It was close to midnight when Aqua finally awoke. She gasped when she realized how late it was. Had she really been asleep for that long?
Without hesitating she shuffled off of her window ledge in the library, shook out the wrinkles in her white gown, and made for the doors.
Suddenly, she heard a hushed rumble. A Dusk appeared before her in a burst of black darkness and thorns, causing Aqua to halt in her tracks.
"Oh!"
The Dusk stared at her blankly and emptily. Its pronounced and angular hips swayed as it remained still in its place. Then, without warning, it sprang out and hurtled towards her through the air. Aqua's body reacted before she could; she shut her eyes tightly, cringing, and scrunched her arms tightly against her sides. The Dusk zipped around her in a coil-like movement before returning to its original position. As the Dusk circled Aqua, it dropped something on the floor by Aqua's feet. When Aqua, realizing that she was untouched and unharmed, loosened her tightened form, she spotted what the Dusk had left her. It was a small square envelope.
Aqua bent down to pick up the envelope, her skirts puffing around her as she did. As she straightened back up, she turned the envelope over and saw it – a wax seal bearing the Nobody sigil – and immediately realized who the sender was.
She looked up from the envelope to the Dusk, who was still there, swaying its hips while watching her.
"T-Thank you." Aqua said quietly to it.
The Dusk promptly disappeared upon Aqua's words.
Hands trembling, Aqua tore the flap of the envelope open. Inside, folded once, was a thin sheet of paper. Pulling it out and unfolding it, Aqua's eyes fell upon lines of elegant handwriting in black ink.
Come to the Altar of Naught at midnight tonight. I expect to see you there. Do not be late.
-X.
For the next few minutes, Aqua remained where she stood, unmoving, staring blankly at the note. It had been days since she last interacted with the Superior of the In-Between. She knew she was not in good standing with him, and consequently avoided crossing paths with him. But now, it seemed like he was ready to see her.
Without a doubt, Aqua knew what the summons were for. Almost certainly he would be interrogating her on her recent actions, and perhaps even punishing her for them. But how so, Aqua knew not. Xemnas was still a ruthless, merciless man towards those who acted in defiance or opposition to him.
Aqua felt her heart palpitating as she considered her worst case scenario. Obviously a death sentence was undesirable, but to Aqua, there was something surprisingly comforting about the prospect of death. It would mean her days of suffering in The World That Never Was, and of her heartbreak from unrequited love would finally come to an end too. Aqua had borne these crosses long enough. She really did not feel strong enough to carry on this way anymore.
However, to say that she was prepared to walk to her demise was certainly not the case. Her desire to remain alive was stronger.
But then she considered whatever semblance of a bond that had been forged between them – and if it still even existed. Did that bond still mean something to him? Would that bond grant her some clemency for her actions? If it did, she prayed that whatever was coming for her would not be as severe as what usually befell those who Xemnas punished. But if it didn't …
This made Aqua pause. Would Xemnas really kill her, after all that they had been through? Would he, in spite of what existed between them? Aqua no longer knew whether Xemnas – or his subordinates – were truly evil or good. But what she did remember was that, at the end of the day, she was dealing with a man so feared and loathed in the Realm of Light. If Xemnas punished her with death, she knew she couldn't blame him for choosing to; she deserved to be punished for what she had done.
Aqua folded up the note and put it away before looking at a nearby clock. She had seventeen minutes until midnight – seventeen minutes to brace herself for what was to come for her. As she exited the library and proceeded to navigate her way through the many corridors, chambers, and areas of the Castle, a heavy pang seared through her breast, and it was one that elicited a singer tear to trail down her fair, unblemished cheek.
Even at the prospect of possible death at Xemnas' hands, her heart still ached with love for him.
As she walked on, drawing closer and closer to her destination, Aqua recalled some of the stories about love she had read during her upbringing. She grew up believing that true love, the greatest Light of all, would conquer every adversity, every trial, every struggle. But now, as she walked to face the man who she had let down, she realized that maybe she was wrong to believe that love could do such a thing.
Maybe love was not enough.
…
Xemnas sat in his drawing room, watching the long hand of the little clock that sat over the mantle of his fireplace move. At only thirteen minutes until midnight, he considered whether or not he was making a mistake.
"How will she react?" he thought. "What will she say?"
