HOLD ME NOW

Disclaimer: The characters in CSI: New York do not belong to me. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.

Summary: The cliché was true, sometimes you didn't know what you had until it was gone. The question was: could you ever get it back again once you'd lost it? Lindsay Monroe was about to find out the answer.

Notes: Hi! Sorry for the really long wait. I hit a major block with this story and ending up having to write another one to shake it. And then, after all that, real life intervened as well! :-(

Anyway, at long last here is a new update so please read on and enjoy...

OOOOOO

Part 49 – Loose Ends

The next morning, Danny arrived at court for his scheduled appearance as an expert witness in what he thought was just the nick of time. What with Lucy prevaricating over what she wanted to wear to pre-school that day – hindsight told him he should have just picked an outfit out for her himself - his day had gotten off to a frustrating start and was threatening to continue in that vein for some time to come.

"Oh Danny, there you are," District Attorney Sarah Evans said as he approached at a somewhere between a walk and a run. "I was just telling Rachel that we got bumped from the schedule at the last minute. Court won't be in session for at least another hour yet. I've got to stay here and make a few phone calls, but I suggest the two of you go out and grab a cup of coffee or something. It's going to be a bit of a wait, I'm afraid."

Danny shot a questioning look at his ex as Sarah walked away. "You up for that or would you rather just hang around here?" he said, offering her a get-out clause should she need one.

They hadn't seen each other much in the weeks since his and Lindsay's re-engagement. Whether that was merely a co-incidence or because she'd been deliberately avoiding working cases with him, he wasn't entirely sure. Whatever the reason, he figured they probably ought to clear the air because they still had to work together in spite of the way their relationship had ended.

Somewhat to his surprise, Rachel chose to accompany him rather than stick around at the courthouse to wait. "I never offered you my congratulations, did I?" she said as they sat down in the window of a café across the street from the courthouse around fifteen minutes later.

Danny shook his head. "No," he confirmed, "But then I didn't honestly expect you to."

"I'm okay with it, I swear," Rachel promised him. "Time heals as they say – plus my twenty year old toy-boy sweetens the pot a little too," she added with a grin.

Danny laughed. "Twenty? Seriously?"

Rachel shook her head. "Nah, he's twenty-five, but I still feel like I'm robbing the cradle sometimes."

"Six years is not that much of an age-gap," Danny assured her and then smiled. "I'm glad to hear you're moving on."

"Eases your guilty conscience a little, huh?" she remarked lightly.

He sighed. "Rachel look, I know the situation wasn't the best, but I refuse to beat myself up about it. Guilt has gotten me into a whole lotta trouble in the past - especially where my relationship with Lindsay is concerned - and I'm not going to let it derail things now. I'm sorry if that seems a little harsh from your point of view, but there's just too much at stake from mine."

Rachel was silent for a long moment after this pronouncement. "You've changed," she eventually told him.

Danny's angular features took on a quizzical look. "I have?" he enquired.

"Yeah – you seem more… determined, I guess. It's like you finally know your place in the world..."

"… Whereas before I was searching for somewhere to fit in?" Danny finished for her. "I suppose you're right," he acknowledged. "Me an' Lindsay made a complete mess of something that in essentials was never anything but good. To have this second shot at it … well, we know how lucky we are and we're determined to make the most of it."

"Despite how bad things got between the two of you, you never wanted it to end, did you?" Rachel said in resigned tone. "I suppose I always knew that deep down, I just chose to ignore it because it was easier that way."

Danny nodded. "When my relationship with Lindsay fell apart, it was unbearably hard for me, but after a while I was determined to move on because there didn't seem to be any hope of reconciliation and I felt as if I was slowly dying inside. Being with you helped me to come back from that dark place I was in and I'm grateful for that, but Lindsay, she's just…"

He broke off and shook his head, unable to properly articulate just how much his wife meant to him. "I'm sorry I hurt you. It was never my intention."

"I know that and I am over it, I promise you," Rachel said.

"Are you?" Danny enquired with a degree of scepticism in his tone, "Because if Ellen's attitude is anything to go by, you'd be forgiven for thinking completely the opposite."

Rachel frowned in confusion. "Why?" she asked.

