Five days to Iraqi elections! This is the first half of this chapter and towards the end it kind of deteriorates into regiment speak which makes locker room talk sound pretty tame. Bit of swearing; off color descriptions, metaphors, the recreational sex imagery might be kind of graphic for the faint of heart.

You've been warned so only read at your own risk.

The setting is on Lex's balcony in Metropolis across from the Daily Planet building where Lana, Chloe and Lex are having a secret busting brainstorm session.

First, a recap of Lana's Epiphany and then the new chapter begins:

It was quite a view but not the view of the night sky that Lana wanted to be looking at. Lana would have given anything to be back enjoying one of those delightful nights in Smallville up in the loft with Clark at her side as they both look up at the stars decorating the Kansas sky.

Lana looked across the street and then dropped her eyes down since the Lex Corp Building was so tall compared to the old 1940s classic sky scraper of its day that was the Daily Planet building.

The huge model of a planet with its trademark rings around it looked like it was from a 1930s Flash Gordon serial. The planet turned endlessly letting every corner of Metropolis know that this wasn't any ordinary building but the home of the best newspaper in the world: The Daily Planet.

As the huge The Daily Planet model kept turning over and over as Lana sipped her hot chocolate. She never had really thought about it before but for no apparent reason a question just appeared in her mind.

"Chloe, I know Saturn has rings but didn't that flyby of voyager also reveal that Uranus has rings?"

Chloe didn't even look up from her laptop, "I just know about Saturn's rings Lana. After all I am a political and crime reporter not science and technology."

Lex as usual filled in the blanks with his classical education. "That's right Lana, Astronomers have known for decades that Saturn has rings but Uranus is so far out until the voyager probe flyby no one knew about its rings."

Lana took another sip and smiled as the rich aroma of the finest Belgium chocolate played with her pallet. "So it would be safe to assume that since the Daily Planet paper is over seventy years old that the ever turning planet at the top of the Daily Planet building represents Saturn and not Uranus?"

Lex shrugged his shoulders, "That would make sense since the Daily Planet started in the late 20s and back then they didn't know that Uranus had rings."

Lana after a few seconds asked, "Ok this is not a science question so tell me Chloe if the planet is supposed to be Saturn why did they call the paper the Daily Planet and not the Daily Saturn?"

Chloe's Buzan mind map software was acting up and she was getting frustrated. "How do you expect me to know Lana? The Daily Planet started as a gritty street level paper specializing in exposing city hall corruption and organized crime not a science magazine. So I guess for the name they didn't want to tie themselves down to just a known planet in our solar system but to keep it more general; you know any planet in the universe."

"Oh, thanks." said Lana.

A second later a shooting star streaked across the Metropolis sky. Lana remembered back to Smallville and another shooting star she watched as a high school girl in the loft with Clark.

A moment later from the dark recesses of her memory Lana heard her inner voice comment on the shooting star, "Clark, look think it's a spaceship?"

Then for no reason at all a warm feeling appeared in her gut and nudged a memory to the surface.

What was that? Rewind a little and hit play……

Lana heard Clark's voice from the past whisper in her ear, "I mean, how would you feel about him if he actually was from another planet?"

Then a moment later a little stronger Lana heard Clark say, "You'd never feel completely comfortable with him, would you."

The Lana from the past answered: "I have to admit, I'd be a little freaked out……..does that make me a bad person?"

The teenage hero of Smallville told her the truth: "No, just honest."

Lana felt chills and her knees started to tremble.

Once again an invisible Clark whispered in Lana's ear, "You'd never feel completely comfortable with him, would you."

Right in front of Lana at the top of the 1940s sky scraper the huge Daily Planet mocked her as it kept turning around again and again.

This time an invisible Lana whispered in Lana's ear: 'It's called the Daily Planet not the Daily Earth!'

A mug of the finest Belgium hot chocolate slipped from Lana's shaking hand and smashed on the floor of Lex's balcony.

Both Lex and Chloe looked up to see Lana Lang holding her hands cupped over her mouth while huge eyes the size of saucers and that's flying saucers stared back at them.

"Lana are you ok? What is it?"

Lana slowly turned and pointed a trembling finger at the Daily Planet building.

"Oh My God! That's it. The Daily Planet, I mean another planet!"

Part 45: Alien Revelations from Allah or Idiots: It's Called the Daily Plant; not the Daily Earth!

