Author's Note: This chapter was also largely written by Mistress Winowyl. once more you have my thanks and appreciation.

XXX

When she woke up the next day she realized she had been ambushed, sabotaged, and made a victim of the horrible 'Turn Tongue into Sandpaper no Jutsu.'

"Bastards," she mumbled, rolling her lips and tongue experimentally.

Looking around the little flat she resided in, she noticed how awful it was. Sake bottles all over the place, half eaten food here and there, and then there was the little bits and pieces of odd clothes that she was SURE didn't belong to her. A particularly entertaining set of tighty whities made her chuckle. She also looked over to the little table where a collection of miniature dolls stood proudly on display.

"Gah...brush my teeth." She clamped a hand over her mouth. "What time is it anyways?"

She glanced at the wall clock, it was almost two pm.

"I guess I don't have a mission." She chuckled, knowing she would have been contacted well before noon if she had. She pushed her fingers into her scalp, looking about her room with a slight bafflement. "Still not as bad as Naruto's used to be."

She ambled into her room where a pile of sheets and pillow case waited for her attention.

"Laundry Day," She smiled widely.

The laundromat was always an interesting place. Small vending machines lined the wall, the smell of dryer vent heat, detergents, fabric softeners, and the mingled exposure of others who were waiting for their necessities and their unmentionables.

The swirl of water and oddly colored clothes swishing in the front load machines seemed to relax her a little, distracting her.

Water swirling...whirlpools...maelstroms...Naruto...

"Fucking Naruto..." She growled, earning a disapproving look from an older civilian woman doing her laundry across from her.

She gave 'what's her face' a wide smile.

"Hmph," the woman turned her nose at the elite kunoichi.

After dumping a bit of detergent into the washer she threw her clothes and sheets en mass inside the machine, not even bothering to separate them. Turning it on, she lumbered over to a seat across the way and plopped herself down as the water filled the machine. She was hungry, thirsty, and moody. Looking at her watch and then at the timer on the washer, she called out, "Great! Thirty eight more minutes and then I can spend an hour waiting for it to dry! Shit, I'm bored!"

This got her a few more chuckles from some guys across the way.

Some of them gave a few bawdy chuckles as they whispered to one another. A few of them obviously knew her. Was that one of the Jonin's that went with her on that Iwa raid a couple of months back?

Kitaro, Kinako, Kamada...What was his name? She started to offer him one of her inviting gestures and possibly having a bit of fun to pass the time; a romp at her place, his place, the mop closet, but then she remembered she was still trying to get the stains out of these sheets from the last guy...uhm...Hikaro, Homamo...Ah whatever.

No, she needed a distraction that didn't involve spilling bodily fluids and would keep her away from thoughts and sensuality, some thing that could not only steer her of any sexual desires but also something that will also get her back in the right state of mind that made her the scariest bitch in Konoha. (Well before Tsunade cam back at least.)

"Now how the hell do I manage that?" She wondered aloud.

"Yosh!" Might Guy burst through the door, a laundry bag in one hand a jug of detergent in the other. "Good afternoon my youthful citizens of Konoha! Behold, you are in the presence of the Beautiful Green Beast!"

This earned a few sniggers at Guy's expense from some of the patrons in the corner of the droning machines, but it made Anko smile.

"You'll do."

Anko waved at Guy and was greeted by a boisterous laugh and his ungodly poses that made her certain that his sexuality HAD to be that of a same gender basis. This hypothesis was supported by the fact he had never hit on her even once. In her mind that was absolute proof he was gay.

Complete flamer, she thought as she saw him meticulously sort through his clothes of spandex, spandex, and more spandex. She was actually hoping she would see some underwear in his bag because if not, then that would mean Guy was always commando in those green tights and that was just a thought best left incomplete.

"Anko-chan, if I may ask," Guy was still separating his clothes and looking out from under his very thick eye brows at her. "You seem to lack your usual fire. Has something happened that has made you feel unyouthful?"

She gave him her wide eyes closed smile, the one that made Naruto shiver. "Whatever could you mean? I'm as happy as sunshine."

"You hate sunshine." He pointed out.

She grumped and turned away from him. "Yeah, I do. Horrible thing to see, especially after a hangover."

"Then what's the matter?" Guy threw his clothes into three different washers with meticulous care; adding just the right amount of detergent, set on the proper settings and turned them on.

Anko thought a lot about how Guy and his student had the most unusual relationship. There were many rumors of him and Lee (Guy Jr. as Kakashi liked to call him) having a 'too close' companionship that bordered on the inappropriate. She figured he could be a sympathetic ear and maybe even have some advice. After all, she was getting absolutely nowhere fast with her very stubborn and very young ex fiancé.