He filled her in about Ellen's negative reaction to his and Lindsay's engagement and her expression grew grave with concern. "Damn! I thought I'd gotten through to her," she muttered.

"None of this is coming from you then?" Danny asked her.

Rachel shook her head. "No… I mean maybe a few months ago it might have been, but now? No. I'm fine with everything now and Ellen knows that."

"So what's her problem then?"

"I don't know. After Lindsay pointed out that it wasn't fair for Flack to get caught in the middle of this, she promised she'd make more of an effort."

Danny's eyes widened. "You've discussed this with Lindsay?" he said, his forehead creasing into a slight frown at this previously unknown information. "She never mentioned it."

Rachel shrugged. "She probably forgot. It was the day you were shot so it must have slipped her mind."

"But that was weeks ago now."

Rachel nodded. "Ellen and I had met for lunch that day and we were just returning to the precinct when Lindsay came to find me about going to interview Karenna Melvin about the Trebechi murder," she explained.

"And I'm guessing Ellen didn't exactly lay out the welcome mat, huh?" Danny surmised.

Rachel shot him a wry half-smile. "Well, what do you think? Lindsay had the balls to call her on it though and I have to admit she did have a fair point. This is between the three of us, it's nothing to do with Flack and he shouldn't get dragged into it."

"Well, it'd be nice if you reminded Ellen of that," Danny told her. "Lindsay's pretty upset – Don's friendship means a lot to her and she feels guilty about being the cause of all this strife between them."

"And that's supposed to mean something to me, is it?" Rachel shot back tartly. "I'm sorry, Danny, I may be over you and moving on with someone else, but that's still going a bit far, don't you think?"

Danny sighed. "I'm not expecting you to do this for Lindsay,Rachel - that's my concern -but I would hope that you'd be willing to do it for Flack – and for Ellen too, for that matter. They're your friends aren't they? Don's being pretty patient with her over all of this, but even he's going to get fed up of the situation eventually."

"I suppose you're right," Rachel said before she eventually conceded to his request. "Okay I'll talk to her - see if I can persuade her to lose the chip on her shoulder."

"Thank you, I'd appreciate it," Danny said sincerely, and then glanced at his watch. "We should probably be getting back," he said as he drained the last dregs of his coffee, "But I'm glad we had this chance to talk - it seems like it was long overdue."

"We ended things months ago now, Danny," Rachel reminded him as she rose to her feet and pulled on her coat.

"I know," Danny said as he did likewise, "But I still think we needed to clear the air now that the dust has finally settled. It would be different if we didn't have to work together but we do."

Rachel nodded as they exited the café. "I know that was something that you found difficult when you and Lindsay split," she said. "Seeing her every day when you were trying to get over her, I mean."

"It was hell," Danny agreed as they walked down the sidewalk to the nearby pedestrian crossing, "And that was with a boss who was sensitive to the situation and did all he could to give us the necessary space we needed from each other too."

"There's a big difference between a marital breakdown and the break-up of a six-month relationship though," Rachel said as she pushed the button to cross the road.

"I know," Danny agreed, "But I don't want it to seem like I'm missing a sensitivity chip by dismissing it as irrelevant."

"You're not. It wasn't my favourite situation to be in, but that's life, isn't it? Especially when you get involved with someone you work with. Yes, it hurt when we broke up, but I don't hold you responsible. You were honest with me from the start about how much you were prepared to commit to – as much as you were being honest with yourself at least anyway."

She paused as the lights changed and the two of them crossed with the rest of the public mass. "It's only Lindsay who doesn't know how to live without you, Danny," she pointed out dryly when they reached the opposite side of the road. "I'm doing just fine, thank you very much."

Danny threw back his head and laughed at that. "Well, that told me, huh?" he remarked good-naturedly.

Rachel smiled across at him. "Hell on the ego, I know, but it's still the truth. Of course I didn't love you the way Lindsay does so…" She broke off with a shrug of her shoulders. "It's easier to move on when you're not so emotionally invested, I think."

"I suppose you're right. If Lindsay and I had realised that at the time then maybe we would have tried harder to make things work."

