I have no excuse as to why it took me so long to post this. A lot of you probably just don't care anymore, and that's okay haha; I understand. But for the few of you who occasionally miss this story like I do, here you go:
Convalescence Outtakes
Thirteen mini-segments for your enjoyment! Some are silly, some are sad. There are warnings above the sad ones, so if you're not in the mood for depressing, just skip them. Many of them have to do with having a baby. They are placed in roughly chronological order. My personal favorite is the last one :)
Immature
"Those carriers are pretty heavy," Kate comments off-handedly.
"Yeah, they—how would you know? Did you used to babysit as a teenager or something?"
"Nah. Took a class called Developmental Psychology of Children in high school. They made us carry around with us these plastic babies that cried and everything. Sort of a warning to discourage teenage pregnancy."
Castle snorts. "Did you like the class?"
Kate laughs. "No, after two days of waking up at all hours of the night and lugging it around everywhere I figured out how to take the batteries out." She grins evilly. "That shut it up."
Castle's eyes are bugging out of his head. "Promise you'll be more patient with our baby."
"Of course, Castle. It'll be ours. I was a lot younger back then, and a lot more immature."
"I can't imagine you as immature."
"You have no idea."
Alternate Snippet for Ch39 - Drawing on Her
"Anyways," Kate says, cutting it off before the friendly argument can escalate, "I want to make sure I'll be able to pass when I take them and do my job after that. So I want one of you to practice drawing on me."
Their slightly intoxicated states do nothing to stop the silent stares she gets at that.
"You mean, like, with crayons, right?" Ryan asks. "Like, if you can face a room full of kindergarteners armed with coloring utensils you can pass your psych eval?"
Lanie's Advice
"You made her take her meds, forced her not to overdo it, and none of us know how the hell you got her to see a freaking psychologist..." Lanie shakes her head in what he thinks is admiration. "Castle, getting that girl to share her feelings is like pulling teeth, even for me. You need to yank a little bit harder. Try it tonight—ask her about something personal. Watch for the signs that you're overdoing it, but I don't think you will. She trusts you enough to answer pretty much anything if you give her enough time. And if not, I've learned that you can learn just as much when she says nothing at all."
Alternate Ending for Ch45 - Signed Your Chest (Sadness Warning)
Castle sits bolt upright in bed. "I've signed your chest?"
Kate twirls a piece of hair over her mouth, eyes dancing mischievously. "Yeah."
"There has got to be a story behind that." He's up, alert. She hasn't seen him this excited in ages. Even so, she hesitates, good mood evaporating away again.
"Well, it was about a year after my mom died." She frowns, pursing her lips slightly.
"Oh, Kate, you don't have to tell me if..."
She ignores him and continues. "I was still really upset about it, so my friend Carmen suggested we do something fun. Her dad was in the publishing business and he got us tickets to the book release party for Gathering Storm. We got all dressed up, and it was...really fun." She smiles, though the pain in her heart is deepening.
"Then why do I feel like this story doesn't have a happy ending?"
She takes a deep breath. "It was fun. You were great; it was a great party. But when I got home..." She chokes on her own words, wiping her eyes with the back of her hands. "It was the first time I'd seen my father passed out drunk at the kitchen table. He'd had a bit of an overuse before that, but he said he was going to take care of it, and..." Castle's placed his hand comfortingly on her arm, but it doesn't make much of a difference. For a moment she had feared she wouldn't be able to instill as much meaning as that event had to her into her narrative, but now it's clear he appreciates exactly how hard this was for her to see. "That was the first promise he ever broke to me."
Biological Tick, Tick, Tick
"It's just...Castle, I'm thirty-two. I'm getting close to that point where from a health standpoint, it's scary. And I never wanted just one. I worry that I might be too old by the time for the second one, that there might be complications."
"Kate, you'll never be old to me."
"I'm serious, Castle. I—"
"What are you saying, Kate? That we won't love our child if he or she isn't perfect?"
"No, no, of course not," Kate frowns. "We'll love him or her, we both will, I know that. I'm just...worried, you know?"
