Chapter 48

Xxxxx

Hi everyone… who is still reading.

Thanks to Unexpainable Awesomeness and stephcullen2000

I almost didn't post today because I barely got any reviews and I have a big exam tomorrow, so please please review.

Not much to say today- I had my birthday, and it was pretty good, aside from family problems and some bad news. Not much else to say.

Enjoy

Xxxxx

Wanda POV

After a long day's work, which I hadn't actually complained about since everything had gradually sank back into the norm, minimizing the amount of glares I received, Ian carried me back to his cave, supporting me while I sank back into his arms, too exhausted to even walk.

As I silently listened to his footsteps, I wondered if he would ever grow tired of helping me. He either didn't care like he had insisted so convincingly or he simply couldn't and would not complain. He was polite, and even though he was a human, was as kind as a soul. I had probably mentioned that to Melanie and myself before, although since the fact was so important to me, it didn't feel right letting it go by unnoticed.

However, that seemed to agitate Melanie the most. She hated Ian- she made that perfectly clear and I could tell that i wasn't helping anything by expressing how much I disagreed with her. I loved Ian, and it felt nice. It was almost like I had released a demon from my insides, letting Ian close and heal my wounds that had been left from the past.

At first, when I had been inserted into this body, I had been utterly convinced that I too, was deeply in love with Jared and was in no way willing to allow my life to go on without him. If the seekers captured him, Melanie and I alike had seen that future as a life not worth living.

However, over time, Ian had opened my eyes and brought me to realise that it wasn't actually me who loved Jared. It was this body, and Melanie. Since I was inside her body, it had just made it harder to separate my feelings from hers. And now I knew- It wasn't Jared I loved, but it was Ian. I loved him with my whole heart and soul, although the very thought split my heart in two, almost as if Melanie was trying to snatch it back, being torn between the two men. I could never love Ian in this body. She had also made that fact clear.

I closed my eyes as Ian continued to carry me through the many corridors, still making no sounds of effort or complaint. After some time, he slid me back onto my feet momentarily to sweep open the door, before lifting me back up again into his arms, resting me there until we reached the mattress.

Behind closed eyes, I felt him wrap an extra blanket around me before his arms released me. The absence of his warmth stung, even with the blanket pulled tightly around myself, and I instantly smiled as after the click of the door being lugged back in place, he reappeared beside me, his arms once again around me.

I opened my eyes to see his face close to mine, our noses touching. His eyes were wide and aware, whereas mine were already slipping shut again. Thankfully, I managed to force them to remain open as I examined his face, my thumb tracing over his skin which was slightly darker than usual due to all the mud from the fields.

Again, this was my fault. Since I had been too tired to walk myself back to his room, Ian had skipped over the opportunity to wash, and because he had been given the more muscular and dirty jobs, I found myself feeling very sorry for him pretty quickly.

'Are you sure you don't want to go back and clean up?' I asked, guilt overruling my voice.

He chuckled at this. 'I think I will manage for the night', he replied. 'Unless I really stink and you want me to go and clean up'.

I laughed and buried my face in his chest, wincing slightly as Melanie protested in my mind.

'I'm warning you Wanda. There are no limits to what I might do. I am perfectly capable of hurting him.'

'I know', I sighed back to her. 'You've already done that to him. He probably still thinks it was me though…'

That was all I managed to say before I lost interest completely, turning my attention back to Ian who was stroking my hair, watching me silently. From what I could see, his lips were pressed into a tight line, and he looked slightly concerned.

'It's your call', he murmured mutely, referring back to our previous conversation.

He sighed and heaved himself of the mattress, his back turned to me, and to my surprise and confusion, began transporting cushions from the end of the bed to the floor. Once I had wracked my brain for answers, obviously failing, I sat up on my knees, the blanket falling from my shoulders, goose bumps forming on my bare arms. I leaned over the side of the mattress, still watching him intently, looking for any signs as to where this might lead. Eventually, Melanie gave in and decided to give me the answer.

'Wanda, he can see that I'm making you uncomfortable and he just wants you to be happy'.

I frowned, still watching. That still didn't explain why he had to take it out on the cushions.

'By throwing chs chins on the floor?'

'He's going to sleep there, Wanda. Do you get it now?'

I reached out and grabbed Ian's arm, causing him to stumble back to me, dropping the pillow he had been holding. His expression smiled, but something told me that somewhere underneath, he was far from happy. His eyes seemed disappointed… frustrated even. I decided that I was going to do everything in my power to stop him from suffering all because of me. It was the least that I could do, seeing that I had dragged him into the huge complicated mess of my life.

'Ian', I pleaded, when he began to push me away. Sadly, it still made no change. All it made him do was wince.

While he continued to create his makeshift bed out of the cushions and extra blankets, he managed to knock off a shelf of books in the far corner, cursing as the shelf collapsed and caught his arm.

Sighing, I immediately rushed to his aid, taking his hands in mine as he proceeded to kick the wall with his shoe. It did little good and only made the ceiling crumble with dust. I glanced down at his arm to where a cut was peeking out from under his sleeve. The edges were raw, and since it was only the edge, I could already tell that what was underneath his shirt would be far worse.

Gently removing my hands from his, I pushed his sleeve up carefully, inching it up above his biceps. I sighed in relief at what I saw there. Thankfully, the wound beneath his shirt wasn't dreadfully worse than what I had seen before, and although it was smeared in blood, the liquid rapidly pouring out from his arm, it was fixable.

I ripped off the hem of my shirt, which was beyond repair up to this point, and carefully dabbed at the blood with the edges, wrapping it around his arm so that the cut was covered. If anything, I certainly didn't want to risk getting it infected with all the dirt around the caves. Melanie had taught me that much, at least.