"This sucks," she finally slouched back into an uncomfortable plastic seat with some of it's off colored arm rests missing.

Guy patiently waited for her to continue.

"I've been close to Naruto since before he was a genin and I've had to enduring his whiny claims to marry him after I lost a bet-"

Guy's monstrous eyebrows perked. "Wait, you're upset because a person you've made a bet with wants you to fulfill your obligation and you won't?" Guy was constantly setting outrageous conditions for himself whenever he lost a challenge to Kakashi or failed to accomplish something. He wouldn't think well of someone who tried to welsh on a bet.

"He was eleven at the time and it wasn't supposed to be that serious! He didn't know the real me and I was being his undercover bodyguard while he was in the Academy. You know about all that, right?"

"Of course I do," Guy folded his arms, but he still looked mildly severe at her. "All Jonin were aware of it; it involved Uzumaki Naruto after all. However, you know I am the last person you want to talk about keeping bets with. I have no doubts you know where I feel on the subject."

Anko winced. Yeah, he was a religiously strict person when it came time to upholding a bet, even impossible ones he made for himself.

"I know, I know," she huffed in annoyance. "Still, when he left and came back he promised to save himself for me."

"Save himself how?" Guy asked in a lowered, serious voice.

Anko rolled her eyes. She figured Guy would be a little more attuned to the world then this.

"He said he would save his virginity for me. Naruto wanted me, the town tramp, to be his one true love and that I was to be his woman when he returned."

Guy's fists closed and tears streaked down his face. "How completely YOUTHFUL of him! That is a man of values, of morals, and complete Fiery Passion!"

Anko pondered if Kurenai was available. She knew the genjutsu user was a little too prim and proper, even annoyingly self righteous at times, but she doubted she'd ever be exposed to these antics.

"So when he came back and found out that I had not waited for him he got upset."

Guy's eyes bugged open in a way that made her feel like laughing. Seriously, no one was more expressive then Guy. "Yosh! You were unfaithful?"

"Hey!" She could feel her hackles raising already. Why was she always on the defensive and no one took her side on this? "I never promised him I would stay faithful! I asked him, begged him to find someone else and not see me in such a romantic sense...but he wouldn't stop and I...well..."

She scratched her neck uncomfortably. Fucking Naruto, why was she talking about feelings and how she liked him with people like Guy?

"...I liked it. He was happy and earnest about being with me and just me." She blushed which was not something she did. "It was sort of nice being put on a pedestal."

Guy was uncharacteristically quiet, offering her just a small smile. He waited for her to continue.

"It was stupid. I've been with a lot of guys-"

"Anko-chan," Guy was obviously about to correct her.

"Fine!" She jumped from her seat and all but spat out, "I'm the village whore! I fuck anything with a dick and even those that don't! I hate being alone and I could fucking bite it at any moment, so I'm going to live my life to it's fullest with sake, dango and anything that can at least let me know I'm special, even in passing! So what's so wrong with that?"

"Nothing is wrong with that," Guy calmed her with a thick hand on her shoulder, "But when it comes to hurting those who are special to you, then it matters."

"What do you know? You've never been alone like this."

"True, but you MAKE yourself alone like this." He gave her a shake and this in turn earned him a narrowing scowl.

"Anko, I've known you for a while and you take great pride in being not only one of the top kunoichi in our great village, but you also have made is crystal clear that you don't want to be close to anyone longer then it would take for them to feel something for you. Oh, you are a great accomplishment to the youthful men as a sporting prize to be claimed. Sort of how an explorer would seek out a famed treasure and then come back to tell other's of the wonders they've witnessed and they are to find it's glory for themselves."

She smiled with a slight chuckle Guy had a way of making her antics seem almost romantic.

"However," he gestured with his free hand, "To the man who thinks of you well beyond a treasure, but a gift from Kami to be worshiped and treated as something to not only be coveted but embraced as only a man in love can, then you are wrong because it not only hurts this special person whom you have a great affection for, but also because it is not as if you can not stop what you are doing for his sake as well as yours."

Anko began to growl, but Guy stopped her, "Fine, you say that you could 'bite it' at any time, right?"

She nodded.

"Then why are you here doing something so mundane as Laundry? Why do you even care? Why aren't you living up your life outside these walls and exploring some of the greatest treasures Kami has to offer everyone? You shouldn't even be working! You should be out and do all you can, living life till your last moments are filled with no regrets! Eating, drinking, enjoying nameless faithless sex with whoever and where ever! Damn the implications and just do it!"