Castle takes her hand in his and wipes a tear from her cheek with his other thumb. "Nothing is going to go wrong with our baby, okay? We've gone through too much for that to happen. This is our happily ever after, remember?" He tilts her chin up to look at him. "Remember?" She swallows and nods. Castle gives her a reassuring smile. "So, tell me, why two? I'm happy to have them—we're going to make such a cute family!—but I'm curious why."
Kate doesn't even pause before answering. "I grew up as an only child. My parents were great, but a lot of times it was a little lonely."
"Alexis was too, and she was never lonely. I'll be around, and so will you!"
"Forgive me, Castle, but you're not as young as you were back then, and I have a full-time, erratic-hours job, and Alexis is an adult now. I want to be sure our children have somebody to play with."
"What if they don't get along?"
Kate shrugs her shoulders slightly. "They'll learn to get along. You don't alienate your one and only playmate."
"I don't think kids are quite that rational."
Kate sighs. "Our kids will be. They're ours."
"Can't argue with that logic," Castle says, leaning in.
"Mmm," Kate smiles into the kiss, only to break away a few seconds later. "Although I suppose they're bound to be energetic little troublemakers. Between my wild child days and your personality—"
"Hey!"
"—we're in for some tough times ahead."
"Alexis turned out to be very sensible and sweet."
"Fluke."
Castle thinks about it a minute. "Agreed."
Congratulations
"Congratulations, Detective Beckett," her cheery nurse says.
"On what?" Kate laughs. "Not getting a severe concussion?"
The nurse reddens in the face, stopping by Kate's bedside. "Oh, you...you didn't know?" Kate's totally confused now. Surprises in the hospital generally don't lead to good things—those headaches you've been having, Mr. Payton? I'm sorry to say you have a tumor—but the nurse had said congratulations. "Detective, according to your test results, you're pregnant."
A Baby
"How did that even happen? What are the chances, two pregnancies that should have been totally prevented."
"You must have very determined little..."
"Yeah." Castle smiles again like he still can't believe it. "A baby, Kate. This is amazing!"
Pre-Nup
Castle is the one that finally breaks. "Let's just sign it," he sighs. "It's not worth arguing with our families over, right?"
"I suppose not," Kate says, disgruntled. He signs on the dotted line and then hand it to her. She does the same, hating every loop of the pen. Castle pushes the prenup aside. "Here, I have another idea." He takes a blank sheet of paper and writes a long line of something on it, obscuring the words from her view until he's done.
We, Richard Castle and Katherine Beckett, hereby nullify our prenuptial agreement and all it contains.
They glance at each other furtively, mischievously. They grin. Castle scribbles his well-practiced signature on the anti-prenup and then hands it to Kate.
"Will this even hold up in court?" she asks in a low voice as she inks in her name.
"How should I know? Your parents were the lawyers," Castle whispers back. "Besides, weren't you pre-law? You tell me."
"I studied criminal law, not marital, and only for a year," Kate rolls her eyes. "Why are we whispering?"
"I don't know," Castle whispers back. A moment more and they both burst out laughing.
"I didn't know signing a prenup could be so much fun," Kate chortles.
Ten Fingers and Ten Toes
Her heart is pounding in her chest and her body aches all over, but all of that fades away as she gazes for the first time at the little pink bundle the nurse places in her arms. Tears sting her eyes as she takes in the tiny, scrunched face, the dime-sized nose, the itty-bitty tongue.
"Ten fingers and ten toes," Castle winks, whispering in her ear. "I guess we're good."
They are good. No matter how much she and Castle don't work on paper, the fact that they can create a being so perfect just fills her with a sense of joy. They have a daughter.
Watershed - A Talk with Agent Shaw
"Thanks for meeting me, Jordan," Kate says, slipping into her seat in the coffee shop. "I know your job keeps you busy, and…"
"It's no trouble at all," Jordan assures her. "What's on your mind?"
"I've been offered a position in the Attorney General's office," Kate tells her. "And now that I have Sienna...I'm not sure I should take the job."
"For starters, congratulations," Jordan says. "He must have been very impressed to offer you the job, their division's very small."
"Thanks."
"As far as Sienna goes...how old is she now?"
"Just a year. And the job's in D.C.; I'd be uprooting my entire family. Castle claims he can write from anywhere, but Alexis just moved back to New York..."