Lana's hand trembled like a leaf while she fought with a her arm to try to hold her finger on the turning model of Daily Planet.

Lex quickly grabbed a linen napkin and tossed it onto the floor to cover the smashed mug of hot chocolate.

Chloe didn't even look at the mess but stepped over it to look at the Metropolis skyline. She immediately targeted to where Lana was pointing. It was the Daily Planet building but it looked like it always did. What was the fuss about? Chloe looked at Lana who appeared to be doing her angry squirrel impression.

Chloe with a confused look on her face asked, "What is wrong Lana. It's just the Daily Planet building. You know girl, like where I work."

Lex brushed the mess of broken china and hot chocolate to the side of the balcony and stood up. His eyes followed Lana's pointing finger. "Yes, what is so special about the Daily Planet building? It looks the same as it always does."

Lana's arm dropped and then both her delicate hands jumped up together to cover her nose and mouth while her huge eyes just stared in disbelief at the Daily Planet.

Chloe reached over to lightly touch Lana's shoulder. "Are you ok Lana, you look like you saw a UFO?"

'What the fuck?' popped into Lana's mind as her face snapped back to face Chloe and she let out a little squeak. Then if it could be believed her eyes stretched open even wider. Lana looked back at the Daily Planet and felt her heart racing as she fought to remember how to breathe.

Chloe got both her arms on Lana's shoulders and guided her down to sit in one of Lex's exquisite Louis the fifteenth antique turned deck chairs. Lana finally remembered what her lungs were for and was now panting like a hyper active Labrador puppy.

"Lex I think you better go grab a paper bag. I think she is hyperventilating."

"Right, give me a sec."

Lex quickly slipped through the door and headed to the kitchen. He was back in a flash and handed the paper bag to Lana. She grabbed it like a hobo going after a bottle of single malt scotch.

Lana quickly wrapped it around her mouth and started to breathe in and out into the paper bag. Chloe just rubbed Lana's back while calmly repeating, "Take it easy, easy does it, just calm down." Lex caught Chloe's eye and raised both his eyebrows giving Chloe the universal 'what the hell is going on' look.

Lana fought back to the light and then suddenly felt very foolish to be breathing into a paper bag like an eight year old in a schoolyard so took it away from her mouth and dropped it on the balcony table. At the same time she looked back at the Daily Planet building. There it was; it never went away. The same as before the huge model of the Daily Planet just kept mocking her has it kept turning around again and again.

Thoughts started to jump into Lana's mind and dance around with each other, 'No way. Gotta be a mistake. Another planet? No freaking way. I have got to get it together.'

Lana looked at Chloe and Lex and she saw two looks coming at her that were a combination of worry and confusion. Lana's brain started to chant, 'Get to normal, get to normal'. Lana bit by bit started to pull it together and she finally said, "Its ok guys, I'm back under control."

Lex reached out to give her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "What happened Lana? You really scared us?"

"Ya," Chloe added, "That was a first class freak out."

Lana took a deep breath and tried to pulled reality back into focus. Shit! That didn't work. She could still hear the farm boy in plaid say, 'I mean, how would you feel about him if he actually was from another planet?'

Freak out round two started which was a controlled crash compared to the kamikaze flight of freak out number one.

"Oh my god," is all that Chloe and Lex heard from Lana.

Then Lana heard another echo in her mind of. 'You'd never feel completely comfortable with him, would you?'

Lana bent at the waist burying her face in her hands against her thighs. She shook her head saying softly. "It can't be. I am crazy to even consider it. No way, no freaking way." While Chloe and Lex just stared at her with dual astonished looks on their face.

Lana suddenly stood up and started to do her trademark tiger pace while she gestured to Chloe and Lex to sit down. How the hell was she going to tell them her answer to the mystery of Clark Kent without them wanting to lock her up in a rubber room?"

"Guys just give a minute."

Chloe with a guarded look said, "Ok, take your time." Lex just nodded in answer.

Lana took in a huge breath and let it all out while giving the Daily Planet a quick look. Lana looked back at both of them, "Guys I think I remembered the rhetorical question that Clark asked me to test how I would react to his secret."

Lex looked excited while Chloe said, "If this is how you reacted when you remembered it rather than having him spring it on you maybe it's a good thing he didn't tell you."

Lex couldn't stand it, "Forget the jokes Chloe; what the hell is it Lana?"

