List of oneshots part 2

chapter 53

What if Juliet met Janey?

Series: Lollipop Chainsaw and Zombie Tramp

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"Ahhhh!" screamed Nick holding onto the back of a large insect which spat acid all around the area while Juliet ran after them.

"Hang on Nick! Try to slow it down some more!"

"Easy for you to say!" he called back while the bug turned and spat acid at the cheerleader.

Running across the ground and up a tree the blonde cheerleader pushed off the tree, performing a backflip and slashing across the insect's head.

It let out aloud screech of pain while Nick fell off the back and Juliet rushed up before digging her weapon into its body and began cutting upwards, making its blood gush out.

"Die, asshole!" He called with a grin.

When Juliet pulled her chainsaw out the bug fell back and slowly stopped moving and with Juliet covered in the green blood. "Phew." She sighed happily, whipping the blood off her forehead as she sighed. "That was a big guy, glad his blood wasn't acid too."

"Juliet!" Nick called in worry as he ran towards her in worry.

"What?" She blinked in confusion.

"Are you okay?" He asked in concern.

"Of course, I just need a nice long hot shower. Care to join?" she winked.

"I... Sure." He blushed.

"Sweet! Let's get back to the hotel." Juliet grinned and dragged him away.

(Later)

Juliet was naked besides a towel wrapped around her chest which went to her mid thighs, humming as she brushed her hair and turned on the TV.

"And this just in, at a regular gas station in Kansas, several people were found dead inside. The culprit is unknown at this time, but investigators have said that whoever was responsible behind it was, in their own words, 'One sick son of a bitch'."

Juliet frowned, the destruction was more than a normal human should be able to do. Picking up a strawberry flavoured lollipop she put it between her plump lips and bit into it lightly, her eyes narrowing in annoyance. "Another undead douche." She snarled weakly.

That's when her cellphone went off..

"Hello?" She asked as she brought the phone to her ear, relaxing against her famous weapon.

"Juliet, it's me."

"Oh hey dad!" She cheered "What's up?" She asked happily.

"Did you see the news?" Her father asked.

"Yeah, I'm an hour away from the place." She nodded.

"Then you probably already figured out those murders were done by another zombie. See if you can get there before it gets away."

"Sure daddy." She smiled happily.

"Be careful." He warned gently.

"I will daddy, I'll head out before me an Nick come home."

"Of course, be safe baby girl." Her father said lovingly before he ended the call.

Juliet hurried and started getting her regular clothes on. She jotted down a note for Nick and headed out the door and down to the garage linked to the hotel before taking the van they used and drove down the road. She made sure her bag which held her trusty chainsaw was by her side as she drove off.

*Down the road*

We find a green skinned woman in skimpy lingerie walking down the side of a road. It was a purple bra and panty combo with her green skin seeming rotten in small parts around her, long green hair, and blank white eyes while lugging a handbag around her shoulder. When seeing, her some would think she was a mindless zombie... And they would be half right, she was a zombie.

'I swear that gas station was asshole center.' The admittedly SUPER sexy undead girl thought while scowling since like so many other places, once she stepped in she got hassled by perverted bastards, and one of them happened to be some dingo werewolf looking jerk who shredded her clothes, leaving her in her underwear. Not that she cared, she always seemed to be reduced to this much clothing anyway. And even then she enjoyed being near naked, and sometimes full on naked.

"Now I gotta find a new ride. Five bucks says it's some perverted douchebag acting almighty in a damn soccer van. She snapped, already planning on ripping said assholes dick off... When she saw a purple van driving towards her, a blue mist surrounding the woman.

"Fucking nailed it." she muttered before her skin became regular colored like she was a live and her eyes gained pupils. Soon the van came to a stop, the woman looking in to see Juliet. 'Oh crap, some ditzy cheerleader.' She thought in annoyance.

"Hey, you okay?" Juliet asked seeing her attire. "What happened to your clothes?"

"Had to get rid of them, way to hot." She lied. "Plus they were ruined from the last asshole to have me a ride, expected a 'favor' from me."

