Author's Note: Hi everybody! It's been a long wait! These past few weeks have been insane: school, water polo season, college stuff, prom, shopping, the season finale of Supernatural. It's a lot to take it and it was a long break away from writing, but it's good to be back with another chapter :)

I was also really happy to receive all of these comments, so I'll answer them briefly:

RachelGarfield12: Thank you so much for the support! I'm really happy to hear you're loving Amnesia :) It isn't always easy to write so it meant a lot to me that I could get a little break, especially with all this end-of-the-year stuff going on! But not that's all past me! Time to get back into the groove! Enjoy the chapter!

Allen Blaster: I'm starting to realize just how much Beast Boy and Raven argue in this story. Like, seriously. They'll be arguing in this chapter too, and it's not easy to take sides. Beast Boy cares so much for Raven and he almost always wants to talk with her, but he becomes torn on whether or not to tell her what she wants to hear or what she should hear. Raven, on the other hand, isn't much of a talker and she feels insecure when people talk about her behind her back or if they know things that she doesn't. It gets pretty complicated, so I'm sure you can understand how difficult (and tedious) writing these dialogues can be. Anyways, I hope you enjoy the chapter Adam! :)

Santoramon: Trust me, it was hard thinking of a character that could do this to Starfire. I actually had to come up with one! It makes sense in a way, but I'm taking sides with Starfire: she doesn't deserve any of it! And, just letting you know, this chapter will be dedicated to you :) I don't know if you remember but you had some really good ideas while we were PMing and I mentioned that I'd like to write your idea about Raven and Beast Boy breaking up into the chapter! No no, they won't actually break up (my heart can't handle it) but it's a good dynamic for this duo! Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy the chapter!

SendarSlayer: Hi! I'm glad to hear you're reading Amnesia and that you're interested in how she lost her memory! It's a pretty long story, but it's starting to wind down and the next chapter should resolve an element to this story, so stay tuned! I hope we'll get to talk more in the future :) Enjoy!

JasonVUK: I know I know! It's freaky, right? But don't worry: it's not as bad as you think! In my opinion, Starfire is completely innocent and you'll see what I mean as we near the end of this epic (epically long…) tale of these two lover :D Enjoy the chapter!

Red-Birdx: Hey! It's so nice to hear from you, and don't worry about being a couple (more like 18) chapters behind! Ration the story and take your time reading. It's A LOT to take in, but I can't tell you how flattered I am to hear how much you're enjoying it :) Keep it up and I hope to hear from you again!

TheUltimateStar: So you've left a TON of reviews on my story! The readers who comment on every chapter are the best and it makes me so happy to hear your kind words :) You're learning pretty fast as well and your theories aren't bad at all! I can't wait for you to catch up, and if we pace ourselves, I'm sure we'll be on the same chapter in no time! Until then, enjoy!

Alright, and one more thing to address…

My love goes out to Santoramon for this chapter. We've talked to each other over PM about Amnesia and he made a really good prediction that I actually wanted to incorporate into the story, and with that, I'd like to thank him! I greatly appreciate his idea and input about of the different outcomes and endings for Amnesia too, which I personally didn't think of. This story will turn down another road, but these ideas definitely deserve to be recognized :)

Now, onto the much-anticipated chapter!

A Previous Summary: Raven is feeling much better after a solid night of sleep. She thinks she's ready to tackle her problems again, but the Titans are adamant in making sure she makes a full recovery first. Raven is told to have a sick-day at the Tower while the Titans go off on an emergency mission. However, once Raven spots a news report on the TV, it's clear that the Titans had lied to her. When Robin, Starfire, Cyborg and Beast Boy all come home, Raven asks to know about the court case. They're all upset that Raven found out but Starfire is the most upset since she flew away crying, although Raven has no idea why. Beast Boy was the only one who decided to talk to Raven about it.


Amnesia

Chapter 52: The Truest Form of Love

I took Beast Boy by the hand and I allowed him to guide me towards the crescent-shaped couch. We sat down and faced each other, the both of us feeling very uneasy about the situation. The Main Ops room was silent and we were uncertain of how to end it.

