Jude- Eli's ex-girlfriend who attacked Hana BEFORE she and Eli started dating
Zane- Jude's new boyfriend
Jazz and Rais- Members of Eli's initiation class, and Amar's parents; Jazz was of Hana's instructors
Bekah and Abilyn- two of Hana's friends
Conner and Ben- Bekah's and Abilyn's boyfriends
Kelly- another of Hana's friends, she has a crush on Nick
Angie- One of Hana's friends
Chaz- Leeann's husband
Rob- Angie's husband
Sultana- One of the control room supervisors, she's Rais's mother (and like a second mother to Eli). She has guessed that Hana and Eli are dating.
Thank you for all the wonderful reviews on the last chapter! Bahrfamily and I have enjoyed reading each of them. (and I've enjoyed the PM's they have sparked!)
And thank you to Bahrfamily for her normal excellent beta skills and her willingness to reedit this when I realized there were a couple of missing scenes!
All I can say is don't kill me when you finish reading this chapter… please! I promise you'll like the way the next chapter ends better!
53 Control Room Curse
"Don't you ever get tired of escorting me places that I am perfectly capable of walking to myself?" I ask Nick as he walks with me from the Control Room to dinner.
Nick smirks. "That's Eli's call. I've mentioned a couple of times that now that Jude's dating Zane it should be okay, but…" Nick shrugs.
I huff over that. I've tried telling Eli that it's not fair to tie up Nick's time, but he won't change his mind.
Nick laughs at me. "It's okay, Hana. I don't mind."
We walk into the cafeteria. The problem is that the Abnegation still in me minds. It seems selfish of me that Eli still asks Nick to do this so that we can have some time together. I'd much rather we were just honest with everyone and let them know we're dating than continue to put out Nick, but Eli won't hear of that idea because of Jude.
"Hana, there's an open seat by Eli. Why don't you take it up with him? I'll go sit over there." He points to the empty seat by Tori. It's funny… if I didn't know better, I'd say he was laughing at me about something. He has the same tone to his voice that Eli gets when he's trying not to laugh out loud.
Jude and Zane have developed a habit of sitting just on the fringe of our group. If you are on the outside looking in, it looks like they are sitting with us. But if you are part of our group, it's easy to see they sit near us, not with us. No one intentionally includes them in our conversations. Every once in a while, one of them, mainly Jude, will try to interject something into our conversation. Usually we ignore her.
When Zane tries to add something, one of us might respond to it, but we try not to encourage either of them. Tonight, when Jude stops by Eli on her way to her chair, I happen to be sitting next to him because of Nick's direction to that seat.
I try very hard not to react when she puts her hand on his shoulder, but I'm sure Eli notices me tense up, ready for a fight.
"Guess what?" Her voice is bright and bubbly.
No one guesses anything, and she just stands there.
I wait a long moment before I respond. Hopefully if I just say something, she'll move on. "What?"
She smiles gratefully at me. "Zane asked me to marry him!" Jude holds out her left hand for everyone to see her ring. It's intricate, with cut-outs in the shape of interlocking hearts down the black metal sides. The stone in the middle isn't round like most women's, but has been shaped like a heart.
Eli is the first to respond. "Congratulations!"
He looks at her, not at me, as he says that.
Before anyone else can respond Jazz's voice rings out. "Amar! You get back here this instant!" She jumps up from her seat and takes off after her running toddler. He's fast, and nimble. He darts in and out of people's legs faster than I expected him to be able to.
It's another reminder that I'm not in Abnegation. If I were in Abnegation, someone would have already grabbed him by now and held onto him so Jazz could catch her son.
Instead, Rais chuckles. "He's gotten this bad habit: when he's bored, it's time to play chase. Jazz has informed me that until he stop this, there is no way he's ever getting a baby brother or sister to join him!"
We laugh and look to see where they are at. Amar is almost to the door.
The rest of Dauntless eggs him on, encouraging him to be braver, run faster. Jazz still hasn't caught him. Rais stands up. "I better help, or I'm going to be sleeping on the couch tonight!"
Working out after dinner tonight was Nick's idea. The funny thing is, he's still not here. In fact, right now, Jazz and Amar are the only ones in here with Eli and me. We each have our own punching bag. Mine is the one in the corner. Eli is on my right, and Jazz is on my left.
