The usual disclaimers apply: I'm not making any money off of this, Castle belongs to ABC and Andrew Marlowe, and any similarities to real people or places are strictly a coincidence.
Author's notes are at the bottom. Please enjoy!
The Spellbound Affair
Chapter Fifty
The achiness and weakness that had plagued him upon awakening each time since Rayford had forced him to swallow that putrid potion was noticeably lessened this morning. Kevin cautiously tested out his re-sized body. Moving his arms and legs didn't require quite as much effort, nor did it pull at his sore back quite so painfully. Despite his improved state, he didn't dare hope that his condition would be long-lasting. The past two days had been a roller-coaster of fevers, nausea, and oh so brief moments of clarity.
When he sat up, the room only wobbled slightly. A quick glance around the sleeping space confirmed that he was alone. The small digital clock on the nightstand read eight forty-seven. He hadn't slept in that late for a long time.
The Irishman slid carefully off the side of the bed. He nearly tripped over his too-long sleep pants as he started for the partially open door to the hall. The size nine clothes were a misnomer in his case. The loosely tied drawstring barely kept the cotton hanging off his hips and the sleeves of his shirt came down to the tips of his fingers. Even with the warmer sleep clothes, he felt chilled by the steady stream of cold air that pumped through the air-conditioning vents.
In the corner of the room was the stupidly-named Honeymilk bear. It looked completely benign slouched on the floor as it was, though its lifeless embroidered eyes stared at him vacantly, just as Nora Bellefonte had. He pushed that thought away with a shiver. Castle could tease him about being afraid of the bear but the detective didn't care. Kevin knew that he wasn't. He was just pragmatically aware that it would be uncomfortable if the oversized toy fell on top of him. Speaking of the writer, the cursed detective could hear the man's voice carrying down the hall from the direction of the living room and kitchen. Feeling surprisingly hungry, the nine-year-old deftly skirted the bear and escaped to the safety of the hallway. From there, he carefully padded towards his friends, mindful of his dangerous pant cuffs and unreliable balance.
"Good morning, baby boy," greeted Beckett, the first to notice his approach. "Did you sleep all right?"
He nodded, more interested in observing his companions than discussing his sleep habits. Castle was still in his dressing robe, though his hair was damp as if he'd been in the shower earlier. Beckett was fully dressed, as was Javier. Kevin suddenly remembered why today was an important day. Javier was going to be big again. The discussion of the night before slowly came back to him in blurry bursts. The doctor witch and the white witch had visited to talk about breaking the curse - on Javier, not Kevin. The Irishman was doomed to remained small, thanks to his sickly, weak body. He squashed down his rising jealously. Javier wanted so badly to be big again, even more than Kevin, and the younger partner wouldn't ruin his best friend's big day by feeling envious.
"Hey," said Javier. He jumped off his bar stool and carried a bunched up napkin to his partner. "You like these more than I do." The edges of the white paper fell open to reveal some browning apple slices. Kevin's appetite had been pushed back by the green-eyed monster trying to claw its way out of his stomach. He forced himself to smile while shaking his head.
"You eat them," he said quietly. Javier stared at him with an unreadable expression before slowly pulling the offering back.
"There's plenty of apple for everyone," said Castle. He reached over to check Kevin's temperature with the back of his hand. He looked pleased when the boy's forehead didn't feel overly warm.
"Javier, go find your sandals," said Beckett. "We need to leave now if we're going to have time to swing by your place before heading to Bianca's." She continued shoving snacks and her phone into her purse as she glanced around the kitchen, searching for something. She eventually found the white card under the sugar canister and added that to her quickly filling bag. "Javier."
The older junior detective jumped slightly at her short tone. He broke from trying to telepathically dissect the Irishman and looked over at their boss. She made a shooing gesture towards the front door of the loft. "Go on," said Kevin. "You know how impatient Beckett is." It was a little easier to grin this time.
"Kev-"
"I'm fine," interrupted the younger of the pair. "I just hope the witches don't accidentally give you a Rudolph nose or something equally embarrassing." Kevin hoped Javier didn't notice the slight hitch in his last word. The Irishman was happy for Javier. His best friend was getting what they'd both desperately wanted since they were turned into little kids exactly two weeks ago. At least one of them would be okay, even if it meant Kevin had to be the one to remain small.
