It's 4 days before the wedding and Jami is sitting in the clinic for a routine checkup. "Jami, come on in." the nurse called out. She got up and went into the examining room. "The doctor will be in soon. Why don't you take this and give me a urine sample, then come in and put on a gown."
"Thank you." she looked over at her taking the cup for the urine sample before going into the bathroom. When she was done, she left the cup on the counter and went back into the examining room to change into the gown the nurse left on the table.
"Is everything OK, Jami? I wasn't expecting you until next week." the doctor said as she entered the room.
"Yeah, it's just... we have the wedding this weekend and I wanted to make sure everything's OK." she looked up at her.
"That's understandable. Have you told your family yet?" she asked sitting on the stool.
"Not... not yet. We're telling them this weekend. Before the wedding. I'm a little nervous." she looked over at her.
"They'll understand. You have to believe that. They know that Roger would never do anything to hurt you." she looked over at her.
"I hope so." Jami looked down as the nurse came into the room.
"Thank you." the doctor smiled looking down at the paper.
"Is everything OK?" she asked worried.
"That... depends on your plans for the next 18 years." the doctor smiled at her.
"What... what are you talking about? What does that mean?" she was now confused in addition to worried.
"You're... you're pregnant, Jami." she smiled excitedly.
"I'm... but... I... oh my god." Jami covered her mouth in surprise.
"Are you OK?" the doctor laughed looking over at her.
"Um, yeah. I just… I don't understand how. I mean, me and Roger were waiting until after the wedding to do the IVF and with the..." she looked over at her.
"Do you want me to do an ultrasound to make sure everything's OK?" she asked seeing her discomfort.
"Yeah, can... can you? I don't want this to be another ectopic pregnancy. That was really hard on us last time. I could have died on him." she looked over at her.
"I understand." the doctor smiled placing her hand on Jami's before leaving the room to get the ultrasound machine.
Jami leaned back on the table and caressed her stomach. "Pregnant? Oh my god. OK little one. Let's make sure everything is OK for daddy, OK? He can't take anymore bad news this year." she whispered looking down at her flat stomach. The doctor came back in and set up the ultrasound machine. It showed that Jami was, in fact, pregnant. 5 weeks. Making the date of conception not long after she returned from the tour. And the baby was fine. It was nestled safely in her uterus. She left the doctor's office and walked home slowly. Mark and Maureen were meeting up with Maureen's mother to go shopping and dinner afterwards, so they wouldn't be home for hours. Collins was most likely with Adam, so she was on toher own until Roger came home. She puttered around the loft before fixing herself some dinner and taking her medication before going into her bedroom and laying down on the bed. She caressed her stomach thinking about hers and Roger's baby nestled safely in her womb. She needed to figure out a way to tell Roger that she was pregnant. She decided to do some editing and wait for Roger to get home. It was a little after 8pm when she drifted off to sleep. The next thing she knew, it was a little past 2 and Roger was just coming home from the studio.
He tried to walk quietly as he entered his and Jami's bedroom. He looked down at his wife before sitting next to her. The shift in the bed jars Jami out of her sleep. Her eyes crept open to look up at her husband, whose shadow is lit from the street lights outside. "Hey, you're home. I… I tried waiting up for you, but I must have fallen asleep. What time is it?" she asked rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.
"A… a little after 2, I think. Go… go back to sleep, Baby." he muttered. She could tell he had been crying.
"Roger, what happened? Why are you crying?" she bolted up in the bed, scooting down next to him.
"Joey. He… he was late again, so Nate and I went looking for him. I was gonna lay into him. You know? I mean, he wasn't just ruining this shot for himself, he… anyway. We... we go to his apartment and found him. He... he OD'd." he broke down as Jami wrapped her arms around him, pulling him towards her.
"Oh my... I'm... I'm so sorry, Baby." she cried softly into his shoulder before turning to kiss his head, which was resting on her shoulder.
"I... I told him, James. He looked at me like I was this old man who didn't know what I was talking about, but I told him that this would happen." he cried holding her tight.
"I know, Baby. I know." she rubbed his back as he cried.
"How could he be so stupid, James? How... how could he not listen to me? I've been where he was and I got through it. I could have helped him." he cried into her bare shoulder.
"I don't know. I... I guess he needed to find out on his own." she soothed his hair before kissing his head again.
"I've been there. It's not like I didn't know where this road would lead." he let go of her before getting up from the bed to pace the bedroom.