Anko bit her lip, looking away at what he said. Half of what he mentioned was spot on. That was exactly how she was living her life. Drinking sake till the sun came up, eating dango and 'not paying' for it, and sex...well, that area was more then covered.

"So, you're saying that I'm not going to exactly die within the next hour or so, I should 'try' and plan for more? Especially with Naruto in mind?"

Guy ran his hand through his dark bowl cut hair and rested his hands on his hips, "Anko, my student Lee is the most precious person in the world to me. I would abhor him thinking that I did not have his best interests in mind and that I did not give him everything, I mean EVERY THING I could so that he knew I loved him like a son and there wasn't a thing I wouldn't put aside for his well being. He is that special to me and I wouldn't give it a second thought to put away any of my own petty wants and desires above his own."

Anko could already feel this was not just an expression of how Guy felt about Lee, but also about how he viewed Anko's views about Naruto and their relationship. Just as she was about to defend herself, another thought crossed her mind.

"Whoa! Wait a minute!" She pointed her finger at him, "You love Lee like a son!"

"Of course!" he looked put off by the weird comment. "How else would I love him? He is my precious student and could be nothing else to me then that of my flesh if I could have him as such."

Anko blinked. "You're straight?"

Might Guy squinted at her as if she was daft. "Yosh! What would make you think otherwise?"

"Have you ever looked in a mirror?"

One of his massive eyebrows quirked upwards.

"If you're straight, then how come you've never once made a pass at me?" All the men, Jonin, Chuin, Genin, heck, even Sarutobi's eyes lingered on her and her fishnet top and short skirt in respectful appreciation.

Guy exhaled a noisy sigh.

"Anko-chan, since you asked and you've even gone as far as questioning my sexuality for it, I will tell you."

Anko couldn't wait to hear his weird, outspoken, and probably nonsensical point of view.

"You have horrible fashion sense."

Anko fell off the chair and spluttered as if she'd been stuck by a dozen kunai

"What? I look awesome!" She stood up straight and flashed her trench coat open. "Seriously! Are you blind or something? I'm hot!"

"No, you look uncoordinated and trashy. Really!" He pointed at her mesh top. "No bra or undershirt, exposing your breasts to the world!"

"Hey, these are awesome tits! Ask any of the guys!"

"You've got leg greaves on your shins with a miniskirt!" He pointed up to the middle of her pelvis. "And NO underwear!"

That made her grin. "You never know when you might get lucky"

"Hmph!" He turned his back to her. "There is something to be said about a woman who leaves nothing to the imagination."

"Uhm...you're wearing SPANDEX!"

"Yosh!" He turned around and flexed for her. "Might Guy couldn't deny the women of this world what his beautiful body has evolved into, completing it's chiseled greatness that is the Beautiful Green Beast of Konoha! Ha! Ha! Ha!"

Anko stared at him as if he belonged in some mental ward. She was sure Tsunade wouldn't fight to hard to have him evaluated if she mentioned it. "Arte you sure you're not gay?"

He shook his head. "So that's why, Anko-chan, you and I can be nothing more. I wouldn't sully my name by being your man, even for a night."

This got a rise out of her.

"Is it because I used to be Orochimaru's student?" She could feel her snake summons writing under her coat.

Guys scoffed at her. "Nonsense! I already told you why and nothing more. You are a brilliant kunoichi and a fine woman! I just couldn't be seen with someone of your less then stellar standing in clothes and lack of personal upkeep. Other then that, you would be a fine pursuit to enjoy. I'm sorry, Anko-chan, but you and the Beautiful Beast of Konoha were just not meant to be."

As much as Anko wanted to throttle Guy, she had to admit she absolutely admired him. He was always honest, to a fault even, and was as admirable about his extreme behaviors and word keeping.

That also made him a highly respected Jounin.

"Hey, Guy?"

"Yes, Anko."

"We've got about twenty minutes till our clothes are done."

"Anko, I'm not going off with you to consummate our friendship!"

"Yeah, right! I was going to ask you to spar."

Guy's eyes teared and his fists clenched. "YOSH!"