"I know what you're thinking."

"That's funny," I commented. "Usually I'm the one that says that."

Beast Boy half-smiled at my monotonic humor, but it didn't last very long. This matter was anything but light-hearted.

"Raven, I know you're upset that we lied to you again, that we betrayed you again."

"Did you really think I wouldn't be upset? Lying to me over and over again doesn't mean that I'll understand someday. I still don't understand why you guys don't trust me."

"It's not that we don't trust you. You know how much we care about you so don't say that."

"But why would you think I wouldn't need to know about this?"

"I told you," the green changeling clarified. "You aren't sleeping, you're having nightmares, your powers aren't working. Why should I have to make things worse for you?"

"You make things worse by not telling me."

"Yeah, and you think things would've gone better if I had just told you everything about your amnesia and your past life?"

"Well you can see where lying and not telling me anything has gotten us!"

Beast Boy restrained a heated counter response. He wiped his mouth and looked away, mentally reminding himself to not say anything that he'd regret. I didn't regret what I had said. Despite everything, a part of me still believed in what I had said. The Teen Titans had been doing this to me for as long as I could remember. They've lied, they've betrayed, they've avoided the truth. I can understand their motive, but that doesn't mean I don't feel hurt by their actions.

My friends still won't come clean. Even after all that we've been through, with running away and cheating on each other and going against the plan, nobody can trust anyone. There was a moment where I wondered if I could trust anyone.

"Beast Boy, I want answers."

"I know."

"I want to know what happened. I want to know why you guys won't stop lying to me."

"I know!"

"Then what happened? Tell me! No more lying! Why did you go to court? Why does it seem like Starfire was blamed for all of this?"

Briefly, every little thing in the room, even our forceful breaths, became still. I stared at Beast Boy, insisting for an explanation, and he dropped his gaze to the floor. A breath rattled inside his chest and he nervously played with his hands as he mustered the courage to speak. Beast Boy couldn't even look at me, whether it was to spare me of his reaction or to spare himself for my reaction.

"After the incident, once it was clear you had amnesia, not everybody was willing to let things off easily. A lot had happened, Raven, a lot that I can't explain, that you can't even imagine would happen, and then we got sued. Starfire represented us. She represented you."

"So it was because of something that I did," I said slowly.

"But you didn't mean it," he told me quickly. "It's not your fault. It's nothing that you can be blamed for."

"And yet Starfire is the one that's being blamed? How is that okay?!"

"It's not! I never said it was! We're all pissed about this, nobody is happy with what the court decided, alright? But Starfire had to represent you. There was no way we were gonna let you face the court for that."

"And what exactly was it that I did?"

Beast Boy sighed. I told him to stop stalling, that I wasn't waiting for answers anymore, and this caused Beast Boy to explode.

"You know how I feel when you get angry with me," he shouted. "You know how I feel when you tell me that things could've gone better if I had listened to you, if I hadn't kept secrets from you. Well I'm sorry, Raven, but it's just not that easy. It's not easy to tell you these things. It's not easy to come clean, but you got me all confused on what I should be doing!

"I do what my friends ask me to do, and you get mad. I do what you want me to do, and you get mad. And then I'm wondering what's worse: facing the consequences of telling the truth and ruining something for ya, or facing the consequences of you finding out the truth and ruining what we have between us. I don't know what to tell you, Raven, and I don't know if I should tell you. This is just causing more anger between us than what we need. Raven, for all we know, this could be why Rage is rebelling in the first place. It's because of me and the lies and the betraying and the secrets, but what if it's 'cause of the truth too? Is the truth what you really want?"

"I need to know the truth, Beast Boy."

"Maybe not," he said in a softer, gentler voice. "Maybe all you need to do is get over your anger, but hearing the truth from me isn't gonna make this any easier."

Tears stung my eyes and my throat constricted. I looked away from Beast Boy, but I could sense him looking at me. I could sense his sadness for me. I knew every well that Beast Boy was right. Everything he did for me was out of love, and I had argued with him about it, whether or not he had done what I had asked him to do. It felt like no matter what Beast Boy does for me wasn't enough, and I was angry with myself for realizing this.