"Roger, would you have listened if someone talked to you?" she asked looking up at him.
"They did talk to me and I... I didn't listen. I... I thought that nothing could touch me. But we both know that wasn't true. I was trying to spare him." he wiped the tears from his face and eyes.
"This is not your fault. Baby, you tried to help him, but he didn't want help. He wasn't ready to hear it." she took the blanket off of her legs to go to him.
"Yeah well, now he never will be." he whispered looking down at her.
"I'm sorry." she reached up to caress his face.
"I can't believe this happened. I... I don't know what to do now. This was his dream too." he looked down at her.
"You continue it. It's what he would have wanted." she looked up into his sad green eyes.
"I should, right?" he looked down at her unsure.
"Absolutely. And maybe you can teach me how to play bass." she looked up at him trying to be humorous.
"It's hard." he smirked down at her.
"How hard could it be? You do it." she laughed looking up at him.
"Are you serious? Because I'll teach you if that's what you want." he lifted his hand to sweep the hair away from her face.
"Can you imagine me playing bass? My luck I'd sprain my fingers or something." she laughed lightly, trying to lighten the mood for him.
"I guess I'll have to play until we find someone permanently." he looked down at her.
"That's probably a good idea." she reached out to hold his bicep.
"I... I can't believe he's gone. He was so young and full of talent." he looked down at her.
"You know as well as anyone that youth and talent don't make you invincible." she stood in front of him.
"Yeah, neither does love." he looked down at her.
"Nothing does, Roger. Real life happens. There's nothing you can do to hide from it. We just have to live our lives and hope that it makes an impact." she wrapped her arms around his waist, holding him close. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders, holding her head to his chest as he caressed her hair.
"I um... I'm sorry this happened right before the wedding." he apologized looking down at her.
"Things happen, Roger. You tried to save him. He just... he didn't want to be saved. You can't blame yourself." she looked up at him as tears rose to her eyes.
"I... I know. I just... I don't know how we're supposed to go to Jersey and have a nice weekend." he looked down at her.
"We do it because our life means something. We can't let loss define us. We're facing enough of that in our future. And as painful as Joey's death is, we have to go on. I know that sounds insensitive, but we owe it to ourselves and our family to celebrate our love and life together." she looked up at him.
"Yeah, I think... I think there's been enough loss. We... we need to celebrate life for a change." he looked down at her.
"And it's our time to celebrate a new life." she looked up at him.
"Yeah, I would hate not to see my beautiful wife in her wedding gown, walking down the aisle towards me." he smiled sweeping her into a loving embrace.
"In front of a million of our closest friends and family." she laughed looking up at him.
"Pretty much." he smiled kissing her gently.
"Come on, let's go to bed. We can deal with everything else in the morning." she looked up at him. Realizing that this was not the right time to tell Roger about their baby.
"Yeah, it's... it's been a long, exhausting day. I just need to hold my wife." he looked deep into his wife's gorgeous blue eyes.
"I'm right here, Roger. I'm not going anywhere." she looked up at him, caressing his cheek with her thumb.
"I promise, James. I'm never gonna leave you." he whispered looking down into her eyes.
"I know." she whispered wrapping her arms around his neck and holding him close. He leaned down, wrapping his arms around her waist picking her up. He brought her to their bed, and laid down before falling asleep in one another's comforting arms.
The next morning, Jami was woken up by Roger's cell phone. She reached over to grab it, so it wouldn't wake Roger up. "Rog." the voice on the other end spoke quietly.
"Nate? No, it's... it's Jami. Roger's still sleeping. He... he got home late last night in really bad shape." she whispered getting out of the bed.
"Yeah, I know. I'm... I'm sorry I woke you up. I just..." he stuttered as she left the room.
"No, it's... it's OK. He told me about Joey. Are you OK?" she asked shutting the door behind her.
"Yeah, I was with him when we found him, but it... it hit Roger the hardest. He saw a lot of his own talent in that kid and I wanted to call and check on him. To make sure he's OK."
"Yeah, he... he was really upset last night when he got home. There's no telling how he'll be when he wakes up and realizes that it wasn't a bad dream." she made her way to the window seat before sitting down.
"Yeah, I know what you mean. Listen, you guys have your wedding to look forward to this weekend. You should be thinking about that. Joey's... Joey's memorial and stuff is gonna be next week, so don't let this ruin your weekend, OK?" he told her.
