~My Complicated Romance with Derek Hale~

(Previously: Derek gets a visit from Kristin and they talk about Kate before Derek leaves to visit his Uncle to ask for help although he gets no response from his Uncle. But he does find a picture of a deer with a spiral on its side and heads for the local vet clinic next. Derek thinks the vet may be the Alpha or be protecting the Alpha. He is questioning him when Scott shows up and stops Derek from hurting Deaton (the vet) anymore. Scott tells Derek to meet him at the school and Scott uses the P.A system to roar and gain the Alpha's attention. The Alpha arrives at the School and gravely injures Derek. Belle gets Derek out of there and takes him back to Kristin's.)

Derek

Chapter Fifty- Two: It's Hard to Say

The sun streaming through the window is too much and I finally give up on getting any more sleep. Wait a minute . . . I quickly run my hand over my wound although there is nothing there and I feel instantly confused.

It only happened last night I'm sure of it. In fact I can still feel the pain as I think back to the attack or have I literally slept through the last few days? It wouldn't surprise me although I didn't think the wound was severe enough too comatose me for two plus days.

As I shove the blanket off of me and sit up in bed I realise I'm not in Kristin's house anymore. It almost looks like my house except it's been remodelled and the burnt walls look brand new and are a desert sand colour. The remodelling almost matches how the house looked before it was burnt down; except it doesn't have the wear and tear of generations of families.

I must be losing my mind.

"Good you are finally awake." Kristin is standing in the doorway with her hand resting on her pregnant belly and she looks like she is about to give birth at any moment. Are there twins in there or something? The huge belly is making Kristin look almost fragile.

Wait pregnant belly!?

Okay seriously what the hell is going on right now?

"Umm . . ." I can't help but stutter as my brain tries to process Kristin's pregnant state. Is it mine?

Of course it's yours you freaking idiot!

You're an idiot! I retort.

"Come on breakfast is ready," Kristin smiles as I stand to my feet and try to hide the confusion from my face. Kristin's olive skin is glowing more than usual and her smile is matching her vibrant blue eyes. I haven't seen Kristin genuinely happy since I arrived in Beacon Hills. I hope I'm not the one that has been bringing her down.

My stomach rumbles interrupting my thoughts and I can't help but inhale the sweet and savoury scents as they waft through the house. Wow the food does smell great. Kristin sure has come along a far way. The aromas are mixing but it only takes slight focus to differentiate between the smells. There are waffles, pancakes, bacon, eggs and hash browns, and my stomach's demands are growing louder. It's completely empty and it almost feels like it's been days since my last meal.

"It uh smells great." I try to force a small smile as I grab a shirt from the tall chest of drawers and put it on before I make my way to Kristin who is still leaning against the door frame looking at me curiously.

It's not until I look at her hand that I see the wedding ring on her left finger, and as I look down at my hand there is a matching white gold wedding band on my left finger. Yep this is definitely getting bizarre.

"Are you okay?" She asks and my eyes trail down her stomach. If I listen carefully I can hear the baby's steady heartbeat. Wait . . . Oh god there's two heartbeats I was only joking about the twin's thing.

Am I going to pass out? I feel like I'm going to pass out.

After taking a small deep breath I get a hold of myself and Kristin grabs my hand and rests it against her belly. Barely a few seconds later I feel them begin to kick and I have to hold in the gasp as my hand instinctively jerks away.

"They already love you." Kristin smiles.

Will you just play along you know they say pregnant chicks are always hor-

Shut up seriously!

"Okay what's going on?" Kristin asks me as her smile begins to fade.

What's it going to be? Play along or freak out? It's not like I'm going to get a chance to experience this life.

"Nothing in fact I'm starving," I reply before my hand reaches out and grabs Kristin's arm drawing her body closer to mine. This life could never be a reality for me; marriage and children. Not after it ended so tragically for my family.

There's no way I could survive losing my family all over again.

"Well you better eat quickly. You slept in and we have some where to be soon," Kristin smiles before she stands on the tips of her toes and presses her lips against mine. Instead of over thinking it I let my instincts react and my hands cup her face as my lips part.