Lana was thinking how to tell them when she realized just how stupid her suspicions would sound if she said them out loud. In a second she made up her mind. "Not yet Lex, it's so freaking far outside the box that I don't want to say it but want to see if you two come to the same conclusion."

"Come on Lana," Chloe started but Lana cut her off. "No, first I will tell you what happened some years ago at the Kents when I found out that Whitney was alive. And I will tell you what Nell said about Clark's uncle Thor-el last weekend in Smallville."

Lana started to plead, "I just can't say it out loud yet; it's just too stupid or weird or maybe just crazy."

Chloe gave up and thought, 'Well at least Lana is going to spill how she heard about Whitney and meeting last weekend with Thor-el', so that would satisfy her curiosity for now.

Lana started telling the both of them how after seeing several of her designs in the Daily Planet style section the Korean professor Soon Ko Lee hired Lana to design her wedding dress. As soon as Soon Ko Lee found out she was originally from Smallville she told Lana about Whitney Fordman and his heroics in the valley of death helping her and the special ops rescue team escape from North Korea.

Both Lex and Chloe had a dozen questions but let Lana tell the story without interruption. Lana went on to describe how Betty Fordman broke down and confirmed that Whitney was alive but being held prisoner in North Korea.

The only person Betty Fordman had told about Whitney other than Lana was none other than Martha Kent. Both Lex and Chloe learned forward in anticipation when they heard how Martha had soothed Betty Fordman in her car out side the Talon by telling her Clark was home and she would talk to him about rescuing Whitney in North Korea.

Lana then told them about her decision to stake out the Kent farm which got a node of approval from both Chloe and Lex. Lana inwardly cringed for a second when she thought of the different reaction the stake out would get if she confessed her plan to trap Clark to Pete Ross.

Lana described how she recruited the twins in helping with the stake out and how they took turns watching the Kent farm through the B&L sporting telescope.

Lex's eyes went up and he rolled around the

helo-aircraft possibilities when Lana told how Lisa thought she saw something land in the Kent's backyard close to the pool. Then after disappearing for all those years Clark suddenly appeared on the Kent's front porch with Ryan and his parents.

Lex looked like he was losing control of bodily functions while Chloe started quivering with excitement when Lana describe how, with the twin running interference she snuck over to the Kent farm to corner Clark and Ryan in the loft.

When she got to the part of climbing the stairs to the loft with flashlight in hand while listening to Ryan and Clark talk Lana thought for a moment that Chloe and Lex were going to explode.

Then as Lana feared the whole story fell apart when she described what she saw when she flashed her light into what she thought were Clark's eyes.

"A weretiger? What the hell are you talking about?"

"Come on Lana quit kidding around. This is not funny."

Lana started to protest but Lex interrupted, "If this story is true Lana why didn't you tell us it before?"

"I promised Martha Kent I wouldn't tell anyone which of course is a promise I am now breaking." Lana felt a wave of guilt but pushed it down. "But also I didn't say anything because just look how you two are reacting now. I had enough trouble believing it myself even when the twins confirmed the weretiger thing jumped from the window of the loft into the barnyard and then ran to jump into the backyard pool area to then completely disappear. If it wasn't for the twin's collaboration as witnesses I might have convinced myself I imagined the whole thing."

Lana's eye's narrowed, "But not only the twins confirmed it but Martha Kent did also."

"What the hell?" Lex said in disbelief.

Lana continued, "That's right Martha Kent said, 'the name of the weretiger thing was Puss'n'Boots."

Chloe snorted, "Puss'n'Boots, now this is just getting silly. Are you screwing around with us for a joke Lana because we are not laughing?"

Lana shoulders dropped in exasperation. "I am not joking Chloe so just listen. Martha Kent had to come up with some kind of explanation for the weretiger thing. I asked her if it was a meteor freak and she said no it was the same as Clark."

That got their attention. Chloe and Lex stopped making faces and shut up.

"Martha Kent said to me that Clark was not a meteor freak. He is kind of like Puss'n'boots. She then went on to say, Clark is like Puss'n'Boots in that they were born the way they are and not infected by the meteor rocks. She then said don't ask her any specifics because it is not her secret to reveal."

"Holy shit," said Chloe.

"Wow, that is something Lana," injected Lex, "It's got to be the secret. It's got to be right there in that sentence. We just have to put it together."

