a shit-fuck ton of pressure right now, but really?!" I asked stroking Mikey's head as he sobbed.

"I like when you swear angrily." Raph chuckled with a small smile.

"Shut the fuck up, you started this." I said nudging Mikey to stand. Raph put his hands up in defense then folded them back up. "No seriously guys, what the hell? I know you're all worried about Leo, but beating on Don will not help anything."

"No maybe it fucking will." Donnie suddenly said furiously, ripping open a draw and shifting through it. He yanked out a sheet of paper then turned and slapped it against Raph's chest hard enough to echo off the walls in the barn. "You wanna know why I haven't said anything!? Why I haven't been able to do anything?! Why Leo's in the pain he is!?" Donnie screamed as Raph slowly took the paper from his chest and into his hands and looked at it. Donnie pointed at it harshly. "That's why! That right there! I can't do a damn thing! It's messed up for the rest of his life, Raph! There's nothing I can do." Donnie shouts becoming sobs. "I can't tell him. Because I can't do anything. That fucking monster of a Shredder ruined our brother! What do you want me to do, Raph!?" Donnie said as he fell against his brother, Raph half seemed he wanted to punch his younger brother, the other half of him wanted to hug Donnie back as he clung to Raph. However Raph, still with a stunned expression, dropped the paper, leaving it in my view. It was the x-ray of Leo's knee only Don and I have seen it.

Raph grabbed Donnie's arms and slid them off his torso, Donnie stared at Raph as Raph let go and took a step back.

"He's not gonna get better?" Raph asked shakily, still looking like a deer in headlights. I held on to Mikey in anticipation, just realizing I was crying.

"I don't know." Donnie said as quiet as a mouse, dropping his head. Mikey sobbed at the statement.

"So you lied to us? To him?" Raph asked, turning his head to look at Donnie from the corners of his eyes as he backed off.

"No. I told you what I wanted, what we all wanted to hear. I'm not a miracle worker. I'm sorry... you guys." Donnie said so quietly and defeated, we almost couldn't hear him from five feet away. Raph shook his head, unable to believe what he heard, he seemed ready to yell at Donnie again, but he knew now, this was not under Donnie's nor anybody's control.

Raph suddenly bolted off towards the door and I stupidly ran after him out the door.

"Raph wait!" I shouted after him. He dead stopped and turned to face me. I ran up and grabbed his shoulders before he could run off again. "Stop, don't run off! Please, they need you here Raph. You saw the way Donnie clung to you. They all need you, You're the rock in this fam-" Raph ripped my arms off him and pushed me onto the cold ground.

"I'm not anything! You Don't know anything! You're not apart of this family! Get out! You caused all this!" He yelled before dashing off again, out into the woods. I sat up, wiping my cheek which very brutally hit the ground.

Is that how they all felt? Was I really just a nuisance to them? Something they only felt obligated to take care of? No, Leo loves me right? Or was that just my own hope and Leo's natural instincts? Did what I say to any of them mean anything now?

I dropped my face into my hands and cried, I tried to be apart of the people who saved me, as much as I could, but I guess it means nothing in reality. Suddenly the pitter patter of two turtles came up to me, I looked at them like I would strangers in the forest.

"Koda, Raph didn't mean any of that. You know how he is." Donnie said still crying.

Mikey ran up and gingerly helped me up off the ground then hugged me tightly without saying anything. It wasn't long before I melted into his embrace.

"Come on, let's go inside and help Leo. Don's got the stuff." Mikey said with a sniffle before grabbing Donnie as well with an arm over his shoulder and leading us both back to the front door.

"What about Raph?" I inquired looking back into the dark, seeing the disturbed area of snow where Raph basically threw me into the ground.

"It's Raph. He'll come back home... and to his senses." Donnie replied glancing back as he slipped out of Mikey's grasp and went to grab the door. "He's just... hurt, and confused. Like the rest of us." Donnie tacked on, opening the door and letting the two of us in. We walked in, Donnie headed straight for Leo, who was still on the couch but now joined by the others in the house around the couch.

April looked up with a saddened look while holding one of Leo's hands. "You're gonna give him something, right Donnie?" She asked. Donnie nodded in reply as he shut the door.

"See, I told you Leo." She said patting his head and standing. Mikey went straight for the kitchen, probably to drown out his sadness in pizza, James was quick to follow him.

"Hey, uh, Case. Raph ran off. Think you can go find him and cool him off a bit? You know, before his hot head adds to the global warming." Donnie said glumly, going over to the couch.

Casey, including everyone else had a bit of a surprised look on their faces about Raph running off. But without hesitation Casey agreed to go and April offered to tag along. After they were gone, just us, Splinter, Karai and Vance remained in the room.

"Need anything, Dr. Donster?" Vance asked quietly.

Donnie nodded. "Yeah just grab a cup of water for Leo please."

"Can do." Vance said leaving the room.

Donnie folded up the bandages and plopped them on the table next to the couch with a sigh.

"Don y-you're gonna give me something right?" Leo asked shakily, sitting up and reaching to grab Don's arm. Donnie grabbed Leo's hand before it reached him and he held it tight.

"Don't worry Leo. I'll knock you out for it. I got some meds right here, ok?" Donnie said holding them up from his belt.

"Ok." Leo replied quietly, leaning back against the pillow with a defeated look. I sat next to him and lightly stroked his head.

"What do you plan to do, my son? And would you like assistance?" Splinter asked as he came around the couch and rest a hand on Donnie's shell.

Don took a deep breath, "he'll take this and it'll knock him out for a bit. Couple hours to a day." Donnie said patting Leo's good knee. As he said that Vance had walked in and handed the glass to Leo as he sat up. "Here, take these." Donnie said dumping two pills into his hand, then giving them over to Leo. Leo took the two pills without hesitation then laid back down, handing the glass over to me and I set it down on the table.

"I may only need a little help resetting his knee, Sensei." Donnie said standing. He looked back down at Leo and pat his shoulder. "You'll be out in hour or less ok? I'll go easy on ya." He said trying to wear a small smile. Leo responded with an equally attempted smile before Donnie left the room for the kitchen, motioning Vance to follow. Before Vance followed Donnie, he bent down and picked up the sleeping fox on the floor and placed it on Leo's chest, which Leo gratefully cradled and pet. It had become his comfort buddy after all this time, Mark spent most his time in Leo's room by now.

"You'll be alright, Leo. We'll all be here for you." Karai commented before also leaving the room. I looked up to Splinter who stared down at Leo's knee, and I could only see guilt and worry on his face. He noticed my stare and looked up to me, nodding his head in approval to me, then he quietly left the room.

Once Splinter was out of earshot Leo paused his petting of Mark and looked up at me. "You'll stay here until I'm out right?" He asked putting a hand on my leg.

I smiled sadly, planting my hand over his, "what made you think I'd leave?"