A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be very impressed with me. I got free bathsoap at the store with my coupons. Yay!
This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. Plus this is long...again. I mean, you can't expect me to get ALL of them, right? :D
This is for my wifey, Mrs. Robward. I saw an Edward Halloween card at the store, it made me think of her. :D
Thanks to Luxure & EdwardsBloodType for prereading this. I'm sure they have exciting weekend's planned. Mine includes grocery shopping and yelling at kids. Yay! :D
**disclaimer **
This story is a bit taboo. Alright, so a lot of you figured out, I'm not Kstew. Because the world isn't fair like that. :D
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… Chapter Fifty Two - Worth … Edward …
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"Edward's Claire's father?" she asks you, sadness, anger, shock, hurt all clear in her voice.
You nod, again. Still crying. I want to put my arms around you, tell you things will be okay.
I don't know if they will.
I don't think they will.
The look in your eyes, I feel like you've finally realized I'm not worth this. All this pain, hurt, sadness.
I'm not worth losing your family.
"Edward?" Leah screams at me. "How could you do this? My mother? You slept with my mother?"
She's walking toward me, wildness in her eyes. I think she may hit me. I wouldn't blame her.
"I'm gonna be sick," she says, rushing past me to the yard.
She bends over, vomiting into the grass. She's beyond consoling at this point, but I'm not drawn to her, anyway. I'm drawn to you.
The screen door opens and Paul is out, down the steps, across the yard to Leah.
"Leah? Honey, what's wrong? What's going on?"
He looks at you, then me.
"Edward? What are you doing here?" he asks.
We've met. He's a good guy.
He'll hate me for what I did to Leah. I don't blame him. He loves her enough to hate anyone that hurts her.
"I'm sorry, I..."
"I don't believe this. You came here to tell me this now?" Leah's screaming again, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. "After all this time, weeks before my wedding, you tell me this? What is wrong with you? What kind of mother are you? And you," she looks to me. "You were my best friend, my boyfriend. How could you do this to me? To us? I can't even..."
She turns, sobbing, walking toward the road and starting down the sidewalk.
Paul looks at me. "What's going on here? Tell me."
I look back at you, wondering what to do, what to say.
Slowly, you stand, leaving the porch and coming to my side. "Go talk to her, explain. Help her, Edward. She won't listen to me, I don't blame her. But you, you know her. Please, help her."
I love that about you, that even though you're hurting, breaking apart inside, you want me to help Leah.
You're worth every ounce of sadness and hurt I go through. I just hope you feel the same way.
I kiss your forehead, tell Paul that I'll talk to Leah, then leave you two standing in the yard, a puzzled look on his face.
He's a good guy. He doesn't deserve to be taking on something this fucked up.
It's surprising how far down the street a crying, frantic woman can get in so short a time.
I run, flat out sprint, to catch her.
"Leah!" I yell. She runs faster.
I know there's a park ahead. If I can catch her, take her there, I can sit her down. Make her listen.
Try to explain.
Try to block out the memories of moments we spent together in that park...
"Edward, stay away from me!" she screams, shrieks. Her hands pull at her hair, tears flowing down her face.
My hand wraps around her arm, pulling her to a stop.
"Leah, listen to me. Give me a chance, please. Just hear me out and then I'll leave you alone. I won't bother you again, I swear."
She struggles, pulls away, but I hold firm. Tight. I owe her an explanation.
I owe her so much more than that.
She crumbles, her eyes sad and piercing into mine. "Why?" she whispers.
Taking her in my arms, she cries into my chest, her knees not doing the best job of holding her up.
After a few minutes I guide her toward a bench, hoping she'll sit with me. Listen. Hear me out.
"There's a lot to say, and it's not easy. I just want to tell you what happened, all of it. Every bit, from start to finish. I don't want to lie to you anymore. And I promise to leave you alone forever when I'm done, if that's what you want."
She's too weak, too broken to put up a fight. She just mumbles, keeps crying.
I really screwed things up.
"When my family moved here, I was 17. You remember that. I met you at school that spring. I really liked you. There was just something about you, it caught my attention. You were so good, Leah. You really were. Are. And then a few weeks later, my family went to church for the first time in years. My mom decided we needed to be more involved, so we went to church. You were there, sitting up in the front by your dad. When I looked over, I saw this woman. She was sitting alone, no one around her, and it's like this beam of light shown down from Heaven. Right there in the chapel of the church building. All of the sudden I knew, she was it for me."
She's still crying, her shoulders shaking. I put my arm around her but she pulls away just the slightest bit. She doesn't want me to touch her. I can't say I blame her.
"I didn't know who she was or anything about her, but every week she sat alone or with your brothers and sisters. I thought maybe she was a nanny or something. Your father's nanny. I didn't know she was your mom until it was too late. I was obsessed with her. She consumed my thoughts, my dreams. I'd never felt that way about anyone before. Once I realized she was your mother, I tried to stop. I tried to ignore her. I tried to push away the feelings I had for her. But I couldn't."
I'm so ashamed of the way I did things, how I pursued you. How I used her, even if I didn't mean to. It was wrong, so wrong. Yet I couldn't stop, even when I tried to.
"I thought maybe if I had you, I could be satisfied. You had so much of her in you, I could see it. I wanted it, all the things about you. I tried so hard, Leah. I tried to do right by you, to love you. And I did, I did love you. It just wasn't enough. I wasn't sure until after she and I were together. By then, there was nothing I could do to stop it. I loved her. I needed her. I was willing to risk everything for her. And it was so wrong."