"Damn, I know how you feel. Wanna ride? I'm just heading down the road myself." Juliet encouraged.

"Sure, thanks." she smiled getting in while Juliet resumed driving. 'Another dumb blond, this might actually make me sick. Any second she'll start talking about kittens or her jock boyfriend who treats her nice.'

"Are you okay after what that asshole did?" Juliet asked. "Wish I was there, would have kicked his dick out of his mouth."

"Wow, never thought I'd hear a cheerleader say that." The zombie girl blinked.

"Hey, I may be bubbly and worried about my figure but I am more than happy to kick the crap out of any creepo who tries to cop a feel." Juliet shrugged as she pulled out a grape lollipop and popped it into her mouth. "I'm Juliet." She smiled.

"Name's Janey." she greeted. "You know you're actually different than what I expected?"

"What? You thought I was gonna sound like some valley girl who goes on and on about makeup or shoes?"

"... Possibly yes."

She rolled her eyes. "Trust me, I love cute outfits and shoes, but I'm not gonna start sounding annoying and acting like a bimbo. Now if me and Nick do some roleplaying and he's into that, that's an exception."

"Nick? He your boyfriend?" Janey rolled her eyes.

"Well yeah, real nice too, I had to leave him alone for a little bit cause I'm on a big job right now."

"Job?" She frowned a bit.

"Yeah, you could say me and my folks are in the family business for pest control. Except these pests are WAY worse than rats or roaches."

"And you, a cheerleader, is going to deal with this?" Janey asked with a raised eyebrow, noting a bag near Juliet but didn't say anything.

"Trust me, I've been trained by my dad for this kinda stuff since I could walk."

"Really?" She rolled her eyes. 'Maybe I should just eat her and get it over with.' Janey thought in irritation... When she caught sight of the chainsaw blade poking out of Juliet's bag. 'What the hell? Who needs a chainsaw for pest control? Unless she's talking about human sized ones. We're looking at either Michael Myers little girl or...' Her eyes widened, realising that Juliet was a zombie Hunter in a cheerleader outfit!

"So are you heading anywhere in particular? Or just wandering the country?" Juliet asked kindly.

"You could say that." she remarked while her right hand glowed blue while out of Juliet's sight.

But even if she didn't see anything, Juliet was experienced enough to know something was up

'There's no way some girl would act like this with just her bra and panties on unless she was some exibitionist, and considering she didn't seem turned on, she's fine walking around like that. And those eyes, they don't seem right.' She thought. 'And something just feels... Off about her. Like she isn't... 'Ripe'.'

"Hey Juliet, tell me, what's your favorite movie?"

"Huh?" Juliet blinked. "Well, I can't think of one off the top of my head."

"Because mine would have to be," she grinned with sharp teeth as her skin became green and rotten with her hand raised up as she lunged at her. "DAY OF THE DEAD!"

"Crap!" Juliet yelled, driving the van off the road as she kicked Janey back. The van shook from the move while Juliet swung her legs up off the pedal and kicked the zombie tramp, causing her to go flying out the door.

"Crap. Fuck. Dick. Ow." Trisha mumbled as she bounced over the ground before coming to a stop. "Fucking cheerleader, always with those stupid legs of theirs."

"Hey, Nick thinks my legs are sexy!" Juliet huffed as she got out of the van, her chainsaw in her hands. "I knew something was off, unless you're some horny exibitionist no girl would go around in that kind of underwear without being a little embarrassed."

"I was a hooker before I died, I don't care how I'm dressed." Janey shrugged as she stood up, her eyes glowing. "But now that the cat's out of the bag, I'm gonna turn you into worm food, and trust me, it's not all bad."

"No thanks, Nick's the only one who can eat me out." Juliet joked while revving her chainsaw before running at her.

The Zombie Tramp frowned and dodged, ducking and twisting out of the way. "Watch it there blondie! You could cut your own head off!"

