Author's note:

For Exinferis. I'm tremendously honored by your kind words and your generosity. Thank you, not only for taking the time to read, but also for your eloquent and gracious note. I am truly humbled. LH

FORGIVENESS

She'd left so quickly.

Clarice.

It took several minutes for Hannibal to return to the bedroom.

The scent of lavender overwhelmed his senses, his memories. Hannibal had no idea how long she'd been in the hallway. When he'd first detected her scent the presence of it had already been well saturated. She had been there longer than that first acknowledgment.

Entering the bedroom, he removed his robe and climbed into bed. He did not immediately curl around her body, as was his nightly custom, but waited for her to reach out to him or speak that he might know her emotional state.

Clarice remained very still. Hannibal breathed. There was a faint scent of salt.

Have you been crying?

Hannibal rested his hand on her left shoulder stroking his thumb very gently along the elegant slope to her neck. His fingers lighted on her pulse point, the thump was quick and deliberate.

You're disturbed by my actions, my Love? I'm sorry.

Careful to keep his voice low, he continued to caress her skin, soothing as he spoke, "Clarice, I am aware you are awake. If you are of a mind, I'd like to speak with you. If not, I'll wait until you are more emotionally prepared to have a discussion. Perhaps after a good night's sleep. What are your feelings on the matter?"

"I don't know, H…I thought I did, but now, I don't really know. I'm not going to have a good night's sleep tonight anyway. I'm…I'm all bottled-up…I feel…I feel…"

Hannibal began placing very small kisses across her neck and shoulders.

"Angry?"

"Maybe. I don't know…but I'm disappointed for sure."

"In me?"

"I don't know. Should I be?"

"That is for you to decide. I would help if you will allow. Of what are you unsure?"

"I'm not really unsure… first, I was just confused about me and you but now it's your aunt, too."

She reached backward for his body smoothing a hand upward from his knee to his thigh, the soft hairs bristling at her touch. Her hand stuttered, a brief inhale, almost a gasp, as her fingertip passed over Hannibal's thigh and hip. Bare flesh. She now knew he'd been unclothed save the robe. Sensing the stiffening of her muscles and the speed of her pulse, he sensed her upset but she said nothing of it.

"If you would grant me the honor of facing me, Clarice, I would prefer to see your eyes as we speak."

She rolled toward him. Not tentative. A pleasant surprise, but she so often astounded him, committing fully to the presence of his body. Not avoiding contact, she pressed toward him with such need, he expected, when seeking her eyes, an expression of sensuality. But when their eyes met in the moonlight filtering through the partially drawn curtains, there was vulnerability in her expression that shook him to his core. Her eyes were wet, face fully flushed, cheeks streaked with sorrow.

Concerned for her emotional state he clasped her face with his right hand, his palm gently cradling her cheek. His thumb stroked her tear-streaked face. First, he kissed the tip of her nose. Next, each damp cheek, and finally her lips, a brief touch before noting with concern, "You've been crying?"

Her body shuddered, she stammered, "I'm sorry, H…I'm…I'm really upset…I…I don't know what you want me to say to you."

Touching his forehead to hers, Hannibal stressed, "There is nothing I want you to say to me, Clarice. I am seeking honesty, that is all."

Pulling him closer, she pressed her cheek to his.

"That's what I want too, but I never quite know what's going on in your mind and I'd really like to 'cuz if I did, maybe I wouldn't be so angry right now."

Holding her tightly, gently, he probed, "How can I ease your mind?"

She pulled back, her hands pressing on his chest to give her more distance.

"I don't know…I'm trying really hard not to overreact but I'm so mad I feel like my skin is just…boiling. I'm almost nine months pregnant. I look like crap. I feel like crap. Everything single inch of my bloated body hurts and what I just saw between you two isn't helping my self-esteem much. Worst yet, I have no idea what any of that means to you."

Holding them away from his body, Hannibal was unsure of what to do with his hands. He lifted his body up on his right elbow. He tried to move closer, but she shrank from him.

"You need only ask, my Love. Have I ever failed to honestly answer a question put to me?"

Clarice flopped over on her back. Her eyes searched the ceiling.

"I want more than that. I want you to tell me things without me having to pry the words from your mouth. I've got to know what's going on inside you. I need to feel you, H."

He reached for her, placing his palm on the apex of her belly. The child kicked. Hannibal bent to his wife. He kissed the point where his child moved. Turning his head, he rested his ear on the spot so he might listen to their child moving within his wife's womb.

"That may be difficult for me."

