Chapter 48 – Trying

Edward moved slowly at first, and because it was dark I didn't see when he finally opened his eyes, but it wasn't hard to hear him. He woke up calling my name, and I couldn't help but smile by the sound of his voice… "Shh, it's okay. I'm right here," I cooed.

"Bella?" he asked a little less frantically.

"Right here," I repeated while stroking his cheek tenderly and leaning down to shower his nose and forehead with kisses.

He reached up and touched my face, as if he couldn't believe I was actually there. "Are you okay?" he whispered.

"Me?" I said with a humorless laugh. "Are you okay?"

He curled his fingers around my ear. "I am now."

"Thank god…I don't know what I would have done if you weren't," I said with tears rolling down my cheeks and dripping on his face. He didn't seem to mind one bit.

"Did they hurt you? I swear I'm going to rip them apart," he said intensely while lifting his head and trying to get up.

"Just rest for a while until you get your strength back; there's nothing we can do right now anyway," I tried calming him.

"Where are we?" he asked.

"On a ship heading to Africa," I said with an unintentional sigh.

"Africa? That's…unexpected. But I suppose somewhat smart since there were plenty of rumors about vampires in Europe. What is this room we're in?"

"I guess it's the brig."

He struggled to lift himself off of me, so against my better judgment, I helped him stand up. "You really should be resting."

"I can rest later…like when we're back on land," he said while wobbling to the tiny porthole so he could look outside. "Shit, it's nothing but ocean….no landmarks to tell where we're at." And then he started banging on the window. "Babe, are you strong right now?"

I furrowed my brows. "Yeah, but…"

"I need you to try to break this open."

"Edward, that's too small to get out through…and where would we go anyway?"

"I need to try to see the stars so I can see exactly which way we're going," he explained while banging on the window again. Each time he hit it, he seemed to do it with more and more force, until… "Got it," he said as the porthole shattered outward. He then took one of the shards of glass remaining into his hand, and held it straight out of the hole. "This isn't the most reflective glass, but it's better than nothing."

"Edward," I said quietly.

"I see them!" he shouted excitedly. "It looks like we are definitely going south east… Shit, but I still can't tell how far we've gotten. How long has the ship been moving?"

"I don't know," I mumbled. "I lost track of time."

"It's okay, I'll figure it out. Maybe when the sun comes up I'll be able to see some kind of land in the distance…An island perhaps."

"Edward," I said again.

"The longer we're on this thing the harder it will be to get back."

"Edward!" I cried out, shocking both of us. He was in breakout mode, which I appreciated, but I hadn't seen him in what felt like weeks, and now that he was awake and looking strong again, I just wanted him to hold me.

Thankfully he understood. He rushed back to me, wrapped me in his arms and kissed me fiercely, and just like that, I finally felt like I could breathe again. We were experiencing a wave of emotions; first it was a frenzied need to remove all of our clothes as fast as possible, and then he pushed into me and we paused to savor it. We were both struck with extreme gratitude for that beautiful moment, and movement of any kind would have ruined it. He just rested his head against mine, and we basked in the miraculous beauty that only existed when we were joined in that way; however the power of that feeling could only grow and it soon became too much to contain in stilled peace, so we had to start moving again. The fire that followed was one of the most intense experiences of my life, and with someone as intense as Edward, I began to wonder if there was no limit to how powerful our connection could be.

After it reached its explosive climax, my body fell limp and I lost whatever resolve I was using to keep my emotions in control. I just started sobbing again, which was something I certainly didn't want to do in front of Edward, but surprisingly he only held me tighter. "Everything is going to be okay now," he tried assuring me.

"I started thinking I was never going to see you again," I cried. "They tried convincing me you were dead."

"Hey…don't I always come for you?" he murmured before kissing my hair. "I'm only sorry it took so long…. Bella, I will always find you…no matter what."

He kissed me again, and I kissed him back, but the warmth of his lips suddenly reminded me of something. "Edward…how are you still human?"