He figured that what he was to tell Aqua that night would please her. He knew in the depths of her heart, it was what she wanted after all. She had yearned for it in her early days with the Organization. Almost certainly she still yearned for it now. And it would make her happy.
Above all, he wouldn't be around to keep her in fear. She would be free from him.
Things would be different afterwards, of course, but he would grow accustomed to it. Besides, she also would no longer distract him from his ultimate goal. Kingdom Hearts was his ultimate prize, ultimate desire, it surpassed all things. Even her.
But Xemnas had to admit, it would take some time to become reacquainted with her absence.
It's for the best, he thought.
…
There was something oddly beautiful about the sky that night. Usually The World That Never Was was host to dreary, empty or rainy nights. But that evening, as Aqua ascended up the winding staircase that led to the Altar of Naught, she was greeted with a sight that she had not seen in the world's skies before – stars. Though small and impossibly far away, they twinkled faintly in the obscurity of the heavens that hung over the Dark City.
After climbing up the last of the stone steps of the staircase, Aqua had arrived to the Altar of Naught.
Looking around, she saw that Xemnas had not arrived yet. But, she knew that, any minute now, he would be here. Making her way to the parapet of the Altar, she gazed out into the starlit sky. Somehow, they almost reminded her of the ones that she had grown up seeing during the evenings at the Land of Departure.
Aqua closed her eyes and sighed. She folded and crossed her hands over her breast as sentimental nostalgia overcame her.
Then, she heard it – the soft rumble of a Corridor of Darkness materializing.
Slowly, nervously, Aqua looked over her shoulder. All the muscles in her body stiffened as her blue eyes met the flame colored eyes of the newcomer who had joined her at the Altar. Amid tendrils of evanescing darkness, the Lord Superior stood a few feet away.
Xemnas stared at Aqua with piercing eyes of iron and steel. His countenance did not surprise her; she expected that this meeting would be lacking in warmth. Still, she could not help but feel a little disappointed that he was not as eager or pleased to see her as she was to see him.
"You're early," he said.
Aqua paused for a beat. "You told me not to be late," she said.
The two of them lapsed into a brief silence. Aqua had always been uncomfortable around Xemnas, but she had never felt as uncomfortable and awkward before him as she did now.
"How do you do?" she asked in earnest politeness as she began to noiselessly cross over the distance that lay between them. She hoped showing him that she wished him no ill and that she did not fear being in his proximity would break some of the ice that existed between them.
Xemnas did not respond, only continued to look silently and broodingly at her with his fire colored eyes.
Aqua sighed softly. For a man who could not feel, the illusory displeasure he was channeling towards her made her heart sink a little. "I know why you've summoned me here," she said at last.
Xemnas continued to remain quiet as he watched Aqua draw nearer to where he stood.
"I made a mistake," Aqua continued, diving right into the heart of the matter. "What I did that night, I did without completely thinking it through."
Xemnas remained as calm as ever; Aqua wished she could be as calm and collected as he, and rid herself of the discomfort and anxiety that hung in her chest.
"I was foolish and reckless, and by the time I realized the stupidity of what I did and that I shouldn't have done it, it was already too late."
The silver haired man's lips finally moved. "You gave me your word you'd not cause me any trouble," said Xemnas coolly.
His tone and words stung. Aqua's face fell as her brow slowly furrowed with guilt and shame. "I did, yes," she responded. "And I am really, truly sorry that I broke my word to you."
Aqua's words only seemed to deepen the cold frown that was set in his face. "I warned you not to defy me."
The bite in his words was just as strong as his bark. It made her shrink slightly, but she willed herself to try to remain as composed as she could – even though it was challenging at that moment to be. "I know you did," Aqua replied. "But I had to leave. I had to. I couldn't take it anymore."
That was when something snapped inside of Xemnas. For no sooner had he heard Aqua's response that, in a split second, his hand went from his side to her swanlike neck. His movement caught her off guard and elicited a frightened gasp through her lips. With a force great enough, he pushed her and slammed her against one of the Nobody sigil sculptures that flanked the stairway leading up to the Altar. Pain rattled through Aqua's body as she crashed against the sculpture's hard stone surface. She cried out sharply, cringing in anguish as Xemnas towered over her and pressed her against the sculpture.
"Are you afraid of me?" Xemnas asked, his words a menacing growl. He looked at her with piercing wrath that blazed in eyes.