"It's an amazing opportunity," Jordan tells her. "If it's what you really want to do, then you should jump on it. A chance like this doesn't come often. But you have to decide if what you're giving up would be worth the work you'd be doing."
"That's what I wanted to talk to you about. What I'd be giving up."
Jordan sighs. "It's like I said on that first case we worked together. You miss a few birthdays and you make a lot of phone calls. Kids grow up fast. It's very likely that when you come home they'll look different from when you left, and you have to live with not being there for everything. Pictures and Skype can only do so much."
"But is it worth it?"
Jordan laughs. "Only you can answer that. But Kate...you kind of sound like you've made up your mind already."
Kate blinks. "What do you mean?"
"Well, you're only listing the bad of it. You haven't once mentioned why you would want to take the job in the first place, or how much you want it."
"I do want it," Kate says. "It's an amazing opportunity. And I guess I just want to...do more."
"You do plenty as a homicide detective," Jordan replies. "Solving murders, even just for the closure of one person? You know better than most how important that is. Just because this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity doesn't mean you should take it, not if it's not what you want. Because a career as a federal agent, Kate...it's more than just a job, it's a lifestyle. And it will demand to be treated as such."
Jim's Death (Sad, obviously)
"I'm sorry, Katie," he whispers. She leans in closer to hear him. "I'm so...sorry."
"Daddy, for what?" her voice breaks, and tears wet her cheeks.
"This...is all my fault. If I hadn't drunk..."
"No. It's not your fault," Kate says fiercely. "We're not assigning blame here. And if we were..."
"Don't say yourself," Jim commands harshly. It costs him and he begins to cough.
"I wasn't going to. If anyone's to blame, it's William Bracken."
He sighs. "And you destroyed his organization. I told you then I was proud of you, but I'm not sure I ever did thank you. So thank you, Katie, for discovering the truth. For giving me closure, after all these years."
"Closure for all of us," she corrects gently.
"Tell me a story, Katie," her father says. His breathing is ragged. It won't be long now, and knowing that puts a choking feeling in her throat and a clench in her chest. She racks her brain for a story, one that would put him at peace. And perhaps her as well, rid herself of the last ounce of guilt she feels towards her father.
"Do you remember, you asked me about that phone call I made to you? I told you I loved you in it, and when you asked what spurred that moment I said I just felt like it. That wasn't entirely true." Jim closes his eyes, giving the smallest of nods. "I was...standing on a bomb. I was pregnant with Sienna, and there was a timer on it. We were down to the last few minutes, and I told Castle to leave. He'd promised earlier that when the time came he'd do anything I asked of him, and that was it. I told him I loved him, and I told him to leave. I'd already made my peace with it, but that didn't include Alexis losing her father or Martha her son. He exited the building, and I called you. I left that message. I tried to think of the good times, as I was standing there, and not wonder what it would be like to die this way. And all of a sudden, he was back. He'd gone to the café down the street and bought coffee, for when I was off that thing. I was distraught; I didn't want him to die. He said without me, he wouldn't be living, anyways. And that he didn't come back to stand with me when the explosion went off, or to have one last kiss. He came to defuse the bomb, and in the last twelve seconds, he did, after everyone else had given up hope." She pauses. "He'll always be there for me, Dad, no matter what happens." The story leaves a slight smile on Jim Beckett's face, and she feels his fingers give her hand a slight squeeze. He heard. He knows.
And then, he dies.
Mom, she thinks. He's coming to you.
~o~
She's been quiet for days now, distant ever since they came home from the hospital. Castle doesn't know what to say, what to do, that he hasn't already done. Logically, he knows there's really nothing he can do to ease her pain, but it doesn't stop him from hating every second seeing her like this. She floats around the loft listlessly, making dinner and doing housework like normal but other times just sitting there, staring off into nothing. There's space between them in bed at night, an impenetrable barrier that he can't seem to cross. She won't let him console her, touch her, won't let him in. She's cold, distant, like winter itself has crept into her bones and frozen her from him. Though he's loathe to admit it, sometimes he just hides in his office to not have to face her dulled eyes and mechanical movements. Like right now. He wants to be there for her. But he doesn't know how.
"Castle!"