I had the blessing to love a boy again, a boy from my forgotten past, and I had yet to reciprocate the love he has shown me.

"Oh Azar," I cried. "What have I done…"

"Shhh. It's okay, Raven."

"No! It's not! How is this okay?"

I hunched over and held my face in my hands, even though I couldn't hide my retching sobs. Beast Boy scooted over and a strong arm wrapped over my shoulders. I leaned into him, embracing his warmth and accepting his comfort. As mad as I was, I knew he never meant to upset me. I knew that I couldn't stay upset at Beast Boy either, especially after everything he had done to help me.

"There's nothing I want you to worry about except yourself," Beast Boy said at last. "You need to get better. You need to take care of your anger and figure out how you're gonna deal with Rage."

"How?"

"You gotta face it head-on."

"What?"

"Maybe if you talk to Rage again, if you give her what she wants, she'll be easier to deal with. Maybe that's all it takes to solve everything."

"Are you crazy? I can't do that!"

"I'm telling you: Rage is the reason why you're like this, why you can't sleep or use your powers very well. Your anger is making everything imbalanced. Maybe there's a way you can fix it."

"I know that Rage is causing all of this, but having a little chat with her won't solve anything. I don't even know if I still want her in my mind!"

"So what are you going to do then?"

I sniffed back my tears and sat up a little straighter. Beast Boy raised his eyebrows when I shrugged away from him.

"I'll keep doing what I've been doing," I answered. "I'll read and meditate and do what I need to do to get some sleep in every night. And I'll keep researching until I figure out what needs to be done about Rage."

"You can't just ignore her forever."

"No, but someday, I'll find a way to suppress her forever."


The conversation I had with Beast Boy really struck a nerve with me because we didn't exactly part on the best of terms. He was calling after me as I strode away but I ignored him. I headed straight for my bedroom and I locked the door behind me, desperate for some privacy. Only, once I was finally alone again, I didn't know what to do.

My bedroom was still in complete disarray from all the studying I had been doing. I thought about picking up from where I last left off and continuing to research my amnesia but I had a difficult time focusing on the books. My mind always managed to wander and I couldn't make any progress. There was no use in cleaning my bedroom either. Even if I couldn't work now, I would need to work later since I was far from solving the problems in Nevermore.

And that's just it, I had thought to myself. What even is the problem with Nevermore? Why is it changing all of a sudden? Why is it so different now?

Not one of my Emoticlones seemed to have an answer.

I tried to carry on, hoping to find solstice in my daily life, but nothing was satisfactory to me. I couldn't think of anything to do to pass the time and time did pass ever so slowly. The sun burrowed into the sea and the moon assumed control of the star-speckled sky. I watched from my bedroom window, tired but unable to sleep, bored but unable to work. Beast Boy's words continued to drone themselves within my mind, alongside my own dark thoughts, until I couldn't handle it anymore.

There was no reason to do anything, but there was also no reason to not do anything.

"Who is it?" Beast Boy growled after the millionth time I knocked on his door. "You better have a good reason for getting on my case when it's almost midnight."

"Beast Boy? It's me, Raven."

There was no response on the other side of the door. I heard bedsheets rustling and then the sound of hurried footsteps making their way across the room. Beast Boy opened his door just enough so he could peer through a small sliver of space.

"What do you want?"

"Look, I thought a lot about what you said," I began. "I was really frustrated with myself about my amnesia and my Emoticlones, and I was getting mad at you too when I shouldn't have. I wanted to say that I'm sorry about arguing with you earlier. I guess I'm still a little upset about what happened."

Beast Boy looked down at feet and inhaled deeply. He opened the door a little wider and stepped forward to face me properly. I shifted uncomfortably on my feet, my hands fidgeting in front of me.

"It's okay, Raven," he replied. "I was really frustrated too."

"I just can't stop thinking about it: you and me, my anger getting between us, and Rage still out there somewhere in my mind. It scares me, Beast Boy. I'm scared for me, for you, for the Titans. I'm scared that I might not ever figure out what's wrong with Nevermore. Maybe I'll never be able to defeat Rage and she'll just keep pestering me and pestering me until I-"

Before I could indulge into another fit of tears, Beast Boy reached for me and I was enveloped in his arms again. He embraced me tightly and I clung to him, burying my face into the crook of his neck. His words were whispered into my hair.