"You've managed to pull it back from the brink though," Rachel pointed out. "Or you wouldn't have put that ring back on her finger, would you? That's gotta count for something, hasn't it?"

Danny opened his mouth to reply and then shook his head in disbelief. "I can't believe I'm having this conversation with you," he said incredulously.

"I know - weird isn't it?" Rachel concurred. "I suppose it all comes down to the fact that we were never really properly in love when all is said and done. Yes, we were friends and physically attracted to each other, plus I definitely think we possessed the potential for more. But we never really made it much past the starting line, did we? I suppose I always knew that your feelings for Lindsay weren't exactly in the past and I guess I subconsciously held back because of that. Fortunately so as it turned out because it makes it easier now. We can't ever go back to being the friends we were before we started seeing each other though, can we?" she concluded a little sadly.

Danny shook his head. "No, I don't think Lindsay would be comfortable with that. She trusts me now – something that she's struggled with in the past – but that trust is something that I've had to earn and something that I know that I have to go on earning if I want my marriage to work. She has her reasons for feeling insecure - reasons that I never properly understood before. Now that I do understand though, I would never want to do anything to exacerbate those insecurities. I love her too much to test her faith in that way. So no – we can't be friends like we were before – we can be work colleagues who socialise as part of a group occasionally but that's about it."

Rachel nodded and their eyes met in a look of mutual understanding before they tactfully let the subject drop. Heading up the steps and back into the busy courthouse, they turned their conversation to more professional matters, each of them glad that they'd finally gained that all important sense of closure and could therefore move on free from the shackles of their past.

OOOOOO

New York Crime Lab, several hours later…

"Oh good, you're back," Mac said with obvious relief as Danny exited the elevators some time shortly after noon. "How did it go?"

"Good, I think," Danny told him. "The judge adjourned proceedings for the day so we're gonna have to wait and see. There are still a few witnesses left to call too so there won't be a verdict for at least another couple of days."

Mac nodded. "Well, your timing is spot on – I thought I was going to have to send Lindsay out to a crime scene alone."

"She can handle it, Mac," Danny said loyally. "She's doing much better now."

Mac nodded. "I know, but I wouldn't send her into this scene without back-up whatever the circumstances," he said, "And I have a meeting with the Chief of Police in an hour.

"Lucky you," Danny commented dryly, earning himself a reluctant half-smile from his boss.

"Mac? You wanted to see me?"

Lindsay's light voice interrupted their conversation then and they both turned to watch her approach. "Hey babe!" she said, smiling at her husband as she joined them

"Hey yourself!" he returned with a wink, and then glanced over at their boss with an expectant look in his eyes. "So hit us with it, Mac," he declared.

"Shooting in Harlem," Mac told them, handing over the tablet in his hands which contained the relevant details. "Tread carefully with this one. Reports are that tensions are running high so the situation could be volatile."

"Gonna need to change out of the monkey-suit then," Danny said as he quickly reviewed the crime scene details. "Flack on the scene?" he asked, his eyes still on the screen in front of him.

Mac shook his head. "No, Burrows," he replied, causing Danny to wince in reaction.

"Now you see why I wanted you there," Mac said as the younger detective lifted his gaze to meet his.

Danny nodded, his expression uncompromising. "Sure," he said bleakly, "Burrows is a Grade A tool."

"Danny!" Lindsay instantly chided.

"What?" he said, unrepentant. "Everybody knows it."

"But only you would have the nerve to just go ahead and say it!" she exclaimed.

"Burrows gets the job done, I'll give him that," Mac cut in, "But I can't say I agree with his methods - takes too many unnecessary risks for my liking."

"In other words he's a tool," Danny said sidelong to his wife who rolled her eyes, making him grin. "Why don't you go and get the kits?" he suggested. He tugged pointedly at the jacket of the dark-grey suit he was wearing. "I need to change into something a little less conspicuous before we head out."

"Why? I think you look hot," Lindsay said in an admiring tone.

He waggled his eyebrows suggestively at her. "Oh yeah?"

"Mmm-mm," she confirmed with a nod, "But I have to admit your butt definitely looks better in jeans," she said over her shoulder as she walked away with a sexy jaunt to her step.

