Friendly reminder this is a long update because I can't update next week.
Trigger warning: suicide
Darcy's eyelids felt glued shut and her mind was too addled to think straight. She peeled her eyes open with some effort, conscious of the feel of fabric beneath her. She blinked a few times, trying to clear her mind as the room before her swam in a swirl of colours.
She was in a bedroom that appeared to be a mix of the ones she'd seen on Asgard and her own one in New Mexico. The furniture was of an elaborate make, cut from rich, dark wood. There was a cream carpet on the floor, and the fabric beneath her was luxurious and soft to the touch, stretching over the bed in an expanse of swirling greens and marbled viridians.
Darcy tried to move to explore the rest of the room but the soft rattle of metal made her look down at her wrists. They were cuffed in gold manacles, like the ones on Asgard but much lighter. Tiny runes were etched into them, far more complex than anything Loki had ever taught her. The handcuffs were connected by a long chain to a bolt in the wall.
Darcy's stomach clenched with anxiety. She'd expected a horrible dungeon where she would be tortured into insanity. Not this. And if he was going to give her such nice accommodation then what was the point in handcuffing her?
It didn't make sense.
Unless...she glanced at the sheets beneath her. The bed was larger than king size and took up most of the room.
No, she thought in horror, not even he would...
But what other explanation was there?
Did he really think he could arrest her for rejecting him, chain her up and then expect her to...to still be up for that? Just tie her up and visit whenever he was horny?
Darcy's eyes widened as she tried to grasp the full gravity of her situation. Holy shit.
She was pleasantly surprised, at the very least, to find that there wasn't the least part of her that felt any sort of affection towards him. He'd destroyed all that when he arrested her. People had always said that hate and love were very similar but Darcy had no idea just how easy it was to vacillate from one to the other. She felt a deep sort of loathing when she thought of him, like her fingers were itching for another vibranium filled gun.
She scrambled off the bed, pulling the chains with her and headed to the closet. The chains clattered loudly. That absolute dick. How dare he?
She half expected to find the closet full of erotic outfits or something. Instead she found the clothes she'd left at Stark's tower before they'd escaped. She thought of the way Loki had glared at her in the tunnel.
The hatred was mutual, apparently.
Her eyes flicked to the bed again. God, it took up so much of the room. Her lip curled in revulsion and her mind set.
She wouldn't do it. No matter what he said or threatened or expected. She wouldn't agree or go along with it. She'd fight him with every ounce of strength she had.
Why let it get to that point? She wondered, looking round the room. Maybe you could stop him before he ever tried it...
The closet contained shelves rather than a rail so there were no hangers. She walked to the door opposite the room, leading into a large bathroom which
Darcy's chain just stretched enough to allow her through, though she couldn't reach the corners. The medicine cabinet contained a few plasters, two pain killers and some stomach pills. She had toiletries but no razor. She returned to the main room. There had to be something she could use as a weapon.
She was certain she was being watched but she didn't care. She had to try. If she didn't then she'd never forgive herself.
Her eyes flicked to the lamp on the bedside table. It was crude and had an infinitesimal chance of working but it was better than nothing. She shattered the bulb and looked down at the shards.
There was another option. One that she really didn't want to take. One she'd vowed she never would when Izzy had chosen that path.
But compared to spending the rest of her life as a sex toy?
She swallowed. She'd try attacking him first. If that didn't work...she hid the second largest piece in her wardrobe and clutched the largest shard so tightly it cut into her own skin.
She was prepared for him to visit, knowing he would.
And he drugged me, she thought with revulsion. Her mind was still ragged at the edges, her thoughts somewhat fuzzy. It felt like it was taking a lot of effort for her to think coherently. She'd been out of bullets. She was no SHIELD agent. She would have gone with him without any more complaints. They didn't have to stick a needle in her neck and chain her while she slept.
She waited for hours. She'd been so certain that he'd visit as soon as she woke but apparently he'd keep her waiting. So much for Romanoff's theory.
She'd been waiting for the turning of a door handle, the clack of locks or a footstep. She didn't realise Loki would just teleport right in and didn't notice when he did.
"Darcy," His voice said gently behind her.
She started, and turned round to face him, the shard of glass in her hands masked from his sight.
"Loki!" She squealed, running towards him, her chain rattling.
He smiled, startled but clearly happy. As she reached him, she raised her hands, hoping the movement was too swift for him to notice. She brought the shard down hard into the side of his neck.