"Shhh. Don't say that, Raven. It's okay. It's gonna be okay. We'll figure this out, I promise. We'll find a way. Trust me. We'll find a way."

"I trust you, Beast Boy," I said as I backed away from him. "I know we can figure this out. I just hope it doesn't take forever…"

Beast Boy nodded solemnly and I ducked my head, smearing my tears away. Noticing this, he brought up another topic.

"You said you still can't sleep?"

I shook my head sheepishly. "I took the medicine Cyborg gave me about two hours ago and I haven't been able to fall asleep since."

"Then why don't you sleep with me tonight?" he offered. "Will that make you feel better? C'mon. Maybe it'll help the both of us get some shut-eye."

The green changeling stepped aside and I cautiously entered his bedroom. With his arm around my shoulder, he guided me through a series of obstacles that were strewn all over the floor, including spare uniforms, towers of pizza boxes, and empty soda cans. We arrived to his tall bunk bed, where he instructed me to sit down and wait. I settled into the mattress while Beast Boy dashed to his closet to retrieve extra pillows and blankets. He arranged them in a rather sloppy fashion onto his bed and then I was eased into the makeshift nest.

The warmth I felt as I was immersed in the blankets was unbelievable, but when Beast Boy joined me, it become undescribable. He laid down next to me as soon as he had finished and I immediately cuddled into him. Beast Boy wrapped his arms around me and then he pulled the blankets in closer around us, supporting our huddled bodies. We remained in this position for a long time. There was no need to speak to each other, until I realized something was wrong.

"This isn't helping me," I told him and Beast Boy hushed me, insisting that it's hard to fall asleep when I'm talking. "No! I mean this isn't helping me. This isn't helping Nevermore!"

"You just need to sleep, Rae," said Beast Boy. His eyes were still closed, his mouth moving ever so slowly to articulate his words. "Try to sleep a little."

I tried to take his advice. I snuggled into him and rested my head on his chest. Then, I concentrated on Beast Boy's internal mechanics: the slow, steady rhythm of his heart; the deep gulps of air that surged into his lungs; the flow of blood within his veins. I could feel it all, sense it all. He was able to live vulnerably and set his problems aside for whatever the reason, but that was a difference between Beast Boy and I.

He could be quick to forgive and forget, while I had the tendency to dwell on the past and await for the future.

"It's not working!"

"Close your eyes, Raven."

"I can't sleep like this. This isn't helping me at all!"

I shoved aside some of the blankets and sat up in bed. Beast Boy stirred and opened his eyes, using his hand massage my back. I knew he was only trying to comfort me, but it made me feel even worse.

"Stop, please."

"Raven, what's the matter?"

"I can't. I can't do this. I can't love you. I have to hate you."

This clearly got Beast Boy's attention. His eyes widened as he sat up to meet me, not really sure by what I was implying.

"What?"

"I need to hate you," I muttered. "So do it. Make me hate you!"

Beast Boy's face mirrored bewilderment. "How am I supposed to do that?"

"I don't know, say something to make me angry! Break up with me for all I care!"

"Why would I break up with you?!"

"Just do something! Stop trying to be nice! Make me hate you so Rage will come out and I can face her for good. It would solve everything!"

"I'm not gonna do that, Rae. After everything I put you through, you really think I could do that?"

"You'd be helping me," I sighed. "I need to fix this. I need to get this anger out of my system and the best way to do that is for you to do something that will make me mad. I can't just go on living with Rage inside of me. You're right, Beast Boy: I can't ignore her. I need her to come out and I need to face her myself. If I wait any longer, I won't even have a chance to suppress her."

"You can't face her now," he argued. "It's the middle of the night! You need to sleep."

"I can't sleep if she's in there. I can't sleep knowing that I could be vulnerable to her, that she could come for me at any time. I need to get to her first before she gets to me."

"Then what does this have to do with me breaking up with you? Why would say something like that?"