"Maybe I can convince them to make me a little taller and more ripped," rejoined Javier, though there was little humor in his tone. His warm chocolate eyes scanned Kevin's face diligently. Kevin put on his best poker-face and held his breath so Javier wouldn't notice his shaky inhales and exhales. I'm not selfish, the detective reminded himself. I'm not selfish. I just don't want to be left alone in this scary alternate universe by myself.
Beckett spared him from being found out by his observant partner when she grabbed Javier's shoulder and spun him around to face the front door. "Shoes, now." Javier pouted as he stomped towards the pile of discarded footwear in search of his cheap plastic flip-flops. Beckett crouched down in front of Kevin. "How are you feeling, babe?"
"Good," he lied. He didn't feel good physically or emotionally. Whether she believed him or not, Beckett took him at his word. She cupped his face with both hands and pulled him in for a kiss to his forehead.
"Good," she repeated. "Castle has an exciting day planned for you." She sounded a little sarcastic. Kevin glanced curiously at the writer.
"Lord of the Rings marathon," announced the author. "Javier vouched for your geeky love of all things Middle-earth. I have all three movies, extended editions, of course, and enough popcorn and chips to keep Pop Secret in business for a year.
"Lucky you," said Beckett with a laugh. Really, could she take the high road when she openly admitted to being a fan of the cheesy Sci-Fi show Nebula 9? Beckett kissed him again and then hugged him tightly. "Love you, baby boy. We'll be back before you know it, okay?"
He didn't trust his voice to answer out loud so he nodded. He was rather proud of himself for not even needing to blink back tears. Beckett squeezed his hand as she rose before turning to see if Javier had finally followed her order to put on his sandals. Castle walked over and nudged the Irishman's shoulder to get him to move towards the door as well. Javier looked up at their approach.
"Are you sure you're fine?" asked Javier worriedly. He was back to watching his friend critically. "I don't have to do this right now."
"Of course you do," said Kevin. "Don't tell me you want to be a kid for the rest of your life." Oops, that delivery was kind of snarky. Kevin was not trying to make Javier feel guilty for his luck. Knowing the ridiculous Cuban, he already was bemoaning his good fortune in the face of Kevin's bad luck.
"No, I don't, but…"
"At least one of us will be big again, Javi," insisted Kevin. Please, just go already. "You can go back to work and solve the Valduerez murder in no time. After all, we know it's really you and I who do the detecting at the 12th."
"Cute," said Beckett. "Javi?" Kevin didn't know why she looked about to cry. She wasn't the one in the body of a sickly nine-year-old with no hope of ever escaping this nightmare.
"When I'm big again, I'll take care of us both," promised Javier. He reached for one of Kevin's hands. "We're partners 'til the wheels fall off, even if only I'm allowed to actually carry a badge and a gun."
"Sounds like a plan." Kevin smiled sweetly at the older cop. "You should go before it's too late and you have to wait another day." Or before I can't pretend I'm not bursting with jealously anymore.
"Are you sure- Okay, okay, I'm going," said Javier. He held up his hands defensively. Kevin let the dark scowl slip from his features. Javier surprised him with a cautious hug. Kevin returned the gesture. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly against the rush of despair that assaulted him and kicked his tear ducts into overdrive. Javier and Beckett really needed to leave now. He couldn't fake this much longer.
"Keep me updated," said Castle as his girlfriend slid open the heavy front door and reached for Javier's hand.
"I will," she promised. "See you tonight."
Kevin returned Javier's regretful wave as Beckett closed the door behind them. He dropped his hand sullenly when he could no longer see his partner. Javier deserved to be happy and have good things come his way. Kevin just wished that he did, too.
"Come here, kiddo," said Castle in a low voice. He knelt in front of the Irishman and wrapped the trembling nine-year-old in a bear hug. The meager shreds of Kevin's hold on his tears snapped immediately.
"It's not fair," the detective sobbed into the writer's shoulder. "It's not fair."
"I know." Castle rubbed Kevin's back and pressed his mouth against the crown of the boy's head. "Let it out," he encouraged.