Or would have if he hadn't grabbed her wrists and spun her so that she had her back to him, her arms twisted behind almost painfully. She couldn't move. He tightened his grip on her wrist and the shard fell just like the gun had.
Fuck, now she had nothing. She felt anger rise at the helplessness of her situation.
He turned her sharply back round, hand still tight on her wrist.
He looked at her with a mix of scorn, condescension and disappointment. "Did you really think that would work?" Loki asked.
"I had to try." She hissed through gritted teeth.
"Tell me," He said. "Are you going to make an attempt on my life every time you see me?"
"Yes." she spat.
"Hmm," He responded thoughtfully, the amused smile playing on his lips merely serving to further fuel her agitation. He pulled her wrists suddenly, jerking her forward so that he could grab a section of the metal chain. "Then perhaps a shorter chain..." He pondered aloud.
Darcy laughed mirthlessly, more at herself for ever having liked him. "Oh you bastard." She said, aiming a foot at his shin. He dodged it easily and stepped back, letting go of her. She couldn't reach him, her chain already as taut as it would go.
The smile fell from his face as he looked at her, sobering. "I did not come here to taunt you." He said, almost as though he were angry at having let himself do just that.
"No, I know what you came here for." Darcy snapped. "And you can forget it. You aren't keeping me chained here as some bed slave for you to use when you please. And yeah you can probably make me but I will fight you even if it doesn't work. I'll never stop."
His expression didn't change much, and it was probably only because she knew him so well that she noticed he looked slightly hurt. He was silent for a moment. "You really think me capable of that?" He asked.
Darcy laughed spitefully. "You take over my world, implement a bunch of ridiculous laws and kill thousands yet you still expect me to have a high opinion of you? Yeah Loki, I'm not thinking rape is beyond your capabilities."
He looked as though she had slapped him. Well it was nice to know there existed some moral line that he wouldn't cross.
"I would never do that." He said quietly. "To you or anyone."
Darcy rolled her eyes, knowing he was telling the truth but wanting to piss him off anyway. "Yeah and I believe you." She turned from him to sit on the edge of the bed. "So tell me, if you aren't here to rape me then what are you here for?"
"You." He said.
Darcy narrowed her eyes at him. "You have me." She said, raising her chained hands. "It's what you wanted isn't it? Me chained and unable to walk away from you?"
"By the Nine Realms, Darcy," He muttered. "You think I did all this because you spurned my affection?"
She looked at him questioningly, for the first time her anger slipping. "You didn't?"
"Of course not." He laughed bitterly. "You would hardly be the first. Possibly the first for whom I...Nevermind. No. I did not conquer Earth in order to take you back."
"Then why?" Darcy demanded. "To annoy Thor? Payback on the avengers?"
He rolled his eyes. "You have very limited views of my motivation."
"Oh yes, do forgive me," She said pedantically. "Loki acting for revenge? Whatever was I thinking?"
He crossed his arms and leant back against the wall. "Do you wish for me to explain or not?"
"So it's not for revenge on the avengers?" She asked sceptically, silently adding and me?
"No." His eyes narrowed as though he were growing aggravated by her comments. The sight sent a thrill of satisfaction for through her. If pissing Loki off was all she had left then she was going to go for it.
"So I'm assuming you let Barton and Romanoff go then." She said doubtfully.
He cocked his head to the side. "Not quite." He said.
Darcy swallowed, her mouth dry. She tried not to let on just how many knots her stomach had tied itself into but her efforts were wasted for as she spoke her voice was scarcely louder than a whisper. "Are they alive?"
Loki's gaze cut sharply to her, eyebrows furrowed in concern at her sudden change of tone. "Yes, they are alive." He confirmed and Darcy felt the knots loosen slightly.
That was good then, Darcy thought as she exhaled. Especially Natasha. Clint worked better from a distance but this was Natasha's area of expertise; letting people, especially men, think they'd bested her before raising hell.
Perhaps some of her relief showed on her face because Loki followed these words pointedly. "They are being kept sedated and imprisoned."
Darcy paused, gaping.
"What?"
Loki smirked. "Your friends," He sneered the word. "Are too dangerous to be allowed to remain conscious. Yet I may still have a use for them."
Darcy gaped. "You are kidding me, right?"
"Not at all." He said. "They defied my rule; I am entitled to do with them as I wish."
