I love this chapter...


Paper Mario X

Chapter 48: Ratgirl and the Last Escape

Back, once again, at Peach/Bower's castle, Peach comes up with an ingenious idea. Zelda and a now recovered Amy see her excited and walk over to hear what she tells Twink.

"Hey…Twink…You know the Sneaky Parasol I got on that quiz show?" Peach asked.

"Don't forget about my Hidey Mask!" Zelda added.

"We can change into someone else when we use them, right?" Peach continued, now addressing Zelda too.

"Yes, get on with it!" Amy urged.

"So don't you think we can use them to get out of here?"

Zelda and Amy exchanged faces. "It took us that long to figure that out?"

"So much for Tri-force of Wisdom…"

"Us? I thought of it!"

"Yeah…I bet you can! Why don't you try it out?" responded Twink.

Amy waved her hands frantically. "What about me? I didn't win any disguise headband or something! How do I get out?!"

Twink pondered this for a brief moment and flew over to the lamp. He pulled off the lampshade, stretched it out, and pulled it over Amy's head. Zelda groaned.

"Are you serious? Do you really think that will work!?! She looks like freakin' Ratman with those ears of hers sticking up!"

Twink waved his hand to calm her down. "If something goes wrong, the worst that'll happen is we'll get kicked back to the room and we find a new costume. And since you brought up Ratman…"

Twink hovered over to the bed and yanked off a sheet. He had Peach cut off a section and used the rest to make Amy a cape. It draped over her dress, removing all traces of Amy except her boots. Zelda rolled her eyes while Peach's grew.

"Now for your boots…" Twink pondered. He scanned the room and found the curtains. Yanking them down, he ripped off parts of each and stuffed them in Amy's boots, enough to stay in, but leaving some to cover the color. "Presenting…Ratgirl!"

Amy made a face under her mask. "I feel like a manila colored ghost…"

"Plus you look rather…stupid, I'm afraid…" Peach let out while holding back a laugh. Zelda shook her head.

"Oh well, it's all we got…let's not waste anymore time here…"

Amy nodded and went to go push the button, but ran into a wall. Zelda and Peach glared at Twink who sweat dropped.

"Something is going to go wrong, I can feel it!" Zelda grunted while hitting the button. Peach trotted over to help Amy get to the passage without crashing into something else.


Once they were out of the room, Peach quietly snuck up on a Koopatrol talking to another. She flashed out her Parasol and she transformed into one! Zelda turned into Sheik, tossed her mask like a boomerang around the Koopatrols, and it landed on her face, making her one too. Amy folded her arms angrily under her sheet/cape.

"That's not fair…" she muttered a little too loudly. One of the Koopatrols turned around. He started talking to Peach.

"Hey. How goes it?" he asked.

"Uh, fine?" Peach said in a completely obvious gruff voice.

"Phew…they've been working me like a dog lately…" he went to turn back to his friend while the girls left, but then noticed Ratgirl. He gasped. The girls froze in place.

"Look Fred! It's Ratman!" he pointed out.

"Huh?" Amy wondered in her girly voice. She covered her mouth while Peach and Zelda mentally slapped themselves. The Koopatrol gaped again.

"Oh, my apologies Ratgirl! It's so hard to tell you and Ratman apart…but this is even better! Will you go out with me?"

Amy put her foot down. "No way! I'm after So-" Zelda moved her finger across her throat in the darkness. "I mean, Ratman, of course! He's so…perfect, his smile, just…the way he is is amazing!"

"Oh, I thought so. Hey, what are you doing here anyway?"

"Um…helping King Bowser, of course! That's what I do…in the shows…"

"Right. I suppose you're leaving now. I won't forget this!"

Amy waved good-bye and Fred had to keep his pal from fainting. Zelda scolded her for nearly blowing their cover. Amy blamed it on the fan boy. Peach shook her head and climbed the stairs to the Star Door a Koopatrol was guarding. He let them pass, and gazed at "Ratgirl" when she glided by. The girls wandered unsuspiciously past some patrolling guards that took note in Amy's disguise. At the other end of the hall, Peach was hoping to get through, but the Koopatrol at the door wanted to take his break, gave the girls the key to the entrance, and sent them to go find a Clubba that would take his place. Peach decided they had no other choice, and went to run the errand. When Amy turned to follow, the guard recognized her.

"Oh! Ratgirl! I can't believe you're here! I have all your comics, all the DVDs of your shows and movies…I loved the one where you took down the Kidder in the Ratmobile! Oh…yeah…"

"I'm glad you liked it!" Amy chuckled a bit nervously.

"You're really awesome for a girl…you want to get some dinner?"

"NO! I am going after Sonic!" she said. She covered her mouth again while the Koopatrol shrieked. Zelda and Peach silently groaned.

"Sonic…the hedgehog? Hmm…aw well. It's better when in episode 271 where you and Ratman got married…but hey! That was only acting!"

"Exactly! Now…uh, duty calls! We'll get you that key for sure!" Amy finished while darting away. The Koopatrol sighed.

"Sweet! An actual super hero is helping me!" he cried out. "Hm…that Sonic must be a pretty good catch if Ratgirl likes him…but now that I think about, that one pink hedgehog Bowser locked up does too… Nope! Not connected at all!"


Back in the Lobby, Zelda violently snapped at Twink.