"I can't do this alone. I… I…"
"You're not alone. Even if you're the only one who's small, you're never alone."
"I'm so scared," he admitted between broken gasps for air. "At least… at least with Javi…"
"I know," soothed the writer. "It was easier to be brave when he was being brave too, huh?" Kevin nodded. He was grateful that Castle seemed to grasp a little of what he was feeling.
"I'm a bad person," Kevin stated after a few more minutes of ragged crying.
"Because you want Javier to stay small with you?" guessed Castle. Was his family gifted with the ability to mind read after all? "You're not a bad person, Kevin Ryan. You're in a horrible position and of course you don't want to feel like the only one. Just because he's big again doesn't mean Javier is going to forget what it was like being in your place. He'll still understand and empathize."
"I shouldn't want bad things for my best friend."
"You don't. You know that. You're happy for Javier that he gets to be big again. Now he'll be able to tell his secret crush about his feelings, and hopefully said lady will tell me because I'm still frustratingly in the dark as to her identity. He can go back to work and solve lots of murders and make New York a safer place. You're happy for all of those things. It's just buried right now under your fears and apprehension about the future. But you're not a bad person."
Castle was right. Javier's life didn't revolve around Kevin and the Irishman never thought that it should. He could be happy that Javier was happy. Just, right now, it hurt so damned badly. The writer tightened his embrace as a fresh wave of hopelessness overtook the nine-year-old.
"Come on, son. This hard floor is killing my knee. Let's go get comfortable in front of the TV. If you think you've got it bad, try being in possession of the One Ring." Kevin forced himself to laugh tearfully. He appreciated the writer's attempts to lighten the mood, even if they weren't actually helping. He ignored Castle's slip, because that's all it had been: a mistake.
xXx
Javier didn't try to dodge Beckett's attempts to hold his hand as they walked briskly down the street towards the subway. Though the stations and trains would be filled with people, it was the quickest way to get around the crowded city. The eleven-year-old easily kept up with Beckett's pace, taking advantage of his longer legs and requiring less steps to match Beckett's stride. He didn't miss being six at all.
The lead detective wrapped her fingers tightly around his. He took comfort in her grip and it freed him from paying too much attention to where they were going. Instead, he thought about his parting conversation with his partner.
Kevin claimed to be fine with Javier taking advantage of the opportunity to break the curse. The Hispanic detective knew that the Irishman would never begrudge him for giving in to his desire to be big again. Kevin wanted to be freed just as much as Javier, so he understood Javier's suffocating need. The Hispanic detective couldn't stand feeling so small and helpless for another minute. Kevin knew how that felt.
And Javier could imagine how awful his best friend had to be feeling right now. The younger detective had tried valiantly to hide his hurt and envy that morning but Javier wasn't blind. Both of them had taken comfort in the fact that while it was horrible being in the body of a child, at least they hadn't been alone in their misery. Now, Javier was leaving Kevin to face an uncertain future by himself. No matter how much Kevin assured him that he wanted Javier to go through with the cure, the Hispanic detective knew that Kevin was distraught at not being uncursed as well.
Even Beckett's hopeful reassurances that Kevin would recover from his anemia and Bellefonte Two would reconsider forcing the detective to remain small did little to assuage his crippling guilt. Javier knew that he wasn't being fair to himself. He'd witnessed enough survivor's guilt, and felt it himself on occasion, to know that it was a misplaced feeling. That didn't make it go away, however.
Beckett was too distracted by continuously scanning the crowd, looking out for suspicious people who might want to take Javier and sell him into captivity, to pay much attention to her partner's uncharacteristically quiet demeanor. Even on the subway train, after pushing him to the inside seat of a bench and taking up a defensive posture next to him, she kept a wary eye on the other travelers. Javier stared at his hands and bit his lower lip.
Three stops later, Beckett finally relaxed a little and let out a stressed sigh. She looked down at her companion. "You okay, Jav?"
"Fine," he mumbled.
"Are you nervous about the spell?" He could tell that she was anxious about how he would react to the influx of magic, especially after Kevin's negative response to that hag's spell. Honestly, he hadn't really thought much about the chance that he could become ill, also.
"Not really."