"See now I know why you chained me up. It's to stop me slapping some sense into you. Jesus Christ, Loki. What the hell is wrong with you?" She asked.
He narrowed his eyes at her. "I'm certain we could compile a list if you so wished but right now I have far more important things to discuss."
"Like what? Why you locked me up here? You know, after you drugged me. And what took you so long?"
"Someone shot me." He snapped.
"It worked?" Darcy asked, unable to stop a grin from flitting across her face. Anything to hurt him.
"A matter of opinion." He said. "I was unable to stop the bullet but equally it did not kill me as I assume was your intent." He smiled crookedly. "My my, Darcy. When I saw you last you declared your love for me. How things change."
"Yeah things change like your ex-boyfriend enslaving your race and holding you captive by chaining you to a bed. I wonder how that could possibly have killed the romance. Oh and did I mention the drugging? I don't think I mentioned the drugging." She retorted.
"It was necessary." Loki said. "Else you would have attempted to escape."
She smiled at him fondly. "Oh sweetie why on Earth would I try to escape you? You treat me so well." She rolled her eyes. "Dear God, do you even hear the words that come out of your mouth? 'Escape' really? Really? I shouldn't have to 'escape' because you shouldn't be holding me captive in the first place!"
"I have to." He snarled. "You hate me for it? Then so be it. I care not so long as you are safe."
That pulled her up short. "And what exactly are you keeping me safe from?" She asked slowly, raising her hands to rattle her handcuffs. "The only one who's a threat to me right now is you."
"And you think I would harm you?" Loki asked, eyes going skyward. "Of course, why not?"
"You're the one who stuck me in chains, Loki." Darcy pointed out.
Loki shook his head slowly. "Will you allow me to explain all this?"
Darcy's lips tightened. God only knew she wanted an explanation but equally Loki wanted to give her one and she was feeling rather reluctant to give Loki anything he wanted right now. "Fine, go ahead." She said before bitterly adding, "And it better be a damn good one because I don't think anything justifies you taking over the world."
He took a deep breath, despite all he'd argued for the chance to explain he suddenly seemed lost for words. "I received further threats." He said calmly as though he were stating what he'd had for breakfast.
Darcy's eyes widened slightly in shock but she fought to keep her voice calm. "From people other than me, you mean? Because let me tell you, I'm still planning on killing you, you-"
"From Thanos." He interrupted sharply.
Darcy paused, looking at him in confusion. "Who's he?"
"I assume he is in none of your Midgardian mythology?" Loki asked.
Darcy racked her brains. She'd read so many books on the subject after meeting Thor she could probably have a degree in it. "Thanatos?" She suggested, the only person who sprang to mind. "The Greek God of death. Although Greek mythology is a lot older than Norse."
"Possibly." Loki said. "He is ancient, even to Asgard. Of a race that come the closest to what we may call Gods. It is possible the mythology twisted it somewhat."
"Okay but angels of death aside," Darcy said, going to cross her arms before realising she couldn't with her wrists cuffed and letting them fall into her lap instead. "What does any of this have to do with your current world domination?"
"Darcy, Thanos orchestrated the attack on Earth for the tesseract." Loki said.
Darcy looked at him, eyes narrowed. He would not meet her eyes. Her throat constricted and she felt a slight twinge inside her which implied not quite all the affection she'd ever felt about him had vanished. She didn't speak until she knew her voice was controlled. "The one who tortured you?" She asked, her voice calm.
Loki still didn't look at her, just leant back against the wall, staring at the opposite corner of the room. "Yes." He confirmed.
And Darcy could imagine it. Loki falling through space; heartbroken, empty and hollow. Wanting nothing but the swift release of death and instead falling into the clutches of some ancient deity he probably hadn't even believed existed. And then mentally and physically tortured to the brink of insanity, forced to succeed in bringing them the tesseract or face more pain if he failed.
Darcy nodded. Okay so this Thanos didn't sound like someone to get on the wrong side of. After all just how powerful did someone have to be to make Loki of all people do something?
"And he was the one who sent you those threats?" Darcy asked. "Why?"
Loki laughed without humour. "Apparently he did not take too kindly to me leading his army into annihilation."
"But that was the Avengers!" Darcy protested before realising that meant she was defending Loki and her vision was still a bit fuzzy from the drug so she wasn't forgiving him yet. "Speaking of...did they...I mean did you..."