He chuckled, and then rolled off of me and started getting dressed. "Yeah, Rose said the sight of those vampires eating me was pretty gnarly. I wish I could have seen it."

"Rose?" I asked confused.

"I guess my blood is toxic to them, and that can only be a good thing. I bet your blood is too at this point, and anyone else for that matter who has any of my cells in their system. Maybe we can create like a vampire vaccine or something, and give people regular injections until it permanently infuses into their systems. I mean, eventually we could create a generation naturally immune to vampire bites."

"That would be wonderful, but… Does that mean you can't be turned at all?"

"It doesn't appear so. I'm not exactly sure why at this point, but Carlisle guesses it's because the venom isn't compatible with my vampire-infused human cells."

"Carlisle?" I said absently.

He laughed once. "You should have seen Aro's face when he realized I couldn't be turned. He sacrificed three of his guard trying, and all of them died like the first two. He was even more pissed when we discovered that each time I was bit I got even stronger afterwards. Now, if I concentrate really hard, and it's quiet enough, I can hear minds again. It's only one at a time, and it's really difficult, but I'm sure in time I can develop it and…"

"Hold on!" I interrupted him. "Rose, Carlisle, Aro? – Amun told me they were all killed when the Romanians won the battle."

My heart started beating out of my chest by the possibility of it all being a lie, and regardless of how hard I tried to stay neutral, hope was a hard thing to fight…

Edward smirked.

"Wait, he was lying?" I asked eagerly.

"No," Edward said casually. "That is what Benjamin told him."

My heart skipped. "So Ben was lying?"

He smirked again, but then shook his head no and confused the hell out of me.

"I don't understand. If Amun wasn't lying, and Ben wasn't lying, then…"

"We lied to Ben," Edward clarified.

"Wha…but…I still don't understand," I said baffled. "What happened?"

"Bella, you actually believed that bullshit he was telling you? I mean, yeah, he wasn't lying but I thought you would have had a little more faith in us."

"I do…But we were so outnumbered, and when I left the battlefield…"

"We were losing, I know…but just because you're down, doesn't mean you're out. What the hell do you think Jane and Alec were for? They're newborns, and they're still just discovering their powers so they didn't end things as quickly as we would have preferred, but they came through in the end. In fact, I'm guessing they came through exactly when Aro wanted them too. I'm sure he secretly wanted some of our numbers reduced before he ended the battle…I mean, I would have if I were him. Carlisle's coven is too strong; Aro doesn't want any more threats to his new power. Unfortunately for him, the Cullens are better fighters and all survived."

"They all survived?" I asked with a new wave of tears dripping over my face. "And my dad?"

"He's fine…Still healing from his broken ribs, but he should make a full recovery. Oh, and Aro decided to spare all the human witnesses too - not that he had much of a choice at that point."

"Thank god," I breathed. "I thought…They told me…."

He rushed back to hold me again. "They told you what I wanted them to tell you, but babe, I didn't think you'd believe them."

"But…But, how did you pull it off? Ben told Amun that the city was being forced into the mating colony system, that they hid you somewhere, that he had to convince you to trust him enough to come here with him, that everyone else was dead. How did you know he'd come early enough to set all that up?"

"When I first woke up after those vamps drained me, and I found out they took you, I was probably the angriest I had ever been. The battle was over, so Carlisle and everyone were there and it took every last one of them to convince me not to run after you right away. Logically, it made sense to wait, but I wasn't thinking in logics at that point. If there was a trail - anything that would give me the slightest hint as to where they took you, I would have followed immediately; hell, Emmett would have gone after you before I even woke up, but because they took the busses, we had no way of knowing which way they went."

"So you waited there and hoped for some kind of sign?" I asked confused, knowing Edward wasn't the type of person to leave things to hope.

"There's no way in hell I would have sat around without a real reason for it. I would have scoured the entire continent for you, then swam across the ocean and looked for you there. I would have never stopped…"

"So what happened to make you wait?" I asked curiously.

