bryan0711 – Actually J0hn Henry said it perfectly. The whole reason I went with the time loop theory was because T1 operated on a time loop theory.

Chapter Fifty Three

Born to Wake

Serrano Point

TDE Outer Chamber

Savannah felt a deep sorrow in her heart as she saw John Connor sink to his knees inside the inner chamber of the TDE, slow sobs racking his body. Her heart went out to him, though she knew nothing in the world could comfort him right now.

John Henry was at her side, observing John curiously. "Why does he cry?"

"Because," Savannah replied softly. "He had to send her away today. You know this."

"He loves her," John Henry stated. "He didn't want her to go."

"Of course not," Savannah replied. "But letting her stay would have ruined the timeline. He has to do this in order for humans to win the war."

"Sacrifice."

Savannah nodded. John Henry had said it perfectly. "Yes. It's a sacrifice." She looked up at him, feeling tears in her own eyes. "In this war, I've seen many people sacrifice parts of themselves, arms, legs, an eye. But John is different. He hasn't sacrificed anything physically. He's sacrificed his heart."

"Love."

"Love is sacrifice," Savannah replied.

John Henry's face seemed to light up at the revelation. "Yes. Love is sacrifice," he repeated. She looked over. Had he finally been able to understand what it was? The basic at least? Ever since she'd been reunited with him, she'd been working, trying to get him to understand emotions, human things. Ellison had been teaching him morals and she'd been teaching him the rest.

But he'd never quite seemed to grasp it. Watching John and Cameron had certainly helped with his development. He'd seen evidence of love.

Now, he would see grief.

*************

Serrano Point

TDE Inner Chamber

John sat motionless on the floor of the TDE chamber, his head resting on his knees, his eyes still staring at the spot where Cameron had disappeared. He couldn't grasp the situation, still couldn't believe what had just happened.

She's really gone, he thought despondently. And I'll never see her again.

It was like watching her die all over again. And this time, there was no chip to go retrieve, no way to bring her back to him, no way to ever see her again. His throat tightened.

Happy birthday, John Connor, he thought bitterly.

Today. His twentieth birthday, officially. Had Cameron known? Had she known that she left on his birthday and that was why she threw him the early party? It made sense. Why should he ever be granted a normal birthday?

He had a history of horrible birthdays, couldn't remember a birthday where he actually felt happy. His sixteenth had been the absolute worst… and the best. The worst because Cameron had turned on him, trying to kill him. The best because… well, that was when she'd first told him she loved him.

But this time… there was no good part about it.

Cameron was gone. He had nothing. Nothing left.

He'd been stupid, blind, thinking he could cheat destiny and keep her here. He hadn't been prepared for it, not in the least bit. He'd thought that maybe he would actually be able to hold on to something. He thought that maybe he would get to have a happy ending.

Wake up, John Connor, he thought dryly. There are no happy endings. Not for me. Not for anyone he knew. Had he ever seen a happy ending aside from what was in the movies? Not for his mother and Kyle. Not for Charley. Not for Derek and Jesse. Not for Riley and not for Allison. He thought that maybe he would be different, that maybe he and Cameron would be the exception, that they might have a happy ending.

But he'd only been kidding himself. Of everyone in the world, why would John Connor get to have a happy ending? He was the least likely to be happy. He'd lost everyone: his father and mother, his uncle, everyone he'd ever cared about. He'd lost Cameron.

At this point in time, even if he beat Skynet, he'd be alone. He'd never be truly happy again, never be whole again. A piece of him had died when his mother had, a piece of him had died with Allison. But Cameron… when Cameron had left, what remained of his heart had shattered. There was nothing left to live for. Even if he beat Skynet, he'd still have lost.

So what was the point in going on?

What was the point is fighting any more?

He shook his head. There was none. He remembered something Cameron had said one time, "Without John, my life has no meaning."

Well, without her…

He felt exactly the same way.

**************

Serrano Point

Savannah's Bunk

Savannah paced back and forth in her bunkroom, trying to figure out what she could possibly do to help John. Nothing was coming to mind, except maybe jumping to the past and bringing Cameron back, which of course was out of the question.