Danny laughed and then caught the look on Mac's face. "Sorry boss – a little too much personal stuff, huh?"

"For the Lab, yes," Mac agreed before his stern expression softened a little around the edges, "But speaking as your friend rather than your boss, I'm glad to see that the two of you have rediscovered the fun side of your relationship."

Danny nodded. "It sounds kind of dumb, but I don't think we've been this relaxed with each other since we first started dating all those years ago."

"But that's a good thing, isn't it?"

"It sure is." Danny said, and then let out a regretful sigh. "We wasted so much time, Mac."

"Just be grateful that you're in a good place now," Mac advised sagely. "Regrets never did anyone any good in my experience."

Danny nodded solemnly. "Words of wisdom from a very wise man," he intoned drolly.

Mac chuckled. "Well, I don't know about that, but I like to think I've lived long enough to know a little something about love."

"So maybe you should do something about finding some for yourself, huh, boss?" Danny suggested with a grin.

"And maybe you should mind your own business and get to that crime scene ASAP," Mac countered sternly.

Danny laughed before his expression turned serious again. "Thanks for not sending Linds out there alone by the way. I wouldn't trust Burrows to watch her back as far as I could throw him. He's too busy chasing his next commendation to be bothered about a lowly CSI's welfare."

"And one day that's gonna bite him on the ass," Mac assured him.

"Yeah, just as long as it's not on my watch and doesn't involve my wife," Danny returned grimly.

"Keep your temper, Danny," Mac warned him. "He isn't worth the trouble."

"Are you suggesting that I don't know how to play nice?"

"I'm suggesting that you can be overly defensive when it comes to Lindsay so don't let Burrows push your buttons, okay? Just get in, get the job done and get out. I don't want the two of you caught in the middle of a riot if the situation escalates."

Danny nodded. "I'll mind my P's and Q's, I promise," he assured his superior.

Mac smiled at that. "Well, I'll believe that when I see it," he commented dryly, "But I appreciate the sentiment anyway."

"I should be offended by that, you know," Danny told him haughtily.

Mac chuckled. "You forget, Danny - I know you. I trust that you'll keep it the right side of professional, but as for completely biting your tongue…" His eyebrows lifted, the gesture getting the point across better than any words would have done.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah – never could stand for any B.S. from anyone and nothing much has changed in the last twelve years, huh?"

"Maybe not but that's what makes you so good at your job," Mac pointed out, "That killer instinct to know when someone is attempting to pull the wool over your eyes. At least now you've learnt to use it to your advantage rather than disadvantage. That's progress as far as I'm concerned."

"Love of a good woman is what did it in the end," Danny admitted candidly. "Before Linds I was a bit of a loose cannon, I have to admit, but when you have someone at home who is depending on you to stay safe, the whole playing field changes before you even realise it."

"It's called growing up, Danny," Mac told him dryly, "You took your time about it, but you got there in the end."

"Thanks – I think," Danny replied with an ironic twist of his lips before shaking himself out of his inertia. "Well anyway, I'd better get going," he said.

Mac nodded. "I'll talk to you later," he said by way of farewell as they stepped around each other and headed off in opposite directions.

In the locker-room, Danny swapped his suit for a pair of navy jeans, a forest green sweater and his trusty converse, and then grabbed his leather jacket and went in search of his wife. "You hungry?" he asked her as they headed for the elevator a few minutes later.

"Danny!" she protested. "We've got to get to the crime scene."

"Which we're likely to be at for hours," he pointed out, "I don't think Mac'll begrudge us a little sustenance first. I'm not talking a three-course meal - just a hot dog from a cart or something."

Lindsay nodded. "Alright, just as long as we're not too long."

Danny grinned at her. "Quite the little slave-driver, aren't you, babe?

She smiled beatifically back at him. "Yeah and don't you forget it, buddy."

In the end, they opted for freshly filled bagels from a little deli near the Lab and settled on two of the high stools that lined the counter against the far wall to eat their meal.

"I talked to Rachel by the way," Danny said after a few minutes of companionable silence, "About the situation with Flack and Ellen, I mean."

"I thought you were supposed to be in court," Lindsay said, her forehead creasing with a tiny frown.

