He sat in the darkness lost in his thoughts. He could feel Aimee's small body pressed against his. Anytime he'd tried to escape from the room, she would whimper tearing at his heartstrings and fasten him in place. Her breath still held a small shudder to it as it evened out in sleep. It had taken Gibbs a long time to calm her enough to fall asleep in the first place. She's refused to eat or drink but just clung to him. She didn't talk but just continued crying until she fell into a fretful sleep. As much as his own body was on the verge of emotional exhaustion from the past several months, he couldn't quiet his mind enough to seek peace in sleep. At this rate, he would never be given the clearance from his doctor to return to work. His blood pressure was through the roof, and he normally didn't have blood pressure issues. It was stress plain and simple. Well, and sleeplessness brought on his own indecisiveness and so much more. His mind wouldn't allow him to rest.
Gibbs turned to stare at the clock blinking 12:00. Some huge storms had blown through the region the past couple of days, knocking out the hydro more than once. He hadn't bothered to set his clock thinking it would only be a matter of time until they lost power again. Besides, he didn't even care to know the time. He just wanted a little tranquility.
He hadn't explained much to Abby and Tony when he'd returned. They both looked beside themselves with concern but he didn't have the strength to explain things. If he didn't calm down first, he'd drive back to Broadview and throttle every single adult in that facility. What the hell kind of place would stand idly by and watch a terrified child panic without offering her any kind of solace? Gibbs knew he was a bastard but even he would offer the most wretched scumbag a glass of water if he needed it. There was such a thing as compassion for another human being. And Aimee was a child, a frightened little girl, who was all alone in the world with no one to advocate for her.
Gibbs lifted his head from the wall and forced it back harder, smacking it against the wall with a fair bit of force. He winced. He hated himself in that moment. What if it had been Kelly all alone in the world? Gibbs looked down at Aimee in the darkness. The moon cast a shadow across her face, illuminating the tears that still lingered on her cheeks. He traced the broken blood vessels below her eyes with his thumb and grimaced. Once morning came, Broadview would rue the day he ever set foot in that centre. Never again would a child be allowed to cry with such intensity without receiving help. He might not be a bureaucrat but he sure as hell knew abuse when he saw it. It would never happen again if he had anything to do with it. He could not fathom in a million years how anyone would have mistaken Aimee's cries for temper rather than the terror it had been. They were idiots!
He heard a soft knock on the door, and his eyes were assaulted with bright light when someone entered. Gibbs blinked several times to help his eyes grow accustomed.
"Why are you sitting in the dark, Jethro?"
Gibbs leaned his head back again. "Afraid to move."
"How is she?"
"I dunno, Jenn."
Jenny came fully into the room, switching on the light on the side table by the door. Gibbs blinked some more but didn't move. Jenny walked around the bed and climbed into it, stretching out her toned legs. Gibbs rolled his head sideways taking in her beauty and familiar scent. For several seconds he was brought back in time, and he had to force himself to blink away the memories.
"What happened?"
Gibbs took a deep breath. "Who called you?"
"Abby."
Gibbs groaned.
"Jethro, she was worried. She said Aimee was having a fit, and you barreled up the stairs barking at everyone to stay away."
"It's not exactly easy to keep your head when a kid is screaming in your ear."
Jenny nodded. "So, what set her off this time?"
Gibbs looked down at Aimee who whimpered again in her sleep. He ran a soothingly gentle hand through her sweaty brow, and she quieted once again.
"She was having an anxiety attack when I got to Broadview. I've never seen anything like it from her since the first night she was here after the murders. It was like she was having a nightmare but she was fully awake. I could hardly pull her out of it, and when I finally did, she was shaking from terror."
Jenny looked at Aimee in dismay. "Oh, my goodness, that poor child! What did the counselors say?"
Gibbs gritted his teeth. "They said it was a temper tantrum and not interfere!"
Jenny's eyes widened.
Gibbs forced himself to breathe deeply. He didn't want to think about that centre anymore. The more he did the more he felt like his head would explode. Gibbs felt his throat thicken. He'd been thinking more and more about what he wanted to do, and what he felt was the right thing to do. It was getting harder to distinguish the difference anymore. He didn't know if he was just completely incapable of rational thought or if he was just losing his mind. Maybe both.
"Tell me I'm crazy, Jenn." He muttered with deep anguish in his voice.
Jenny frowned. "Jethro." Her voice was so damned soothing; it was all he could do not to reach out to her for the comfort he so desperately craved. Aimee stirred again, possibly feeling his muscles tense. He continued to stroke her hair to relax the anxiety that still showed in her features.
"Damn it, I want to keep them…" Gibbs heard the words tumble off his lips, and he closed his eyes, unable to believe his own lunacy.
He felt Jenny's hand on his hand. He opened his eyes and turned to face her. The look on her face was hard to read and it made his heart race in his chest, not sure if she approved or thought he was indeed insane.
"Then keep them." Her voice was even and calm.