Clarice gently tousled his hair. "Why?"

As he spoke he continually kissed her swollen stomach. "I have lived a solitary life and as such am not accustomed to this level of communication. You shall have to help me, Clarice. What do you want me to share with you?"

"It hadn't occurred to me before tonight, but…your aunt? I mean…I knew you were very close and felt betrayed by her rejection, but exactly what did she reject? Were the two of you…intimate?"

"Define intimate."

Clarice pushed him off her body and sat up. "Jesus, H! You need me to spell it out for you? Fine! Did you or did you not have sex with your aunt?"

Totally perplexed, Hannibal sat up as well, unsure of what to do. Flummoxed, he stated simply. "No."

Apparently not the response Clarice was seeking. She was irate, challenging vociferously, "That's it? Just no? That's all you're going to say to me!"

Bemused, Hannibal, head inclined as his singular mind calculated the situation, sought a way to regroup.

"It is a direct question. I assumed a direct answer was desired. If you will forgive me, Clarice, I am at a total loss. I am attempting to meet your needs, but haven't a clue as to how. If there is a way to absorb your anger and your self-doubt, I would. Unfortunately, I need your guidance. What will ease your mind, my Love? Tell me and I shall do it."

Hannibal watched closely. It seemed her eyes might have softened but he wasn't certain of that fact until Clarice placed her hands on his chest and patted him gently. Toying with the hair growing thicker at the center, she urged, "I know you don't want me to be upset. But answering with a simple no? That's not good enough, H. I'm gonna want more than that. She lives with us. I need to know."

Slipping his hand from her neck he skated his fingers over her shoulders. Her body was curvier, full with her pregnancy. She was sensual and soft to the touch. His hand found its way over her back, slipping into the canal of her spine. He settled his palm on the gentle slope on the curve of her back. His hand found a rhythm here. Sliding back and forth. He did not know whom it relaxed more, he or Clarice. He relaxed far too much. His tongue loosened. For one so brilliant, it was not an astute move.

"I fail to see whether or not the offer of a sexual act that did not happen nearly sixty years ago impacts our lives today. It isn't as if I extended the invitation to have sex with my aunt- that was her offer. Nor did I request for my aunt to reside in our home, Clarice. If memory serves, that particular offer was yours."

When he saw the expression on her face, he wished he could offer a full retraction but it was far too late.

Slapping Hannibal's chest, Clarice launched into a tirade, "If memory serves? Fuck you, H, what about that whole chirping-heart-beating thing? I mean…what the hell? You had a response. For Christ's sake! It was memorized."

"Don't be obtuse, Clarice. I have never in my life had a need to memorize a response. If something occurs, I remember it."

"You said she made your heart sing! There's got to be more to it than a simple no."

"It is as simple as a no. She offered. I did not accept. You have impressive contextual knowledge, do you know what torpor is, Clarice?"

"Goddamned torpor? How in the name of sweet-bleeding-Christ did we get on the subject of fucking hibernation? What the hell does that have to do with us?"

If she wasn't already so enraged he might have reminded her to temper the profanity, but as young Hannibal wasn't present and they were alone in the privacy of their bedroom, discretion being the better part of valor, he let her verbally vent her anger. Hannibal listened, all the while massaging her muscles, stroking the long planes of her legs and arms. She was tense, and angry. She needed comfort, not reproach.

"It has everything to do with us, Clarice and torpor is not true hibernation, if there even is such a thing. It is a state of lessened activity. A slowed metabolism, the body's effort to reduce need in a time when necessary sustenance is unavailable."

Feeling the tension melting from her body, Hannibal gathered her in his arms. She rested her head on his chest.

Even through your anger, I feel your love, Clarice.

"I understand the concept, H, I just question the reason you'd bring it up now. It's not like I'm going to let you distract me to let you off the goddamned hook."

Stroking her hair as she nestled close, Hannibal answered earnestly, "I'm not attempting to dodge your query, Clarice. I'm explaining the nature of my relationship with my aunt in comparison to my relationship with you. I came to my uncle's house when I was very young. My mother was gone… my entire family, gone. My uncle died very soon after. Lady Murasaki was my only connection to my life before the war. She understood loss, but at that point, I did not. I could not speak of my pain. I could not speak at all."

Lifting her head from his body, she looked up, questioning, "That's really true? For how long?"

Lifting her chin, Hannibal kissed her briefly, answering, "Years, though I am told I called out in my sleep."

Clarice closed her eyes, returning her head to his chest.

"Mischa?"