"We were, but our case was delayed for an hour so we had some time to kill." He reached out and placed his hand over hers. "There was nothing more to it than that," he told her earnestly before he withdrew his hand and picked up his bagel again.

"I know, but I'm still not overly comfortable with you spending time alone with her. I know it's inevitable seeing as you have to work together, but I don't have to like it, do I?"

Danny shook his head as he swallowed another mouthful of his lunch. "No, just as long as you accept that it's gonna be unavoidable sometimes."

"So what did she say then?" Lindsay asked, determinedly shaking off the stab of jealousy that had twisted her insides at the thought of him talking privately with his ex.

"Well, long story short - she's gonna try and talk some sense into Ellen."

"You think it'll do any good?" Lindsay's tone indicated that she clearly thought otherwise.

Danny shrugged. "Well, if anyone can get through to her, Rachel can," he said, "But I'm not holding my breath. I don't think Ellen's ever going to accept you and me entirely, but I'm hoping that she stops being so antagonistic about it all."

Lindsay's eyes narrowed. "You said it didn't bother you yesterday," she accused.

"I meant I didn't feel responsible for the situation," he explained, "Doesn't mean I'm taking pleasure in watching my best buddy's relationship go down the pan though."

"And what else did Rachel say?" Lindsay asked, sensing there was more that he wanted to say but that he wasn't quite sure how to say it.

Danny's expression turned a little wary at that, knowing as he did that he was about to tread on sensitive ground. It had to be done though. He'd volunteered the information about his conversation with Rachel that morning because he knew that he couldn't keep it secret from her. Didn't mean he wasn't apprehensive about her reaction though.

"Nothing much – we talked is all," he ventured carefully.

"About what?" Lindsay inevitably prompted.

"About the new guy she's seeing," he said, "And about our engagement and about the way things ended between her and me too…" He sighed. "It was a conversation we needed to have, Linds."

"So you and her are best buddies again now, I take it?"

He shot her a slightly reproachful look. "I think you know me better than that," he told her critically. "I told her that our relationship had to be strictly professional from now on because you wouldn't be comfortable with anything else."

"Well, thanks for such a noble sacrifice on my behalf," Lindsay returned sarcastically.

"Lindsay!" Danny said a bit more sharply then. "Just stop okay? It isn't a sacrifice. I understand perfectly why you wouldn't be happy about me having any kind of relationship with Rachel outside of the professional. I love you and I have no intention of putting you through that."

His eyes held hers until she let go of the breath she hadn't realised she was holding. "I know, I'm sorry – it's just… well, you know."

"I know," Danny said quietly, reaching for her hand again and gently squeezing her fingers. "We both know it's gonna take time for the trust to be completely re-established between the two of us, but as long as we keep on talking honestly to each other then I know we'll get there eventually."

The knots in her stomach slowly unravelling, Lindsay nodded in agreement, "Yeah, I know that too," she assured him.

"So are we A-OK partner?" Danny asked her with a twinkle.

She graced him with her trademark sunny smile. "Yeah, I think so."

He nodded once in satisfaction. "Good, so let's eat up and get to the crime scene, yeah? The sooner we finish up there, the sooner we can get home to that gorgeous little daughter of ours."

OOOOOO

Harlem, forty minutes later…

As soon as they stepped out the car, they could feel the buzz of social unrest hanging heavy in the air. A crowd had gathered outside of the apartment building where the shooting had taken place, and the hum of background conversation had a noticeably menacing edge to it. Danny instinctively moved closer to Lindsay as they crossed the short distance from where they'd parked to the cordoned off area around the crime scene. He knew that she was trained to deal with such situations, but he couldn't turn his protective instincts off like a switch. She was family, and family was something that you were prepared to lay your life down for.

"Well, lookey-here, if it isn't the dream team," Detective Alan Burrows drawled as they ducked under the yellow crime scene tape.

"Count to ten," Lindsay muttered under her breath to her husband as they walked side-by-side towards the Detective in charge.

"Already at twenty," Danny murmured back, making her smile while he was forced to continue to grit his teeth. Burrows was just so smug, he only had to look at the guy and it rubbed him up the wrong way.