"You're so quiet. I thought you'd be bouncing out of your seat in anticipation. I mean, tonight, you'll finally be free of this curse."
"Yeah." Javier didn't think he could enjoy being big again when his best friend was so miserable. He didn't want to go back to work without his partner. He'd been torn up about losing Ike, but he'd eventually moved on. To lose Ryan… He shook his head. He hadn't truly lost his partner - he just wouldn't be his partner anymore.
"I promise I won't make you do all of the paperwork when we get back to work," said Beckett. She smiled softly and bumped his shoulder. Javier didn't even pretend to be amused. He sighed and looked out at the flashing lights in the pitch black tunnel. "Sweetheart?"
"It's nothing," he said, a little more forcefully than he'd intended. Beckett had thick skin, though. Thankfully, she left him alone to struggle with his thoughts. No matter how many times he told himself that he wasn't being selfish by becoming big again, he couldn't shake his guilt.
They finally reached the station that would let them out topside just a couple blocks from his apartment. Javier couldn't believe it had been two weeks since he'd last been there. Thankfully, most of his bills were set up to auto-pay, including his rent. He hadn't even thought about that when the first of the month had rolled around. He tried to remember if he should be embarrassed about any messes that he wouldn't want his supervisor to see. He was a pretty neat guy and took his trash out regularly, so things should be in mostly presentable order. It took him longer than it should have to imagine the state of his apartment. When he visualized his bedroom, he kept coming up with images of Castle's guest rooms at the loft or his summer home.
Beckett once again got a death grip on his hand and guided him skillfully between the clumps of slower moving people. He took a deep breath of the less congested air once they were on the sidewalk. His guilt lessened for a moment but the feeling didn't last. He kicked a small stone to the curb and continued to stare at his feet as Beckett led the way up to his building. She fished his keys out of her pocket as if it was completely natural that she would be in possession of them instead of the junior detective. Javier had to show her how to jimmy the key slightly in the older lock to get all of the tumblers to release. His building wasn't quite as nice or state-of-the-art as Castle's.
They continued the trek to his apartment in an awkward silence as Beckett dutifully left him alone with his thoughts, against her will. She unlocked the door and pushed it open so Javier could proceed her inside. It smelled a little musty, like no one had been there for two weeks. Javier took his time running his hand over the back of his couch (nothing that would impress the ladies, according to his buddy Monster) and making sure all of his electronics were still present. The open case for Madden NFL 24 was lying next to his Xbox from the last time Kevin had come over to play. They played at Javier's a lot, because Javier was still grossed out by Kevin's road kill couch and he lived near better take-out joints.
Beckett intrusively entered his kitchen to search for spoiled food in the refrigerator and cabinets. She probably would find a few moldy cartons of Chinese in there. Served her right for snooping. He watched her make a gross face as she pulled one such carton out of the appliance and chuck it into his garbage can. She noticed his attention and stuck out her tongue. "You need to eat more healthily than this, Javi."
"Well, when you have a slave-driver for a boss, there isn't much time left for developing any culinary skills."
"Very funny. Go find something to wear tonight and tomorrow. We don't have much time to get across town."
Javier's shoulders sagged again at the reminder that he would be cured and his partner wouldn't. He slunk into his bedroom. His bed was one thing that he had missed acutely during his transformation. He bypassed his closet to climb onto the double bed and reach for his pillow. He pushed his face into the familiar object. It also smelled musty, but underneath that, he could scent the laundry detergent that his sister had dropped off once when she'd been in the area. His mind drifted a bit as he imagined once more sleeping in this room.
"Hey, you. It's not naptime." Beckett strode into the room and lightly smacked her partner's upturned behind and then turned towards the five-drawer chest against the near wall. Javier scowled at her back. He snapped out of his funk when she made to open the top drawer of his dresser.
"Beckett!" He scrambled off the bed to stand protectively in front of the furniture. "You can't just look in a person's underwear drawer."
"I bought you new underwear two days ago, sugar. Besides, you're not making any progress packing."
"I'll do it. Go away."
"If I go away, you'll just curl up with your pillow again."
"No, I won't."
"Javi, is there a reason you've been dragging your feet all morning?" Her concern overcame her respect for his privacy.
