Xun Yu,
I don't want to hear that coming from "#2 Most Wanted Character". You were picked by this "imaginary" audience. If they were imaginary, you would be still stuck in your generic form. So, you owe them for you getting to have a face that makes you look like Discount Zhao Yun/Jiang Wei.
P.S: She misheard me. I was creeped out, Not scared.
Yan,
Well... Depends... on... how... you spend... time... with... your...spouse. Go ask your grandmother.
Chunhua,
Hey, you can tell this better than I can.
Chunhua,
I gave you "the talk" when you were 16. Of course, this was weird because I'm the HUSBAND and not the FATHER. Just give Yan what I told you and it should be fine.
Sima Yi,
You just showed me a porn picture as "the talk".
Chunhua
Chunhua,
And you learned from experience. Because. Yeah.
Chunhua,
If I informed you on childbirth, you wouldn't be willing to bear children. I had to lie in order for you to have intercourse with me. (Not to mention I had to wait for 6-7 long years.) So, yeah, I bait-and-switched you.
Chunhua,
He's a boy, he can take it. He needs to know sooner or later since he's going to an emperor. I mean, Cao Cao became "Emperor" and look at him. 12 percent of the Wei population looks like him.
Chunhua,
Look, I don't know! But I read his medical files, and it said he donated sperm. So... um... don't go to any fertility doctor here. Especially Xun Yu. Actually, he's an illegal one, so you can avoid him.
Yan,
(Oh well.) You're like what? 10? Meh, it doesn't matter. A mommy and a daddy (Or two stupid people that forget protection.) have to hug each other really hard in order for a baby to appear suddenly.
Zhao,
It's the second century, people can barely live up to their 40's. Might as well tell kids now on how to extend their bloodline. (And more soldiers.)
Mi Heng,
Oh, look who came back. And thanks for that complement. I guess I'm that majestic to be called one of those (nice, but poorly-named) birds.
P.S: I can come up with better insults than that.
ZHAO,
Get back here! (I just recovered from Wang Yi's tabs! Now I'm broke. Actually broke and not having only 200 gold in the account.) Unicorns are horses with a deformity! You can just get a horse and glue a horn on it if you don't want to breed one!
Zhao,
Hello? OH GODDAMN IT, YOU'RE GONE.
Dear Shi,
Get your brother back. I don't care if you kill him. But make sure you get some of my money back.
*Since the handprint letter had no return address, here's Sima Yi reacting to it*
(Well, this person has huge hands. Did a gorilla do this? Who knows what? What did I do? This a threat?)
Audience person,
What butt? Who's butt? Chunhua's? (Maybe.) Yuanji's? (No.) Zhen Ji's? (NO.)
Zhao,
Oh, you came back. Where's my money?
Zhao,
It's been 24 hours. You owe me.
Zhao,
Okay. Take your time.
Zhao,
*blood splatter*
Now, you've got until 5:00! 5:00 or else I can just freeze you over to the next Ice Age.
Zhao,
Shi turning a plant... hu... Well, it fits him.
Shi,
Wow, you're taller than Zhao. Wait, what the-? Did you get a really late growth spurt?! Zhao told me you were a plant!
Chunhua,
NO. (Everyone's taller than me! What the hell?! It's bad enough I'm sort of short!) NO. You're seven feet tall and I will not let you you be taller than me! (Yue Jin would have a field day if he found this mushroom.)
Zhao,
Oh? They shrink back when you touch them? I see Shi is back to normal after to bumped into him for the 1000th time.
Chunhua,
There. You're shorter than me and that's how it should be.
Xun Yu,
I know Mi Heng's back. But keep your head on. (Heh. I don't think you did that when you saw the empty food box.)
Xun Yu,
Gee, I didn't know you get emotional at the mention of him.
Xun Yu,
I know he's a dick, and that's coming from me. But you're the least likely to respond to these things. Why now?
Xun Yu,
He insulted you the most? *sarcasm* Oh, I wonder why?
Xun Yu,
Wait until he hears about the failed transfusions you've made. And the missing dicks. And that gender swapping spell.
Xun Yu,
I was kidding. (Please don't remove my penis or turn me into a woman.) I don't like him either, not because he called me a lighthouse or a ship after Zhang He decorated it or a purple dildo, but he said my face looked like a horse.
Sima Yi,
Really? I was certain being called a purple sex toy was going to push you over the edge. But a horse? That one's true.
Xun Yu
Xun Yu,
I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.
P.S: I don't look like a horse. I just frown a lot.
Lady Wang, *Guo Huai's wife*
He was a bit excited and now he's in the hospital because of the pyrocannons being defective. He should be recovering and as for the illness... Yeah, you're stuck with that unless you chug down as many crap-ass teas Chunhua makes as you can.
Deng Zhong,
...Why are you telling me this...? It would make more sense for you to be talking to your father instead of me about this. I know that Liao Hua man is a bit annoying to face, but at least he IS a generic or else you'd be hearing a voice you can't escape from. And those maps? Jiang Ji spilled so much tea they ruined them. (They had the tiny bumps! I like the tiny bumps for some reason.)
P.S: Make your own bucket helmet. They're really easy to make.