Chloe thought for a second and then dropped any doubt and sarcasm. She instead went for more information. "I am sorry Lana for doubting you. Let's just get on the case. Now how exactly did this weretiger thing look and I mean everything; size, did it make any sounds, how it moved; everything."

Lana held up her hand, "I am a fashion designer but also an artist so just hold that thought because a picture is worth a thousand words."

Lana stepped off the balcony and over to her trendy Gucci backpack. In a moment she was back carrying a cardboard cylinder tube used for carrying blueprints, artwork, posters and such like. A few moments later Lana removed several sketches.

"These are sketches I made from memory of the weretiger." Lana quickly passed the sketches over to Lex and Chloe who looked at the pictures with astonishment.

(To see pictures of Kzin aliens so you have an idea of what Lex and Chloe were looking at do a search for SF writer larryniven and look at the Kizn gallery on his website)

After a couple minutes of silence as Chloe and Lex looked at each of the sketches Lex finally said, "These are incredible."

"Just incredible? Try unbelievable and freaking out of this world incredible," said Chloe. Lana gave her a look. "No Lana I believe you but you have to admit these are out there."

Lana looked over to the Daily Planet building and thought, 'But is it as far out there as I think it could be?'

Lana shrugged her shoulders, "Hey, I just drew exactly what I saw talking to Ryan then jump out of the loft and over the fence into the Kent's backyard. The twins saw it and Martha confirmed it afterward in conversation. It exists, it was there and it was real."

Chloe was staring at one of Lana's sketches, "It has to be a meteor freak but is it a cat mutation or a person mutated to be cat like?"

Lana rolled her eyes, 'No wonder none of them ever got anywhere with Clark's secret. Every single question had the build in answer of "meteor freak".'

"Aren't you listening to me Chloe? Martha Kent specifically said this weretiger thing was not a meteor freak but the same as Clark; born that way."

Chloe looked up at Lana, "Then what could be the possible explanation for such a creature?"

Lana was about ready to explode but instead thought, 'Think girlfriend, after all you work at the freaking Daily Planet.'

Lana didn't now what to do. They were not coming up with the explanation she did when she looked out of the Daily Planet building. Maybe she did have it totally wrong and it was just an innocent question Clark had asked her about Cyrus rather than the 'secret' question.

Then once again Clark's voice echoed in her mind with, 'I mean, how would you feel about him if he actually was from another planet?' Come on; from another planet? She was just being stupid. How could the plaid teenage hero of Smallville in a town filled with meteor freaks; out freak everyone by being from another planet?"

A furrow appeared on Lana's forehead as she thought about it. She shook her head and tried to bring her thoughts back to earth."

Lex finally gave his opinion after examining every sketch. "Big Foot?"

Lana and Chloe looked at him and Chloe said, "What do you mean Big Foot? It's a weretiger thing and not an ape looking thing."

Lex shook his head and held up Lana's sketch. "No, I mean it could be like Big Foot. Something that evolved naturally where the difference is genetic from birth and not due to mutation after birth from something like meteor rocks. Big Foot is just an example of a primate that could be sharing the planet with us."

Lana's heart jumped at the sound of Lex saying planet but then fell again as Lex continued. "Or this weretiger could be nothing more than a normal human that is suffering from hypertrichosia. A genetic disorder of which the symptom is excessive hair growth on the face and body."

Lex borrowed Chloe's computer and quickly found a site which showed photographs of people that suffered from hypertrichosia.

"This Puss'n'Boots thing could be just a genetic disorder like these people with hypertrichosia."

(To find photographs of people with hypertrichosia do a search under it and for the famous cases of "jo-jo" and "lionelthelion-facedman")

Lana shook her head, "I know that people with this genetic condition look hairy like the weretiger but how could anyone move like it. I saw it jump from the loft window and then in a few seconds it was across the barnyard and over the pool fence. Also if it was nothing more than a medical or genetic condition why wouldn't Martha Kent just say that?"

Lana looked over at Lex, "It was a good idea Lex but I don't see that as the real answer. After all even if the weretiger was a very athletic person that suffered from hypertrichosia why would Martha say Clark was the same as the weretiger? Clark is mysterious but he for sure doesn't look like he belongs in a freak show."

Lex just held his arms up in defeat, "Ok, Lana it was just an idea?"

Lex might have given up but not Chloe. "Wait a minute guys; a genetic disorder could be the weretiger but what is Clark is something else that is not a disorder?"