Amar is now almost two. He stands on Jazz's other side, his stance mimicking his mother's, both of his feet planted solidly. She even wrapped his fingers with tape before she made him put on his padded gloves. He looks so cute standing there.
Jazz looks over at him and smiles fondly. Then she turns to her bag and swings at it, hard enough that it swings from side to side.
Amar's sunny laugh echoes in the room. Suddenly, his brow furrows in concentration as he jabs out his hand. I hear the faint sound of the glove smacking the bag and, to my surprise, when I look, his bag moves about as much as mine usually does. "Show off," I mutter.
Jazz looks over at me and smiles. "If you would practice as much as he does…"
I laugh.
Not wanting to get shown up by a two year old, I nervously get ready to take my first swing. I was starting to show improvement when Nick and Jazz were working with me so I could protect myself from Jude, but after Eli broke up with her, I haven't kept up on my fighting like I should have. When I take my first swing, I hit the bag enough that it moves, and it stings my hand. I shake my fist out from the punching bag. I feel someone watching me. I look over at Jazz, but it's not her. She's kneeling by Amar, helping him with his form. No one else is here yet, so it must be Eli. The most natural place for me to touch my palm would be my forehead, but I've already done that. I use my left sleeve to wipe the sweat off my forehead while I think.
Something brushes up against the right side of my neck. Without thinking, I slap at it with my right hand. There's nothing there. I look at where Eli was, to see if he noticed, but he's not there. I look around and he's now behind me. It dawns on me that he touched something to the side of my neck. He did that, intentionally, hoping that I would do exactly what I did.
His eyes hold mine. There is a look in them, a hunger, that makes my stomach clench.
Suddenly, just like at dinner tonight, Amar giggles and takes off running, right out the open door.
Jazz jumps to her feet. "I wish he'd quit doing that!" She runs after him. "Amar!" She yells after him. "Amar, get back here!"
Suddenly, we are the only ones here, but we both know that will quickly change. Jazz will catch Amar and bring him back. Tori will be off soon and she is planning to come join us after that. Bekah was thinking about coming too, since Conner is on his twelve-hour shift right now. Nick should be here, since he planned it, and when he comes, Kelly will show up, over-dressed for sparring. Abilyn has a date with Ben, and Chaz, Leeann, Angie and Rob, wouldn't commit. Newlyweds!
Eli grabs my hand and pulls me deeper into the corner, so that we can't be seen from the door. He positions us just behind my punching bag. His kisses leading up to the new spot are quick. He doesn't want to get caught, but he doesn't want to wait, either. When he gets to my neck, it's not like any of the other kisses he's given me. My arms wrap around his neck, pulling him in closer. His lips pull at my skin, just a little, and it's not just one kiss, it's a whole line of kisses that start by my ear and trail down my neck to my shoulder.
"Eli…" I whisper his name, but it doesn't sound like my voice.
His response surprises me. "I love you," he whispers in my ear.
I jerk back just a little, so I can see into his eyes. We've told each other that we are growing in love with the other person, but he left this part out. He's just told me he is completely there. That he loves me. For a moment I am speechless, trying to figure out the best way to respond. I've had the thought before that I've grown in love with him to the point that I know I do love him, but…
Before I can respond, we hear someone walk in the doorway. Automatically, we pull apart and Eli punches the bag as hard as he can. "See," he says in a voice just loud enough to carry, like he's been giving me instructions. "When you put your weight behind it and step into it," he punches it again, "you have more power." He steps away from the bag and pauses behind me. "You try." His voice drops so that whoever just walked in can't hear him. "And when you put your frustrations behind it..."
I smile and do what he just suggested. The bag waves back and forth.
"Hana! Hana! Are you here?" Bekah's voice rings out.
I step out from behind the bag.
When she sees me she squeals. "He asked me!"
"Who asked you what?"
Bekah throws her arms around me. "I went and saw Conner, and even though he was at work, he asked me!"
I must look as puzzled as I feel.
She lets go of me and holds out her left hand. "Will you stand up with me?"
Suddenly I realize what Conner asked her: Bekah and Conner are getting married. I force a smile and hug Bekah back. "Of course!"
I blink hard to keep back the tears forming in my eyes. I'm happy for Bekah, really I am, but she and Conner haven't been dating nearly as long as Eli and I have.
I avoid looking at Eli. Bekah's engaged now, and still, no one knows I'm dating him.