"They evaded me." Loki snapped. "A pity. Their assistance could have been useful."
"Right, because they'd assist you. After you drugged Hawkeye and The Black Widow. Let me guess, Banner's had a similar treatment? Oh and don't even get me started on Thor." Darcy said. Loki glared at her at the mention of his brother's name but Darcy didn't care. She was feeling very Team Thor at the moment.
"He is alive. In prison with the Allfather."
"Right, family sticking together and what not..." Darcy muttered. He ignored her. "And okay I get that these threats are bad and everything but this Thanos guy had his army destroyed right? And he's only got human minions now." Darcy thought of the people who'd come after them. Well at least the mind control thing was explained now if Thanos had similar powers to Loki's sceptre. Given that he'd given it to him she assumed this was a pretty safe bet. "So surely you were safe on Asgard? Why come take over Earth?" She asked.
He was silent, again looking like he was struggling to find the right words and looking everywhere but at Darcy. "The threats...they were no longer targeted at me."
Darcy frowned. "But then who...?"
"You." He said simply, meeting her eyes.
Adrenaline suddenly pumped through her veins, her heart racing. "What?" She asked, struggling to comprehend what he was saying. "They were threatening me? But why?"
He gave her a look which suggested he believed that answer was obvious and went without saying. "I presume because he discovered our..." He trailed off into silence. Darcy supposed there wasn't really a word that summarised all that had happened between her and Loki though "train wreck" sprang to mind.
"And why would you taking over Earth help with that?" She asked.
"Initially to find you. I believed it would be easier with the assistance of SHIELD but I had no idea you would successfully go into hiding with the members of the avengers though I must admit I'm impressed."
"Yeah well I didn't really do much. Just followed...and threw my shoe at you. Why didn't you follow us in Stark's garage?"
"To stop the vehicle leaving would have risked injuring you. Rather counterproductive given my intent." He smirked.
"Right because destruction was your only option." She muttered. "Okay so anyway, why did you feel taking over the world was your only option? Not like I'm hard to find. And your new rules...they're ridiculous. That is so not how you rule the world."
"I told you I was not concerned with ruling the world. I required access to governments, satellites...your other human monitoring devices. My magic is unable to detect Thanos, and he alludes the eyes of the gatekeeper as well."
"So those things you built," Darcy asked, thinking of Pepper's findings. "They're to search for this Thanos guy?"
"Yes." He confirmed.
"And your new rules?" She asked.
"I required the best mortals to search." He said simply though Darcy wasn't quite sure he'd gone the right way about getting that.
"And did you find him?"
Loki hesitated. "Not yet."
"What do you mean not yet?" Darcy demanded. "You've been here for months. How have you not found him?"
"He has powers far stronger than my own." Loki said agitated like it was embarrassing to admit.
"Then why does he want revenge? I get you destroyed his army but if he's some big, powerful God then why would he care about you? And even more, why would he care about me?" Darcy asked.
"He lost everything, Darcy. I imagine he is clinging onto the hope of revenge...it is probably all that he has. That makes him very desperate and extremely dangerous." Loki said.
Darcy considered all that he had said. "Right," She said. "Well I don't believe you."
"What?" He scowled at her. He clearly hadn't expected this.
"I don't believe you." She repeated.
He was clearly fighting to remain calm, his teeth clenched and arms tight. "And may I inquire as to why that might be?"
"Hmm let me think." Darcy said sarcastically. "You're the God of lies. Why on Earth would I trust you? And I'm still hearing no explanations for you chaining me to the bed."
"You wish for an explanation for that?" Loki asked, almost relieved.
"No, I don't want an explanation for that." She snapped. "I know why, to stop me leaving here."
"No actually that would be the purpose of the locked door," He gestured to the door, finally rising to her taunts with his usual sarcasm. "The chains are inscribed with complex magic, currently the only thing preventing Thanos from accessing your mind."
"You've been here over a month." She retorted. "You've been having these threats for a while so why do you think he'll try to access my mind now?"
"I suggest we do not give him the opportunity." Loki replied. "I cannot deliver proof of Thanos's threats but if it is evidence you wish for my efforts to find him then come, I shall show you."
Loki walked over to her where she was sat and lifted her chained wrists, a key suddenly in his hands.
"You're not going to try to kill me again, are you?" He muttered as he turned the key in the lock.