Lana had to ask, "What do you mean Chloe?"

"What if Clark is a genetic mutant but the disorder does not cause problems and turn him into the traditional idea of a freak? Instead it makes him more of a super man?"

Lex thought about it but it just didn't sound right. "I don't know Chloe; what kind of genetic mutations could give super strength, speed and protection from being hit by a Porsche yet still make the person look like a normal human? That sounds a bit to X-man comic book world to me."

Lex paused for a second gathering his thoughts and then added, "The one constant thing about mutations that are expressed as physical changes is they change the appearance of the person. In a glance you can see that the mutation has affected physical appearance whether it's excessive hair like hypertrichosia or something as simple and as well understood as being born a midget or dwarf. Clark is a lot of things but he looks more like a perfect human specimen than a genetic mutation."

Chloe gave up as she ran into the dead end, "Ok Lex I just thought as long as it involves Clark Kent he could have handsome farm boy genes and not ugly mutant genes."

Lex smiled, "He could Chloe but then Clark would be an male model and not a super strong, fast, invincible teenage hero of Smallville that looks like a male model rather that the Incredible Hunk wearing plaid."

Lana by this time had almost talked herself out of the "Daily Planet" explanation.

Lex went back to the special kind of 'Big Foot' idea, "Ok what if the weretiger is not a mutation but an actual evolved species?" All that got was confused looks from Lana and Chloe so Lex elaborated. "Man is an evolved primate i.e. ape. What if the evolved weretiger is an evolved feline that shares a common ancestor with tigers? It is then a natural evolved being and not a genetic mutant."

Lana answered Lex, "That is promising but how could such an evolved creature like a weretiger that can talk human language with Ryan and the Kents and move like lightning evolved on earth and stay hidden from the public? And how could the Kents ever hide such a creature in Smallville?"

Lex thought for a moment. "Big Foot is a possibly an evolved primate that assuming it does exist has been able to stay hidden. The coelacanth fish was thought to be extinct for hundreds of thousands of years but then they caught one off of Africa in the 1930s. It was said the discovery of the coelacanth was like finding a living dinosaur."

Lex was starting to get a little excited, "The weretiger could be intelligent enough to know its survival depended on no one knowing it exists?"

Chloe started to rain on the Lex parade. "Even so Lex that doesn't explain Martha Kent saying the weretiger and Clark are the same. Not meteor freaks but born that way. I can see your logic on how the weretiger would want to remain hidden from humans or at least most humans since they would most likely want to kill them or put them in a zoo and sell tickets. However Clark is not a weretiger but a human evolved from primates like everyone else so what is he hiding?"

Lana didn't know what to do. Even though the ideas Chloe and Lex didn't completely answer everything they sure sounded a lot more probable than Clark was from another planet.

Lex started to spin his wheels, "I don't know Chloe but this thing looks like a tiger related species that has avoided being discovered by man and it's intelligence is proven by Lana hearing it talk with Ryan. For Big Foot its natural range is the wilderness of North American. For a weretiger equivalent of Big Foot its natural range would have to be outside India since India is too densely populated. So it could be Burma or Borneo, some where in South East Asia."

Lex was starting to put a scenario together, "We know from what Clark's uncle said at the barbecue that Clark's parents were killed in a war. All this time I thought it was a human war."

Lana's heart jumped into her throat as the Daily Planet answer once again appeared but then Lex said, "But maybe it was a war between human poachers and these weretigers. Knowing what Clark is like I would expect to find his natural parents on the side of the weretigers against poachers so it follows that it was the poachers that killed them?"

Lex thought about it and after a few seconds almost dismissed the whole thing as too improbable but then decided to at least finish. "That is why I can't find any trace of Clark and Thor-el using the usual mercenary broker's contacts in Brussels. They aren't fighting in a human war since they are protecting weretigers in South East Asia. The second thing that points to South East Asia is the language that Thor-el first spoke to Clark at the barbecue was tonal in nature."

Lana now really didn't know what to think. If the question Clark asked her about how she would feel if Cyrus really was from another planet truly was the Clark Kent secret test question then it could be that Clark and his Uncle weren't fighting in a human war.

Lana shook her head and tried to reboot her brain. So if the Daily Planet scenario was right that would mean Clark and Thor-el right now are fighting an alien war. Just not an over seas alien war but an outer space alien war? No way, that couldn't be; it was just too weird. The whole thing sound like a Star Wars nerd's wet dream. Her whole idea from the Daily Planet had to be a stupid mistake.