"Thanks Nate. Um... tell his family that if they need anything to please call us, OK? I know Roger really cared about him despite their differences. He... he tried to be a mentor to him." she spoke quietly as Mark's bedroom door opened.
"I will, Jami. Thanks. Um... I better go. Just tell Roger I called when he gets up."
"I... I will. Um… you and the boys are gonna be in Jersey for the wedding, right?" she asked folding her legs in front of her.
"Of course. We wouldn't miss seeing you and Roger getting married for anything. Talk to you later." he hung up the phone as she closed the phone shut.
"What are you doing on Roger's phone? Did his girlfriend call again?" Maureen teased coming out of the bedroom.
"Joey... um, Joey OD'd yesterday. He died. Nate was just calling to check on Roger. He took it pretty badly." she told her quietly.
"I'm so sorry. Is Roger OK? I know how much he tried to help Joey." she asked walking over to her.
"He tried to be his mentor and tried to prevent him from making the same mistakes he did and he died because of it. He didn't want to be helped." she got up from the window seat.
"This might sound like a really insensitive question, but is this gonna effect the wedding?" she asked looking up at her.
"It's not insensitive, Maureen. I... I thought about it too and we think that it's best if we go on as planned. I mean, there's been enough loss in our lives. This weekend is for us to celebrate for a change. None of us knows how long we have. We have to make the most of the time we have." she told her fighting her tears.
"I know, but I wasn't sure. I mean, with Joey gone and everything..."
"Joey was a cocky little shit who thought he knew it all. Roger tried to help him and it was tearing him apart that he refused to listen. It's not fair that he got off so easily and now my husband has to suffer for his stupidity." she yelled losing control.
"Jami, I'm... I'm sorry. I just..." Maureen went over to her.
"No, I'm... oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. I... I don't know what happened. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that, Maureen. It's just... Roger tried to help him by sharing his own experiences with him and he threw it back in his face. Like Roger didn't know what he was talking about. He... he tried to save him, but instead he had to go and kill himself with that crap. And to make matters worse, my husband had to find him like that. Like it wasn't bad enough that he found April after she… and watched Angel and Mimi die the way they did. It's not fair." Jami broke down in tears.
"It's not something Roger didn't try to do back before he knew you." Maureen took her hand.
"I understand that Maureen, but... but Roger tried to help him and he didn't listen. Why didn't he listen?" she cried as Maureen brought her into her arms.
"I know, honey. I know. Let it out."
"And the worst part about it is, I'm thinking about how this is gonna put a damper on our wedding weekend and ruin Roger's chance at making it big. Am I a cold hearted bitch, or what?" she cried looking over at her.
"James, you couldn't be a cold hearted bitch if you tried." Roger told her coming out of their bedroom.
"Dammit, I wish this family would stop eavesdropping on each other." she laughed a little wiping the tears from her eyes.
"I... I couldn't help it. You weren't exactly quiet with your little outburst out here." he smirked at her.
"I'm sorry. Nate called and wanted to check on you and tell us that Joey's memorial service is gonna be next week and..." she started when he interrupted her.
"I'm fine, Baby. I... I tried my best with him, but he didn't want to hear it. I've been beating myself up this whole time, but it's nothing I didn't do back when I was using. But thankfully I came around because now I have you and this life that, it would be a shame if I missed out on it." he looked down into her tear flooded blue eyes.
"I'm just scared that with Joey gone, you're gonna give up and you can't. I... I won't let you give up on your dreams. Your dreams and your talent means something." she insisted looking up at him.
"I won't give up, James. I... I swear." he reassured her.
"You better not. Your life means something and this is something you need to do. If you even think about giving up..." she gripped the front of his shirt in her small hands.
"I swear, James. I'm gonna finish what I started." he smiled lifting his hand up to caress her wet face.
"I love you so much, Roger. I don't want to see this discourage you from doing what you were meant to do." she enjoyed the feel of his big hands on her face.
"I'm doing this for you, James. You believed in me when I didn't even believe in myself. I can't let you down." he leaned down to kiss her soft lips.
"You could never let me down, Roger. You've given me so much." she wrapped her arms around his waist and nestled her head in his warm, muscular chest.
"I guess my work here is done." Maureen smirked looking over at them.
"I'm sorry, Maureen. There are some things only my husband can fix." she smiled looking over at her.
"It's OK. I'm used to it." Maureen smiled at them, enjoying the view.