She pulled her hands away from him the moment they were free, not wanting him to touch her for longer than was necessary. She rubbed her sore wrists ruefully, the chains may not have been as heavy as the ones Odin had put her in but they were just as tight.
"I make no promises." She replied, standing up. She swayed slightly, the drug still making her feel a bit dizzy.
Loki reached out to steady her but her glare stopped him. "Touch me again and I will cut off your fingers." She snapped, hugging her arms around herself.
Loki looked like he was biting back a smile. "Quite a different attitude to usual." He commented dryly.
"This isn't exactly our normal situation." Darcy replied venomously. She walked forwards before realising Loki wasn't at her side. "Well?" She demanded. "Are you showing me or not?"
"Unfortunately that door does not unlock from this side." He said, not sounding at all like he thought it was unfortunate.
Her eyes narrowed. "Tell me again how this isn't a prison cell?" She said.
He looked round as he took her arm, her skin hypersensitive to his touch, even through the jumper. "Well it's a lot more pleasant, for one." He said.
Darcy felt her eyes forced shut as her feet left the ground. Less than a second later she felt them slam onto the floor again and she peeled her eyes open.
They were standing in a hallway with people in SHIELD uniforms rushing past, throwing slightly alarmed looks at Loki and looks of curiosity at Darcy before looking away again like they'd be whipped if they were caught looking.
Darcy pulled her arm away and stepped away from Loki without looking at him. The hallway was entirely white giving it a slightly medicinal, clinical feel to it. People sped up to walk past them.
"What did you do to them?" She demanded, rounding on Loki.
He shook his head slightly. "An element of fear leads to better results."
She glared daggers at him. "And you think you'd make a good ruler?" She hissed.
"I've told you." He said in a tone that said she was grating on him. Good, she thought. "I do not care about ruling. I care about finding Thanos and destroying him before he finds you."
Darcy rolled her eyes. "Right. And once you've destroyed Thanos you'll just hop back on the bifrost and leave."
He didn't answer.
He started walking down the hall. He didn't wait to see if she was following but her curiosity over Thanos, and whether Loki was actually telling the truth, was too great so she followed him.
"Satellites," Loki said, gesturing into the first room. "Scouring every inch of this rock."
"Searching for Thanos and not the Avengers?" Darcy asked disbelievingly.
Loki sighed and entered. He clearly expected her to just believe him and not to have to show her everything. The people in the room tensed as he entered but didn't look up.
Darcy glared at Loki. She could hardly remember a time where she was scared of him. To see other people be was jarring.
He walked to one of the computers, her following at his side. The screen showed a map of Earth but its colours were subdued with pulses radiating out from various points. It certainly didn't look like something you could use to search for specific people.
"I take it," Loki whispered in her ear, goosebumps shuddering against her skin where his breath touched. "From the research I found in your base, that you are acquainted with the fact magic is energy."
Darcy turned on him in alarm. He'd found the research. He laughed. "Worry not, I expected that group of so-called heroes to work on some way to stop me. I merely had not expected you to be helping them."
She turned to tell him he damn well deserved it but he spoke before she could. "A sign I ought not underestimate you again." He gestured to the computers.
"Thanos is capable of magic, a different type to my own but detectable nonetheless. These are searching for it."
Darcy had to admit that was what the computers looked like they were doing.
She left the room, knowing he was following. When they were outside she leant against the wall. Loki may be content to whisper to her in a room full of people but Darcy didn't want to get quite so close to him.
"Do they know?" She said in a low voice. "What they are searching for?"
"Of course not." He said as though the answer was obvious. It probably was, it had taken him a year to tell her everything about the threats, she doubted he'd tell a hoard of SHIELD agents. "They are told only what they need to in order to carry out their jobs competently."
"And they're all doing this?" She asked.
"The majority." He answered. "Some are searching in other ways."
He started away down the hall and she followed, needing more answers. Every door they passed was full of more people. More computers. Maps on walls. Surveillance of every sort.
He stopped at the end. "All of them searching for Thanos." Loki said.
Darcy nodded, slightly shellshocked. Loki took her arm and her feet slipped from under her.
She landed back in her room, or cell. Loki made no immediate move to chain her arms again and she wasn't going to say anything. She walked forwards a few steps, her back to him.
She couldn't bear to look at him right now. She was so confused.
"Do you believe me now?" He asked.
Darcy thought for a moment. Did she? Thanos was definitely the one contacting him. She believed that. And she believed he was searching for him. She could even believe that Thanos was the only reason he had taken over the world.
