There existed those times when Chris needed to back away and let Stephanie heal. On the contrary, there were also more rare occasions when she reached out both hands for help, and he couldn't turn away. There was no letting her blow off steam. She was stuck in a rut, and she depended fully upon him to rescue her. He couldn't leave when she needed him most, so the second she dropped that verbal bomb in their car, Chris had shut off the engine and rushed her inside the house.
The significance of all other life events evaporated, and tunnel vision set in, where all Chris could see was his hurting wife. Her pain was his, in a nutshell, and he shared in her grief. He had brought her straight to their bedroom and undressed her, then himself, plopping down in bed and leading her in with him. Even though his legs were only slightly parted and bent at the knees, Stephanie was able to work herself between them, and her head ended up on his chest. He smoothed her disheveled hair, and she clutched his shoulder like he were her final lifeline.
"I have no idea who, or what, gave you the idea that you're not a good mother, but you need to push that bullshit out of your head right now. You know it's not true, Steph," Chris challenged. "You can't honestly believe what you said back in the car."
"I thought I'd be so much better," she admitted. Chris swiped at the tears that had dried on her cheeks, tightening his hold on her. "I'm great with the kids sometimes, but then other times, it feels like I'm not with them a lot. I feel neglectful."
"You don't neglect them. You're together as much as you possibly can be, considering work and all that other stuff."
"But that's just it. I leave them all the time to go to work or on appearances, and a good mom wouldn't leave her kids. I shouldn't be traveling all over the place when they need me. That one time, Graham begged me to stay with him and finish out a book we were reading together, but, no, I had to leave." She sniffled and hid her face in his shirt. "I'm awful, Chris. I'm not good at this."
"Stop it."
"But it's true."
"I said knock it off," Chris cut in.
The person he was closest to, more than any person on earth, was in trouble. That was a painful pill to swallow, especially when he recognized that all the pressure rested upon his shoulders. Even if only subconsciously, Stephanie was baring her soul because she depended on him to fix the situation, and he wanted to step up and be that hero to her. After all, she had been his hero more times than he could count. Chris reached for her chin and pulled it upward, so that he could look her in the eye.
"You were doing an amazing job with the kids, all up until you found out I'd lied to you about The Prime School, so I'm gonna make a bit of a leap here and assume that's what really upset you. It's what I did that's bothering you, isn't it?" he quizzed. "I made you feel inadequate as a mother, because I didn't include you or trust you to make a decision about whether or not Graham should go? Is that it?"
"No," she said, biting the corner of her lip and breaking their shared gaze. She was fibbing.
"Look at me," he directed. When she did, he tried again. "I don't like hurting people, and especially not the ones I care about most. If I'm making you feel bad, then it's my job to fix that, but if I'm gonna do it, you can't lie to me about this. I need the truth."
"I think I want two things at once," Stephanie admitted. Now, they were getting somewhere. He finally had her talking, so he used his brain and made the wise choice not to interrupt. She ran her fingertips in a perpetual, circular motion against his chest, which seemed to soothe her more than him, if that were possible. "There's a huge part of me that wants, so badly, to keep working and going on the road every so often. I love my job, and there's a side of me that wants to throw all of my focus into that. But then, there's this other part."
"What other part, babe?"
"A part that wants nothing more than to be home with the kids every day. I knew from the time I was a little girl that I'd be a mother someday. I knew for sure it would happen, no matter what, and when I found you and Graham, I was overjoyed to have gotten my family. Then, my pregnancy test came out positive, and I swear the only other time in my life I've ever been that happy was on our wedding day. I knew I was getting everything I'd ever wanted and, for the first time ever, I imagined what it might be like staying home with them."
It was a struggle for Chris to keep his eyes from bulging right out of his head. "You never told me you considered being a stay-at-home mom. I swear, I literally never knew that about you. Jeez, you should have told me."
"I didn't know, though," she shrugged. "It was the first time I'd ever felt like I might want to be a mother and nothing else. I mean, of course I'm always going to fill other roles, but my main wish was to be a mommy, without working all those hours on the side. When you said you wanted to go on the road, I was jealous because I wanted to be there right along with you. But then, when you started staying home, I was jealous again."
"Because you wished you were staying home with the kids, too?" Chris prodded.
"Yeah," she said, wiping at her glassy, reddened eyes. "I realized that I wanted both things. I want to work, but I want to be a mom, too."
"And you do exactly that," Chris replied. "You're both of those things, and you're damn good at each of them. There's not a single thing that I, or the kids, would change about you. We love who you are, Stephanie, and I don't want you to feel like you have to change to satisfy us. You already amaze us every day."