"Please, I've been practising since I was a kid! This is like breathing for me!" she spoke before jumping up and swung the chainsaw downward towards her.

"Weird ass family!" The zombie woman yelled before jumping to the left just as the blade cut her arm off. "FUCK!"

"Gotcha!" Juliet grinned, kicking her in the gut as she rolled back and walked over. "Let me give you a HAND."

"Oh not THAT old joke!" She frowned back before rolling out of the way of the chainsaw. "What's next? Some shitty old ice pun?"

"What am I, fifty?" Juliet scoffed, dodging as Janey tried striking at her with her last hand glowing blue. "I didn't know I'd be fighting another rotten corpse like those purveyors, you related to them somehow?"

"Who the fuck are they?" She frowned.

"You know, music themed zombies?" she responded while tripping Janey up and elbowing her in the face.

"That sounds fucking stupid." The undead woman rolled her eyes, dodging. "Okay, enough of this bull!" She growled as her eyes glowed. She started speaking in some ancient language while Juliet just noticed they somehow ended up in the middle of an old cemetery.

"How did we get here?" The blonde wondered in confusion when, suddenly, zombies emerged from the graves.

They rose up while looking dusty and broken, but still in peace as they rose up with Janey grinning.

"... Fuck." Juliet groaned.

"Rip her to shreds boys." The undead former hooker said, clicking her hand with a mad smirk.

They let out groans and ran at Juliet.

"FUCKING CUNT!" Juliet yelled in anger as she charged, slashing at the zombies.

"That's what they call me!" she laughed before two arms rose up and grabbed Juliet by the ankle. "And I'm gonna call you lunch!"

Juliet growled and slammed her chainsaw down, cutting the arms off. That's when she saw Janey lung at her and tackle her, causing them to roll before stopping as Janey was on top and spoke more of the language before arms rose up and began holding Juliet's arms and legs. "Hey! Hands off you perverts!"

"Relax, you won't feel a thing." smirked Janey with her hand up. "Other than the excruciating headache."

"Sorry, I don't feel like being near these rape-hands." Juliet frowned, headbutting the Zombie Tramp in the face and breaking her nose.

"Gah! Blond bitch." she held her nose before Juliet managed to cut some of the hands off and swung the chainsaw up, nearly taking her head off.

The two panted, glaring at each other as they both readied themselves.

'Wait, I got an idea.' smirked Janey before holding her arms up. "I give."

"... What the fuck?" She blinked. 'What the hell is she doing?' Juliet frowned, holding her chainsaw at the ready. "What do you mean you give up?"

"I give up blondie."

"... Why?"

"Hey, all I got is one hand and you got a freakin chainsaw, what else am I supposed to do? Just cut my head off if you want."

"... You're up to something." Juliet frowned keeping her distance. "Your attitude isn't where you'd just roll over like a scared chicken."

'Fuck! If she cut off my head I could take over her body!' she thought with a scowl before lunging at her. 'Looks like I'll have to make her!'

Juliet's eyes widened as she dropped her weapon and backflipped away.

"Come on you cheerleading slut! Do you wanna live?" taunted Janey while running after her. "Or do you wanna be brain food!"

"Oh will you just piss off you undead, rotting cunt!" Juliet snapped, giving Janey a strong kick to the jaw.

She fell down and growled while popping her jaw back into place. "I've been called worst barbie!"

"Yeah, well you look like a fucking $1 whore in that get up! Ready to fuck any guy who asked!" Juliet snapped.

Janey's scowl deepened before crying out in another chant before the zombies around them let out groans and dust started to swirl around them with all of them moving closer together into one pile.

"Oh what now?" Juliet frowned before seeing the mass of dirt, sand, and dead bodies form into a worm shape before it growled and lunged at her. "This is going to be a long night." Juliet growled as she charged.

*Time skip*

The morning sun rose over the hills, Juliet and Janey glaring at each other weakly as they stood across from each other. They were both covered in scratches and wounds, Janey having her cloths completely ripped into nothingness leaving her naked while Juliet's cloths held together enough to shield her decency.

