Chapter 50: Staying the Course
Monday, September 3, 2012, Early Morning, Kanji's POV
On the first day back at school, I put on my uniform, buttoning my shirt up all the way and tucking it into my pants. I wasn't completely happy about the idea of a dress code, but I knew that dressing and acting like a delinquent wasn't me any more than this was.
At breakfast, Mom mostly kept quiet about my looks, probably because she was used to it already. She'd gotten bragging about how nice I'd looked out of her system when Yu-senpai stopped by our store over the summer, so at least I didn't have to get embarrassed all over again.
Still, it was always nice to know that my mom approved of me. All this time, I'd been wondering who would accept me for who I am- and I'm still looking for people like that- but there was one person who'd always been there for me. It's one of those things that make you feel dumb for not noticing it, but once you get over that, you're glad that you finally found it.
As I walked to school, I heard a "Good morning, Kanji-kun," from behind me as I reached the flood plains.
"Morning, Naoto," I said, as I recognized the voice and turned around, but nothing could prepare me for seeing her.
Naoto wore the summer version of the girls' uniform, a sailor fuku with a short-sleeved top. Her hair had grown out a bit, and was almost to her shoulders. I'd gotten comfortable enough around her after a month of going out with her and talking about all sorts of things that I didn't get tongue-tied anymore, but this took my breath away.
"H-holy shit, Naoto..." I said. "Y-y...you look great."
Naoto blushed a little, but then smiled.
"Thank you, Kanji-kun," Naoto said. "To be honest, though, I'm still getting used to wearing a skirt."
I sometimes wondered if it'd be easier if I was born a girl- after all, no one thought it was weird that Mom was into crafts, and not just 'cause she made a living off of them. Then, at times like this, I remembered the less convenient parts, since I'd be swapping one set of expectations for how to dress and act for another. Like Naoto, I couldn't change what gender I was born as- I could just be myself.
"I know," I said. "I suppose that's one of the downsides of being a girl."
"That's how the rules work," Naoto said. "It's one size fits all, and you're forced to conform to them regardless of your desires."
"Yeah, I know," I said. "Still, it ain't like they're all bad. You know what I'm sayin'?"
Naoto nodded.
"I certainly do, Kanji-kun," Naoto said. "Your mother's not the only one who's pleased with your new look."
I felt myself getting a little red in the face, but like they say, turnabout's fair play, and I was kinda happy to hear that from Naoto. At least there was one good thing about going back to school.
After School
The first day back at school was pretty boring. I might've come to terms with myself and stopped trying to act like a delinquent just 'cause I think that's what it means to be "strong" and "manly," but I've never liked or been good at school, so some things won't change.
I wasn't alone. Rise yawned a few times- bored, not tired- and seemed she was about to nod off, so it looked like we were in the same boat here. I'll never get how she managed to deal with the workload of being an idol, but since we met her after she went on hiatus, I guess she has her limits, too.
After school, Kashiwagi called me into the faculty office and had me take a seat near her desk.
"So... why'd you call me here?" I said. "What'd I do this time?"
Kashiwagi gave a smile that actually seemed kind of refreshing, not like a middle-aged hag who still thinks she's cute.
"Nothing bad, Tatsumi-kun," Kashiwagi said. "I just wanted to say that I'm glad to see you wearing your uniform properly and behaving yourself these days. Not everyone will forget your past behavior, but I think even your harshest critics will have to acknowledge that you've come a long way since then."
"Thank you, ma'am," I said. It was more polite than usual for me, but I didn't have any problem saying it. For once, Kashiwagi actually seemed like she was acting like a teacher, and so I had to give her the respect a teacher deserved.
"I'm also pleased to note how your grades went up a bit on the last finals," Kashiwagi said. "Work hard at your studies and keep improving your grades- if you do, I'll make it worth your while, if you know what I mean."
I was tempted to say "I don't," but I had a sneaking suspicion that the answer probably wasn't one I wanted to hear.
"Yeah, that's good," I said.
Kashiwagi paused, seeming kinda disappointed. I know actions speak louder than words, but I told her what she wanted to hear, so she shouldn't have had any problem with that.
"So...uh, may I please go now?" I said. "Mom doesn't like it when I'm kept along after school too long."
"Oh, I won't keep you too long," Kashiwagi said. "Perhaps, though, you might consider joining a club, since it might look good to employers. I'm sure your mother would be happy if you put your effort into something that you're interested in and good at."