Cody was sitting motionless on the bed, his eyes downcast, his lips tight. He hadn't said much at all since she'd told him about the situation, how Cameron had gone back in time, leaving a distraught and depressed John Connor behind.

"He's been in there for three days," she spoke up quietly. Three days and John hadn't moved from that spot, as if he was hoping beyond hope that Cameron would reappear and everything would go back to normal. But he had to know the truth, deep down.

More than that, she realized that John Connor had just… quit.

"He's not well, Cody," she said. "It's like he's shut down. He's lost. He's lost the will to lead, to fight. Even to live."

Cody finally looked up, his face twisted in grief. "I don't know how we can help him. Anything we say is just… there. It won't get to him, it won't bring him back."

"Cameron would hate this," Savannah murmured, more to herself. What else did John have in the world? Besides…

"Sam," she suggested. "Maybe he would respond to Sam." She knew that Cameron had given him the dog and Sam had always considered himself more her dog than anything, but he was still John's loyal companion, someone who would never leave him.

And he was probably going crazy at not being able to find Cameron.

She hurriedly reached over and grabbed Cody's hand, yanking him to his feet. "Come on!" she urged. "We have to get Sam and help Connor."

She pulled him out into the tunnels. First, she checked John's private quarters, but didn't see Sam inside. Where else did Sam like to go?

"The mess hall," Cody suggested. "He's a dog right? And dogs like food?"

"Right!" Savannah said, perking up. They entered the mess hall, not seeing Sam, but spotting Captain Reynolds and the two Dekker boys sitting at a table. She walked up, forcing a smile.

"Have you all seen Sam?"

Reynolds raised an eyebrow. "Sam who?"

"Sam," she repeated. "John and Cameron's dog? The German Shepherd."

Understanding lit up Reynolds' face. "Oh, that one. Yeah, he's come in here several times over the past few days. Looked mighty upset if you ask me. Wouldn't let anyone touch him, just kept running through, sniffing around, and running back out. Like he's looking for someone." Reynolds frowned. "Where is Connor?"

"Busy," Savannah said, hesitating momentarily. "Thanks for the information."

Reynolds smiled, seeming a bit puzzled. "Uh, you're welcome."

Savannah and Cody left the mess hall, both of them with faces of dejection. "He's looking for her," Savannah said, leaning against the wall. It was positively heartbreaking. Sam had been searching the entire bunker for three days, searching for Cameron. And he couldn't find her or Connor for that matter, since John was still locked in his self-inflicted jail cell.

Cody sank to the ground. "He'll come this way eventually," he remarked. "He'll keep looking."

Savannah slowly joined him on the floor, feeling helpless. "I don't know how to help."

"He needs time to grieve," Cody replied.

She looked over. Cody knew all about grieving and loss, more so than she did. "Maybe you could talk to him," she suggested. "You've lost both your parents."

Cody looked away. "He won't listen. Not yet at least. Nothing will get through to him."

Savannah's face twisted. Cody was her best friend, and it hurt her to see him in pain. Clearly recent events had only reinforced the loss that he felt. "I'm sorry," she said softly.

Cody shook his head, his eyes still out front. "Don't be. It's not your fault."

"It's not anyone's fault," she reminded him.

"It's Skynet's fault," he shot back. "If Skynet hadn't attacked, they wouldn't have sacrificed themselves so we could escape."

Savannah was about to reply when she heard the clattering of canine claws against the floor. An instant later, Sam came around the corner, running down the hall, stopping to poke his head inside every open door before continuing on.

When he came past, Cody caught him by the collar and made him sit. "It's okay, Sam," he whispered.

The dog whined pitifully, trying to scamper away from Cody and continue his vigilant search for Cameron. Savannah gently stroked his head. "Shh, Sam. We're bringing you to John. We're going to see John, okay?"

Sam seemed to perk up at John's name, but she knew he couldn't understand anything else. Cody kept a firm grip on Sam's collar as they headed back towards the TDE chamber. When they reached the biometric lock, Savannah suddenly realized there was one thing they'd overlooked.

"Um, only him and Cameron had access right?" she asked.