"Can I get to the real point and quit beating around the bush?"
"Go ahead," he urged. "I'm all ears."
"Ever since I had Fiona, I've been full of doubt. Am I a good mother? Do my kids get everything they need from me? When I'm not with my kids, do they know how much I love them and how often I think of them?" she began. "These are the thoughts that go through my mind, because I know how big a role I'll play in who they grow up to be. As a girl, Fiona needs to have a special bond with me, but Graham needs one with me, too. He went without a mommy for a while, and he leans on me a lot to give him what he missed out on. As much as I adore being his mommy, it's a lot of pressure to be good at."
"But you live up to our expectations, and far past them, actually. You're perfect."
"You say that, and I get that you mean it, but you don't realize what it does to my psyche when you keep things from me. You didn't even consider that I may have wanted to help decide where Graham should go for middle school. You assumed that if I knew he had gotten accepted to The Prime School, I would have forced him to go, and what does that say for your confidence in me as a parent?" she questioned. "Do you really think so little of me that you believe I would push Graham into something that would hurt him? Because I love Graham like crazy, and, yes, I'm insulted you think I could do something like that."
"That's not why I kept it from you. I didn't mean for it to be taken that way."
"But that's the way I saw it," she said, lifting her head off his chest. "And for once, instead of making excuses or coming up with an explanation for why you did it, I wish you could just look me in the eye and say, 'You know what, Steph? I'm sorry'. That doesn't mean you're admitting fault. It just means that you understand how I could have felt that way and you're sorry you did something that stirred those feelings up in me. All I want to hear is that you're sorry."
"I am sorry. I would never try to hurt you or take away your value as Graham's mom. You know I think you're the greatest mother and wife on this planet, and I always encourage your relationship with Graham. I love that you guys are close," Chris explained. He sighed and lowered his head, resting his lips against her left temple and kissing the spot over and again. "I want to build you up, not knock you down. I'd never do that on purpose."
"I know. It's just really nice to hear you apologize and leave it at that."
"I didn't mean to make excuses. I wanted you to know where I was coming from. It was never about not trusting you to make the decision," he replied. "I wanted for us to do it as a family, but it seemed like it was going to be a stressful choice and..." When he noticed Stephanie pursing her lips, like she were struggling to sit through his ramblings, he stopped. "Okay, sorry, I know I'm doing it all over again."
"It doesn't matter why. All that matters is you left me out, and it's not right. I'm Graham's mother, and I deserved to know," she cemented. "I doubt you would appreciate it very much if I took a piece of our mail and kept it hidden from you. In the back of my mind, there's always going to be a nagging voice asking what else you might be hiding from me, and that's not okay. I need to be able to trust you."
"You can trust me more than anyone. I'd never betray you."
"But you kind of did, and that's why my feelings were hurt."
"What can I do to make it up to you?" Chris asked. "How can I make you trust me again?"
"It'll probably take a little bit of time, but you can't cherry-pick what you disclose to me. I have a right to know everything, at which point we can make a decision as a family. I don't want to be left out of anything. It makes me question myself, which only adds to the insecurities that I already have, considering I work so much and am away from the kids for so many hours during the week."
"I'm so sorry I did that to you. I would never want you to feel that way. I'm a jerk."
"You're not a jerk." Stephanie closed her hand around his and placed her head back on his chest, craning her neck until she was able to press a kiss to his exposed skin. "Thank you for your apology. It makes me feel better that you're acknowledging what I was upset about. I needed to hear that."
"Are we okay?" Chris responded, bottom lip quivering just the tiniest bit. "Are we, really?"
"We're always going to be okay. We're attached at the hip."
"We are, huh?" he laughed. When the room quieted, he slipped a hand beneath the covers and rubbed her back. "It will never happen again, and that's a promise. Now that I know how I made you feel, I'll let you in on everything that happens while you're away. I swear."
"Thank you. It makes me feel good to hear you say that." There wasn't exactly an easy way to maneuver into the next topic, so she dived right in, knowing there was a chance she would either sink or swim. "Also, about the thing at the office on Saturday, I was upset and thought a few hours outside of the house by myself might help. I didn't actually have assigned work to do."
"Yeah, I figured as much, considering even Vince was at home that day. If he wasn't working, I knew you didn't have to."
"I don't mean to cast all the blame your way, because I was wrong, too, and could have handled a lot of this better, but it bothered me that you cared that people knew about our argument. You seemed so focused on what they were saying about us, but, the thing is, I love you enough that I don't give a damn what anyone has to say," she admitted. "I tune it all out, because none of it is relevant. Nobody knows how connected we are when we're at home together, so I don't see why I should care what they think about our marriage. Why did you care so much?"
