49.1 Jowan
Kathryn told Jowan to pick out a new robe and staff. He walked over to where Leliana was looking at some jewelry and told her that Kathryn said she would be willing to help.
"Oh, yes!" Leliana said excited. "I love picking out clothing. Come." She took his arm. "Something blue or purple, maybe green or… no… burgundy! So striking. And shoes! You need shoes!"
Jowan tried on several robes as Leliana and Wynne judged them. He realized that in the little time he had been with the group, he had put on weight. He had been eating his serving of dinner and then finishing off whatever was left which now that he thought about it, was always at least another portion. But he could see that his ribs were not sticking out so much, collarbone not so pronounced. He was still too thin but now he looked more like a man than a skeleton.
And he felt like it to, he felt good for the first time in… well, ever. He knew part of it was that he was becoming accepted in the group and part of it was due to his earlier adventure at the Pearl. He had been nervous, well, terrified really. He had always been convinced that he would die in the tower having never been with anyone. He knew he wasn't the type of man that women desired to be with. Some men could look at a women and get them to lie with them, men like Zevran, but Jowan was not one of them. Lily had really been the only one to ever pay any attention to him. While relationships between the mages were discouraged if not outright forbidden, many kept each other company, some for a night, some for years. But he had never done that.
Zevran had talked to the proprietor of the Pearl and then to a couple of the workers. Finally a beautiful blond elf came and sat next to him. She had a lovely smile and was easy to talk to. They spoke for a while and then she led him to a back room. She didn't make him feel bad that he didn't have any experience and she didn't talk to him like he was an idiot either. She simply explained things, showed him things, and led him through it. He really had had no idea it was like that. It had been rather… amazing.
Leliana, Wynne and him finally found a robe they all agreed fit now and would when he finally got back to his normal size, that was appropriately enchanted and also looked good on him, a sturdy pair of shoes and a staff. He also picked out a cheap portable journal. Since he was learning new spells and wanting to experiment he needed a way to record everything.
Zevran said that Kathryn had something to do but she had given him money and picked out a nicer journal for him saying that Kathryn would insist. He also found a tome about Fade travel and making contact with Fade spirits, which he thought might help him to become a spirit healer. He also found a book on anatomy, healing potions and practices. Zevran paid for everyone's purchases and then they all made their way to the tavern to wait for Kathryn and, it seemed, Alistair.
When Leliana expressed concern for them being gone as long as they had, Zevran assured them they were fine and would be along in time. He wouldn't elaborate but seemed very confident of the fact. Jowan had to wonder what he knew that the rest of them didn't.
49.2 Kathryn
Kathryn entered the Pearl, somewhat out of breath. She had hurried there from the market district. It was taking nearly all the self-control she had to keep her composure. She looked around but didn't see Alistair which meant if he was still here he was in the back. Sanga walked up to her. "Welcome. Can I help you?"
"I'm looking for someone. Male human, warrior, blond, muscular, handsome. Someone said he was just here." Kathryn said.
"Oh, the good looking one who was with you before. Yes, he is in the back." Sanga said.
Kathryn's heart sank. "I need to talk to him. Now."
"Well, normally, we do not allow non-paying guests in the back." Sanga said.
Kathryn bristled but managed to keep her voice calm. "I understand but this is important."
"I see. He is in the last room on the right." Sanga said.
"Thank you." Kathryn said. She walked through to the back, down the hall and to the last door on right.
Kathryn just stood in front of it. This had to be a mistake. Sanga and Zevran, they had to have confused Alistair with someone else. He wouldn't do this. She knew he wouldn't do this. Why would he do this? He was happy and satisfied with her, at least, she thought he was. She knew that she didn't have the experience, not as knowledgeable as some, and definitely not as much as the women here but if he wasn't happy why wouldn't he tell her. She wanted to make him happy, would do anything to… he had to know that.
This simply had to be a mistake. She knew it was. She should trust him, should believe in him, have faith in their relationship, in what he had said to her about how he felt about her. She should just leave... but she couldn't. She had to prove it was a mistake, then she would never doubt again. She knocked on the door. A voice… Alistair's voice said "Come in."
Kathryn felt that she had been punched in the chest. She closed her eyes and swallowed hard. No, there had to be an explanation. She knew him. She would give him a chance to explain, for there had to be something, some reason that made this make sense. She knew there was and if there wasn't… she wouldn't yell or do anything rash, she would just ask why. She would have to know why. She blinked several times, took a deep breath and with all the dignity she had opened the door and stepped in.