Cody's face fell. "Blast it…" His eyes lit up a moment later. "We can get Weaver!" He handed her Sam and headed off back down the hall.

Savannah knelt down beside Sam, stroking his fur and biting her lip. Sam was barely paying any attention to her, his eyes seemed to be darting everywhere, his muscles tensed.

She felt a pang of grief. Sam would never be able to understand what had happened to Cameron, never get to see her again. But at least he would have John.

If John ever decided to start living again.

Cody returned moments later with Weaver, his face a mask. "Don't let him see," he said crisply, gesturing to Sam. Savannah understood. Seeing Weaver take Cameron's form momentarily would be undeniably cruel. She pulled the dog out of the hallway, waiting to hear the door of the TDE chamber whoosh open.

She brought Sam back around, seeing Cody staring at Weaver who was now back in her original form.

"Never again," he said in a low voice. "That's the only time you ever use that form, do you understand? Seeing you in her form isn't going to help him, alright? You'll make things worse. If you ever do that to him, I'll destroy you myself."

Weaver merely smiled. "Like father, like son."

Cody narrowed his eyes as Weaver brushed past him down the hall. He quickly turned and gestured to Savannah who brought Sam forward and released him. The dog darted into the room, scanning the surroundings before he sat down at the entrance to the inner chamber.

Savannah opened the door and Sam darted in, nearly bowling over John, who was still seated in what seemed to be the exact same position. Savannah entered after the dog, watching with an aching heart as Sam wagged his tail, whining happily, trying to get John's attention.

John himself was unresponsive, almost as if he was in shock. She slowly came over to his side. "John… it's Sam. Your dog."

Sam licked his face and John finally took notice of the dog, stroking his fur gently. But there was still nothing in his eyes. They were dead, something that sent a chill through her. Something had been missing in John Connor ever since Cameron had left. She could see it, in his eyes, the way he acted and the way he didn't.

John Connor had given up.

She leaned closer, desperate to make him understand. "John, you can't do this," she insisted, her voice wavering. "You have to come back to us. We need you here, now!"

He still didn't respond and she felt a flash of anger. He couldn't do this. Couldn't abandon them all to Skynet. They needed him to lead, to fight, to win!

"If you don't get a grip, we are dead!" she insisted vehemently. Maybe the cold hard truth would snap him out of it. "We are all dead! You are dead! We need you to lead us!"

John finally turned to look at her and her breath caught in her throat. She could see it now, the absolute emptiness.

As she stared into his haunted eyes, she realized the truth. And it broke her heart.

Because John Connor was already dead.

***********

Serrano Point

Cody Phillips wasn't sure how to help. Anything he could say to John would go right through him. As long as John remained in this state, closed off and unresponsive, nothing anyone could say would get through to him. And there was no way John could lead anyone right not, not when he could barely think straight.

Cody entered the meeting room, where Major Perry, Captain Reynolds, and pilot Blair Williams were talking.

"Skynet built another time machine," Perry was saying. "We need to find it somehow…" he trailed off when Cody entered.

"Where is Connor?" he demanded. "He needs to get in here."

Cody felt a burst of anger. "Hey! John Connor just lost the one thing in life that means the most to him. He's in no condition to lead right now."

"But something has to be done. Someone has to!"

"I'll do it," Cody cut in before he could even think twice. A moment later, he froze. Had those words actually come out of his mouth? No one could handle this job like John Connor could. But helping out until John was well again was the least he could do. "I'll take the squad out and we'll search for the TDE, alright?"

Perry raised an eyebrow, both disapproving and curious at the same time. Cody ignored the glance, nodding towards Nathan and Blair. "Let's go."

As they headed to the hanger, Nathan leaned in closer. "Am I missing something?"

"Probably," Cody said shortly. "Did you know that Skynet has rebuilt its time machine and sent a machine back to kill John? Did you know that he had to send Cameron back in time to stop it? Did you know that unless we find that TDE, they'll keep using it to try to change the future?"

Nathan blanched. "Um, no. Not really."

"We don't even know where this new TDE is," Blair cut in. "How do we find it?"

"Same way he found the first one," Cody replied. "He sent scouts right?"