Gibbs groaned. "Jenn, you're supposed to be the voice of reason. Tell me I'm crazy, smack some sense into me, but don't agree with me. Damn it, that's not helpful…"
Jenny moved her hand and pulled herself to sit up higher on the bed. "Jethro, the only one stopping you from making this decision is you. I can't tell you what to do. But I do know one thing. You need to make up your mind because this state of limbo is hurting everyone."
Gibbs groaned loudly and this time moved away from Aimee. He held his breath, praying she wouldn't wake. He needed to stand up and pace. Sitting so still for so long was making him feel claustrophobic. Aimee's head rolled and she whimpered again. Jenny reached out and hushed her lovingly, brushing a tender hand over her cheek. Aimee quieted again at the affectionate touch.
"You have to talk sense into me…"
"No, I don't. For once, you're talking sense."
Gibbs scowled at her and started his pacing. He ran a hand through his hair and huffed in frustration.
"What do I know about parenting?"
"A lot. You already have four kids." Jenny smirked.
Gibbs wasn't amused. "I'm old and grumpy. I work long hours. I…"
"You're 50, and you don't get enough sleep. You work too much, and you never take a vacation."
"I build boats in my basement and burn them. I'm bitter. I hold grudges."
"You're a talented woodworker who uses his artistic gift to bless others. You don't talk enough and you skip your counseling sessions every year."
Gibbs stopped pacing and glowered at her. "Damn it, Jenn. You know I'm a bastard…"
Jenn slid her feet to the floor and stood up as well. Gibbs was relieved when Aimee didn't stir this time. He could see her eyes fluttering and knew that she had finally reached a deeper stage of sleep. Jenny crossed the floor and stood in front of him.
"I've seen you with kids, Gibbs." Gibbs winced. Jenny didn't often call him by his surname, but when she did, it always got his attention. "Those girls need you. They need someone who will stand up and be the kind of man they need in their lives. Aimee needs you. She needs you to fight for her. You've already formed a bond with her. She loves you…"
"She loves to make me crazy," he muttered.
Jenny put her hands on his chest as she drew closer. "You may not have noticed how she looks at you when you're busy. It's a look of pleading and wistfulness."
Gibbs grabbed Jenny by the wrists and pulled her hands away. He growled and put his hands on his hips. "How will I balance raising two kids and working at NCIS?"
Jenny punched him lightly in the left shoulder. Gibbs winced.
"Ouch."
"Don't be a baby! That didn't hurt."
Gibbs relented and a smirk came to his lips briefly before melting away. "Please, Jenn. Help me figure this out!"
Jenny walked closer and put her arms around him. "You're going to have to make some changes, Jethro, but it's not impossible. Tony is one hell of an agent and you know it. He can lead that team just as well as you. Start there. And Lord knows you don't need to work such long hours. You chose it…"
"Jenn, sometimes cases dictate…"
"You would not be the first agent at NCIS with kids. Other people make it work and so can you. Tony, Tim, and Ziva are single with no kids, and they are perfectly capable agents. They don't need you breathing down their necks twenty-four hours a day. You do your eight hours and go home. Kids grow up. Cold cases grow dust."
"Abby?"
"Abby is a grown woman."
Gibbs lifted a brow.
Jenny smirked, relenting. "Well, okay, so, maybe we all need to help you keep an eye on Abby. The point I'm trying to make is that you aren't alone in this. You have a family who loves those kids as much as you do.
Gibbs held Jenny close and rested his chin on her soft, auburn hair. He inhaled deeply and closed his eyes, concentrating on the sounds in the room. The soft, finally peaceful, breathing of a small child that had stolen his heart. A distance ticking from an alarm clock he'd long since forgotten he had, carelessly tossed into his side table. The annoying drip from a leaky faucet in the bathroom that he hadn't made time to fix. The sound of his own heart in his throat. It felt like his pulse just never stopped racing anymore.
"It's okay to admit you're scared, Jethro."
Gibbs licked his lips as he remained fixed to his spot, still embracing Jenny. Her words felt like lead in the pit of his stomach. Was that it? Was he scared? Was that why he hesitated? He'd remembered being terrified when Kelly was born. Shannon had encouraged him that Kelly wouldn't break and that he could hold her and love her. He had been nervous the first time. An innocent little life, so vulnerable and fragile, dependent on him for life. It was terrifying.
Gibbs cleared his throat. "Shannon told me the same thing when Kelly was born."
"You don't talk much about her. Kelly, I mean," said Jenny, pulling away.
Gibbs put took Jenny's hands and pulled them up to his mouth to kiss. "It's easier not to."
Jenny nodded.
Aimee stirred again, causing Gibbs to drop Jenny's hands. The little girl bolted up in the bed, her eyes wide open in fear and distress once again. Her small mouth opened to gasp for breath. Gibbs rushed to her side and enveloped her in his arms.
"Hey there, Aims."
Aimee blinked a few times and relaxed against him. "I was scared you left." She managed.
"Wild boars couldn't drag me away."