Her soft lips and soft skin feel so real. I don't want it to ever end.

"Come on," Kristin pulls away and grabs my hand leading me down the stairs and to the kitchen. The rest of the house matches the bedroom and I'm immediately flooded with feelings and memories of my family; of the past.

Even the fireplace is sitting in the exact same spot and beside the framed photo of my parents is a picture of Kristin and I; she is in a wedding dress and I'm in a black tuxedo. Kristin looks beautiful; her hair is sitting in a messy bun and the bird cage veil is covering half her face yet her blue eyes are shining right through.

"It still only feels like yesterday." Kristin is standing by my side as I stare at the picture and she squeezes my hand.

"Yeah," I reply trying to shake off the shock as it tries to take hold of me again.


Breakfast goes by quickly and before I know it I'm dressed and being escorted to a secret location. Kristin is refusing to give me any details and it doesn't help that I have no idea what day it is let alone the month.

What if it's our anniversary? Have we even been married that long?

The drive itself only takes five minutes and I hate not knowing what is going on but at least I have a hint. Kristin has parked out front of a restaurant called T & P; one that's on the outskirts of town. It looks brand new.

"This is still your favourite place right?" Kristin asks.

"Uhh yeah," I reply.

"Well good," Kristin smiles before she gets out of the car and I follow her lead into the building. The restaurant is a family friendly restaurant and seems to be channelling the 90's; Beverly Hills 90210 to be exact. There is also a bar and the other side of the restaurant which seems to be for after hours.

Not that I watched the show; Laura loved watching re-runs.

The place seems to be empty although as I listen carefully I can hear many heartbeats scattered all over the room. Is this meant to be a surprise party or something? I hate surprises; they never end well at least for me.

"Happy birthday," they all shout as they come out of hiding and as I search the room their faces are all smiling at me; Belle, Courtney, Kristin's father and brother Alex, my uncle Peter who is completely healed, Tane, a pregnant Phoebe and Tina.

Wait they're pregnant too!?

"I knew it wouldn't surprise you. Our heartbeats gave it away didn't they?" Belle asks and she looks at least a couple of years older.

"Uh . . ."

"Or maybe he is genuinely surprised," Kristin hand reaches out and curls around mine squeezing gently as I respond in silence.

"Yeah," I agree as Kristin's father approaches me, and I can't read his facial features.

Is he going to stab me?

"Happy birthday," he holds out his hand and after a brief pause I return the gesture as he pulls me into a quick man hug and pats my back.

He should be strangling me not man hugging me.

"Yeah but you should probably invest in some anti-aging cream because you are starting to look really old," Tina teases and it's as if the slate has been wiped clean between us. The angst is completely gone and even Kristin seems fine with Tina's presence.

It's weird.

"I think he looks perfect," Kristin arm wraps around my waist and her brother Alex rolls his eyes.

"Okay enough of the boring stuff it's time for the food and the beer. Well at least for most of us," Alex smirks and looks at Belle who just sticks out her tongue as Tane and Phoebe approach.

Phoebe looks like she is also going to give birth at any moment and I force a small smile. Wait T&P as in Tane and Phoebe's?

"Happy birthday Derek," Phoebe smiles before she grabs Kristin's hand. "Come on you I need help with the finishing touches on the cake."

"I'll be back soon," Kristin smiles before she walks away with Phoebe. The rest of the group is sitting at the bar and snaking on food genuinely laughing like a normal family without the werewolf and hunter drama.

If only life could actually be this way not that I deserve it.

"How cool would it be if our kids are born on the same day? We could have joint birthdays right here every year," Tane smiles and nods towards the bar and I follow his lead and he grabs two beers; handing one to me.

"Yeah that would be great," I reply as I clutch my beer.

"Right!" Tane smiles and the swinging doors to the kitchen open as Kristin and Phoebe carry out the huge cake. Of course I don't even get to blow out the candles before it all ends and I'm left wanting the life that I can never have.

You could have that life but you're too busy punishing yourself.

One stupid mistake cost me my family and I can't risk it happening again.