"I only said that she happened to look like Ratman! That didn't mean for you to turn Amy into Ratgirl so she could run into geeks that wanted to date a fictional character!"

"What's wrong with you Hylians? Always shouting at an innocent little star…" Twink pouted. "Link has quite a temper too…"

Zelda recoiled, but still glared at Twink. Amy then ran out the doors and told them everything was fine. Peach hesitantly nodded and led her group to the bottom part of the area. They went through the main door down to the next level. Heading down the red-carpeted stairs, they unlocked the door at the end of the room. Zelda shielded Amy from all the patrollers so there would be no more disruptions. The moment they hit fresh air, they ran into a snoring Clubba. All three girls looked down over the edge and gulped.

"So much for our escape plan…" murmured Zelda as Peach took on the form of the Clubba.

"Well, if Mario survived, maybe we can!" Amy cheered, preparing to jump. Just before she stepped off, Zelda grabbed her and yanked her backwards.

"Are you asking for a death wish?! Do you think you can fly down?!"

"Actually-"

"Maybe we can find a way out if we get past that one guard," Peach suggested quickly when they were safe back inside.

"I hope I don't have to sign another autograph! I'm out of paper!" exclaimed Amy.

"Keep it down! We don't want our voices letting the cat out of the bag!" Zelda warned. Peach and Amy giggled.

"Cat out of the bag-"

"QUIET!"

Peach pretended to look offended as she stomped off to the guard back in the high room. Just by standing there, the Koopatrol said "Have a good shift!" and left on the spot.

"That was easy!" Peach giggled.

"Don't get confident yet! We don't know what's behind the door," Zelda input.

"Nothing is a problem for… Dah na nuh na nuh naha nah…Ratgirl! Ratgirl!" Amy sang.

Zelda and Peach sweat dropped as Amy swooped into the next area. Honing her hidden Rat skills, she sensed another presence in the room. Zelda told her to come on as they passed the broken window from so long ago. Amy felt the ground where Sonic had once been. It made her more hopeful. When she stood up, the moon cast her shadow on the wall, the shadow of Ratgirl.

"I won't worry anymore Sonic…I know you can save us…" Amy whispered. Her cape made a swish noise as she ran after the Clubba and Koopatrol. Ratgirl followed her sidekicks down the hall and into a room with a staircase going to the top of the castle.

"Heavens Peach! Why don't you make the caste a little bigger?" huffed the Koopatrol.

"This was my mom's castle, so watch your mouth!" the Clubba hissed back.

"I feel like we're celebrating Halloween and we're Trick or Treating in an Apartment…" mumbled Twink.

"Shup Twink! We're going in another room!"

"So?"

"Don't make me use my Ratbelt on you! There might be someone in there! I can feel a presence!"

"Lord have mercy…"

"Shush Zelda!"

Peach slammed her club on the ground to get everyone to shut their pieholes. When she opened the door, everyone sweat dropped when it was a bridge to the other side of the castle.

"Oh yeah Amy! I can totally see your person- it's that Koopatrol over there!"

"No need for sarcasm, ZELDA!"

"HUSH! He can hear us…"

"Nuh-uh! I'M RatGIRL!"

"Ratgirl, go fly over to the other door!"

"Okay!"

Defying the laws of physics, the wind suddenly blew into Amy's cape, making her fly over to the other side. She landed on the roof as Kammy Koopa exited the door underneath her. The other girls were more worried about Ratgirl than the old hag that was bound to chew them out.

"Okay, okay…everything's finally ready! Even if Mario shows up with all the Star Spirits we'll be all right! It pays to expect the worse!" Kammy announced to Bowser's followers that had gathered.

"Absolutely! Affirmative! You're absolutely right Kammy Koopa!" one Koopatrol called out (which happened to be Zelda). Kammy nodded and continued to walk to the other side until she got a whiff of something.

"Mm! you there!" she pointed at Peach. Zelda hid behind her, Twink ducked under the roof, and Ratgirl got into a pouncing stance. "…you're doing a fine job!"

They stopped holding their breath, only for it to be held again when Kammy realized something. She whirled around in a flash, making Amy scowl under her lampshade mask. Kammy looked at Zelda who came out of her hiding place. "Keep up the good…wait…Something's weird about you two…you smell…too nice…"

What kind of freak can sniff out if you're nice or not?

Kammy cried out, summoning a spell, and zapped Peach and Zelda back to normal.

"Oh no!" gasped Peach.

"You…why you little…Princess Peach…and friend! Unbelievable! Out again!!" Kammy cried. "Guards! All of you! Catch these little runaways and take them back to their room!"

Every guard on the scene hoisted the two princesses into the air.

"To the Ratcave! Let's go!" Amy shouted. The winds roared up again, and she flew right into Kammy Koopa. Kammy fell off the roof, frantically trying to summon her broom. Amy laughed a Ratgirl laugh and soared higher into the sky. She had done well, even though she had no idea what caused her to ram into the witch. By the time Kammy flew back up, Amy was gone, along with Princess Peach and Zelda, and the memory of their final escape.


Lol... ah, and there concludes Chapter 6. Chapter 7 is a good one too (but aren't they all? ;) There's action, plenty of humor, mystery, and maybe a little more Kirbow that's even bigger than last time!

Next time: The group heads into the sewers to locate the entrance to the cold north!