Aqua trembled violently beneath Xemnas' grip. For the first time, she began to doubt her own convictions about the Lord Superior's inability to feel. At the moment, she knew no love burned in his breast – and never could – all she saw within it was anger.
"No," Aqua gasped. But Xemnas tightened his grip on her, making her wince and gasp unevenly.
"Is this what this is all about?" he uttered darkly. "Is this why you fled? Is it because you fear me – me, Xemnas, Lord of the Nobodies, who defied his own nature and showed you mercy, and yet, this is how you repay me, after all we've been through? Are you afraid of me? Tell me the truth!"
Aqua quivered in pain as she strained to breathe under Xemnas' tight and aching grasp. "I am not afraid of you!" she whimpered in pain.
A growl rumbled through Xemnas' throat. As fury boiled within his head and chest, he tightened his hold on Aqua even more, causing her to shriek and the blood in her face to begin to drain. "You're lying," he hissed, "Tell me the truth or I will break you until you are dead!"
Aqua let out another cry that sounded like a sob. Tears began to rapidly collect in her eyes as the pain Xemnas was inflicting on her intensified. "It is the truth!" she cried. "I am not afraid of you! I was at first, but not anymore! I'm not afraid of you! Now please, stop! You're hurting me! You're hurting me! Please stop, you're hurting me!" The pain in her neck too much for her to bear, she began to cry quietly.
The sharp agony in Aqua's voice and the silvery trail of running tears that now stained her face made Xemnas pause. His entire body stilled. He didn't believe a word she said. There was simply no other reason he could think of for why she fled. Disgust raged in his breast as he looked at her with narrowed eyes. Without letting her go, he willed himself to loosen some of his grip on her.
"Then why did you leave?"
Aqua remained silent as she looked at him with blown open, reddened eyes.
"Answer me," Xemnas growled. "I command it!"
Aqua winced and shook her head tearfully. "I am sorry. But I cannot tell you. You wouldn't –"
" – Understand?!" Xemnas spat.
At last he released her, and when he did, Aqua, weakened from near-strangulation, descended limply to her knees. A sharp pain radiated from her kneecaps to the rest of her legs as she crashed onto the ground. She repeatedly heaved large pockets of air, gasping, as she tried to regain her breath.
Xemnas looked on at Aqua with disappointment and disgust. He couldn't believe this. Only a coward overcome with fear would refuse to be forthright and honest with him. He thought Aqua was tougher than the pathetic creature he now saw before him quivering and whimpering like a weakling.
About a whole minute passed before Xemnas felt the blood that boiled in his temples and breast finally subside. Having managed to compose himself, he finally addressed her.
"Ten years – ten long years – I have endured this wretched nonexistence and borne rejection and scorn from the denizens of the Light! And then … you came in."
Aqua looked up at Xemnas upon his mentioning of her.
"I thought you were different!" he continued. "You told me that in your eyes I was not just a mere nonbeing without a heart – that I had a choice to be more than just a Nobody. I believed you! But, now after all this time, I find out that you actually see me for what I am after all – an empty, unfeeling shell of my former self to be feared and spurned!"
Aqua's eyes moistened as she received Xemnas' stinging lament.
"For the first time I thought someone accepted me, that someone finally believed in me," Xemnas continued to rage, "But I was mistaken. You are just as cold and unsympathetic as the rest of your ilk of Light!"
His words were a slap against her face but even stronger was the agony that she genuinely felt for him, and the horror that now grew within her as she realized that she had created a grave misunderstanding. She didn't run away or act distant and cold to him because she feared him – she did not.
"I am not afraid of you!" she cried. "Please, please believe me! There is a reason why I tried to leave, but I cannot tell you! If I did, what I'd say would mean absolutely nothing to you."
Xemnas shut his eyes tightly in disappointment before opening them again. He had had enough. "Your stay here in my castle has come to an end. I'm giving you what you've always wanted – your freedom. You leave the first thing tomorrow morning. I am done with you."
And throwing her one final furious glare, Xemnas turned around and began to walk towards the staircase that led back to the interior of the castle.
She stood there, watching him walk away from her, feeling helpless to do anything to make things better with him.
But then, Master Eraqus' voice broke in her mind.
"… Being a Keyblade master is not about acting in the right every time, but acting and carrying yourself with integrity, honesty, and humility in every instance – in your proudest moments, and in your poorest. Never forget that."