"And it was a lucky break that Kyle Reese even found it," Blair protested. "He followed an HK that was carrying parts to finish building the thing. If this one is already operational, what trail can we follow to find it?"

Cody paused, turning to the two of them purposefully. "Okay, so where is a logical place for Skynet to put its new TDE?"

"Underground," Blair stated.

"In space," Nathan said at the same time. Cody gave him a look and Nathan gave him a crooked grin. "You asked."

"Seriously," Cody continued.

"Someplace far away from Serrano Point," Blair replied. "Skynet wouldn't want it anywhere near us. We'd be able to find it too quickly."

"Or maybe they did put it close to us thinking we'd expect just the opposite," Cody replied.

Blair frowned, studying him. "Stop playing games. I can tell that you know something. So where is it?"

Cody hid a smile. "Las Vegas."

"Be serious," she scolded.

"Oh, I am," Cody replied. "Technically it's the Hoover Dam. Beneath it, actually. One of Skynet's Research and Development posts."

Blair crossed her arms. "How you figure that?"

"Well, I spent the last forty-eight hours sitting in front of a computer cross-referencing and analyzing Skynet's movement patterns and transmissions from bases, calculated its logical next move and coupled it with Logan's knowledge of all the SRDs worldwide and concluded that the Nevada SRD is the most likely place for Skynet to set up its new TDE. The water source provides it with a power supply to run the rest of the facility and its location is ideal to remain hidden."

When he finished, Blair uncrossed her arms, looking reluctantly impressed. "Wow. Really?"

Cody shrugged. "Nah. Heard it from John Henry's spy."

He turned around, savoring the huff of annoyance from Blair. At her side, Captain Nathan was chuckling.

"You know, I like him. He's got spunk."

"Alright, spunky," Blair called. "But I didn't think you could fly an A-10."

"We'll be going by truck, not plane," Cody replied. "Skynet's air activity has increased in the last few weeks. We don't want to get caught by an HK."

Blair gave him a wry smile. "Did John Henry's spy tell you that too?"

"No, that I actually looked up myself," he admitted.

About three hours later, Cody was sitting in the driver's seat of the truck, almost at the California/Nevada border. Nathan was in the passenger seat and Blair was in the back, scanning the area.

"Hey look!" Nathan said suddenly, pointing up ahead. Cody saw the figure standing in the road. It was female, he could see, but it was too far away to recognize who – or what – it was.

Nathan peered through the binoculars and Cody thought he saw a flash of metal. "It's got a gun!" Nathan shouted. "It's a machine! Go on, hit it, hit it!"

Cody was seriously beginning to wonder if the Captain really understood that they were still in a life and death struggle for survival. Then again, maybe that was just Nathan' personality.

He shot a blast of his plasma rifle at the machine. Its head kicked backwards and Cody plowed into it with the truck, nearly bouncing out of his seat as they ran it over. Still, Nathan was right. It was completely satisfying.

"Roadkill," Nathan remarked with a roguish grin. Cody looked back at the Terminator on the ground. That had to have been a plasma shot to the head anyway, he realized. It was probably terminated.

To his surprise he saw the machine slowly rise to its feet. And he saw a silver ripple near its head. Liquid metal, he realized with shock. The Halypsion outer sheath had stopped the plasma bolt from doing any real damage.

The machine looked up right at him and he suddenly recognized it. It was the same face as the T-X he had destroyed inside the Gray Base.

He felt paralyzed. T-X. Did they escape the nuclear blast? Or was this one just out on a mission and managed to avoid it?

"Drive!" Blair shouted, snapping Cody back into action. He hit the gas, the truck lurching forward.

"What is that thing?" Nathan demanded. "Isn't one shot supposed to make it… you know, dead-like?"

"It's a T-X," Cody reported grimly. "Liquid metal. It's--."

The entire truck jerked and Cody looked back to see that the T-X had caught them and was hanging onto the back. Blair yelped and dove up into the front seat with Cody and Nathan.

Cody whipped the wheel, throwing the T-X off balance as she tried to climb up into the truck. Nathan turned and shot his plasma rifle at her hand. The bolt didn't do any damage, but it forced the T-X to release her grip on the truck, dropping off onto the ground as the truck kept speeding away.