"Alice."

Oh. I was a moron.

"She saw Benjamin coming in a vision. She knew he'd bring me back to you, and she also saw the ship. Problem was that she only saw the harbor and had no way of knowing where it was located, otherwise I wouldn't have waited for Ben. She saw us arriving in a foreign land, but she couldn't exactly tell where either so I made the decision to try to find as many clues as possible before we get too far out. If we actually make their destination I'm not sure how long it'll take for them to come find us, so hopefully Alice will see where we are before that happens."

"But how will they come? Swim?"

He laughed – God, I loved that sound. "No, they have plenty of boats…And unlike this Columbus style artifact, they have gas to fuel their boats, courtesy of the Romanian's fallen empire. They shouldn't have a problem catching up, as long as Alice can see where we're at," he said while trying to look out the porthole again. "If I can see something…anything, I can plan to somehow break out of here and then jump overboard…after killing everyone of course, then Alice will see it and arrive before any of it even has a chance to happen…except for the killing part."

"But…what if there aren't any landmarks. What if we don't see anything but ocean until we get there?"

"Don't worry so much, love, there are hundreds of small islands sprinkled throughout the Atlantic. All we need to do is pass a few and Alice will be able to identify them from her vision. It'll work. I promise."

I bit my lower lip. "I hope so…Because the moment we land, I think Amun is going to separate us."

"How would he do that? There's not a single man on this ship that's stronger than me…not even ten men at a time. Amun is a fucking moron to ever let me get my strength back."

"He hopes I can convince you to stay with them. He thinks there's nothing left for us back there."

"You know, I still don't understand what he was planning to do with you; Benjamin wouldn't say. I know he wanted my blood to take with him and his family on some quest for a new home, so I suppose I could understand them taking you in the hopes of controlling me and forcing me to go with them, but why take you alone…especially if he thought I was dead?"

"It wasn't about me…He wants the baby. It's your baby, so your blood," I said with a shrug. "He didn't realize I got so sick from it. I think he just planned on keeping me around long enough to give birth, and then they were going to take it from me." Edward stared past me as he listened, but when he smiled at the end, I lost it. "Look, I get that you don't like this baby and you don't want it, but you don't have to be so damn happy about the idea of someone taking it away, and I'm sure as hell not giving it to them so don't even suggest it!"

I braced myself for some harsh rebuttal or an asshole remark, but my outburst actually made him dumbstruck. "Bella…I wasn't smiling from the thought of Amun taking the baby, I was smiling at the mental image I had of me ripping him apart piece by piece. It will happen. It's only a matter of time."

"So…you wouldn't want to give them the baby?" I mumbled.

"Are you nuts?"

"You wanted me to have an abortion. What's the difference?"

He sighed. "Look, I know I said a lot of shitty things to you, but…I'm never going to let anyone take it away from you."

"You're not?" I asked surprised. "Why? What's changed?"

"I've had a lot of time to think about it….Having you…gone, having someone steal you away from me like that…well, that's not a feeling I'd ever want you to experience. You love this baby, and it's inside of you, so it's yours. I'm going to do whatever necessary to keep it yours."

"But you're still not happy about it?" I assumed.

"No, I'm terrified," he admitted. "You already knew that, but if I'm being honest, I'm also a little jealous."

"Jealous? Of what?"

"Of how much you love this thing. I mean, I already have to share you with your dad and brother, and now I'll be forced to share with this baby too, and that's so much worse."

"Why is it worse?"

He huffed. "If someone or something made you choose, you'd pick the baby over all of us. So yeah, I'm jealous. You're all I care about, but it's not the same for you. I can't just take you away and keep you to myself, and quite frankly it pisses me off…But none of that matters anymore. I'm willing to share you with as many people as you need me to, because even having a small part of you is better than not having you at all."