Alistair was there, all right, standing in the middle of the room, alone and in his armor, all of it. He looked up when she walked in. "Damn. I guess I should know better than to just invite people in, shouldn't I?" He smiled. "See, I thought you were the delivery from…"
"Excuse me." Kathryn heard a voice behind her. She turned to see a female dwarf with a tray filled with Orlesian pastries. Kathryn stepped out of her way as she walked into the room. The dwarf walked up to Alistair and said. "Ser, the baker said that he had apple and pear but was out of raspberry, however the blackberry crop was very good this year and hoped that would be acceptable. And I must say, they are delicious!" She said. "I… umm… tried one or maybe two, just to make sure they… I'll just set them here."
Kathryn watched as the dwarf placed the tray on the low table next to a bottle of white wine. Then Kathryn noticed that the room was filled with the soft light from over two dozen candles and that nearly every surface, including the bed, was covered in deep red rose petals.
"Is there anything else?" The dwarf asked.
"No, that's all. Thank you." He said. She turned, giving a quick look and knowing smile to Kathryn and left the room. Sanga stepped inside. "Is everything as you wish?" She said.
"Yes, thank you." He said.
"Enjoy." She said as she closed the door leaving Alistair and Kathryn alone.
Kathryn looked around the room and then to Alistair. "What… I don't…"
"I bet you didn't know…" He said as he set his sword and shield down and began to unbuckle his gloves. "…that you can rent the rooms here. Just the rooms, by the hour. It is much cheaper than the tavern especially if not going to use the room all night, and the rooms are nicer, quieter too. Beds are a lot sturdier." He said as he took off his boots and greaves and laid them by the gloves. "And the umm… workers are very accommodating. They will get you nearly anything you want, Orlesian pastries from the baker across town, a good crisp white wine, candles and even red rose petals. You have no idea how hard they are to find."
Kathryn looked around, stunned and confused. "Wait... just wait. You mean to tell me that you rented the room… just the room… and then got the pastries and wine and roses for… us."
"Well, yes. Of course." He said as he lifted his chestpiece off and placed it on the floor. He looked back to Kathryn who did not look pleased. "I… I thought you'd like it."
Kathryn looked at him eyes wide and disbelieving."You thought I'd like this! That I'd like being lured here by the idea that you were being serviced by prostitutes; that I would appreciate extensive plans made and money spent without my knowledge or consent; that I'd be pleased that you just assumed that I would wish to lie with you at any opportunity. Well, you were wrong."
Alistair looked stunned and then crushed. Kathryn shook her head."I love it." She said laughing. Alistair smiled, relieved. "I can't believe you did this." She looked around at the room. "It's lovely, just wonderful. But… I do have one question."
"Right, how did I pay for it? I haven't yet. Well, some of it I have. I had some money but I was hoping that you'd settle the bill when we got done. Otherwise I'll probably have to stay and work off the debt. Oddly, Sanga didn't seem at all upset at that prospect." He said.
"While that is good to know, that wasn't my question." She said.
"Then what?" He said.
"Why are we still dressed?"
49.3 Kathryn and Alistair
Kathryn reached over and picked up one of the few remaining pastries from the tray and then leaned back against Alistair. "These are simply delicious." She said. "Sweet and just a touch of tartness, a flaky crust that melts in your mouth, simply perfect. You can say what you want about the Orlesians but they do know how to bake."
Alistair smiled. He had never seen her so relaxed. She seemed miles away from the fearless commander, the courageous leader, the fierce fighter that she was most of the time. "They are good. I think you are more pleased with them than any of the rest."
"Then you really would be mistaken." She said with a coy smile. "Really I just can't believe that you remembered me mentioning these. I mean the morning after we began our relationship, I would have thought you'd have other things on your mind besides my perfect breakfast."
Alistair touched her face. "I remember everything about you."
She turned to him, took his hand and kissed it, kissed the back of it, his palm and fingers. "What happened to your fingers here?" She asked indicating the second and third fingers on his left hand which were twisted and bent.
"I broke them." He said.
"Obviously, but they weren't set and healed badly. It must have been painful for them to be smashed like that, you had to have known. So, why weren't they seen to?" She said.
Alistair looked away and said. "I don't remember."
"Alistair, if you don't want to tell me that's fine but you don't have to lie about it." She said.
He sighed. "But if I say I don't want to tell you, you'll want to know why."
"True, but that's only because I want to know about you, what has happened in your life, what has made you who you are. Is that a bad thing?" She said.
"No, not usually." He said. "But what if you find out something you don't like. Something that changes how you think or even how you… feel about me."
"But if I don't know you, then I'm not in love with you but with who I think you are." She said. "Alistair, you can't only show me the good parts of yourself and keep the other parts hidden. I can't love you, until you let me see all of who you are, good and bad."
Alistair stood and took her wine glass. He walked over and refilled both glasses and handed hers back. He took a drink and then stared at the glass for a while.
"I told you that the initiates from noble families called me a bastard and ignored me and the rest thought I put on airs." He said.