The warm air wafting across his pectoral muscles tickled as the soft hairs of his chest stirred with her breath. Hannibal thought about his feelings. He ran dozens of scenarios through his head. He did not wish to misspeak now. In his embrace her body felt calm. Her ire was not something he once more wished to encourage.

"Yes. Mischa." A sigh. Over the years her name had become an invocation, said with more reverence than any prayer he'd ever spoken. "When I say Lady Murasaki made my heart sing, I refer to the fact that through her I discovered it was possible for me to connect to another person on an emotional level. That I was still capable of loving, though when she discovered my true nature she said she found nothing left in me to love."

She kissed his chest. "I'm sorry, H…that must have hurt."

Hannibal's hands continually passed over her body. Pheromones swirled.

"It didn't hurt so much it shocked. The thought that her love was conditional came as a surprise to me. As I did not and do not believe true love is conditional, I realized she and I were not in love. That is when my feelings changed."

Clarice shifted on her side. Her hands began to move from his chest to his abdomen, tracing wide circles with her palm.

"That quickly? You just turned the love off."

Hannibal's nostrils flared. Her anger seemed reduced as her amorous interest began to spike. As his intent had been romantic in nature as well, he pulled her close. He was certain she could sense the emotional shift. She would certainly be aware of his physical interest.

"Not in a manner of speaking. That I reevaluated and adjusted the level of emotion does not mean I didn't and don't feel love for her, but it doesn't approach my feelings for you. You accepted me for who I am, for what I am, offering me love without condition. I love and honor you above all for that gift. With you I am not a monster, but am human once more."

As her hand continued its path on his body, Clarice allowed the circles to widen, just dipping beneath his umbilical indentation, then to his lower abdomen.

Are you seeking my level of arousal?

Hannibal shifted onto his side with his rigid flesh pressed tightly between them.

Clarice moved against him, encouraging.

"But…torpor?"

Snuggling close, he began to nuzzle against her neck, his nose rubbing the soft skin behind her ear. He teased at the lobe with his teeth, tugging gently, then releasing even as he whispered, "Yes. Such was the state I was in. From the time of my childhood, throughout my adulthood and all the while during my incarceration, it was the winter of my life. I felt the thaw when first we met, the heat, when, so many years later, I saw you once more. And while it is true that her love taught my heart to sing, it was your love that allowed my heart to soar."

Baring her neck, she allowed Hannibal to nibble at the flesh, biting and tasting.

Breathless, she expressed her remorse, "H…oh god…H…I feel like a fool…I'm sorry."

Unwilling to leave the soft skin of her throat, he spoke against the skin as he kissed the flesh, taking tiny bite of the tender skin of beneath her chin. Reaching down, hs very gently lifted her leg as he adjusted his position. Her scent reached him quickly. He sighed.

You are ready for me. Are you willing?

He found her lips. His mouth was tender, parting her lips with his tongue with a single gentle swoop. He growled his hunger, opening his mouth quickly, his tongue swirling, dancing around hers. They parted for a moment. He angled his hips, his body probing, rocking against hers, though he did not enter.

"A fool…never, my Love and sorry? For what?"

Hannibal dropped her leg over his hip. He pulled her hips in close, his body encased within the channel of hers. But a slight push, and they would be joined. His lips found the pebbled peak at the height of her breast. Latching gently, he suckled for a moment, releasing with a tiny tug. The bud of flesh popped lightly from his mouth. She could probably feel the smile pulling his lips apart.

"For today, H. I ruined your dinner."

Once more, he teased at her breast, noting the fullness, nudging the rounded side with the tip of his nose as he spoke, "I should not have asked that of you."

Grabbing his head, Clarice pulled him to her, encouraging him to seek her breast once more. This time he latched quickly, her permission inspiring his passion. He tugged at the tip, captured it once more, sucking hard at the flesh. Drawing milk, his jaws moved quickly, careful not to spill.

Gasping at the contact but not refusing the pleasure, she responded, "There shouldn't be anything you can't ask of me, H. You were hungry. You hadn't eaten."

"Lifting his head from her breast, Hannibal comforted, "If I knew you were keeping this meal warm, I would gladly have refused the liver. You are infinitely more delicious and far more desirable. I should have been more understanding. Your hormones, Clarice."

She shifted her leg. Hannibal held his breath as she reached down and pressed his body just slightly inward. Hannibal gasped, his inhalation hitched as it caught the back of his throat the moment the flared tip passed into his wife's body. Starved for her, he clutched her hips, his fingers digging into her flesh as he rasped, "Clarice…Jesus…Clarice…I need you…I need you…"

He didn't advance his entry, instead waiting for her intention.