"You used me because I was like my mother? Are you serious right now?" she asks, her words shaking, filled with hurt. Betrayal.
"I'm not proud of what I did, Leah. And I did love you. I swear to you, I did. I tried so hard. I wanted things with you to work, it would have been so much easier. But soon enough I realized I couldn't get her out of my head. She was the one, whether I liked it or not. After that, after wrapping my head around that, I didn't care anymore. I stalked her, hunted her. I found any excuse I could to talk to her, to smile at her, to touch her."
She cringes. I'm sure the thought of me touching you isn't a pleasant one. Not for her, anyway.
"She was like air to me, Leah. I had to see her. I had to be around her, I didn't want to hurt you and tried over and over again to make myself break things off with you, but that would mean I wouldn't see her anymore. I was selfish and mean, I didn't consider what it would do to you. I pushed her into this, Leah. She didn't come after me. I was old enough, I knew what I wanted. We didn't want to hurt you, or anyone else. But the feelings we had...they were so strong, Leah. I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you."
My eyes are blurry with tears. I just want her to know how sorry I am for everything. How much I didn't want this to ever happen. I never would have willingly chosen this road for my life, but I fell in love with you and it was everything for me.
"You used me, Edward. You lied to me for years. At least with my mom, I knew she messed up. I knew she betrayed me and my family. I hated her for so long. But you...you knew the whole time, and you never told me. You sat and listened to me cry and scream over her, and you never said one word. How could someone do that? How could you do that to someone you claim to love? You never loved me. You don't do things like that to people you love, Edward. I don't know what kind of fucked up game you two were playing, but I hate it. Do you know how you've made me feel? Like a cheap, no good whore. Like a hooker that you use and then just throw away. That's how I feel. You used me, both of you did, but especially you. You were my friend, Edward, above all. And this is what you did to me?"
Her words cut me, tear at my flesh. My soul. Leaving raw, open wounds that may never heal. Not all the way, not the right way. I will always be scarred and ugly because of this. What I've done. What I made you do.
I can't make her forgive me or you or us. It's her choice, her right. I just need to make sure she knows how sorry I am. How guilty I feel. How ashamed I am.
But also, she needs to know that if me taking away her pain meant I wouldn't have you, I would go through all of it again. No questions asked. I would never give up the chance to have you.
Ever.
Leah stands, walks a few steps away from me before turning around.
"You disgust me. I loved you, I gave you my heart and my soul. You've made a mockery of me, of my feelings for you. I will never trust you again, ever. Every time I see my baby sister, I'll see what you did to me, to my family. We were having sex all that time. What would you have done if I'd gotten pregnant? Would you have left me for my mom? Raised my sister and left me to fend for myself?"
My eyelids close. I knew it was a risk, being intimate with both of you at the same time. But I was 18, I didn't care.
"I don't know what I would have done, but I never would have left you alone like that. Not ever. I would've made sure you were okay, that I helped you and did my part. I did love you, Leah, whether you choose to believe it or not. I cared about you, I still do. And I'm sorry. I can't change anything, but I am sorry."
Her face is sad, yet angry. Stone. "I don't want to hear it. Not now, maybe not ever. I don't know if we can move on from this. This is bad, Edward. So bad. You hurt me. Over and over through the years, you hurt me, but this? This is the kind of thing that people don't get past, Edward. This is life changing. This destroys people, families, relationships. My heart is broken, Edward. I don't know how you could have done this to me. Either of you."
I wipe the tears from my cheeks as they start to fall. Regret. So much regret is coursing through my body.
"She's my mother, and I miss her. But this... It'll be a long time before I'm able to see you again, if ever. Don't call me, don't come see me, don't email me. Nothing. And don't come to my wedding. I want that to be a happy day, and if you're there, all I'll be thinking about is what you did. Paul doesn't deserve that. He deserves to have a happy bride, who is excited to be marrying him. I won't let you ruin our day."
Leah turns to leave, walking back to the house. I follow her, a few steps behind, giving her space.
You're still standing in the yard, Paul near you. I don't know if you've talked to him or not.
Is he going to punch me? I deserve it. I'll let him, if he wants to.
"Leah?" you say to her as she walks by you. There's no life in your voice.
She stops, and I watch her turn to you.
"You're my mother. I've spent a lot of my life hating you. I can't live that way anymore. I'm sorry that your life was so messed up, but that didn't give you the right to do what you did. Not to me, not my dad. Not to Edward. If you loved him, you should have told me. You should have left my father. You should have done it the right way, not sneaking around behinds our backs."
She's crying again, and so are you. Paul's arms goes around her, protecting her.
"I love you, Mom. I don't want to see you for a while. I can't. I'm sorry, I just need time to deal with this. I don't know what to do, but please, just let me come to you, okay?"
You nod. There's a glimmer of hope in your eyes. She's given you something to hold on to. For now.
As she walks away, she pauses. "Mom, you can come to the wedding, but I don't want to see you. I want to be happy that day, and I won't be if I'm reminded of all this. But I want you there, somewhere. I want my mom again."
With one last sob, she's gone. Inside the house. Leaving us to the mess we made.
The destruction we caused.
The devastation we're responsible for.
And as I'm looking at you, and you're looking at me, I realize.
No matter how sick and twisted this whole thing is, it's okay. It's worth it.
It's us. We're worth it.
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A/N: So what do you think? Is Leah justified to be more angry with Edward than Bella? I'm curious... :D
Reviews are better than telling off someone that's wronged you.
Leave one.