Though still shaken by her near-strangulation, Aqua willed herself to rise back up to her feet. "Xemnas, wait!" she cried.
The urgency in her voice made Xemnas stop in his tracks. But he didn't look back.
Aqua trembled with desperation and conviction as she sucked in her breath, bracing herself for what she was about to do. "I didn't run away because I am afraid of you or your nature." Her voice then began to falter and break as emotion overcame her. "I left ... because ... I love you."
And at that moment, upon hearing Aqua's words, Xemnas felt the world around him fall away.
"I love you," Aqua said again, "I do – truly, madly, and deeply. But I wish I didn't. Because I know you can never love me back, not without a heart. The reality that you could never love me back broke me. It pained me and tortured me. That's why I ran away. I thought that if I could get away from you, my feelings for you would fade, the torment in my heart would end, and my heartbreak would not cause me to succumb to the darkness. I never ran away because I was afraid of you. I am not afraid of you. I ran away because I love you. I love you … and it pains me that you could never feel the same way about me."
She felt the anguish in her heaving chest threaten to break, but she willed herself to hold back her tears as she looked at him, desperately wanting him to believe her, but no longer expecting him to.
She took a few reluctant steps closer to him until she stood near the center of the Altar, about a few feet away from him. "I know now, even if you could feel, that I could never be worthy of any love you could have for me, because of what I've done. You're not supposed to fail the one you love, but that's what I did. I failed you, my lord, I failed you, and for that, I am no longer worthy of your love. I will leave, as you have commanded me, but please, know that I love you with my whole heart, and that I am so, so sorry. The night we danced, I asked you if we were still enemies, and you said, only if I wanted to be." At long last, her voice began to tremble. "I don't want us to be enemies – I don't. But I hope – though I know that I am unworthy of it too – that with all I am now confiding to you, that maybe, just maybe, we can be friends."
And having said all that she had to say, Aqua's face fell onto her palms, and the flood of intense emotions that wracked within her burst. Overwhelmed, ashamed, and embarrassed, Aqua sank back to her knees and onto the floor of the Altar, weeping silently. As she did, she didn't see Xemnas' face craning over his shoulder, looking down at her with a new set of eyes.
The weight and impact of her words hit Xemnas like a slap – but one that he realized was necessary. For no sooner had her confession registered in his mind that he felt a trembling, overwhelming warm aftershock flood and swell in his breast. The sting and bitterness of shame, guilt, and regret was laced within that warmth, but it wasn't enough to dampen what was now conquering him, body and soul.
After several minutes, Xemnas turned around. Quietly, without even making a sound, he moved towards where Aqua had fallen on the floor of the Altar. When he arrived beside her, he lowered himself and bent down on one knee.
Aqua felt movement close by. She didn't look up from the hands that she had buried her face in, but she knew it was him. What would he do to her now? Would he inflict more aggression on her? Would he actually harm her this time? Would he kill her?
"Aqua."
She stilled and dropped her hands from her face. Gone was the severe, deadly, harsh tones that Xemnas had used with her only a few mere moments prior. The voice he was using to address her was not cold and unforgiving, but soft, comforting, gentle, tender, and intimate.
Lifting his arms from his sides, Xemnas took the top half of her arms into his hands. Slowly, he helped her up to her feet.
Aqua didn't understand what was going on. Less than ten minutes ago, he had nearly killed her. Now, he was acting as if the aggression he had inflicted on her never happened.
"Look at me," he said.
Her eyes, which refused to look at him out of shame, obeyed. But when they did, they grew in disbelief as they beheld the transformation had taken place in Xemnas' face.
The steeliness in his eyes had vanished. Fierceness remained, but Xemnas' penetrating gaze pierced deep as it fell upon the lovely features of Aqua's tearstained, but still lovely, face. The sheer force of the calm gentleness and intimacy in his eyes shot all the way to her very core, and the ethereal handsomeness of face and gaze held her in intoxicating awe.
"You are not my enemy," Xemnas said quietly, "But we cannot be friends."
"Why?" Aqua asked, her bottom lip quivering.
"Because ..." Xemnas murmured softly, "our feelings ... will not allow it." With that, he slipped his index and middle fingers beneath her chin and, curling them together, lifted he chin up so that his line of sight aligned with hers.