As Lana wrestled with her thoughts, Lex summed up his latest wild goose story, "So Clark and Thor-el are somewhere in South East Asia in a war trying to protect an evolved species of weretigers from poachers." When he said it out loud it did sound really silly. Lex's voice kind of dropped off while Chloe with a bemused look on her face said, "That is one incredible scenario Lex; you should be writing science fiction scripts for Hollywood.

Lex looked like the wind has been knocked out of him. "I know Chloe but I am just trying to grasp something that sounds half way realistic." A second later Lex had a light bulb turn on over his head, "Lana you didn't tell us what happened to Whitney? Is he still in North Korea or did the Government do a trade for him or pay a random?"

"None of the above. Martha Kent said Clark and the weretiger rescued Whitney from North Korea."

Chloe looked puzzled, "Lana what was the time line?"

Lana collected her thoughts, "Well, Soon Ko Lee said she had been rescued by a special opts team and they were being chased by North Korean mountain troops. Whitney volunteered to try to hold the North Korean troops off while the others escaped."

Chloe interrupted, "No, the time line for the rescue by Clark?"

Lana gave Chloe and Lex an exasperated look. "Ok, I drove down to see Betty Fordman and arrived in Smallville in the later afternoon. I confronted Mrs. Fordman and she confirmed that Whitney was alive and being held prisoner in North Korea. She also confirmed that the only other person she told that Whitney was alive was Martha Kent in previous evening outside the Talon when Martha saw Betty Fordman crying in her car. I left Betty Fordman and went and bought a B&L sporting scope for the Kent Farm stake out that evening. I then called the twins who were still at Smallville High to see if they knew anything. The twins said Ryan Kent had been acting weird and blowing them off for the whole week. Anyway that evening, and it was a Friday evening the twins and I staked out the Kent farm. It was just after it turned dark that Lisa saw something land in the Kent's backyard. I thought I saw Clark on the porch with the Kents and Ryan and then snuck over to confront him. You know the rest. It turned out not to be Clark but the weretiger thing."

Lana quickly wrapped up the rest of the story as Chloe started to fidget. "The weretiger thing ran away. When I asked Martha for an explanation she told me that Clark and the Weretiger rescued Whitney and he was crippled from torture and didn't want to see me."

"But Lana did Martha Kent tell you where Whitney and Clark were after the rescue?"

"No, she just said they were in Smallville and would be leaving soon. Whitney was crippled but Clark knew a doctor that could cure him. Martha wouldn't tell me where either of them were in Smallville and said that I was a threat to Clark and Whitney didn't want me to see him as a cripple."

Chloe caught the doctor reference, "Lana, that doesn't make sense. Clark has been gone for years. He doesn't know any doctors around Smallville any more. And besides that what country doctor would have the equipment or experience to treat a torture victim. The Smallville Medical Center wouldn't attempt that but medavac him to Metropolis."

Lex jumped in, "If Whitney needed a doctor or a specialist the Kents would contract me. They know that I have contacts with all the leading edge medical practitioners in Metropolis through the medical research that Lex Corp finances. Chloe is right. Clark knowing a doctor in Smallville that could treat Whitney doesn't make sense."

Lana just shrugged her shoulders, "What can I say guys other than exactly what Martha Kent told me."

Lex was already off on the next tangent, "Lana, are you sure that the timeline for the rescue trip to North Korea is correct?"

Lana gave Lex a quick nod and Lex continued, "Because the timeline doesn't make sense. It's just not practical. How could Clark and this weretiger thing get from Smallville to North Korea and back in twenty four hours including a rescue of Whitney Fordman out of a North Korean Gulag? Unless they had a Blackbird SR-71 spy plane that was build for carrying passengers and in flight refueling arranged it couldn't be done. And let's not even pile on the time for planning, passport visas, logistics and the time required for the actual rescue."

Lex walked over to his blackboard and quickly started to sketch out a diagram of the time line for Whitney's rescues from North Korea. A few minutes later Lex stepped back and pointed that the timeline diagram on the blackboard. "Look it is simply impossible. You must have the time line wrong."