XXX

Naruto was called to the Hokage's office. He went there without his usual eagerness. His recent realization that he had been in love with someone who never really existed had left him rather depressed. Most of the last two years had been focused on being with Anko again. Having asked her to leave him alone he now felt adrift. The failed date with Ayame also made him wonder if he was cut out for dating anyone. All he was certain of for right now was that he needed some time and space away from Anko. She was his sensei and the person he had been closest to for most of his life. No matter how much she'd hurt him he knew he didn't was to completely sever that tie, but for now he really needed to be away from her. In time he hoped they could salvage something of their relationship, but he knew he would never trust her the same way again.

These were his thoughts as he went into the Hokage's office.

"Naruto," Sarutobi said sounding very pleased. "I've read Tsunade's official report. You should be pleased to know that she absolutely raves about you and is adamant in having you promoted to Jonin as soon as possible."

"Well that's nice of her," he said feeling a bit better. His personal life was in shambles but his ninja career was certainly doing well.

"You should also be interested to hear your sensei has put in a mission request for you."

That made him recoil. "No way!" He said sharply. "No way am I doing a mission with that person right now!"

Sarutobi started at the sudden vehement reaction. "Naruto I know there may be some issues of abandonment between you, but surely they're not so bad as to prevent the two off you from working together."

"It's not abandonment, it's betrayal," Naruto said harshly. "I am sick of seeing my sensei sleep around and ignore me."

Sarutobi sighed. "Well I agree that your teacher spends far too much time pursuing sex, but that's nothing new. Shouldn't you be used to it by now? In any case you shouldn't see it as a betrayal, just as a lifestyle choice."

"But we kissed and I confessed my feelings!"

Sarutobi's pipe fell out and he began to choke. "You kissed Jiraiya?"

Naruto looked dumbfounded. "What?"

"Not that there's anything wrong with that!" Sarutobi said quickly. "I don't inquire into my ninjas' private lives or personal choices. Guy for instance is one of my top and most respected Jonin."

"What are you talking about?" Naruto asked in horror.

"Well you did just say you kissed Jiraiya."

"No I didn't! We were talking about Anko!"

Sarutobi blinked and then gave a relieved nod as he realized the misunderstanding. "Ah, I see, when I mentioned your sensei you thought I was referring to Anko."

"Wait a minute, you were talking about ero-sennin? You mean he's the one who wants me for a mission?"

"That's right," Sarutobi told him. "Do you have an objection with working with Jiraiya?"

"Will this be a long mission that will keep me out of the village for awhile?"

Sarutobi frowned. "It's very likely to. If you want to spend some time in Konoha I will understand, though this mission is rather important."

"No, if it's important and it'll keep me away from here for awhile sign me up!"

The reaction surprised the Hokage and did not completely please him. "You've hardly had any time back in Konoha and you're already eager to leave?"

"It's more like I want to get away from Anko not the village," he said. "Speaking of which I have a bone to pick with you old man."

"Oh?" He took a puff from his pipe.

"How could you let me think I was going to marry Chichi? Why didn't you set me straight back then?"

Sarutobi looked at him in surprise. He'd never thought this would be an issue. "Naruto, you were eleven at the time. You would have had to wait until you were sixteen to marry. I frankly thought it was something you would grow out of and it made you very happy at the time. Since Anko had agreed to it I saw no harm in allowing you to believe in it. Anko and I both assumed you would call it off when you realized the truth of the situation."

Naruto gawked at him. "Then why didn't you do something when I didn't?"

The Hokage shook his head. "Naruto, by that point you were a shinobi and an adult of the village. It was an issue between you and Anko alone. Didn't I just say it's not my place to inquire into the personal lives of my ninja? It is not my place to decide who you can or cannot date. You are an adult, you are going to have to take responsibility for your own decisions."

"But…" He started and suddenly stopped.

"Yes?"

"But… I really loved her and she broke my heart," he said in a small voice.

Sarutobi looked at him sympathetically. "That too is part of being an adult."

XXX

Anko and guy returned to the laundromat covered in fresh sweat and slightly battered and bruised. Despite the pain in her arms and ribs Anko felt much better. The wash cycle was done and she stuffed her laundry into a dryer and plopped in the appropriate number of coins. She watched the sheets and clothes begin to tumble about when there was a loud stir behind her.

"Yosh Tsunade-sama! What an honor to meet one of the most glorious Sannin!"

Anko turned around to see the blonde walking up to her.

She did not have any laundry with her.

"I've been looking for you," Tsunade said getting straight to the point. "Come with me we need to talk."

Anko got a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. Yeah she was definitely only the second scariest bitch in the village now.

"Ah, could this wait? I have laundry drying."

Tsunade smiled at her.

"On second thought I'll come back for it," Anko said weakly.

Tsunade nodded. "Come on I'll buy you a drink."