"Because it was none of their damn business. They should never have even been able to tell we weren't getting along. You basically put up a neon sign saying, 'Hey, we're not getting along over here'."
"Then you shouldn't have brought flowers to work."
"You had no problem that time I brought them and told you I loved you," he shot back. Now his blood was flowing; she was firing him up.
"Those were completely different circumstances. We were on good terms the day you brought them. This time, you brought flowers when you knew I wouldn't want to talk, and I wasn't ready to let you in. I wanted to be left alone, and if that meant some people overheard us, then so be it. Work isn't the place to make up from a fight."
"First of all, I didn't know you wouldn't want to talk, or else I wouldn't have bothered buying the flowers and bringing them over in the first place. You're assuming I knew you wanted to be alone, and I didn't."
"So, with the way I had stopped speaking to you, you couldn't guess I was mad?"
"Okay, whatever. I'm about two seconds away from being done with this," Chris said, squirming under her weight. "You got your apology. What the hell else do you want from me?"
"I want you to stop caring if other people are saying bad things about us. Believe in us just a little bit more that we can make it as a couple. Stop looking to other people for approval; that's what I want."
"I never said I needed their approval. I said I don't want anyone knowing when we aren't getting along, because it's none of their goddamn business. Have I made myself clear enough yet?"
"Don't get all defensive. It probably seems like I'm attacking you, but I'm not," Stephanie said, still holding his shoulder hostage. He wanted to flee, to hop in his car and drive until he was far away, but with the way she'd locked onto him, he didn't foresee making an escape anytime soon. "I know this isn't all your fault, and I want to say right now that I'm sorry for my part in all this. I'm sorry I ignored you instead of being an adult about it and coming to you. I'm sorry I didn't at least open my door at work to tell you I didn't feel like talking. I'm sorry for everything I did wrong."
"Yeah, fine," he mumbled, looking away. She lifted her head to study his expression.
"I didn't mean to come across like I was blaming you, sweetie."
"Whatever."
"Will you stop it?" she pleaded, fed up with his flippant attitude. "Just stop. I don't want to fight with you. I want this to all be over and done."
"Good, then it's done."
"But you're still talking to me like I'm...a bitch or something."
"No, I'm talking to you like a husband who's annoyed that his wife doesn't see the bigger picture. Just like you're insecure about mothering the kids, I'm insecure about the bad stuff people say and assume about our relationship. It doesn't make me wrong, and you're not wrong about the way you feel, either. It is what it is, and instead of telling me why I shouldn't feel the way I feel, you should accept it, the same way I accepted everything you told me earlier about you."
"Why are you so angry?"
"Oh, dear God," he muttered. Chris covered his face with one hand, pressing both eyes shut. "It's done, Steph. We talked it out, and it's over. Let it go."
"It's not over if you're still mad, which you obviously are. May as well get everything off your chest while we have the free time to talk this over."
"It's nothing. I'm gonna head to my office and get started on work, unless you want me to go pick up the kids first."
Linking her pinky with his, Stephanie brought her opposing hand down on his cheek, swiping his skin gently with her thumb. "It can be hard marrying into a family who's so well-known. I can see, from your perspective, how it can be irritating to have people who don't even know you discussing your life and, the thing is, you don't deserve it, but me?" She paused only long enough to point to herself. "You married me, which means you married into a family of McMahons and people are going to talk. It's not fair, and it's not right, but that's life. If you plan to be with me long-term, you have to expect that we'll get whispers and weird rumors circulating about us every now and again, but it doesn't matter. As long as you know that everything you have with me is real, we're golden."
His eyes lit and before she could blink, Chris had tossed his arms around her, hiding his face in her left shoulder. He breathed her in and lost himself in her sweet scent, wanting to melt right into her. "How did you know?"
"Know what?" she asked, rubbing his back.
"That I needed to hear that?" Chris replied. "It was bothering me, and I couldn't find the words to explain it, but you figured it out on your own. How the hell do you do it?"
"Let's just say it's women's intuition."
"Thank you," he whispered.
"It's nothing, hon. We're both here for each other, and I'm done arguing. I want us to be happy, enjoy our babies, and support each other."
"Do you think there's any way we can take the rest of the day off?" Chris wondered. "If Vince would go for that, we could pick the kids up and bring them to NYC for the day. We can hit some of the toy stores and take Graham out to eat. We'll drive back before it gets dark, or, at the very least, we can get back before Graham's bedtime. What do you say?"