Lana crossed her arms, "There is no way I have the time line wrong and the twins can confirm what Martha Kent said to me about the rescue. It's just another of the endless impossible things that Clark Kent manage to make happen." Lana stared Lex down, "Lex, you might not want to believe it. The timeline might not make logical sense but think about it; do you really want to bet against Clark Kent when he goes to the rescue?"

That question from Lana stopped Lex in his tracks. "You are right Lana; taking the other side against Clark in a rescue is the ultimate sucker bet. I fold but that still doesn't explain the timeline. Clark might be fast getting around Smallville with meteor like powers but how did he get to the other side of the world and back in twenty four hours including a rescue from a Gulag in North Korea?"

Lana gave the only answer she had, "Well, Lex we are talking about Clark Kent."

Chloe filled up her huge latte for the third time and took a large swallow of black caffeine to give her head a second wind for brainstorming. "I know unlike you guys last weekend seeing Thor-el I haven't seen him since the day Clark disappeared. And none of us have seen them together since the day of the Talon barbecue at the mansion. But how can you be sure Thor-el really is Clark's uncle? There is a resemblance I know from memory but how do you really know?"

Lex answered, "Chloe even though I haven't seen Clark since the barbecue I remember the way he both looked and moved. The resemblance to Thor-el is obvious except in one thing; Thor-el never holds back. You can easily see he has immense power while with Clark if you watched him closely you could see it but usually day to day Clark always tried to hide his power to protect his secret. Still I think it's obvious they are related by blood.

Lex shrugged, "I saw it and believe it but it's only my opinion based on visual memory. You are right; short of a DNA test there is nothing more than their appearance which can be easily faked so we really don't have any physical evidence that supports the theory that Clark and Thor-el are blood relatives."

Lana inwardly cringed. She really didn't want to face the music on her personal 'but I have physical evidence' story.

Well like it or not it was time to bite the bullet. Ouch! 'Bite the bullet' was a poor choice of words when you are trying to get up the courage to tell a birthday blow job story.

Lana cleared her throat, "Guys, I have a little confession to make about Clark and Thor-el being related or at least very similar that is proven through physical evidence or maybe a better way to say it is through similar physical experience."

Well this was something new; so Lex and Chloe turned to give their full attention to Lana's confession.

Lana took a deep breath and then released it. Well here goes, "I told you about Aunt Nell last weekend in Smallville spending the night with Thor-el in the Kent's loft. I had the same question you two have about proof of Clark and Thor-el's blood relations so I asked her to describe what Thor-el was like…"

Chloe's eye brows went up, "Lana, do you mean like, as in like, to have sex with?"

Lana cringed again for the tenth time. "Yes that is exactly what I mean." Lex just smiled and waited for her to continue. "Now don't either of you ever breath a word of this to anyone. If Nell ever found out I told you she would die of embarrassment but of course not until she killed me."

Lex just kept smiling like a Cheshire cat and said, "Don't worry our lips are sealed even if Nell's weren't."

Lana rolled her eyes, "Ok, this is it. Nell said she had the night of her life with Thor-el. The way she described his body was as a Greek god with an eight pack and a sheet of steel underneath perfect blemish free skin. So does that sound like anyone we know?"

Lex smirked and flicked his head at Chloe, "I'll leave that one for Chloe to answer."

Chloe just shot a look at Lex and said, "Of course you are describing Clark. I noticed how solid he was under that perfect soft skin every time I found an excuse to hug him but Lana that doesn't prove anything."

Lana answered her, "I know Chloe but just let me get to the physical evidence part. I can't think of any way to say this other than just come out and say it so here goes. Nell had oral sex with Thor-el and the important part was how she described what happened when he had an orgasm."

Lex just had to interrupt, "Let me guess, Nell swallows."

Chloe cut him off with, "In your dreams, Lex."

Lana just looked at the pair of them and thought of all the other places on earth she would rather be than telling this particular story to these two sarcastic perverts. "Actually Chloe, in this case Nell did swallow or at least try to swallow as much as she could. The only way to describe her attempt is: Thor-el's semen tasted like raspberries and it was pink. And there was a lot of it and it seemed like it was never going to stop no matter how quickly you swallowed."

After hearing that Lex cracked a big smile and Chloe's eyes lit up. A second later Chloe looked puzzled, "Ok so he ejaculated a lot of pink raspberry flavored semen. Interesting, erotic and good to know if you like to swallow but Lana how does this line up as physical evidence that Thor-el and Clark are blood relations?"