Cody glanced back, seeing her roll deftly to her feet and keep pursuing their truck.

"Faster, faster!" Nathan demanded anxiously. "Faster would be better!"

"Relax!" Cody shot back. Everyone shouting would do them no good. He needed to stop that thing somehow. And the only thing he knew of that could stop it was –

"Blair!" he called crisply. "Check in my bag, quickly!"

Blair did as ordered, grabbing his bag from the back and opening it. "What am I looking for?"

"There's a gun in there. New."

Blair pulled it out, looking confused. "What is it?"

Despite the situation Cody grinned. He knew that would come in useful sometime. "They called it the CryoBlaster," he explained. "Shoots a stream of liquid nitrogen."

"Nitrogen," Nathan repeated. "Why?"

"It'll freeze the Halypsion metal," Cody replied. "It's the only thing I know of that will stop it, short of a nuclear explosion or a temperature that equals that of the Human Torch in supernova state."

"You read comic books?" Nathan demanded, creasing his brow.

"My parents were time-travelers battling humanoid robots," he retorted. "Science fiction runs in the family."

Blair hefted the CryoBlaster and aimed it at the back of the truck. Cody risked a glance back, seeing that the T-X was still gaining on them. He jammed his foot on the gas pedal.

"Blast it, why doesn't this thing go faster?"

Blair had a hardened look on her face as she aimed the weapon. As soon as the T-X lunged to grab hold of the truck, Blair shot, the blast of freezing nitrogen hitting the machine. It dropped off the truck and Cody saw it try unsuccessfully to get up. Temporarily frozen, just like the one in the Gray Base had been.

The only problem is, he didn't have Weaver here to kill it for good.

"Stop the truck!" Nathan shouted.

Cody obliged, though his instincts were encouraging him to run. "Why?" Nathan didn't answer, merely jumped around to the front of the truck and started messing around with its engine. Cody exchanged a look with Blair, who shrugged.

A moment later, Nathan emerged with a small square object. "Nuclear Power Cell," he said as he ran over to the fallen T-X and placing it right beside her head. Right, Cody remembered. The Resistance had outfitted all their vehicles with the power cell, which eliminated the need for gas and made them run quieter. He started the engine, relieved to see that there was still half a tank of regular gasoline, maybe enough to get them to Nevada.

Nathan climbed back in and Cody took off as fast as he could, putting as much distance between them and the T-X as possible. Only a few seconds later, he heard the explosion and pulled the truck over, looking back to see the tiny mushroom cloud where the T-X had been moments ago.

He gave Nathan an approving glance. "Very nice," he admitted.

"Very nice indeed," said another voice.

Cody whipped his head around to see a group of soldiers approaching, guns at the ready. "You Resistance?"

"Yes," Cody said boldly. "Who are you?"

"Beckett," the man replied, still eyeing the trio warily. "You John Connor?"

At first Cody wondered how the man had gathered that, then realized that the man had obviously noticed that Blair and Nathan were following his lead, and he did seem pretty young still.

"Um, no," he replied.

Beckett smirked. "He making you fill in for him?"

Cody bristled. "No! I volunteered for this!"

"So where is the esteemed leader of mankind?"

Cody didn't like the man's attitude towards John. "He's having a bit of a… personal crisis."

"Crisis?" Beckett repeated, amused. "Like what?"

Now he'd trapped himself. Cody winced. He was sure John wouldn't like having everyone know what he was dealing with. Then again, the John who was holed up in the TDE chamber probably wouldn't care.

"Loss," he replied simply.

Beckett snorted. "I think we've all seen that. He better get his head on straight. So do you. Where you headed?"

"The Nevada SRD," Cody replied. He noticed that Beckett gave a start at the mention. "Skynet has a secret weapon there we're in charge of destroying."

Beckett chuckled dryly. "Might as well forget it."

"Why?" Did Beckett not think them capable? "We have a load of C4…"

"You'll never make it in alive," Beckett cut in. "I saw you destroy that T-X up there, but there's something you should know. We've seen a bunch of them in the area lately. Heading right towards Nevada, probably to guard that secret weapon."