But there was still a problem.
"There's one thing I don't get." She said.
"What is it?" He asked.
She turned to him. "You said he was threatening me." Loki nodded, waiting for her to continue. "You said it was because he found out about...whatever we had. And that might be so. But that's over now. Why not just let him get me? Why would you do all this for me?"
Loki looked at her, an element of panic on his face. Darcy searched him carefully. Was that a hint of desperation in his eyes? "Is it really that difficult to understand?" He asked.
Darcy bit her lip. "You let me think you were dead, Loki. You didn't care enough about me to save me from that so why now? Why this?"
"I'm sorry." He said quickly like he was trying to get the words out. Darcy froze, the words so foreign on his lips that they shocked her. He ran a hand through his hair like he was struggling to find the right words. "This is you," He said shaking his head. "You do this...they call me the silvertongue and yet with you I find myself incapable of..."
Darcy still watched him, equally perplexed and unable to speak. This wasn't a Loki she was familiar with.
"I should not have let you believe that I was dead." He said after a moment. "I ought to have told you. It is just...I could not – cannot- see any reason why you would care. I...my mother was the only one who truly cared for me. She knew me as a child, she raised me. You? You had no reason to care. No residual faithfulness. You knew me after all I had done. Why, when I am what I am, would you care?"
"You doubted that I cared?" Darcy asked incredulously, somewhat annoyed. Jesus, what did she have to do to show him?
"Yes." He affirmed. "And I was wrong and as always," He smiled mirthlessly. "I was aware of it too late."
"Yeah well my thoughts aren't important right now." Darcy said. "I'm asking about yours. Why did you come to Earth?"
"Darcy," He said her name like a caress and she started, taken aback. He couldn't talk to her like that. Not now...not after everything. "You are all that I have left. There were two people that I cared for. My mother and you. You left and I could not blame you for it. You were right, I should never have done that to you. I just never believed that you could return even a fraction of the affection I felt for you. And then any that you did reciprocate disappeared and once again it was my fault. Yet my feelings did not change. I could not let any harm befall you. I could not even resent you for leaving, however much I tried."
"Enough." Darcy interrupted, her heart beating painfully in her chest. "Stop. Stop saying stuff like that."
"You asked for the truth."
"AND YOU'RE NOT GIVING IT TO ME!" She shouted, suddenly furious. "You can't start acting and pretending like you care because you don't. You can't pretend like you still cared for me when I was gone because of just that. I was gone. If you cared you would have come."
"You told me you did not want me to." He replied, looking somewhat confused.
"I was angry!" Darcy replied in exasperation. "I thought you were dead! And then I told you I loved you and then nothing! For months all I had was silence until you took over the fucking world."
"And if I had come to you what then?" He demanded. "You made it perfectly clear that you felt you were better off without me and for once I was inclined to believe you."
"What?" Darcy asked, irritated and confused all at once.
"You were not with me which is how it should have been."
"What do you mean that's how it should have been?"
"You deserved better." He snapped. "All this time I knew it and yet I put myself first. What did it matter if you belonged with someone better if I was fulfilling my own desires? So yes, I ignored that because you made me happier than I had been in years.
"And of course I could not let myself be happy, no I had to destroy that and you left." Bitterness sent his words spitting across the room. "And I let you because how could I knowingly put you through more? If anything, that made me long for you more."
Darcy felt dizzy, unable to comprehend nor fathom that he was actually saying all this to her. Loki who kept all of his emotions under lock and key finally telling her how he felt. Something gleamed in his eyes like he was unable to stop now that he'd started.
"I...Darcy I do not..." He shook his head and Darcy tried not to think how adorable that action was. His voice became more gentle. "You made me aware of things I had not thought about in years. Feelings I had long since denied being capable of." With each word he spoke quicker, like they were coming easier. Despite herself, butterflies flitted about in her tummy, her muscles tensing.
"I cannot say that I love you." He said simply. "For I think I am long past the point of being able to feel such a thing. With you I am rash and jealous and protective and a thousand other horrible things. Yet without you I am utterly miserable and I am far too selfish a man to allow that to continue. Send me away and I will condemn myself to it. I will deserve it. I will ensure your safety and leave you. But Darcy..." He trailed off, shaking his head like he'd screwed everything up. Adrenaline raced through her veins. "Darcy you've no idea what you do to me..."