"I haven't," he argued.
"You have," she corrected. "What's wrong? Don't you want to be big again?" She made herself comfortable at the foot of his bed and regarded him closely.
"Of course I do!" He crossed his arms over his chest and fell back against his dresser. Ow, not a good idea. One of the brushed nickel drawer pulls dug into his sore back.
"Really? You don't have to lie to me, Javi."
"I do want to be big again," he said honestly. He just felt awful about getting what he wanted when Kevin didn't.
"And you feel bad because Kevin is still going to be small…?" Beckett leaned forward so she could snag the front of his shirt and pull him to stand between her legs. He kept his eyes downcast, studying the tiny design on the top button of her blouse. "Javi, feeling guilty isn't going to miraculously cure his anemia and convince Randy to change his mind about reversing the curse on him." She brushed her thumb over his cheek.
"I know."
"But it doesn't change anything, does it?" She smiled knowingly at him when he dared to meet her eyes for a moment. "I understand. Still, you can't put your own life on hold."
"What's the point of being big again if he's still small?" wondered Javier. "I might be able to go back to work, but he won't be there. I can visit him at Castle's loft, but it won't the same as hanging out, just the two of us. We can't go to the bar anymore, or borrow the Ferrari, or scam Castle out of Knicks tickets."
"That's all true," she said sympathetically. "And there's more to it than just missing your best friend, isn't there." She hadn't phrased it as a question because in her mind, it wasn't one. She thought she was so clever. Javier rolled his eyes.
"I just… I know him. He said he was okay with everything, but he's not. I mean, I wouldn't if I were in his place. I'd probably throw a fit if someone told me I couldn't be big again because some fu- some old hag jacked with my age just to make the person who wanted to buy me happy." Javier cursed his wildly uncontrollable emotions for taking a turn towards frustrated tears again.
"I know you would. You tried to last night, in Kevin's defense."
"A lot of good that did me." Beckett's casual peasant top had strings that could be tied together and tightened to draw in the wide collar of the shirt and hide the strap of her camisole that was barely visible. She left them undone, relying on the decorative buttons to hold the soft linen together. Javier reached up to tug on one of the strings, unable to leave his hands idle. "I couldn't even talk Castle out of the stupid baby monitor."
"Well, that's because I took his side," said Beckett. "You wuv me too much to argue with me." She pinched his cheek. Javier could feel the blood rushing to his face to betray his embarrassment.
"Beckett." He pushed her hand away before going back to tugging on her shirt string.
"Well, sweetheart, the decision is yours. You need to make it for the right reason, though. Don't let misplaced guilt make it for you."
"What if it is my fault though, at least partially? If I hadn't pushed him so hard when we tried to escape, he probably wouldn't feel so bad right now and Bellefonte Two would make him big again."
"No, Javier," Beckett said firmly. "The damage was already done by then. You know that."
Javier frowned. "So? If I hadn't hesitated before shooting that asshole, we never would have been kidnapped in the first place. I failed to protect Kevin and Castle back in Southampton."
"It's not your fault, Javier Esposito. Are you listening to me?" She squeezed his arms just above his elbows and shook him gently. "It's not your fault. The only ones to blame are Nora Bellefonte and her deranged son."
"You weren't there," argued Javier. "I had plenty of chances to take him out, but I didn't. I let him overpower me and he hurt Kevin because of it."
"You were six, Javier. Castle never should have given you the gun in the first place. I shouldn't have left the three of you alone, knowing that Rayford was out there and potentially targeting you. Hell, Kevin is also a trained NYPD police officer. He should have been just as capable as you were at disabling Rayford. Do you blame him for what happened?"
"No, that's ridiculous."
"We all could have done something differently that morning and maybe Rayford wouldn't have been able to kidnap you two. But we didn't and he did. Still, he's the only one to blame for the abduction. It is not your fault, Javier. If you don't believe me, ask Castle how he feels about the two of you disappearing."