Jenny covered her mouth to stifle a giggle. Aimee looked over at her as a small smile crept to her lips. Gibbs felt her body relax further.
"He says dumb stuff, huh?" Aimee's words were directed at Jenny who walked over and sat on the side of the bed.
"All. The. Time," she agreed.
"Hey!" complained Gibbs.
"Wild boars?" questioned Jenn.
Gibbs bit his lip then broke out into a grin. The three of them laughed. Gibbs felt some of the tension leave the room.
"You feeling any better?" He asked her, gently giving her a comforting squeeze.
Aimee sobered once again and shook her head.
Jenny stood up and went to move towards the door. "I think I'll head home and leave you two to talk."
Aimee shook her head. "No, please, Director Shepard. Stay."
Jenny nodded and returned to the bed, sitting down once more.
"Aims, I think you and me need to have a talk."
Aimee nodded and then she pulled away from him. Sliding forwards, she turned, faced them both and crossed her legs. The light in the room cast shadows on her face making the bruising under her eyes more pronounced. Gibbs had to remind himself to stay calm lest he decide to say or do something stupid. It took all his willpower to not pound some heads together at Broadview.
"I'm sorry about today, Aimee. I didn't know it would be like that.." Gibbs stopped. Were his words true? Did he really think it would be good in any way or was he just looking for an easy way out? Making excuses.
Aimee's eyes filled with tears but she blinked them back. She shrugged her shoulders.
"I meant what I said. Brody will not hurt you. I will make sure of it."
"You can't," she muttered. Her voice sounded defeated.
"Oh, yes, he can," assured Jenny, moving closer to Aimee on the bed.
Gibbs pulled himself back and leaned on the bed frame once again. He drew in a deep breath and exhaled sharply, puffing out his cheeks. His heart and head were screaming at him making him feel disconcerted until finally he put his hands to his head and silently shouted enough.
"Director Shepard has known me a long time, Aims. She's right; I can and I will keep you safe!" Gibbs leaned forward and grabbed Aimee gently by her forearms. "Aimee Percy, do you think I'm old?"
Aimee looked taken aback. The question had seemed to come out of left field. "N-no. Not exactly."
Gibbs smirked. "Do you think I'm grouchy?"
A smile of mischief sprang to her face. "Wellll…" The word was drawn out and small spark ignited in her brown eyes.
Gibbs groaned. "Okay, so don't answer that."
Aimee and Jenny giggled.
"How would you feel about having an old, grouchy man for a dad?"
Aimee's face paled and her bottom lip trembled. She looked unsure whether she should answer that question.
Gibbs stood up, pulled Aimee over to the edge of the bed. He knelt down in front of her, holding her clammy hands in his as he looked deeply into her eyes.
"Aimee, would you do me the honour of letting me be your dad? I promise I will to love, cherish and take care of you for as long as I live."
Jenny's eyes filled with tears.
Aimee blinked, staring at him, her eyes wide in disbelief. Gibbs kissed her forehead, waiting patiently for his words to sink in. It was crazy. It made no sense. He was old. He was a grouch. He was a workaholic. He had no idea how he would ever parent two girls but, at the same time, never in his life had he felt surer of a decision than he did about this one.
"Y-you want me?" Tears fell down her cheeks.
He rolled his eyes. "Do I want you?" Gibbs stood up and pulled Aimee into his arms, looking at her incredulously. "Do cats meow?"
Aimee giggled. "Can we get a cat?"
Gibbs chuckled at the mischief that danced in her eyes. "Just answer the question, you little twerp."
Aimee answered by wrapping her arms around his neck tightly.
"Is that a yes?" he choked out, feigning being strangled.
He felt her head nodding into his neck and then tiny little sobs filled the air.
Gibbs put a hand on the back of her head gently as Jenny stood to her feet. She came to his side as he rocked Aimee in his arms. Jenny grinned at him and he returned the grin. He garnered strength in Jenny's proud smile. It made he feel like he'd made the right decision. He hadn't picked the easy road but he'd certainly picked the rewarding one.
—ooOOoo—ooOOoo—ooOOoo—NCIS—ooOOoo—ooOOoo—ooOOoo—
Author's note:
I think I'm going to leave things here for this story.
The End or Is it the beginning?
Gibbs is going to be a dad! Pass the cigars!
Come on, how could he not keep them? :)
I'm thinking I'd like to do a sequel about Gibbs adopting the girls. It would include more of dealing with David Brody as well as Gibbs balancing work and parenting. It would include some JIBBS of course, as well as some shenanigans of Abby back at work and getting in over her head, Tony taking on a more leadership role, Tim and Ziva will be in it as well...just need to do some brainstorming to see what comes to me. There is sure to be peril, romance, parenting dilemmas and lots of relationship/family stuff that I like writing.
Let me know if anyone is interested in me continuing to write in this universe. If enough of you are interested and willing to support me in my endeavor, I will brainstorm some ideas and see what comes out of this head of mine.
It's been fun writing in the NCIS fandom.
Love, Jenny Wrens