Cody felt his heart sink. More of them? Had more escaped the destruction of the Gray Base? "How many?"

Beckett shrugged, glancing at his friends. "Twenty? At least?"

"Twenty…" Cody suddenly felt his blood run cold. What about the nuclear attack on the Gray Base? That should have destroyed them! The whole freaking army of them!

Unless… that Gray, Alex Castle, had stalled John for a while when Kirk went down to check the hostage situation. Alex said he was trying to save lives, but what if he'd really been stalling so that he could send the T-X units out and away from harm? Or even if Alex wasn't lying, the machines themselves would have known the danger. They could have escaped in underground tunnels or anything.

Blair and Nathan looked over, both their eyes filled with grief as they realized the same thing he did. They knew what it meant. The goal of that mission had been to destroy the T-Xs. The several hundred casualties had been a sacrifice, conducted by Rogue Terminator Solo. But if they really hadn't taken out the T-Xs, it meant that all those people – those Grays, those captive resistance fighters – had all been killed for nothing.

They'd launched nuclear missiles on a base filled solely with human beings.

Cody felt sick, nauseous.

Beckett narrowed his eyebrows. "Not looking too well, little man," he said coolly. "You'll never get into that secret weapon with only three of ya. My advice? Go back to Connor. Make him remind us why we follow him."

Cody wanted to reply, wanted to zing back a nasty retort that would defend John Connor. But his mouth wouldn't open, words wouldn't form. The news had rocked him, rocked them all.

He cleared his throat, trying to compose himself. "Thanks," he murmured. "We'll…" He cast a quick glance over at Blair and Nathan. Neither met his gaze. "We'll go now," he finished.

As he turned away, he couldn't shake it. Couldn't get rid of the awful truth.

Several hundred humans lives, thrown away for nothing. John had believed the sacrifice was too high a price, but now, the entire thing had been worthless anyway. There was no silver lining, no good thing that came out of that attack.

It had been murder.

Not war, not strategy, not sacrifice.

Murder. Plain and simple.

***************

Skynet Research and Development Station

Her eyes opened and she winced at the bright light shining down on her. Where on earth was she? What had happened? Was she dead? Faintly she heard voices, none of which she recognized. But they appeared to be talking about her.

"The subject is ready for deployment," one voice said.

Deployment? What did that mean? What were they talking about?

"All the proper modifications have been made?" another asked. This one sounded more human. "She's ready for duty?"

Ready for duty? That's right. She was a soldier, a Resis—

No. Not in the Resistance. The Resistance was the enemy. She frowned, wondering where that thought had come from. It was almost as if an outside source was implanting the suggestion inside her mind. But that wasn't possible, was it?

"This is our chance," the human was saying, his voice sounding excited. "We'll finally be able to get to John Connor. This is the perfect way."

There was a sudden urge, a voice in the back of her mind ordering: Find him. Kill him.

"John…" his name escaped her lips in a whisper. The two dark figures turned to regard her.

"We're taking a risk with this one," the human said nervously. "Her previous connection to Connor…"

"…is what will allow her to get under his guard and complete the mission," the Terminator finished. It stared down at her, its human face blank.

She was confused, still so confused. Everything that happened recently seemed to be so fuzzy…

"What is your name?" the machine asked.

"My name…?" She repeated. In a flash, it came back to her, along with a slew of other memories that seemed to conflict with what that little voice in her head was saying.

I'm Resistance.

No, you're with Skynet.

She didn't have a mission to kill John Connor. What was it talking about? She didn't want to kill him.

Kill John Connor.

The Terminator was still waiting for her answer, staring at her with piercing eyes. She took a deep breath.

"My name is Allison… Allison Young."


Next Week on Born to Fight: CODY: The T-X army is still out there. We need you. CAMERON: You've come too far to give up now. [John clicks on his mother's tapes] SARAH: I promised you I'd stop this, and I will. JOHN: This is gonna kill it? YELKOV: Zere is someone here to see you. [John enters the room, his breath catching in his throat.] JOHN: Cameron…?