"Are you okay?" Natalie asks me when I walk up and stand next to her at the railing to the Chasm.
I nod. "Why?"
"You look a little down about something. It's not like you."
I take a deep breath. "Bekah's getting married. She and Conner haven't even been dating a year, and…" My voice trails off.
"And if I had to guess, I would say that you've been seeing Eli longer. You're jealous."
"I'm trying not to be."
"Hana, have you told Eli this?"
My laugh is short, and I have to close my eyes again against the rapidly forming tears. "I can't even get Eli to agree to tell everyone we're dating. I'm not about to go further than that."
Natalie brushes away the stray tear that escapes from my cheek. "Talk to him."
"I've tried. It all comes back to Jude."
"Hana…" She stops, unsure of what to say.
"What do you need? I've got to get to Tori's place; we're playing cards tonight." It's the truth, and the quickest way I can think of to change the subject.
"When we shake hands, I'm going to give you a drive. I know you're working a lot right now. You'll probably get Erudite more than your fair share, but… record every interaction you catch of Norton and Jeanine together."
I nod.
"The code you'll need is on the paper wrapped around the drive. For now, just leave it in my old room every Friday. There will be a new one waiting for you." She looks at me long and hard for a minute. "You and Eli will work this out."
I nod and hold out my hand for her to shake. "Thanks."
Although Tori's apartment is always immaculate, her sketches for tattoos cover every empty flat space. It's as though she was waiting her whole life for permission to draw. I pick one up and admire it. It's just letters, but the way she draws them, each letter looks like its own flame. I couldn't do something like that in a million years, even if I tried. Not that I plan to try.
"I didn't think about needing a place to put the cards!" Tori laughs as she starts picking up papers off the kitchen table. "I don't know where I thought we were going to play!"
Out of habit, I start picking them up from the same table, helping her clear it for our game. Eli catches my eye and he mouths "Stiff" to me.
I roll my eyes. I want so badly to shake my fist at him and put his kiss in a new place I've been thinking of a lot lately, especially since his declaration the other day, but… I have no reason to make a fist at him. At least no reason anyone else knows. So I just leave it at an eye roll.
I feel eyes on me and notice that Nick is watching me help Tori move and straighten things up. I hope he didn't see the exchange between Eli and me. I look at him, smile my Abnegation smile, and shrug. "Old habits."
Nick grins, and then looks away.
Tori takes the sketches out of my hands. "Thanks." She brushes a lock of straight black hair out of her eyes. She sets them all down on coffee table in her living room.
"Um, Tori," Leeann grins at her, "I thought we were playing a tournament tonight. You know multiple tables?"
Tori groans and picks the pile back up. "You're right, you're right. I don't know where my mind is."
"I'm sure it's not with that guy I saw you having lunch with yesterday," Angie teases her.
Tori blushes and doesn't answer Angie.
I keep helping her pick up the sketches off the second table. "Where do you want these?" I hold up the stack that I have.
"Let's put them in the tattoo parlor." Tori motions for me to follow her. We head back to her kitchen, and she shows me the door to the tattoo parlor.
"That's convenient," I observe as we head in.
Tori laughs. "Too convenient! Bud will come and get me if he gets too busy and I'm home."
"I hadn't thought about that."
"I didn't either, when I took the apartment." She takes the papers from me, and we head back into her apartment.
"We've already picked partners," Nick informs us as we walk in.
"Okay, who am I with?" Tori asks.
"You're with me. Hana's stuck with Eli." There's a twinkle in Nick's eye. I wonder what that's about.
Eli leaves with the rest of them. I stay behind with Tori to help her clean up. I know it's more than a little Abnegation of me to stay and help, but it works well. No one questions me staying to help, and I'll be able to meet up with Eli after I'm finished, without anyone noticing.
Tori and I clean up quickly. A few short conversations pass between us as we wash the plates and glasses from our snacks.
"All I have left to do is grab my drawings. Thanks for your help." Tori smiles at me. "It's nice to have someone stick around and clean up."
"No problem. See you at breakfast."
Tori nods and I head out.
I head to the net. We had decided that would be the easiest place to meet after the game. He's sitting on the net, waiting for me. When I get there, he jumps off and hugs me. It feels so good to get my arms around him after sitting so close to each other all evening without touching.