He's up in a second at the sound of his name said in her broken shout, sending the papers on his desk in a flurry to the floor. He barrels out of the room towards the sound of her voice, but the bookshelves have distorted it so much that he can't tell which room it came from. He screeches to a stop at the bottom of the stairs and changes his mind, streaking toward the bedroom.
A good amount of his panic dissipates when he sees Sienna playing with her blocks on the floor next to their bed, unhurt but slightly bewildered. Kate is standing a few feet away next to the nightstand, white and stricken like she's seen a ghost. She breaks into tears and sinks to the ground, letting out a strangled whisper this time. "Castle..." Her husband is by her side in an instant, lifting her gently from the floor and setting her on the bed. Her shoulders quake and she clings to him, letting loose with him for the first time since they got home from the hospital. Over her shoulder Castle looks around desperately for what set her off, eyes falling on Sienna's block structure—a lopsided Eiffel Tower, just like Jim had been trying to teach her to build since his granddaughter could get her tiny hands around the blocks. He silently mouths his thanks to the toddler. Breaking down is the first step. Now, now he can help her. Now he's sure that everything will turn out all right.
Alternate Snippet for Chapter 50 - Epilogue (Sadness Warning)
"She was never the same after he passed," Sienna says.
"Well, they're together now," Dylan reminds her, glancing up at the sky.
"Probably causing a ruckus," a grin breaks through.
"Nah, he's the one causing a ruckus. She's the one keeping him in check up there. They're glad to have her," Dylan laughs.
"I hope someday I'm as peaceful as Dad when the time comes," Sienna confesses. "I never told her but the story Mom told about the night before he died helped me accept his passing a lot easier."
"Tell me," Dylan requests. "I want to hear it again."
"Well, they were going to bed one night and he took her hands, looked her straight in the eyes, and said, 'I'm not going to be here tomorrow.' And she looked at him and she knew that he knew he was going to die. And then they kissed and went to sleep, and there was a little smile on his face because he didn't have any regrets at all." Sienna clears her throat.
Baby Names (not chronological, but the one I most regret not making it into Convalescence)
"We don't even know the gender yet," Kate laughs.
"Still," Castle begs. "Please? It's the best part."
"Ahem, Castle, getting a son or daughter should be the best part..."
He scowls at her. "Knowing you and me, we might need all nine of these months to decide."
She sighs, trying but failing to conceal her own excited grin. "Okay, fine. You make a list, I'll make a list to start." He scrambles for paper while she pulls out her phone to time it. "One minute. Go."
When they're both done, Castle waggles his eyebrows at her. "You first."
"Okay." She looks down at her paper. "For a girl, I've got Angela or Margaret. For a boy—"
"Wait a second," he interrupts, staring at her suspiciously. "Aren't Angela and Margaret the two main characters on Temptation Lane?"
"No," Kate responds a little too quickly. "It's Angela and Marguerite."
Castle makes a loud 'wrong answer' noise in the back of his throat. "I am not naming our kid after someone in that awful show."
"It is not awful. For a boy, James or Ethan," Kate says quickly, deflecting any more jabs at her beloved TV show. "What do you have?"
Castle lifts his paper into the air, holding it loftily like he's about to make some big announcement. "For a girl: Nikki. Or Scarlett, especially if she gets those red hair genes. For a boy..."
"If you say Derrick…" Kate warns, shaking her head at him.
Castle's mouth abruptly closes and he consults the list again. "How about Fabian?"
"That's the name I gave my stuffed pony when I was five."
"So?"
"So I'm not going to get my child confused with a stuffed animal, Castle!"
He pouts. "Fine. Dorian. Cosmo. Malcolm—Mal for short. Or Steve."
Kate raises one eyebrow. "Steve? Isn't that a bit ordinary for you?"
"So glad you asked," Castle grins, and Kate immediately grows suspicious. "When Alexis was born I put her name down as 'Alexis Castle,' but I decided that when she was fifteen years old she could choose to have Castle or Rodgers as her last name...Steve could choose to be Captain America!" She just looks at him. "Steve Rogers, get it?"
"With an extra 'd,' Mr. Spelling-And-Grammar Nazi."
"So that's a no."
"That's a no," she confirms.
"See, I told you it would take us all of nine months."
Thanks for reading :) This story—and all of you who were with me through the journey—still holds a very special place in my heart.