"I still can't believe it," Kristin snaps me out of my thoughts as the dream finishes replaying in my mind. She is looking at my fully healed torso as she wipes away the dry blood with a damp cloth and has an astonished look on her face. My body has done a lot of healing over the past two days and I'm back at full strength actually I'm better than ever.

When you are injured by an Alpha the wound can take twice as long to heal and sometimes even longer if the wound is severe. I'm lucky I'm not dead anymore I mean. I'm not sure how long my heart stopped for exactly. All I know is that one minute I was colliding with the wall and then Belle was standing over my body.

"Does it hurt at all?" Kristin asks as her fingers linger over the flesh where the bloody gash used to be and my heart starts racing in response. Kristin is the only one that can get this type of reaction from me and the fire begins to burn in my chest again; igniting and fuelling the desire.

It's getting harder to fight the intense feelings. Even more now since Kristin confessed her feelings to me two nights ago. It was easier to fight against the hunger when I was too weak to sit up let alone act on my urges but now it's almost impossible.

Everything about Kristin is igniting a response within me; the intoxicating scent of her skin, the sweet smell of her hair and the soft touch of her fingers brushing against my torso. I'm surprised I've been able to keep my hands to myself.

I deserve a medal.

A medal for being a pansy ass little bitch?

OH shut up!

"No not anymore," I reply as I imagine reaching out and brushing Kristin's dark hair out of her face and staring into those bright blue eyes before I press my lips against hers. No snap out of it.

Get a grip.

Or you could just hurry up and make your move already!

Seriously . . . Shut the hell up!

"You really had Belle freaking out," Kristin avoids eye contact as she keeps the close proximity but lets her hands fall into her lap while we sit close on the couch; her knees brushing against mine. I don't remember much about the first night or even the second, but I do remember waking up briefly and feeling the warmth of Kristin's body against mine.

It was pure bliss; well apart from the agonising pain in my chest but being close to Kristin seemed to dull the pain slightly. In fact I feel like just being near Kristin sped up my recovery time, and it wouldn't surprise me if it was another bonus of the bond. In fact I've never felt so strong before and I'm sure Kristin is the reason.

"You had me freaking out," I reply as I recall the moment where I ordered Kristin to stay put and not go to the school. Of course she ignored me and I was too weak to do anything about it.

"Well I'm fine. Not a single scratch on me," Kristin replies although her heartbeat quickly picks up speed before it returns to its normal rhythm again.

Why is Kristin lying to me?

Focus and you might figure it out.

As I focus I use my heightened sense of smell to try and find a wound, but all I can smell is lavender and I'm assuming it's the scent of her body lotion unless of course she recently switched to a lavender perfume.

Use the bond.

After focussing for a few moments I feel a very sharp and agonising pain in the left side of my abdomen and I know I'm picking up on Kristin's injury which is definitely more than just a little scratch. No wonder Kristin has been moving so gingerly; as if she will snap if she moves to quickly.

Oh god what if she is infected? No it wouldn't be hurting if it was infected and I would know if Kristin was a werewolf and she is still human. How can that be? First Julian and now the Alpha and Kristin is still human . . . I don't get it.

"Show me." I demand.

"Show you what?" Kristin asks trying her hardest to look innocent although her eyes are giving her away.

"Show me where the Alpha hurt you."

Kristin immediately stands to her feet and I feel the pain surge all around her body before it contorts on her face. She is trying to hold back the yelp and I grab her arm and carefully force her back onto the couch trying my hardest not to add to the pain.

"I'm going to be okay. I'm not the one that had the Alpha's hand in my back. It just needs time to heal," Kristin is trying to even out her breathing and forces a very fake smile and the rage starts to surface.

I'm going to tear him apart so slowly that he begs for a quick death. First Laura and then he nearly kills Kristin for a second time; he is not going to get away with this. I'm going to make sure he suffers.

Okay that was a bit dramatic but you get my point. I'm not going to fail anyone I love again no matter what it takes.

"You're human you can't heal like I do!"

"How did you even know?" Kristin asks confused.

"It doesn't matter," I reply and Kristin rolls her eyes in response as the sharp pains begin to slightly subside.

"God you are so annoying and I've had it with all your near death experiences! You are driving me insane!"