"I hear she ball-and-chained you again, Messer," Burrows said as they approached. Without asking permission, he caught hold of Lindsay's hand to study her ring. "Nice – a little small though, don't you think? Couldn't you afford anything better?" He shot a look at Danny and then let out a derisive laugh. "Of course, yeah, I forgot – CSI salary and all that."

"It's Tiffany's and it's perfect," Lindsay said, pointedly removing her hand from Burrows' slimy grasp before Danny stepped in to forcibly separate them. She knew that the smarmy detective could never pass up an opportunity to needle her other half in some way, and her presence was only adding an extra enjoyment factor to the situation for him. She didn't have to look at Danny to know that he was poised like a snake ready to strike either. She had to shut this down before Burrows said something to light the blue-touch paper and the whole thing escalated out of control.

She fixed the burly detective with a cool gaze. "Are we done with pleasantries?" she asked. "Because I thought there was a crime scene for us to process?"

"Oo – quite the little dominatrix, aren't we, sweetheart?" Burrows said with a delighted laugh.

"Danny!" Lindsay gasped when he suddenly leapt into action with the speed of an Olympic sprinter out of the starting blocks. She thought he'd been going for Burrows, but instead he grabbed hold of her and shoved her down to the ground just as the sound of a shot rang through the air.

More shots were fired in the commotion that followed, but the two of them managed to take cover behind a large dumpster. "You okay?" Danny asked her, his voice a little breathless from the sprint across the street. Lindsay nodded, her eyes large in the paleness of her face. Her heart was racing, but her hands were rock-steady around her gun.

Two more shots pinged against the metal of the dumpster making it vibrate alarmingly. "We've gotta get inside," Danny told her. "We're too exposed out here."

Lindsay gauged the distance between the dumpster and the door of the apartment building. It was a considerable way across open ground and neither of them was wearing a vest. "We'll never make it!" she exclaimed.

"Babe, we're sitting ducks out here," he insisted. "We'll do it in stages, okay? See that cop car?"

He indicated a dented and shrapnel-damaged NYPD vehicle parked near the entrance of the building. She nodded.

"When I say so, you keep low and run as fast as you can towards it, alright? I'll cover you."

She shook her head. "Danny…"

"And then you cover me while I go," he continued, cutting across her protest.

"But…"

"But nothing, okay? That's an order, Detective!"

He didn't like pulling rank on her, but he had to keep her mind focused on the job. She was in danger of letting her personal feelings for him get in the way of her professional training. It was why relationships like theirs, while not strictly forbidden, were nevertheless frowned upon by the establishment. They were lucky that they were CSIs actually because Danny was fairly sure that had they worked the beat, they would have been separated and assigned to different precincts the moment their relationship had become public. And there would have been nothing they could have done about it either.

His tactic did the trick and her expression hardened into one of steely resolve. "Alright, let's do it," she said with a curt nod.

Fisting his fingers into her hair, he pulled her towards him and planted a hard, passionate kiss on her lips. Keeping their professional heads was one thing, but this was life and death and he wasn't going to let her leave his side without saying it. "I love you," he told her.

She nodded, tears sparking in her eyes. "I love you too," she responded. "Stay safe for me."

"I'll do my best," he assured her, knowing that her request was something that he couldn't guarantee.

Inching his way forward, he peered around the edge of the dumpster to stake out what they were up against. There were a couple of uniformed cops barricaded behind a second police car but the rest – including Burrows - had taken cover inside, waiting for back-up to arrive. He signalled and managed to gain the attention of one of the trapped cops, who nodded and then prepared to fire off a couple of warning shots to divert attention away from them.

Danny pulled Lindsay into his side. "Okay, on three," he murmured in her ear, his breath rustling her hair as he spoke. She nodded, her fingers tightening their grip on her gun in preparation.

Once he'd established that she was ready, he held up his forefinger, waited until the other cop acknowledged his signal, and then counted up to three with two other fingers. Shots immediately rang out and Danny propelled Lindsay forward with firm hand between her shoulder-blades.

"Go babe!" he instructed her urgently. "Go! Go! GO!"

To be continued…

I know a cliff-hanger! Arghh! Sorry, but I couldn't resist – LOL! Till next time then… CharmedBec x