When I had done and was noticeably satisfied with the ending result, I wrapped my arms around him, rubbing soothing circles of comfort into his back, letting him bury his face into my hair as he usually did, suffering alongside him as he sobbed wordlessly. It killed me to see him this broken, and knowing that it was my fault only made it worse.

When his sobs died down and I could only feel him shaking slightly, and it looked like he was holding himself together, I decided to talk again.

'Hey', I murmured. 'Don't cry- I'm here. It's okay'.

He nodded into my hair before lifting his face out of my hair to gaze down at the floor, his face once again extremely close to mine. I reached out to caress his face. He sighed.

'I just want you to be happy', he said hoarsely, his voice breaking twice.

I kissed his cheek. 'I am happy', I replied.

He shook his head. 'Not like this you're not'.

'What do you mean?'

He sighed again before looking deeply into my eyes. 'How can you be happy when she is hurting you like this?'

This time, I looked away.

'Each time I hold you, touch you or even look at you, it's like she's tearing you apart from the inside. Even if I'm in the same room, she always wants out. I can see it Wanda, so don't tell me that it's not true'.

I gulped. He always seemed to see right through me. 'You're right. It's true. But that doesn't mean anything'. I held him tighter. 'I want to be with you', I whispered.

'If I ask you something, will you tell me the truth?' He suddenly blurted out, seeming as though he could no longer hold himself back.

It was strange to watch. I squeezed his hand. 'Of course'.

His eyes held so much pain. 'You're in love with Jared, aren't you?'

'Ahh', Melanie groaned, stirring at the mention of his name. 'Jared… Jared...'

Of course I knew that this day was coming- The day that Ian would proceed to read me like an open book, its pages pouring out all of my secrets and all that had ever ran through my mind on whatever occasion. I had always guessed that one day, If Ian and I would remain together, he would see the complications between Jared and the body that I wore. This conversation was only to be expected. I had never quite realized that it would come so soon.

'Ian-' I started, before he cut me off again.

'Just tell me', he begged. 'I don't want lies- I want the truth, even if it hurts me'.

Ian, as always, was right. This man deserved the truth, and he was right to believe that what he was going to hear would hurt him. He was also right to feel the need to brace himself for what was to come. I too, had experienced the heart wrenching feeling. All of a sudden, it seemed so clear what I would need to say to him- what he needed to hear. We both needed the truth, and a way to prevent it. I had also come prepared.

'Yes and no', I finally heaved.

He raised one eyebrow in surprise. 'Yes and no?' He repeated back to me. 'What is that supposed to mean?'

Even though it was not the answer he had expected to receive, I could already tell that he was somewhat relieved. I only hoped that I could prolong that feeling.

'It means that you are on the right lines, but you are also wrong'. I placed my hand on the left hand side of his chest, resting my fingertips directly above his heart. His pulse raced beneath my touch.

'This body loves Jared', I admitted, watching the disappointment flood his face. 'But I don't'.

All the colour washed back onto his features, making him smile a hopeful smile, brushing all of his tears away with the back of his hand, using his good arm. He swept my feet out from beneath me with that same arm, lifting me up and back onto the mattress, pulling the blankets back over my frozen body. Instead of lying down next to me like I wanted, he simply perched on the end of the soft material, a smile still plain on his lips.

'It's all Melanie', I whispered back to him as he switched off the lamp by his feet, plunging the room into a blinding darkness. He reached for my hand. 'Yes, she hurts me sometimes, but it's bearable.' I yawned.

'Thank you, my Wanderer', Ian said, kissing the tip of my nose.

'Ian?' I asked, marvelling at the smooth feel of his skin against my fingers.

'Yes?'

I hesitated. 'Will you stay? I- I can't sleep without you anymore', I admitted.

'Of course', he murmured, finally accepting my request and sliding beneath the covers, holding me against his chest. 'Better?' He asked.

I nodded, exhaling with a breath that I had never realised I was holding. I had been waiting so long for this- to finally feel like I had gained a place here on earth. When Ian held me, I felt like I had finally gained my rightful place. But then, that dark feeling would always disappear, dragging me back into the unknown blackness.

'Wanda, what's wrong?' Ian questioned, sensing my discomfort.

I shook my head, attempting to push the frightening thoughts away, letting them pass by unnoticed. However, Ian was not fooled.

'I know something's wrong', he whispered into my ear. 'Please tell me Wanda. Don't hide'.

'I've been having nightmares.'

'What about?' He pressed gently.

There was no point in holding it in. I had already told him this story- I had told him everything… so what was the point in trying to hide?

'Rides', I finally spoke, my voice quivering.

Ian stiffened, but tried to hide it unsuccessfully. Still, it made no difference. 'What happens in the dreams? Maybe I can help?'

In the darkness, I saw him smile weakly. He was trying to help me, and I was grateful, and surprisingly, talking to Ian was seeming to help me a little.

'He is always there', I said. I shuffled upwards to whisper into his ear, even though there was nobody in the room to eavesdrop on my words. Nothing showed any signs that there could be trouble lurking in the air, although I still couldn't shake off the feeling that somebody was watching me.

'I'm just scared that he will come back for me'.

Ian's grip on my body tightened. 'You mean here? In the caves?'

I nodded, while he shook his head. 'He won't find us here- You're safe. I promise. And if he does ever come back for you or something goes wrong, I will protect you. I will always find you again'.

This time, he planted a kiss on my lips, pulling me on top of his body, his hands tangling into my hair. His arms tightened around me, making me believe that I was safe. He had promised me that he would always be by my side. He had let me think that Rides was never coming back.

I had never been more wrong.