I remembered that there used to be a fabric club, but it got shut down before I arrived. A little over a year ago, I wasn't interested in school or man enough to be open about my interest in fabrics, but even though I got over those, there were still a hell of a lot of other problems. I'd need enough members to start it (and didn't even know where to look), I'd have to convince the school to green-light it, and run pretty much everything- getting materials, planning things and so forth. The entire thing seemed like a nice idea, but right now, I didn't have much of a plan.
Still, it was worth a shot, so I offered to try it- both to get Kashiwagi to let me go, and because I was actually interested.
Naoto was still around after I left, talking with some guy at the shoe lockers. The guy was holding what looked like a love letter, probably having planned on putting it in her locker until he saw her.
"...but my answer's no. I'm sorry," was the first thing Naoto said that I could hear.
"Oh, ok," the guy said. "If I find out who this guy you're seeing is, I'll kick his a-I mean, wish him the best."
I almost laughed at the guy's threat, since he clearly didn't know who he was messing with. The only thing that'd save him from a beatdown if he fought me was my promise to stay out of trouble. The safest choice was making sure he didn't find out, though, so I didn't say anything or even make eye contact as he stormed off.
After he was gone, Naoto walked up to me.
"Ah, you're still here, Kanji-kun," Naoto said.
"Yeah, I had a meeting with Kashiwagi," I said. "What about you?"
"I had to deal with a boy's love confession," Naoto said. "It was easy considering that I've been taken for about a month now, and since his basis for attraction was my new look, he could only have gotten interested in me this morning."
"Good," I said, trying to sound happy. I was glad Naoto turned him down, but a bit worried that it'd be a pain having to do so with a lot more guys- and maybe girls- like him.
"Is something bothering you, Kanji-kun?" Naoto said. "Dealing with Ms. Kashiwagi is never a pleasant prospect, but something seems to be weighing on your mind."
I nodded, but then looked around. I saw Hosoi walk past us, still carrying his hand puppet, so it was obvious that some of the teachers hadn't gone home yet.
"Yeah," I said, "but I can't talk about it here."
"All right," Naoto said. "Let's talk when we're off school grounds."
After getting our umbrellas, Naoto and I walked out the door and through the town without saying anything. We sat down at the pavilion on the flood plain. It was one of her favorite places around town that wasn't high up, since you could meet there and sit under it, even while it was raining.
"All right, looks like no one's here today," I said. "Probably the fact that it's pouring has something to do with it."
"Good," Naoto said. "Go ahead and say what's on your mind, Kanji-kun, although I suspect it won't be pleasant."
"All right," I said. "Kashiwagi said I was doing better at school, and to keep it up. That's good to hear, but the part I don't get is when she said she'd offer to make it worth my while, if ya know what I mean. It gave me this kinda creepy feeling, but I don't know why."
Naoto got quiet for a moment, and looked kind of like she would if I told her she sat in dog shit.
"I...see," Naoto said. "Do you really want to know why Ms. Kashiwagi said those things?"
I shook my head. I might not be that smart, but even I know that knowledge is power, like they say.
"Hell yeah!" I said. "We all faced our Shadows- it ain't like we can ignore tough truths."
Naoto nodded, probably expecting this answer, and looked me in the eye.
"Very well, then," Naoto said. "Ms. Kashiwagi finds you attractive and is flirting with you."
I was left speechless. Kashiwagi was way out of my age group, wasn't as good-looking as she thought she was (not that it was saying much) and her personality was pretty awful. Did she really think I'd just fall in love with her like that? Did Naoto seriously think this was why Kashiwagi was talking to me like that?
"Uh, Naoto?" I said. "Telling jokes really ain't your thing. Not even Yukiko-senpai'd laugh at that."
"I'm entirely serious, Kanji-kun," Naoto said. "Why do you think Ms. Kashiwagi is nicer to the boys- specifically, those who are good-looking- and seems to view attractive girls like Rise-san with disdain?"
Since Naoto was asking one of those "rhetorical questions," I knew better than to answer. But even though she was right on the money, I still couldn't believe what she was saying- or maybe I didn't want to.
"B-But..." I said. "Kashiwagi goin' after me? That's wrong on so many levels! She's practically my mom's age, for one!"
Even though Mom's hair was graying- mainly because of all the trouble I got into- she actually was only in her mid-40s, just like Yukiko-senpai's mom. She just acted her age more than Kashiwagi did, dressing conservatively in kimonos, and not trying to hit on anyone her son's age. Maybe the latter was partly because she'd never really gotten over Dad's death- of course, neither had I- but I can think of a hell of a lot more reasons why my mom's twice the woman Kashiwagi is.
"I didn't say that it was acceptable," Naoto said, "just that it's what she was doing."
I sighed. I couldn't argue with Naoto any longer, so I decided to assume she was telling the truth, even if it was hard to accept..