"Being who and what I am, I am not capable of that mortal obsession: love. But whatever allusions I may have towards it, whatever semblance of affection I can manage, it is for you, Darcy." He breathed. "It is all for you."
He crossed the room to her, taking her hands in his. She was too startled to resist.
"When I saw you last," He said, meeting her eyes, his own pleading. "You told me that you loved me. Your actions speak plainly enough but I fear for my sanity I must hear you say it, what is it you feel now?"
Darcy's eyes widened. What did she feel now? How the hell was she supposed to know? She'd gone from loving him to missing him to hating him whilst loving him to pure hatred and now he wanted her to love him again? How was she supposed to process all that?
But yet the way her heart was racing. The way her eyes kept falling to his lips. The way she only wanted to cry and hit him and smother herself in his arms...what did all that say? It was all a huge roar in her head but there was one thing she felt, even if she wanted it not to be true, she was certain of. She opened her mouth to tell him she wanted nothing to do with him but for some reason she just couldn't.
"Well," She said after a few moments, finally surrendering to the horrible truth. "I don't hate you."
His hands moved to her jaw, lifting her face up. And she let him, let him open his mouth against hers, let him trap her lips, let his breath fill her lungs.
And then she didn't care. Screw it all, she wanted this. Her fingers wound into his hair, gripping it so tightly if he were mortal it would have hurt. She pulled him close to her, their bodies pressing against each other. Loki, she thought almost giddily. Because despite whatever else she'd thought in the past few months, she'd missed him.
She ran her tongue along his teeth. He trapped her bottom lip between his. Her whole body was on fire and she surrendered to it. Let the flames consume her.
He gasped for breath. "Valhalla, I've missed you." He breathed against her.
He pressed his lips back and she melted against him.
But then all at once it came back. The lies. The pain.
She pulled away, breathless with tears threatening to spring into her eyes. He moved back against her but her hand moved to his lips, stopping him.
"I can't." She said. "I'm sorry...I can't."
She lowered her hand. She was still just as close to him, just not pressed up. She could practically hear his rapid heartbeat.
She chanced a glance at him, not knowing what to expect. Thinly veiled hurt shone in his eyes, his gaze transfixed on her.
"Oh God," She turned away from him, walked to the bed. "I'm sorry Loki," She sat on the bed. "I really don't know what to think."
"What do you mean?" He asked.
"I mean that...I loved you. And then I thought you were dead and...you have to understand that that was awful. One of the worst things I've ever been through and you did that consciously."
"I have apologised." He said, not rudely.
"I know, I'm not having a go at you. Just trying to make you understand. And then we had that fight and I dumped your sorry ass." She smirked at him. "But that was hard too because I still loved you. And then you took over SHIELD and I was pissed off. And then-" She'd gone to say Romanoff but figured it was better not to name anyone. "We thought you'd done it because you wanted revenge on me for leaving. Then I shot you which sucked because I still kind of had feelings for you-"
"It was none too fun for me either." He muttered.
She smiled. She probably shouldn't have been quite so proud of shooting her ex-boyfriend. "And then you drugged me and chained me to a bed. At this point all feelings for you comprised mainly of hatred. And then you tell me you did it all to protect me and I'm not saying I condone what you did but...Jesus Loki what am I supposed to think after all that? I'm getting a headache just thinking about it."
"So what does that mean?" He asked, walking over to sit next to her on the bed.
God she'd really missed him, she thought as she looked at him. But that wariness she had around him? That was new. She didn't want to give him an opportunity to hurt her again.
"It means I don't hate you." She said slowly. "And I don't know about the rest."
"So what do we do now?" He asked.
She bit her lip. Where did they go from here?
She found herself reaching out for his hand.
"I just...in the long term? I really just need some time to think." She asked.
"Of course." He said. She realised he meant it too, he hadn't expected anything so even that was more than enough. He hesitated, again unlike him. God what had gotten into him? "And for now?"
She bit her lip, parts of her at war with herself. The wary side of her warring with the side that wanted to crawl into bed with him. She closed her eyes, her internal conflict almost painful. Oh why the hell not? Fuck it. She could deal with the consequences tomorrow but right now she needed a bout of sheer hedonism. Her eyes opened and met his. "Hold me." She said.
His arm was around her in a second and they leaned backwards against the headboard so that she was nestled into the crook of his arm head against his chest. His heart beat under her ear.