"I needed you tonight, too, H, and I need you still. My hormones aren't an excuse to be a bitch. I implied…"

Clarice stopped speaking mid-sentence. She hadn't moved since she'd allowed him to enter her. Not wanting her guilt to bring more distance and encourage a separation, Hannibal clutched at her body. He looked deeply into her eyes and nodded. Permission? She nodded. Granted.

Their eyes locked, Hannibal very slowly enfolded her within his arms and pulled her to him even as he pressed himself within. Listening, he waited. As he filled her body, Clarice allowed her head to roll. Her mouth opened, lips parting slightly. A whisper of a sigh reached his ear, then a gasp soon followed by the gentlest whimper as he entered her fully. Her body stretched around his, grasping him internally.

As he began to move very slowly, Hannibal allowed, "You implied nothing, Clarice. I have killed many people. You love me, I know."

"She loved you too, H…It wasn't enough…maybe I'm not enough."

His movements were unhurried, each withdrawal protracted, each entrance relaxed.

"You have no way of understanding fully what goes on in my mind. It is only natural you would fear for your son. I shall not hold the love you have for our child over your head. You are more than enough, Clarice and you always will be."

His breathing was quickening. The feeling of her body, her scent…intoxicating and though he could have taken control of his responses, he allowed for all, indulging in the tightening of his abdomen, the flood of pheromones to cause his heart to pound. He snarled at the sensations, so primal, and, to Hannibal, so new.

Clarice clutched his shoulders. Her hips began to speed slightly, meeting his and perhaps encouraging more. She whispered in his ear, the sentence timed to his thrusts.

"You were… hurt H…I could see it… on your face…the rejection…I'm sorry…"

Breathless, he could barely manage, "No…need…no need…"

Releasing his shoulders, she gripped his hips. Twisting her body, she sat up slightly, shifting to mount. Now on top, she moved over him groaning as her weight settled her body lower. He was deeper within now. He groaned.

"Clariiice…"

"More, H…all of you…I need all of you…"

Hannibal's pace quickened, driving upward. His body. Her body. Oh, god…her body…opening, accepting…his heart began to thump with such force he was certain she could hear it. He listened to the light, airy moans as she squirmed against him seeking friction. As her orgasm began to bloom, she leaned low over his body gasping for breath. Hearing her apogee approach, his mind took over. Possessiveness roared within. He growled his need.

Mine. She is mine. She has been no other man's. No one will have her. Mine.

Grabbing fistfuls of her hair, he buried his nose, his teeth gnashing against her neck. His breath was hot and fast, huffing heated breaths against her throat. His speech was staccato, keeping up with the breaths he gasped for. Each movement burned. He ached to hear her call out to him.

"Clarice…my Clarice… for me."

"Yes, H…Yes…oh god…H…"

Her muscles began to clutch him. A harsh uptake of breath as her back arched, her body at the height of her rapture now began undulated around his. He watched her breasts heaving with the force of her passion. Her mouth opened, her breath gasping.

The bobbing motion of her breasts almost too much, the glistening of milk around her areola made his stomach flutter. Arching upward, he once more captured her breast, drinking hungrily as he tugged her toward him. Clutching her hips he bucked upward, her breasts bouncing against his cheeks. A shudder ran through her as he bit down. Blood mixed with milk as he lapped hungrily.

Pain and pleasure crashed within her ears. She screamed his name as the waves of orgasm lifted them both, tumbling them within one another's arms. Twisting within her embrace, Hannibal wrestled to the top position, furiously thrusting downward. Biting his lip he posted on his palms, his head dropping low.

Her orgasm fading, she encouraged Hannibal's end.

"Let go, H…come for me…come for me…"

His stomach tightening, he felt every muscle wracking, his body shuddering as his urges overcame. Thrusts shortened, coming quicker until his body stiffened, convulsing with the power of physical and emotional euphoria. Several shudders and Hannibal Lecter collapsed into his wife's arms, clutched her close and fully released the hold he had on his body.

Biting the fleshy muscle of her shoulder, he moaned low, his hips involuntarily jerking as he allowed his body to flood hers. Clarice wrapped her arms around her husband and clutched him tightly. He could feel her muscles gripping and releasing as his body pulsed within. They held each other for several minutes, the tremors of aftershocks rolling between them.

Moved, Hannibal simply repeated, "Clarice…my Clarice…"

She kissed his neck. "Always, H…always."

Until the next chapter, my friends!

LH