Happy Thanksgiving Everybody! :)
Tofu Turkey? Uh, No.
"You're making a what?" Pepper asked incredulously.
"A tofu turkey," Tony answered.
"What on Earth would possess you to do that?"
"Well we can't eat real turkey," Tony said.
"And why not?" Pepper demanded.
"Because this year one member of our family is a turkey," Tony pointed out.
"I'm pretty sure FBJ wouldn't mind if we ate turkey," Pepper tried to reason.
"Would you mind if we ate one of your relatives?" Tony asked.
"That- I'm not even sure what to say to that," Pepper said with a shake of her head.
"Look, it will be great. You won't be able to tell the difference. I promise," Tony said as he ushered Pepper out of the kitchen.
Once she was gone, he reached over and took a long drink from his tumbler. It was Thanksgiving and he was celebrating early. He wasn't trying to get drunk but if he did, he didn't think it would be too big of a deal. After all, how hard was it to cook Thanksgiving dinner anyway?
)()()(
"Tony is doing what?" Clint asked in amazement.
"He's cooking Thanksgiving dinner," Pepper answered.
"Is he sick?" Steve asked. The closest Tony ever got to food preparation was when he ordered Jarvis to order someone to make something.
"Tony Stark. Our Tony, is cooking turkey?" Natasha asked, just as incredulous as the others.
"No, our Tony is making a tofu turkey," Pepper said.
"He's lost what little of his mind he had left," Clint said.
"Is he drunk?" Bruce asked.
"I don't think so," Pepper said.
"Then, why?" Clint asked.
"He said we couldn't eat turkey because of FBJ."
"So we all have to suffer because Tony doesn't want the pet turkey to get his feelings hurt," Clint griped.
"Personally, I just hope he doesn't set the kitchen on fire," Steve said.
That was precisely the moment that the smoke alarms went off.
"From your mouth to God's ears," Pepper groaned.
)()()(
Two hours and one minor kitchen fire later, and the team was gathered around a table, staring in shock at the horrid sight of a pale, jiggling, turkey-shaped mass of tofu.
"It's moving," Clint said in revulsion.
Anytime the table was bumped or the plate was moved, the turkey wiggled like jello.
"That's not right," Steve said, sounding traumatized.
"It's moving," Clint said again.
"I can't eat that," Bruce said, looking green and not in the Hulk way.
"I won't eat that," Natasha said resolutely.
"The turkey won't even eat it," Pepper said pointing to the floor, where Clint had placed a bit of the tofu on a plate for the turkey who simply stared at it, refusing to even peck at it.
"You're an idiot," Clint said.
"Yeah, I think I'm starting to get that," Tony agreed.
They were all distracted by the loud smacking coming from Thor who was happily finishing off his first serving of tofu turkey and reaching for seconds.
"At least I'm not strange," Tony said.
"Oh, you are. You're just not that strange," Clint said.
"Okay, so now that dinner has been a flop, what's next?" Natasha asked.
"Now we go early Black Friday shopping," Tony said.
"Why?" Clint asked.
"Because that's what everyone does after Thanksgiving. It'll be fun."
"Yes, because it's always fun to get trampled by a bunch of crazy shoppers," Clint said.
"Oh, come on. We're the Avengers. Are you seriously telling me we can't take some rabid deal hunters?" Tony asked.
"Depends. Are we going in full dress or civilian clothes?"
"Civilian clothes."
"Then we're dead meat," Clint said.
"Full dress," Tony amended.
"Then we might survive," Clint replied.
"Great! So, we have a plan. Let's do it!" Tony said.
Knowing they wouldn't be able to talk him out of it, the others resigned themselves to their fate.
"Let's suit up," Steve sighed.
"Are we going into battle?" Thor asked, finishing off the last of his second helping of tofu.
"Pretty much," Clint said.
"Then I will be ready," Thor said, putting on his 'I'm a warrior of Asgard' expression. "Well done on the meal, Friend Tony. I hope you will prepare this again in the future."
With that, Thor was gone to get ready for 'battle.'
"There's something wrong with that man," Clint said.
"No argument here," Tony agreed.
"You don't get to agree, Mister Tofu Turkey. There's something wrong with you too," Natasha said.
Twenty minutes later, and they were all suited up and at the closest Walmart, having agreed that Walmart was the best choice due to the variety of sales it offered.
"What is it we are attempting?" Thor asked.
"Okay, so in about five minutes they are going to open the doors and everybody is going to rush in and try to grab the biggest deals," Tony started.
"And the biggest objective is to not let any of those people trample us into the ground," Clint added.
"While at the same time we want to capitalize in the best deals," Tony finished.
"This is going to be a total train wreak," Pepper whispered to Natasha as Thor hung on Tony's and Clint's every word.
"You're just now figuring that out?" Natasha whispered back.
)()()(
An hour later and the team was watching the news together... from their shared jail cell.
The news was playing a breaking story about how the Avengers had gone Black Friday shopping and ended up fighting the crazy shoppers.
"We should have known this day wasn't going to end well when Tony set the kitchen on fire," Steve said.
"You know, in hindsight, maybe we shouldn't have told Thor that it was a battle," Clint said.
"It seemed like a good idea at the time," Tony added.
The expressions the others sent him, made the billionaire suddenly wish he was in a separate cell.