She missed this so much. His warmth. His body against hers. God she'd been so alone and she hadn't even realised.
She inhaled deeply, reminding every sense that he was here. The feel of his leather under her skin. The taste of his lips on hers. The sight of his eyes as he pleaded with her to listen. His voice cracking as he sought the words. And now the intoxicating smell of his skin and clothes.
He may have awoken all sorts of emotion in her but his scent just made her feel safe and secure. After all the fear of capture in her past few weeks she really needed that.
"So tell me," She asked, needing conversation that wasn't so serious. "What was it like ruling Asgard?"
He sighed. "Unbelievably boring."
She laughed. "I so told you."
She felt his chest move as he laughed. "That you did." He said, kissing her forehead.
For a moment it was like they were back in the cell in Asgard, having a conversation and being entirely open and comfortable.
The illusion didn't last long. An hour later Loki turned to her.
"I have to attend to certain duties." He said.
"Do you have to?" She asked. "Can't it wait until tomorrow?"
She didn't want to admit just how uncomfortable the thought of him leaving was.
"I really ought to..." He was on the verge of cracking, she could tell.
"Please," She whispered. "Stay with me. Just for tonight."
Her fingers curled into fists, gripping his leather tightly without her even noticing. She'd only just got him back and whatever else she knew, she knew she didn't want him going just yet.
He was here. Tangible and alive. And for the first time in weeks she felt alive too, truly alive. Her senses heightened so she felt almost immortal. Like she could do anything.
"Oh very well." He said.
"Yay." She said curling into him even more, pressed against his chest. Safe.
"However..." He said.
"What?" She asked, not liking the tone of his voice.
He looked at the chains on the wall then to her.
She pushed against his chest so that she sat up. "No." She told him.
"Without them Thanos can access your consciousness." Loki said, sitting to face her.
"He hasn't tried to yet, what makes you think he will?" Darcy asked.
"He will." Loki said firmly. Given that he'd been held captive and tortured by Thanos she supposed he was telling the truth.
"Then I'll tell you." She said simply. "Come on, trust me."
He frowned. "Fine." Wow she was getting a lot today. "However if he contacts you, you are to tell me immediately."
She rolled her eyes. "Fine." She glanced at the door. "And Loki? You're not actually going to keep that door locked are you?"
He smirked slightly apologetically. "Yes I am."
"Loki!" She threw a pillow at him which he knocked away lazily. "What? You think I'm going to try to escape after you tell me there's a guy out there who wants to torture and kill me?"
"You've told me that you believe me." Loki said. "However I'd be a fool to trust in that completely."
She glared at him. "You don't trust me?"
He smiled. "Not enough to bet your safety upon it."
She let out a groan of frustration. "Jesus, you would think we'd have some trust at some point. So I'm your prisoner?"
He grimaced at the word. "I suppose technically. Though could you not be a willing one?"
"Loki," She said softly. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I get that...that we probably don't have the trust we should have or whatever. But to keep me confined to a room? Will I be able to get out of the building? Even if I got out that door."
"No." He said instantly.
"Then what difference would it make?" She reasoned. "You want me to be willing? Then compromise. I'll...consent to house arrest." She had to give him something. The fact he was worried over her was nice and while she'd never normally let him be so protective, she had to admit the situation did warrant it. "I won't leave the building but I'll go insane if you keep me in here."
He rubbed the back of his neck. "I suppose that would work. However if you try to leave I will chain you back up in here." He said seriously. "Your safety is my primary concern."
She sighed, she'd kind of expected that but to hear him outright threaten that was another thing. She forced herself not to protest, swallowing this one thing.
She was so tired. Her eyelids heavy and her body weary. Far too exhausted to keep arguing.
"Deal." She relented. She lay back down on the bed and after a moment Loki lay down too, keeping an inch between them.
She rolled over to close it, placing an arm over his torso to let him know it was okay. He got the message because he hugged her back. Even in the cell in the single bed they hadn't slept so closely together and with Darcy's recent sleeping habits she doubted she'd be able to sleep anyway.
But it was warm in the room, nestled against him. And after everything that had happened she was surprisingly content. Slowly, she drifted off.
Chapter title from Little Lion Man by Mumford and Sons (which amuses me because just the idea of Loki whipping out a banjo and aggressively singing that to Darcy damn I should rewrite this). Round of applause to anyone who managed to slog through all that. Thanks for reading and reviewing.