"So... what now?" I said. "We already know that I can't afford to get on Kashiwagi's bad side. So that means I can't say no to her, right?"
"Not necessarily," Naoto said, "since I'd even say that doing too much to curry her favor, so to speak, would also have negative consequences for you. Just stay the course, keeping Ms. Kashiwagi at a distance while showing her the respect due to her as a teacher, even if you don't like her any more than I do."
"Gotcha," I said. "Man, just six more months until March..."
Naoto nodded sympathetically. She was a good student, but she didn't enjoy school, so she clearly sympathized.
"One more thing, Naoto," I said. "You ain't jealous or anything?"
Naoto chuckled, probably the closest she'd ever got to laughing out loud.
"I would only feel that way if I believed Ms. Kashiwagi had a chance at winning you over," Naoto said. "As boyfriend and girlfriend, we have to trust each other after all."
"Damn straight," I said with a grin. Like Kashiwagi had said, there were a lot of people who still remembered when I was a delinquent, but there were three people whose opinion meant more to me than anyone else- my mom, Yu-senpai and Naoto. As long as they and the rest of my friends accepted me, then everyone else hardly mattered.
"Oh, and..." I said. "Kashiwagi actually told me one bit of useful advice- to get involved in a club if I could."
"I see," Naoto said. "That does seem like a good idea for you, even if I keep my afternoon schedule free in case I get called on for some detective work."
Naoto didn't say it, but we both knew it'd been a while since she'd last had something to investigate. The police around here weren't happy about having to rely on a girl like Naoto, and the time she got herself kidnapped was the last straw. I'd been pissed at Naoto for sticking her neck out- of course, Rise was on the mark when she teased me about liking Naoto- but this seemed kinda petty and dickish.
"Gotcha," I said. "Well, I was kinda hoping you would join."
"I can lend my name to your club," Naoto said, "but if you're one shy of the member requirement and need me to form a club. Unfortunately, since I don't know much about sewing, I can't contribute anything meaningful to it. It's up to you to find the members, and up to all of you to make this club a successful one."
I sighed. Even with Naoto, I knew that I'd need three other members to get going, but I kind of hoped Naoto would help us get to that point so we could attract more people. Of course, she had a point, and I needed people who actually cared about the club and learning handicrafts, or else we'd get nowhere even if I got it approved.
"You got a point," I said, "but that's gonna be tough..."
"Has anyone ever tried it?" Naoto said. "Perhaps some people are out there, waiting for such a club, even if they don't have the courage or the initiative to form it themselves. You might not be the only one who wants it, but you might the first to make it a reality."
"Gotcha," I said. "Well, I'll give it a shot."
We spent a while sitting there and talking until the rain cleared up and the sun started to set. At that point, Naoto got up, folded up her umbrella and said goodbye to me before returning home, while I returned to the shopping district.
Evening
When I got home, Mom was in the kitchen, wearing an apron over her kimono and cooking one of her dinners that was way too big for two people, even if one was "a growing boy" in her eyes.
"I'm home," I said. "Sorry I'm late- I had to talk with Kashiwagi again."
It was kind of a white lie, since I probably would have made it home at the usual time if I hadn't made a detour with Naoto.
"Welcome home, Kanji," Mom said. "Ms. Kashiwagi called briefly to tell me about your meeting with her and let me know that you were doing well- keep up the good work."
"Yeah, Mom, I will," I said.
Mom looked at me skeptically.
"Aren't you happy?" Mom said. "Even if you don't like Ms. Kashiwagi, she's an authority figure, so it helps to be on her good side."
Mom was saying pretty much the same thing Naoto did. She had a point, but clearly didn't have any idea what Kashiwagi had talked with me about.
"Good side?" I said. "Right, if you say so, Mom."
Mom looked a bit confused, but decided not to ask me anything more. I knew Mom didn't like Kashiwagi, but she didn't know half the shit that woman pulled. If Mom knew the whole story, she'd get as many gray hairs as she did from my fighting biker gangs, so I decided to leave her in the dark, at least for now. We'd both be happiest if I just kept my head down for now.
We spent dinner talking about other stuff- I told Mom about the rest of my day, and she told me some news from around the town- the collaboration with Junes was going pretty well, and some other stores were considering doing something similar. That was good news, even if it also kept Mom busy- not just making stuff for our store and people's orders, but also for Junes.