"You even said it yourself: I need to get angry if I ever want to draw Rage out of hiding, and that may be my best bet on suppressing her. I need to get angry and the best way to do that is to lose what I love the most‒you, Beast Boy. I'd have to lose you…"

The green changeling was petrified by my statement. He tripped over his words, attempting to justify the situation, but I wouldn't hear any of it. It was only upsetting me more.

"Raven, I didn't mean to-"

"Just do it! Get it over with already!"

"Telling me to make you hate me isn't gonna work! You'd be expecting it. Rage would be expecting it. It won't work…"

"I need to get angry! I'll give Rage what she wants and then she'll come out to face me!"

"Breaking up with you won't do anything. Raven, I love you so much and even if I broke up with you, it wouldn't work. I'm telling you: I love you so much that I wouldn't mean anything I'd say if I broke up with you. You'd know I wouldn't mean it. You wouldn't get mad; you'd be sad, depressed, and that won't convince Rage to come out. Breaking up with you won't help you; it won't help either of us."

"Then what am I supposed to do?" I cried. "I can't just wait around for her to come after me again; that's how I'll lose. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up."

"You will keep this up for however long it takes," the pea-green boy told me sternly. "You have things to be fighting for, Raven. You have reasons to keep going. You have me, the Titans, your memories, your future to fight for, the people of Jump City…"

"What about them?"

"They'll want you to fight too. They all want you back, just as much as I do, and I'll do whatever it takes to keep you happy. I won't do it. I won't make you mad. Breaking up won't solve anything; we hafta stick together, Raven, and as long as you're here with me, nothing will come between us. I promise."

It was only meant to be a small kiss. Beast Boy's lips parted slightly so they could connect with mine only briefly, a chaste contact to secure his feelings for me. However, it didn't end there.

When Beast Boy leaned in to kiss me, my first instinct was to pull us closer. Beast Boy had gingerly ended the kiss and I was the one who pressed on. We fell on top of each other, my hands wrapped around Beast Boy's neck and Beast Boy's hands wrapped around my waist. He was hesitant to reciprocate my dominating actions.

"Rae, is this really you?" Beast Boy asked me in between smooches. "Is this what you really want?"

I pulled away from Beast Boy, far enough so I could stare into his shimmering eyes, yet close enough so I could taste the fervor in his breath.

"It's me," I whispered. "It's really me. And it's the only thing I've wanted for a long time."

Beast Boy appeared surprised but I could sense the chemicals emanating from his flesh: he felt the same way about me and my response only seemed to evoke a stronger feeling of excitement.

We were kissing each other a little more aggressively now, frustrated with each other, desperate for each other. Beast Boy was on his back and I straddled him, drowning us amongst a sea of blankets and pillows. His hands were everywhere: my thighs, my waist, my stomach. I pushed into him and he pushed back, the both of us struggling for power.

I don't either of us cared about what we were doing. We were lost in each other, pulling and squeezing and moving as a single entity. I wasn't even thinking if I was ready to go that far because everything felt so natural. I was meditating in a way. All of the emotions I was feeling was put into what I was doing to Beast Boy, and he did the same.

The mental pressure of Nevermore alleviated as my lungs swelled with anxiety and with the thrill of kissing Beast Boy. For a moment, I thought I was flying. I felt so light and open and free, as if I could do anything, and that's what exactly what we did. Beast Boy and I complimented each other completely as we laid together in bed, undoubting and unquestioning our feral inhibitions. It was love, the truest form of love, and neither of us had to speak to know what our partner desired. We simply followed our heart with no intention of drawing back.

At least, not until an imagined force began to pound the inside of my skull.


Author's Note: Thank you so much for reading! As always, I'm open to suggestions, requests, and ideas for Amnesia in your comments. You knows? Maybe it'll be included into the story and every little comment (even if it's to point out an error or a flaw) can be very helpful :)

Now that school is over, I'll be working full-time at my job. I'll be losing my school-issued laptop (it's so much easier to write on this than on the desktop) but the two-week schedule should stay consistent. I'll try my very best to post on time :)

Goodbye for now!