Covering his cheek with her palm, she whispered, "I say, you still owe me some making up."
"Ah, I gotcha covered," he winked.
Her clothing had already been discarded when Chris first brought her to bed, but her bra and panties remained. He wanted them gone. In one swift motion, he hooked his thumb into the sides of her panties and covered her mouth with his own. The heat from his mouth and tongue as it mingled with hers must have excited Stephanie a little too much, and when she began squirming like a snake, Chris smacked her ass. She took the message and stilled long enough for him to tug her panties down, which she kicked off the remainder of the way.
Without so much as a warning, Chris flipped her over on her back, taking his turn to get rid of his briefs. He parted from her lips only for a few seconds to remove them from around his ankles, but that was enough time for Stephanie to whimper, begging for his return. Her bra was still intact and Stephanie lifted her shoulders off the mattress in anticipation of his removing the garment, but Chris had different ideas. Tugging the pillow right out from beneath her, Stephanie's head dropped flat onto the bed as he slid the cushion beneath her hips, propping them at an angle.
"Why'd you do that?" she asked.
"Shh!" Chris shushed her. Then, before pressing his lips to hers again, he added, "You'll see. Makes the sex feel better."
Before she could question his claim, he kissed the breath out of her, running his unleashed manhood up and down her thigh. She felt him move through the changes, shifting into rock hard against her skin. Knowing she was able to arouse him so much, with nothing more than a kiss, raised her confidence, and she found the guts to try something different. Pulling away from his lips, Stephanie found his neck and bit the first patch of skin she stumbled across, but not in the unsettling, vampiric way. No, her love bite was sexy and inviting, which he apparently didn't enjoy too thoroughly.
In a flash, Chris grabbed her hair, pulling her head back forcefully, and shook his own head. "Don't think so, babe," he discouraged. "You wanna see how it's done, try this."
The whip of his tongue was first to hit her neck, but then, he began the biting, the edges of his teeth gliding over her skin like a buffer. His teeth were only interrupted by his tongue, which danced over her and added to the sweetness of the nips. Her hands fell to rest on his back and she moaned loudly, leading her hands all the way down his back and squeezing his ass. "Oh my God, it feels so good."
Chris pulled away smirking. "That's kinda the point." The warmth cleared from around her when he raised up on his knees, pumping himself to make certain he was ready for entry. He didn't have time to fool with excessive foreplay. Fully erect and raring for a chance to please her, possibly even more than ever before, Chris used two fingers to clear a path for himself and entered her. She stared up at him, but didn't say a word. "You okay?"
"Yeah," she answered. She was quiet, maybe taken over by sweet anticipation, so he didn't think much more of it. Rolling his hips to sink a little further into her, Chris used the angle upon which she rested to hit places he had never explored before. He scaled back, nearly to the point of pulling out, and plunged right back in. Stephanie's face exploded with passion and fire and all the things that made her special, and Chris hovered over her on his palms, letting his hips do all of the work. "Oh!" She latched onto his biceps and didn't let up even for a second. "Oh God, keep going!"
He lost count of how many times he teased her, mere centimeters from leaving her body before diving right back inside, so swift in his execution that all 10 of her toes curled themselves over. He couldn't keep track of her screams and moans, nor the tossing of her head as she struggled to deal with the sharp pangs of arousal teasing her before she could reach her climax. So he didn't try to keep score. Instead, he thought of all the times within the past few days he had seen sadness or uncertainty on her face. He recalled all the moments she had seemed unsure of herself because of something he had done.
All of the pain, hurt, and disappointment they had shared for the past week bled into his motions, and he thrust so madly that there was a secondary thump, like he were touching a part of her he had never been to before. He'd have to fuck her at an angle more often. Then came the frantic cries, the declarations of love he needed to keep him running, just as a motor vehicle required gas to remain alive. Then she was sobbing her satisfaction, and damn him if he weren't the proudest of all that the only body part he had to use to bring her to tears was his very own member.
Somehow, knowing his body on its own was enough to pleasure her that way made him love her all the more, in addition to their intense emotional connection. He added the neck-biting back in for maximum pleasure, and the combined efforts of moving inside of her and nibbling at her neck must have been too much, because she exploded around him, spilling out over his erection, but there was only one issue: Chris wasn't finished yet. She could add that to the scoreboard for herself as climax number one, because there would be plenty more where that came from. While still recovering from her high, he was searching for more, for his own release.
The last worry that flitted through Chris's mind was the hope that Vince would be kind and understanding when they showed up hours late for work, which was bound to happen.
He and Stephanie would be occupied for quite some time.