Lana tried her best 'put it together' look on Chloe but got nothing but a blank stare back from the Daily Planet's supposed star rookie reporter.

Lex took his usual smirk and turned the sarcasm up a few levels. As far as Lex was concerned this was major girl talk and he decided it was one conversation that didn't need any input from him.

"Chlo….eeeee! How many guys have you ran into that ejaculate a pint of raspberry flavored semen?"

"Gee Lana, none, so I guess I am hanging out with the wrong guys. Maybe I need to do a girl's night out with Nell." Chloe reached up and brushed her hair off her forehead. "I still don't see your point. So Thor-el is unusual. He was unusual from the first time I saw him at the mansion barbecue in senior year. Just from the way the guy looks it doesn't surprise me that for any lucky girl including Nell, the blow job delivery is unique."

Lana just stared at Chloe until the silence prompted Chloe to continue. "Ok Lana I admit I have never ran into a guy that ejaculated a pint of raspberry flavored pink semen and Thor-el looks as good as men get but what is your point?"

Once again Lana cringed as her toes started to curl, she really didn't want to confess this to these two none too sensitive souls. "The point is Chloe that I have run into a guy exactly like that right down to the pint of pink raspberry semen."

Chloe delivered to Lana her best 'wow' look while Lex decided that being a fly on the wall in the girl's locker room was a gift from the gods.

"Holy shit Lana! Not you, Nell and Clark's uncle. Is Smallville turning into a family reunion in the Appalachian mountains?"

Lana shuttered and did her best to choke back the hot chocolate that wanted to projectile vomit across the balcony, "Jesus, don't gross me out. No Chloe I mean someone else. Someone else that would provide physical proof of blood relations."

There was a moments silence and then the pieces in Chloe's head came together with a bang.

"OH MY GOD, you blew Clark Kent!"

Lana's didn't want to look at either Chloe or Lex so covered her face with her hands as she slipped into a chair and looked down toward the floor of the balcony.

Chloe wasn't going to let this chance go without squeezing it for all she could.

"You little cocksucker; the pink princess gives head and even swallows!"

That was enough to set Lana off, "Shut up, Chloe Sullivan! It was his birthday and don't try to play the innocent with me. I spent too many hours as your roommate listening to you brag about your lack of gag reflex."

That comment hit Lex like a sledge hammer in the funny bone and he started to howl like a laughing hyena.

Lana spun around to confront Lex, "And don't you get all righteous with me Lex Luther; we all know your reputation. I am a fashion designer and half the models in Metropolis have wrapped their thighs around your eyes."

Lex looked in great pain as he held his aching sides and tried to catch his breath, "Yea right pink princess or should I say Ms Deep Throat!"

Lana was speechless as Lex started to wheeze as he tried to catch his breath, "Hey Princess, how was the raspberry sherbet surprise when a plaid trouser snake puked pecker snot on your tonsils."

"You dirty pig, fuck off Lex!"

Chloe just had to keep giving Ms Perfect Pink a good kicking, "Stop swearing princess of pink or I will slap you on the side of the head and knock Clark's penis out of your mouth."

That one did it. A second later all three of them were laughing so hard they couldn't stand. Lana felt like her sides were going to split open while every vein in Lex's bald head pulsated in rhythm with his howls of laughter. Tears were running down Chloe's face as various shades of red washed across her face.

It was about five minutes later than the trio finally laughed them selves out. Lex called for a five minute recess and headed to the kitchen closet to get a broom to clean up the broken glass and spilled hot chocolate. Chloe went off to the bathroom to splash some cold water on her face.

Lana was out on the balcony by herself for a few minutes and was thinking, 'All in all, the "birthday blow job in the loft" confession went better than I expected.'

From Lex's balcony Lana looked across the city to the model of the Daily Planet turning and once again thought about what Clark said to her about Cyrus. How could such a thing be true? Was she really losing it or had she finally figured out the secret of Clark Kent? How did any of this fit together?

And most important; was she ever going to taste that pink raspberry flavored semen again?

……To be continued as second part of the same chapter…………

PS Sorry if that update crossed the line of good taste but good taste has always been a little elusive to moi. It's really busy in the sandbox but I will try to update the 2nd half of this chapter before elections.

After the election I be going underground to hunt in the sandbox for three to four weeks so after Dec 15th next update will be in 2006.

Cheers SandSniper