Eli kisses me without letting go. When he gets to my neck again, a moan escapes from my lips. "Eli…"
"I meant what I said." He pulls back just a little from me. "I love you," he whispers.
"Eli, I..."
He puts a finger over my lips. "Don't say anything yet. I don't want you to feel like you have to say it back just because I said it. I don't want you to say it until you know you're ready."
I nod.
"I'll only know you mean it, if you don't say it right after me."
I nod again.
He moves his finger.
"Eli, Jude's getting married."
This time, he nods.
"I love you, and I think it's time we admit we're dating to everyone else." I hold my breath waiting for his response.
Eli says nothing. He just looks at me.
I wait for him to say something, but he just stands there. "Eli?" I finally whisper his name.
"You love me?" His voice is as unsure as a young child's.
I smile at him. "I love you, a lot."
"And Jude, and everyone else knowing, are you sure you're ready for that?"
"Yes." Then it dawns on me, maybe he's still not. Maybe Jude has just been an excuse this whole time. "Are you?" I question back.
Eli leans forward and touches his lips to my cheek again. "I've been ready to let everyone know we're together for a while now, and if Jude's marrying Zane, I think you're right. It's time to tell everyone."
I sigh with relief. I stand on tip toe and press a kiss to his jaw, since that's as far up as I can reach. "How do we do it?"
He moves away from me and links my hand in his. He pulls me to the net. He lets go of my hand, then wraps both hands around my waist to lift me up so I can sit on it. Then he pulls himself up and flips himself over.
We sit side by side, with my head on his shoulder.
"How to do it…?" He kisses the top of my head. "I'll have to think about that."
I yawn.
"You're working an awful lot these days."
I nod and try to stifle the next yawn.
"You're not going to be awake for long, are you?"
"I'll stay awake for time with you."
"So what's going on in the control room that has you working all these hours?
"Besides Sue having her baby? A couple of injuries." I shrug. "The control room is turning into a dangerous place to work."
My nerves are just starting when I get to work. As soon as I'm off, I'm supposed to meet the group in the Pit to go to the fights. Last night, it took Eli and I a little time to work out how we are going to tell everyone. He was all in favor of kissing me, just to see everyone's reaction.
My first suggestion was just for us to walk side by side and hold hands to see if anyone would notice.
We compromised somewhere in the middle. A hug. However, knowing Eli, I'm fully prepared for him to kiss my cheek. I can just see him doing that.
However, when I get to work, I discover exactly how accurate my statement last night was. Sultana gives me a weary look. "I hope you didn't have anything planned after work today, because if you did, you're going to have to cancel it. We're in full crisis-mode here."
"What's happened?"
"Shawn ruptured his spleen. He's in surgery right now. We're all going to have to work at least 16 hours on, 8 off, for at least the next week, maybe longer," Sultana informs me. "We're just out of man power. No days off or shorter shifts."
I nod. "Can I have 15 minutes at the end of this shift, to let everyone know?"
"Are they expecting you?"
I nod.
"I can give you 15, but no more." She lays a hand on my arm. "Will Eli be there?" Her voice is almost too soft to hear.
I never confirmed that what she hinted about Eli was true, but now I nod.
"I'm sorry."
"There you are!" Eli is the one who sees me first. "We were about to give up on you." I can hear the nervous edge to his voice.
I know we had planned to tell everyone tonight that we are dating, but I just don't see how that is going to work now. My new work schedule has taken out all the excitement from telling everyone. If we tell them now, I will literally disappear after dropping that on them. He must see something in my face, because his smile quickly disappears. "What's wrong?"
I wish I could give him this news in private, that I didn't have to tell him what is going on with everyone around. I wish that I could hold him close and tell him it's just for a little while, but I can't. Everyone is here, and I wasn't given the time.
"The control room curse hits again," I inform everyone. "I'm here to let you know that I don't know when I'll see any of you again. Shawn ruptured his spleen today. We're all going to be working at least 16 hours a day until someone gets back." I'm glad that Bekah is at the infirmary tonight. I'll let Conner tell her instead of her hearing it from me.
Eli looks like he's about to say something. This is not the time and place to give everyone our news. Telling them we're dating and then me running off just doesn't seem right. I give my head a little shake and he nods.
"I've got to go." I swallow, tearing my eyes away from Eli and looking at Leeann. "I promised Sultana I'd make it quick." I take a couple of backward steps, and then turn around and head away from Eli back to the control room.