Aqua looked at the Organization leader in confusion. "What, then, do you wish for me to be?"
In the darkness, Xemnas said only one word.
"... Mine."
And capturing the last bit of space between their faces, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers.
Aqua froze. The shock of Xemnas' words and the sweet touch of his lips altogether conquered her, body and soul. It was enough to almost make her fall backwards. When the initial shock finally faded, her eyelids fell close, she pressed herself against his stalwart form, laid her hands on his broad chest, and returned his kiss. A soft sigh escaped from Aqua's lips as she felt Xemnas' hands and arms curl around her waist as they embraced. Holding her, Xemnas drew her even closer to him until there was no longer any space between their bodies, allowing them to touch. Heat filled Aqua's chest as she felt Xemnas' front meld with hers.
It was in that moment, this embrace Aqua shared with Xemnas, that the doubt and confusion that had built up inside of her slowly began to melt like ice. It was not what he had said that convinced her of the genuineness of his love for her, but the deepness and passion of his kiss. Words could lie, but a kiss never could. Though Nobody he was, the sweetness, the ardor, and the sincerity of Xemnas' kiss so captivated her and engulfed her with a warmth that made her feel safe, cherished, wanted, and beautiful that she did not doubt even for a moment that it was all pretend. It was real, and oh, it was divine and magical.
They stayed like that for some time, basking in the feel and shape of each other's lips with their own. When they withdrew from one another at last, Xemnas raised his hands and gripped the upper half of Aqua's arms.
"Aqua …" Xemnas murmured softly and ardently, "You pierce my soul. You and your heart are altogether beautiful and lovely – and there is nothing in all the Realms that I want right now more than you. You have made me go against my very nature. You make me feel like my heart has been returned to me, like I am whole once more, like I am somebody. You animate and captivate me. It is not you, but I, who is unworthy of your love and your heart. In my weakness and misunderstanding, I have been most unjust and violent to you. I have done you the gravest wrong. I was a fool. It is I who should be apologizing to you. I beg for your forgiveness." He laid his brow against hers and breathed onto her. "You are no longer my prisoner, my hostage, my enemy, but I ask you, please, do not go. I take everything I told you back – I take it all back. I love you. Do not leave. I love you."
Such an impassioned proclamation from the Lord of the Nobodies was not to be easily recovered from. Xemnas had barely finished speaking when the tears once again began to streak down Aqua's cheeks. She had misjudged him most unfairly. She too, still wasn't sure how or why this was happening. But there would be a time for apologizing and explanations later. For now, all that she could do was relish and bask in the revelation that true love for her burned in the Superior of the In-Between.
Creases formed beneath Aqua's eyes as her breast swelled with overwhelming emotion, eliciting the most joyful smile she had ever experienced to sweep through and transform the entirety of her face. A soft, muted laugh passed through her lips. She then took one of his hands into hers and brought it to her cheek, where she began to guide it down to the underside of her chin.
Xemnas looked at her with muted intrigue. "I thought I wasn't allowed to touch you like this," he whispered.
Looking deeply into his eyes, Aqua shook her head. "We are in a different place in our lives now," she whispered in return, her voice trembling with heartfelt gladness. "That was then. This is now."
Xemnas' reaction was slow, but her words were enough to elicit a subtle smile to grow from his lips. He freed his fingers from Aqua's hold and began to trace the underside of Aqua's bottom lip with his thumb. The bluenette momentarily closed her eyes from the power of the Lord Superior's gentle caress. She raised her hands and laid them against his muscular chest once more. Xemnas responded by dropping his hand from her chin and curling both his arms around her waist. He pulled her towards him once again. And closing their eyes, the two of them leaned forward, capturing the last of the space that remained between them, and pressed their lips together for another deep and tender kiss beneath the starlit sky of The World that Never Was.
A/N: WE HAVE A KISS! Yes!
Xemnas/Aqua shippers, not only do you have my permission to scream/squeal with joy, why not throw a few "awws" in as well.
This was the moment I've been waiting for – and that maybe you've all been waiting for too! Yayayayayay! I would like to thank the great Jane Austen for her influence and inspiration as I wrote this chapter. :)
Considering that this is one of the most important chapters in this fic, I hope to hear some really good things from anybody who wishes to review this chapter!
Next chapter will be up soon! I bet you'll all be dying to find out what happens next now that they've declared their love for each other!
-gt²