The two were clearly exhausted, both women at their limit, but they refused to give up.

With one last yell they both charged to attack... Only for them both to fall to the floor, faces first, inches from each other with the two unable to find the strength to move.

"I...hate you...bitch." The two said at the same time, glaring at each other but there was a spark of respect in their eyes.

'How the hell can some ditzy cheerleader with electric hedge clippers push me this far?' Janey thought.

'How is some undead hussy with a half rotten body and breasts almost as large as her head so strong?' Juliet thought at the same time.

"Five minute break?" offered Janey.

"That depends, got anymore of your grabby friends around?"

"You've killed all the small ones. And the medium ones. And the big ones. Gonna need a lot of energy to summon a big as fuck one. So no, it's just me."

"Fine." she relented pushing herself up as the two of them sat down looking at the other with frowns. "You sure you're not some servant to those bastards? No other zombie I've met could do any of the stuff you just did."

"No, I'm just a top bitch of a zombie." Janey smirked. "I got to keep my soul. And I got a magic book I am reading from, gives me a lot of kickass abilities."

"Book?" she looked confused. "Where?"

"There." Janey pointed at her bag which fell during the fight. "Got it off a snot nosed brat who wanted to trade my soul in for her dad so they could live happily ever after or some shit like that."

"... Damn." Juliet blinked.

"What about you?"

"Huh?" Juliet blinked.

"How the hell did a cheerleader end up like some zombie slayer video game character?"

"Oh... Well my whole family are zombie hunters." Juliet shrugged "It's like a legacy thing or whatever. My daddy and big sis Cordelia where so badass at it when I was a kid, and they still are, and I wanted to be like them. So I practiced like hell and joined in."

"So what do they use? A club? Shotgun? Or a fucking giant machine gun?"

"Daddy uses his bare hands and Cordelia uses a few different guns, but she prefers a sniper rifle." she replied with a smile. "My little sister Rosalind hasn't got her own weapon yet, but it might be a car, she's been working on getting her license and is improving on driving, last week she just hit four mailboxes with the car, that's a new record."

"... A car as a weapon?" She blinked.

"Yeah, she said she got the idea from watching Mad Max."

"... She sounds more insane than me." remarked the tramp. "And trust me, that's saying A LOT."

"Yeah, but I love them." Juliet smiled.

"You got lucky." remarked Janey looking away. "I ain't got nobody like that."

"Really? Never?" Juliet asked sadly.

"Nope, I grew up in a shitty trailer park which wasn't so bad, I mean I did have a great gal pal." she smiled. "She was the kind of girl who wanted to be happy and figured other people should, but then..."

"She die?" Juliet guessed.

Janey scowled. "Worse. We were both drugged at our prom and raped by the jocks there. And if that wasn't the shittiest thing ever, she killed herself because of a bitch who thought it was funny!"

"Damn." Juliet sighed. "Some people are just so selfish."

"Oh believe me, it pissed me off." she scowled. "After I was done with school I ended up a hooker. Did any gross or sick thing to perverts just to pay rent and stay alive."

"I do not want to picture that." The blonde flinched.

"But that's when my life changed. I got help from a great woman, or guy if you wanna be technical, called Madame George."

"Sex change I'm guessing." she nodded.

"So ever since then I became one of the best call girls around. Celebrities, political dudes, it goes on to where I've been in the biggest spots while on some guy's arm."

"Wow, must have been nice." Juliet nodded lightly.

"It was, until some fuckard tried to feed me to his zombie son. Yes I got bitten and turned into one, but if it wasn't for a woman I owe my new life to, I'd be groaning and wanting brains like one of those boring assholes you see literally everywhere."

"What was her name?"

"Her name was Xula." Jaune smiled sadly. "She's helped me stay who I am and even said she's my new mom. I don't know why I'm allowed to keep walking around, but I've dealt with all sorts of fuckheads. Werewolves, elvis zombie bastard, and even some redneck douchebags with a horned demon at some spa."