"That's not what you were saying the other night."

Yeah because teasing her with her confession is going to help the situation. Maybe I should just stop talking all together.

"I don't know what you are talking about," Kristin shrugs although her hearts gives her away and skips a beat.

"Yes you do."

And I feel the same way. I'm still in love with you.

Well that wasn't that hard to say in my head maybe it will even be easy to say out loud eventually.

"I thought you were dying and now that you're not and still refusing to answers my questions I take it back." Kristin crosses her arms over her chest and glares.

"It doesn't work like that."

"Why not?"

Just tell her already. Aren't you over all the crap yet?

Of course I am.

Prove it.

This is it the moment where I either push Kristin away forever or tell her the truth about how I really feel. I've spent the last six years trusting no one; apart from Laura and Tane and I don't know if I can knock down the wall and let Kristin in. I've been completely guarded and been punishing myself for the past six years. What if I can't break the habit?

It's always the people closest to you that let you down and betray your trust in the worst way possible.

"You know what don't bother. I can't do this anymore. It's too much. We can't even communicate honestly and every time something happens to you I feel like someone is reaching into my chest and trying to rip out my heart and for what? So we can fight and argue and be together but not be together. It's torture and it can't keep going on like this." Kristin pushes herself away from me and sits as far away from me as the couch will allow. If it weren't for the pain which is still gripping Kristin's body I'm sure she would have stood to her feet and walked away.

Don't let her walk away.

Will you just shut up!

"Kristin I . . ."

Okay just get on with it.

"Remember when I said Phoebe was Tane's mate?" I ask and Kristin's hard expression begins to soften.

I swear to god if you don't hurry up I'm going to eat us both!

Go ahead and try.

Kristin shifts awkwardly and nods, "What about it?"

A long pause follows before my wolf gives me the final push I need to confess the truth, "You are mine."

The atmosphere around us becomes thick and charged with so many emotions that it's almost overwhelming. I can feel Kristin's desire, fear, doubt and happiness as her heart starts to race dramatically.

"I'm your mate?" Kristin asks and almost sounds to be in shock. "What does that mean exactly?"

Why can't there be a handbook on this subject?

Talking about my feelings isn't something I do anymore. In fact I haven't even thought the L word since saying it to Kristin all those years ago. How am I meant to explain the bond and the deep connection?

There will be no going back once I explain. Part of me thinks Kristin will be safer if I stay out of her life; that enduring the pain of being separated from her is worth it as long as Kristin is alive and living a normal life.

Of course I also know that Kristin's life is never going to be normal but I'm cursed. What if Kristin is hurt because of me or worse? What if Kate uses Kristin to get to me? What if the Alpha rips her apart like he did Laura? What if-

Enough already! What if tomorrow she gets hit by a car and dies not knowing how you really feel about her? You built those walls because it made the suffering of being apart from Kristin almost bearable but you don't need them anymore.

We don't need them anymore.

It's not that easy. No I don't think I can do this.

I thought you weren't a coward?

I am not a coward.

Tell her than!

"I'm bonded to you; my soul is tied to yours. When two werewolves are mates they both feel the bond but when it's a werewolf and a human the human rarely feels the connection," I try not to rush through it but I'm not the share your feelings kind of guy.

It feels unnatural.

"What do you feel?" Kristin asks intrigued. At least she isn't pissed at me anymore of course that could change in any moment.

"Your heightened emotions and I can sense your presence."

"You mean I'm basically a micro chipped dog and you're the computer that can track me down where ever I am?" Kristin is slightly outraged; told you she would be pissed at me again. Of course she focusses on that aspect but I guess it is an invasion of privacy.

I'd only use that aspect of the bond if Kristin was in danger.

"It's not like that."

"What else and why did you bite me and how did it heal it so quickly?"

"I can feel your pain which is how I know the Alpha hurt you and the bite was an accident. It healed quickly because of the bond," I reply and I can practically see Kristin's brain ticking away behind those blue eyes processing all the information.

"So I'm not going to feel any of it?" Kristin seems to have calmed down again and is genuinely interested in how the bond works.

"What if I reject it?" Kristin asks.

"Do you want to reject it?"