It also got me thinking. I'd always thought of my skill at handicrafts as a bad thing, since it wasn't seen as "manly," but there were people out there who needed it. Even before Junes started selling my mom's goods and I started teaching kids handicrafts in my spare time, Tatsumi Textiles actually did pretty well even after Junes came, because people still needed our goods, things that they couldn't get at Croco Fur or other places in Okina City. Maybe there'd be guys and girls at Yasogami who'd be interested in doing handicrafts with me- the only problem was I didn't know where to look.
After dinner, I called Yu-senpai and told him what I'd discussed.
"So that's about it," I said. "I know it sounds crazy, senpai, but it's the truth."
"I can actually believe you, Kanji," Yu-senpai said, "and not just because of our experiences with Ms. Kashiwagi. In January, Ms. Kashiwagi occasionally stopped me after school, quizzing me on various things and offering me gifts- skimpy costumes that didn't fit her for one reason or another."
I remembered Yu-senpai bringing us all sorts of outfits, which didn't protect the girls at all, probably because they showed a lot of skin. I had to admit that seeing Naoto in her costume got me hot under the collar, which Rise teased me about, but to my disappointment, Naoto never put it on again.
"You mean the costumes for the girls?" Kanji said. "I kinda thought that Kashiwagi didn't like the ladies on our team."
"Yeah," Yu-senpai said. "Then again, it's not like she had anything for me, and those costumes certainly weren't going to fit on Hanako, either."
I laughed out loud. In all seriousness, though, while I assumed Ms. Kashiwagi only liked Hanako because she wasn't an attractive girl Kashiwagi considered a rival or a guy who'd be creeped out by her, their personalities went shockingly well together.
"I'm definitely not going to advise you to say yes," Yu-senpai said, "but you shouldn't be too forceful in saying no, either. Ms. Kashiwagi's behavior is unbecoming a teacher, but she's still a teacher, and so can make your life miserable if you give her reason to do so."
"Naoto said that, too," I said. "It's kinda hard, but I'll do my best."
"Good for you," Yu-senpai said. "Anything else on your mind?"
"Well, there was one other thing Kashiwagi said," I said, "probably the only other piece of useful advice. She suggested I get involved with a club, but there ain't a fabric club at Yasogami anymore. I was gonna make one, but I don't know how- you got any tips for that, senpai?"
"Sorry, but no, Kanji," Yu-senpai said. "Outside the rest of our friends, most of my friends in school were already really passionate about something and had already joined clubs. Yasogami might not have all the niche interests- like fabrics, for one- but it's still a pretty good selection, so you won't find too many people who aren't taken."
I mentally kicked myself for waiting this long. Maybe next year, there'd be a new crop of first-years who'd be ripe for the picking, but then I'd be a third year, the same place where Yu-senpai is now.
"Oh," I said. "I thought you'd know, since you got everyone together."
"Well, technically, Yosuke was the one who decided to form the Investigation Team," Yu-senpai said. "I suppose that might give you an idea, though- if you find someone who's good at leadership, you might make that person club president."
"Good plan, but where do I look?" I said. "I haven't found anyone as open-minded about my hobbies as you, Mom and the others."
"Ask around and don't give up," Yu-senpai said. "Sorry I can't give any more useful advice."
"Nah, that's good enough, Senpai," I said. "I've always known that if I ain't any good at thinking through things, the least I can do is be the guy who tells everyone not to give up, so what kinda guy would I be if I can't take my own advice?"
"That's the spirit," Yu-senpai said. "I'm sure you'll do just fine as long as you keep that in mind."
I went to bed that night fairly tired, and slept well even though I knew that when I got up, I'd have to go back to school. School meant having to bust my butt to get a passing grade, play nice around the teachers and kids who hated my guts, and keep Kashiwagi at arm's length, but it also meant learning new things and growing as a person. Graduation couldn't come soon enough, but by the time it did, I hoped I'd be ready for anything life throws at me.
Author's Notes
Thank you for the favorites.
We're now up to the first anniversary of this story's publication, and it will probably take at least another year to finish it. Thank you for your support thus far, and I hope you'll stay with this story to the end.
It's interesting to notice that Kanji, despite having changed a lot and become more comfortable being himself, still isn't a very good student and has trouble with manners- in Dancing All Night, he has to correct himself to give a more formal greeting to Inoue in the secret prologue.
In Golden, you can answer questions or do quests for Kashiwagi to get various costumes. It's clear from this, and from one of Kanji's night-time conversations, that she has an interest in Yu and Kanji.
Kanji's now has a new goal- to form a club with like-minded individuals at Yasogami- but it will take some time for him to make it a reality.
The next chapter returns to Yukiko at Yasogami, now that the school's learned about her relationship with Yu. It might take a little while longer to come out, since I'm working on some chapters down the line, through the rest of what could be considered the September and October arc.