"Damn you've been through some weird ass shit." she sighed.

"Well since we're telling our life stories you can tell me more about that weird ass music zombie stuff."

"Oh, right." Juliet nodded with a smile before she then told the take of the Dark Purveyors. Of Swan and the death of her sensei. Of how Nick was pulled into her life as a zombie Hunter and how her school was beyond trashed. And all on her birthday to

"Wow, that makes my life seem tamed."

"No way, I think your life is more fucked." Juliet smiled.

"You kidding? You got a home to go to, I gotta wander around while doing whatever I want. Trust me, it's cool, but when you can't eat food and have to sleep in the ground to get your energy back, it tends to wear thin."

"True." She shrugged while seeing Janey look at the ground.

"So I guess you're gonna get ready to chop my head off?"

"... No, how about we call this a tie?" She smiled. "And what say we have a little deal?"

"A deal?"

"Yeah, I stop going after you and say you got killed, but in return, no more killing innocent people."

"... But what about douchebags?" Janey asked.

"Well what kind we talking about?"

"You know... Assholes?"

"Well I KNOW that, but I mean how much of an asshole we talking? Forcing you to do something kind? Pervert and pig kind? Or the big macho kind who think they're all that?"

"... All of them?"

"Breaking bones is cool with me, just try not to leave bodies around or my dad is gonna find out and trust me, he won't be so easy going as me."

"Fine." She grumbled. 'Miss girl scout.'

The two slowly stood up, clearly still tired.

"Well I better get back to the hotel, Nick's probably worried about me. You gonna be fine walking around naked like that? I might have some extra underwear you can use."

"I wouldn't mind them." she smiled and shrugged.

The two dragged themselves while Juliet rifled through one of her chests and held a blue bra and panties out.

"Here you go, hope they fit." Juliet smiled.

Janey took them and started putting them on while noting they were smaller than what she's use to. "They'll do for a while." she huffed gently.

"Well good look on traveling the country." Juliet smiled before her eyes widened.

Janey grabbed Juliet by the shoulders and pulled the blonde into a kiss.

'What the!?' Juliet thought in shock, the sun shining over the two beautiful women as Janey held Juliet close and kissed her 'She's...kissing me?'

Janey slowly broke the kiss, smirking and laughing gently. "Oh man, the look on your face is priceless!" The Zombie Tramp grinned while Juliet shook her head. "Now you can sing 'I kissed a girl and I liked it' ahahaha!"

"Who said I liked it?" Juliet countered as her brain caught up with her. "And wow you are older to reference that song." She quipped.

She frowned while Juliet snickered and flipped her off. "I heard it on the radio, besides, consider that a thanks for the clothes and not chopping me up, but if you did I could have just taken over your body."

"That explains your whole 'I give up' thing." Juliet realised.

"Yup, would have gotten a top and miniskirt." smirked Janey. "Guess we know who won this round."

"I thought we just agreed it was a tie, dyke." Juliet frowned and playfully insulted.

"...what? Speak english chica." remarked Janey back with a smirk.

"It means lesbian." Juliet rolled her eyes "You were the one to liplock with me."

"Hey, like I said, I had to work with all sorts of perverted stuff, a few guys wanted to see me get it on with a girl or two. Besides, not my fault you got looks and a tight ass, at least I'm not some guy trying to get you in the sack."

"Please, I am SURE you'd want to get your hands in this bod." Juliet teased before she laughed, finding it fun to just have this sort of joke with a girl.

"Unless you suddenly wanna bone a zombie, go ahead." she joked before putting her bag around her shoulder. "Anyways, I'll try to tone it down, but that's like asking a smoker to stop using those cancer sticks."

"Just try and hold back on it." Juliet smiled and nodded. before turning around and jumped when she felt Janey smack it and turned to see said zombie smirk before she started walking down the road.

"Later you sexy blonde cheerleader bimbo!" Janey called back, waving. "If I ever meet you again I'm gonna show you and your boy toy heaven!"

"... Okay." Juliet blinked and laughed lightly .