"You're talking about how we're 'bonded' but you still haven't told me how you feel," Kristin ignores my question. She has a point; I may have admitted to the bond but I haven't given her what she needs.

"Are you saying that you're not taking it back anymore?" I ask and the frustration isn't just growing inside me but Kristin as well. She has no idea how hard it is to confess the truth behind the bond, about how I really feel.

I need to know that Kristin isn't taking back her 'I love you'.

"Like you said it's something you can't take back," Kristin shrugs and I can feel that she is struggling just as much as I am. Okay so maybe she slightly understands how difficult it is for me to open up emotionally although her brick wall isn't built as high or thick as mine.

"Since I told you about the bond will you tell me why killing the Alpha is so important to you?" I ask and try to hold back the angst as the mention of him and Kristin's determination to kill him and get herself killed in the process.

Kristin holds back the eye roll and I know she is waiting for me to say it back to her but first I need her to be honest with me.

"It was important to me before I realised he killed Laura."

"What are you saying?" Is Kristin really going to back down?

"I'm saying that I'm going to stop trying to kill the Alpha but you need to get rid of him before he kills more people or adds to his pack," Kristin replies although I know she isn't saying everything she wants too; she is holding back.

"I will but why have you been risking your life to kill the Alpha when there are already hunters doing the same thing?"

"Because . . . I need to prove to myself that I'm not a monster and that I'm better than the werewolves I hunted."

Please tell me that I'm not the reason Kristin thinks she is a monster. I know I was harsh but I was angry and disappointed. Kristin isn't a monster but I do wish she had never hunted and that she hadn't been hunting the Alpha.

"How does killing a werewolf prove that you're better than it?"

"I need to kill a werewolf without feeling the chest crushing guilt to prove that there is a difference between killing savage werewolves, and not killing the innocent ones. It's something you can never understand. Hunting is the only thing I'm great at and unfortunately hunters are needed. Well as long as they stick to the code. It's not like good werewolves take out the bad ones-"

"Plus I've never tortured a werewolf. It's quick and humane and I belonged there. I wasn't stuck just existing every day. It's not that I don't like working at the vet it's just a desk job isn't me but I know how my mother will react if I return to hunting, and I saw the look on your face like I'm the worst person on earth. I-"

"I don't think you're the worst person in the world but I despise hunters and for good reason," I interrupt.

"Because of Kate," Kristin replies and I feel her confusion, hate and sadness as if she just lost a close friend.

"What happened with her isn't your fault."

"And it's not yours either Derek."

"I've spent so many years punishing myself for their deaths and staying away from you; I don't know if I'll ever believe that."

"Staying away from me was your punishment?" Kristin asks shocked and begins inching closer towards me as if she is mesmerised and caught in a trance; being pulled by an invisible rope.

"Due to the bond I feel the distance when we're apart," I instinctively reply matter-of-factly distancing myself emotionally at the same time.

"Feel it how?" Kristin is getting closer as every second passes by and I'm feeling conflicted; my instinct is to push her away and strengthen the walls but at the same time I'm finally feeling satisfied.

"Like there's a hole in my chest." I say reluctantly although Kristin doesn't seem to mind.

"When did it start? You know being able to feel my emotions and sense where I am?" Kristin asks; at least she is over the invasion of privacy.

"After we spent the night together and I bit you but I've been feeling the distance since I left you six years ago," I can feel myself internally cringing. This is playing out like one of those cheesy romance movies; the exact kind I hate and can't sit through at least not without falling asleep.

Stop being a sook and get to the good stuff already.

I knew you wouldn't be quiet for very long.

It's not until I feel Kristin's hands on my chest that I realise how close we are and it's not just my heart racing a million miles an hour. I'm judging by the look on Kristin's face that she can feel just how fast my heart is beating.

"How close did you come to dying?"

"If I didn't have you then I might not be alive," I reply and Kristin's heart stammers in response but she fights off the wave of sadness as her hand continues to rest against my bare chest.

"How did I help? Mom did most of the patching up. I barely-"

"Part of the bond; I don't remember much about the first night but I remember waking up briefly and seeing you sleeping beside me," I interrupt and Kristin seems almost speechless by the news and I know she is struggling with her feelings and trying to decide her next move, and part of me is still hoping that she will do the smart thing and reject me.