I pressed my lips, and then I grabbed his hand and brought it to the small bulge on my abdomen, which I didn't even notice was there until that moment. "This isn't a small part of me…it's a big part of me…a big part of us. This is the monumental miracle that our love is capable of… I love this baby because of how much I love you. Why can't you understand that?"

I didn't expect an answer so I let him go, but I was absolutely stunned when he kept his hand on my stomach on his own free will. "It's bigger," he whispered.

I nodded. "And it's going to keep getting bigger…provided we don't die on this ship."

He began caressing my stomach ever so lightly. "I'm not going to let you die; I'm far too selfish for that. Besides, who will cook for me on the farm if you die?"

I giggled. "I'll have to come up with some new recipes. You want cows, right? I guess I could make stuff with milk."

"Oh, you think you love that baby? You haven't felt real love until you've had real homemade mozzarella. My mother used to make it in our kitchen…And that's when I knew."

"Knew what?"

"Knew I never wanted kids because I couldn't possibly love them more than mozzarella cheese."

I rolled my eyes, and then I smiled. "Remember how you told me you never enjoyed sex until I came around?"

"Yeah?" he asked warily.

"Well the same thing's going to happen with this baby. You're going to look back on your life and say you never liked kids until ours came along."

"You think I'm going to like this kid more than cheese?"

"Yes," I said doubtlessly. "You like me more than cheese, right?"

"Yeah but…"

"And you'd choose me over cheese…I mean, if you had to choose. You already chose me over your lust for blood, it's not much different."

"Wait, I'm confused, are you comparing your love for me to my love for cheese?" he asked with an adorable pout.

"No, I'm the cheese…Wait…. Oh, I don't know. How the hell did we start talking about cheese anyway?"

"I just merely pointed out that if you had my mother's mozzarella, you wouldn't love that baby so much."

I stared at him momentarily, and then scrunched my face. "What?" I spat with a mix of humor and irritation. "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. How did you manage to keep a straight face through saying that shit?"

He smirked, and then he broke and started laughing. "I don't know. I pulled that one out of my ass."

"I know you did."

Then he became serious again. "Bella…I can't promise you anything when it comes to me and this baby…but I love you, and you love it, so…I'm going to try."

"Really? You're really going to try to love it?" I asked excitedly with a clap, and I didn't even care that my voice reached that screechy high-pitched tone.

"Baby, I'd do just about anything to see you this happy."

"I've never been this happy. I went from feeling completely hopeless, to having you here, and then finding out my family is safe, and now you've agreed to love the baby. How could things get any happier?"

"Uh…hate to break it to you, but we're still locked in a fucking miserable little room on a ship heading in the opposite direction than everyone else that matters to you. I'd say there were a lot of ways things could get happier…like, when we get rescued."

"Stop trying to ruin this moment. You said you loved the baby."

He chuckled. "No, I said I'd try."

"The specific words don't matter. You're open to it, so that means it's going to happen. You're going to love the baby, and I'm going to love you, and we're all going to love each other, and we'll be a family, and everything will be perfect."

"Yeah, perfect," he said with much less enthusiasm than I had. "But it can't be perfect if we don't get out of here. I'm not confident in my impending affections, but I'll be damned if I let these heathens get anywhere close to our kid."

"Awww, our kid!" I squealed. If I wasn't so happy, I certainly would have been annoyed with myself, but I just couldn't hold it in.

"You're seriously pushing it," he warned me.

"Oh, you're such a softy at heart," I cooed while taking his face in my hands and peppering him with kisses.

He growled a subtle protest, but we both knew he was powerless against me, he always had been, so it didn't take long for him to break and wrap his arms around me tightly, and then he locked his lips to mine and kissed me with a level of passion that only he was capable of.

Escaping the ship and ultimately returning home to our family was still an uncertainty, but at that moment none of that mattered. I was on such a high that I couldn't fathom things going wrong, and I refused to even consider it a possibility. We would have our family, and our farm, and everything would be perfect. It just had to be…