"I know it's stupid for any of us to feel guilty about the whole situation, but I can't help it," Javier said with a whimper. "And I know that I have to be big again, despite feeling guilty. I have to go back to work and help you and try to think of a way to pay Castle back for everything and-"
"Hey. You don't have to do anything and you don't owe anyone anything. Castle and I love you and we want to help you through this, no matter what it takes. I can manage at work, especially now that Captain Gates knows what's going on. Demming has been helping me and there are four other qualified homicide detectives in our department, too. Castle isn't going to become destitute feeding or clothing the two of you."
"What about the hospital bills, Beckett? Neither Kevin nor I have insurance at the moment. At least, not for our shrunken selves."
"We'll work it out, sweetie. I'm sure Rayford has to be worth something, right? Even punitive damages will go somewhere towards covering the hospital expenses. Besides, Kevin has a long-term disability plan that he'll be able to start collecting on."
"Yeah, in seven more weeks," said Javier darkly.
"Then we'll look at our short-term options, too. The moral of the story is, Javier, that I don't want you worrying about financial concerns or inconveniencing Castle or me. Even though I feel just as badly for him as you do, I'm kind of looking forward to having him around. He's a cute little thing and an excellent cuddler."
"I don't know what to do." He tugged a little too much on the string and it nearly came all the way out of her collar.
"You can start by not destroying my clothes," chided the lead detective. She rescued the string and pulled at the other end until they were even again. Once satisfied with the condition of her shirt, Beckett folded her soft hands around Javier's. "You should do what you want to do. What you want to do here-" She pushed their conjoined hands towards his chest. "Not here." She leaned forward to kiss his forehead.
"Do you really think that Kevin will recover and Bellefonte Two will change his mind?" asked Javier in a small voice.
"I do, but I don't know when," she replied. "And I might be wrong."
"But I can change my mind again?"
"Yes."
"And you'll be okay?"
"Javier! Stop worrying about me, you little goof."
"Well, someone has to. Castle isn't very good at it sometimes."
"Uh huh."
"Kevin is going to think I'm crazy," said Javier. Even with the anticipation of his partner's incredulity, for the first time that morning, Javier finally felt like he could breathe freely. He smiled genuinely at Beckett. At least this time, the choice was his. That alone made the upcoming days a lot less intimidating.
"Oh, I'm sure he will," said Beckett. She returned his smile with a bright one of her own. "I should call Randy. Yikes, it's nearly ten-thirty. They probably think we changed our minds." She winked at Javier as she pulled out her cell-phone.
Her conversation was short and to the point. When she hung up, she told Javier that the doctor had been completely understanding and assured her that Javier could decide to undo his curse whenever he wanted. "Are we going back to the loft now?"
"Eventually," said Beckett. "I promised to take you to your favorite deli, didn't I? All of this icky talk about feelings has me feeling famished." She poked Javier playfully in the stomach. He giggled and tried to escape but she hooked her ankles together behind his legs and held him hostage. "Besides that, it's hotter than July 12th outside and rumor has it there is a delectable ice cream parlor not far from here."
"It is July 12th," Javier informed her.
"I know that, pumpkin."
"Okay, I can deal with sweetheart, but not pumpkin," complained Javier. Beckett laughed openly. Her mirth was contagious and combined with his unburdened conscience, Javier found he could laugh lightly with her.
"Come on, let's grab anything you want while we're here. You have any games you want to bring back to Castle's?"
"Nah, he has a PlayStation," said Javier. "All my games are for the Xbox."
"There's a difference?"
"Yes." Javier wasn't fooled by her pretend ignorance. He gave her a look. Beckett stuck her tongue out at him.
Javier did take a few minutes to rifle through his toiletries and pick out some stuff he'd want at the loft. Beckett offered to carry his small duffel and reached for his hand again after making sure his apartment was securely locked. Together, they made for the delicious deli on the next corner.
to be continued…
Author's Notes:
Thank you, TXMedic, for doing such a great job beta-reading.
Thank you Lezzles for the wonderful cover art: lsmwalls[ d o t ] tumbl r [ d o t ] com[/]image[/]58939397473
A special thank you to my guest reviewers, since I don't have a way to respond individually. Your kind words keep me inspired to continue writing. Please let me know what you think, especially if you have ideas of ways I can improve. I cherish all my reviews. I write for fun but I always want to improve, so constructive criticism is always welcome. All mistakes are my own.