Only a few moments of silence pass before I feel the sharp agonising pain in Kristin's side as she stands on her knees and her lips brush over mine taunting me and I know exactly what she is waiting for.

"I can't give you the life you deserve Kristin."

"I don't care." Kristin replies and I can feel myself relenting and giving into my wants and desires.

This is it. I should tell Kristin we can't be together and that I refuse to ruin her life but I'm selfish and I need her. I hope I don't live to regret this moment. I don't know what I will do if anything happens to Kristin because of me.

Stop overthinking! I order myself as Kristin's lips clash against mine starting the frenzy and I carefully brace Kristin's body as I lay back on the couch.

Last time was great and long overdue but since the bite cemented the bond the connection is stronger. I'm feeling Kristin's hunger and desire as her hands stay on my chest, and I can tell she is bracing her body trying her hardest to keep her movements to a minimum because of the pain.

That's it. I've been waiting too long and I have to know how bad the wound is. Kristin can't heal like I can and now that I'm focussing it smells wrong. Why haven't I been able to smell it before?

"Let me see your wound," I ask in between breaths as her lips kiss along my jaw. The mood is about to get ruined but I have to know. I might even have to drag her to the hospital if the wound is too severe but I'm hoping it's not.

"It's just a scratch," Kristin brushes it off again and her lips move down my neck and it takes all my strength to keep focussed on the task.

"You can't lie to me now show me the wound. I know you are hurting; don't make me do this the hard way," I warn and Kristin sighs in frustration.

"The pain killers are wearing off do I have to get up?" Kristin asks.

"Pain killers!?"

"Relax they're not the strong stuff. Just something to take the edge off so I can keep going to work. It's not like I can call into work and say I need some time off because I was mauled by a werewolf."

"Mauled? Seriously show me the wound."

Kristin rolls her eyes before she carefully sits up and takes off her shirt. There's a large white bandage covering the side of her torso and I instantly sit up straight as Kristin peels off the fabric.

There are three deep and long stitched scratches although it looks clean, and I realise it smelt wrong because of the herb concoction she had on the bandage covering her wound. Belle and Courtney probably have no idea.

"You're lucky-"

"It's not any deeper yeah I know."

"It's going to take a long time to heal," I can't help but worry; there could be muscle damage amongst many other things. Kristin should go to a hospital of course I know I will literally have to knock her out first.

"Yeah I don't have the super human healing abilities. I wish this would heal as quickly as my bite."

"Did you mean it when you said the Alpha's mine?" I ask as Kristin places the bandage back on the wound.

"I can't take that away from you. Why didn't you tell me?"

"For a while I wasn't sure whether it was the hunters that killed Laura or the Alpha. I figured it out when the autopsy report came in and it said Laura was killed by an animal."

"Let me help you know we will make a great team and I have all the gadgets." Kristin suggests but there is no way she can fight with that injury.

"You need to rest." I reply.

"I was just saying that to you a couple of days ago," Kristin reluctantly puts her T-Shirt back on and I know it's because she wants to continue our make out session but the pain is returning at full force.

"Well you don't heal like I do Kristin and that is going to take a long time to heal," the wound may not heal properly if the damage is bad enough.

The Alpha is going to pay for everything.

"Yeah yeah I know. You need to be careful and you should probably spend the day at Stiles's house. I'm being stalked by one of my Uncles new officers."

"Why?" I ask.

"Well Scott and Stiles thought you were dead, and they were stuck in the school with the Alpha and a few of their friends. Those friends started asking who and they kind of said . . . You so now you are wanted for questioning."

Are you freaking kidding me?! I'm going to kill them.

"Great because that's exactly what I need; the hunters and the law enforcement after me," I can't help but sigh in frustration although it instantly eases as Kristin holds my face in her hands.

"You're innocent; you have nothing to worry about," Kristin replies before she presses her lips again mine and I refrain from wrapping my arms around her knowing it will only cause her pain.

I don't deserve her but for the life of me I can't reject her either.