"Yes." She said.
"Well, most of them did but a few… didn't." He said.
"What did they… they beat you up didn't they?" She said.
"Yes, not every day or anything like that but… enough." He said. "I was always small for my age, easy to pick on. Some of the others said I would grow up to be an elf and I admit for a while I did check to make sure my ears weren't growing or getting pointy. But after my fourteenth winter I started growing and didn't stop for the next four years. Nearly every month I needed new clothes or shoes, and I started getting strong. I guess all those years struggling to keep up."
"Anyway, my fifteenth summer, the worst of the lot and three of his friends caught me alone after sparring practice. I ran at first, that's what I did mostly. If I could I would run and hide until they got bored looking for me and left. But today I was too tired to out run them and I was just… tired of running. So, I stopped and faced them and I realized that I could look him straight in the eye. I told him not to come any closer, and then he rushed me." Alistair looked down.
"What happened?" She asked.
Alistair shook his head. "I don't know." He looked down and picked up the amulet he wore. "It's like with this. I don't remember throwing it at the wall. Only the Arl telling me I was to go to the monastery and yelling at him and then I heard the sound of it shattering against the stone." He took a deep breath. "The first thing I remember was being hit in the face with a bucket of cold water and being held down by two of the brothers. Then they dragged me to the cell."
"The what?" She said.
"It was a room in the back with no furniture and only a small window. They would put the initiates in it if they were enraged or violent, if they were a danger to themselves or the brothers. It wasn't the first time I had seen the inside of that room." He said. "Normally it was only until they calmed down, an hour or at most all night. I stayed there over a week."
"What?" Kathryn said. "But your hands! They had to see you were injured."
"At that point a couple broken fingers were the least of my problems." He said.
"I don't understand." She said.
"They thought he was going to die." He said. "They thought I had killed him, that I had beat him to death."
"But you were only a child, you didn't know, you didn't intend to kill him." She said.
"I was past my fifteenth winter." He said. "I was old enough to hang, and they would have. They would have had to."
"But they didn't so… you didn't or did you… kill him?" She asked.
"No, but wasn't for want of trying on my part." He said. "Apparently when they attacked me and I fought back one of the boys ran and told the brothers. By the time they got there he was unconscious and I was still punching him as hard as I could, over and over again. Hard enough to smash two of my fingers, break some of his bones and cause internal bleeding. They called in a healer but there wasn't much they could do but wait." He looked down. "Lucky for me and him too, he didn't die. But even after they knew he would live, they kept me in the cell."
"Why? He jumped you with three others. You were defending yourself. How could they punish you for that?" She said.
"He was the son of a noble and I was the bastard son of a commoner." He said. "The rest didn't matter."
"What happened?" She asked.
"The boy's father came to take him home to recover. He wanted to see who had nearly killed his son. So they brought me to him. He asked me why I had done it. I told him because I wasn't going to run anymore, that I wasn't sorry I had done it and if he ever hit me again I'd kill him." He said.
"Weren't making a very good case for yourself. What did he say to that?" She asked.
"He said that I was not to be punished in any way and that this was not to be mentioned again and if he found out that I had suffered at all for what had happened he would take the whole incident up with the king and the Grand Cleric. So they let me go back to the barracks and then someone finally noticed my hand but by then it was too late to set the bone." He said. "So that's it, that's the story. I nearly beat a boy to death and I don't remember doing it. It scared me though, badly, that I could do something like that and not know it. Throwing an amulet is one thing, beating someone like that is another. It was the last time I ever lost control like that."
"Why didn't you want to tell me?" She said.
"Because you think I'm a good person. If you found out I'm capable of something like that or at least was, or that I was a wimp growing up… there really is nothing about that story that reflects well on me at all." He said.
"People are not wholly good or bad and all are capable of many things when pushed. The important thing is you didn't want to do anything like that again, that you learned from it, and that you haven't done anything like it since." She said. She touched his face, bringing his eyes to hers. "You are a good person and not only do I still love you, but I do believe that I like you even more than I did before."
He smiled. "So just to be fair, what's your deepest darkest secret?"
"Well, I used to steal cookies from the castle larder and let the cook blame the castle soldiers." She said.
"Wow! I don't know if I can be with such an evil, deceitful person. I think I should just walk away now." He said.
"You want to see evil, you just try it. I'm not letting you out of this room if I have to tie you to the bed." She said.
"Hmmm… That sounds rather saucy. But I think they charge extra if you use the ropes or shackles." He said.
"Wait, there are ropes? And shackles?" She asked surprised.
"I'm not sure I like the way you said that." He said.
"I was just… curious, really." She said with a smile.
He laughed. "I love you."
"And I love you." She said. "Even the parts that aren't perfect and wonderful." He reached over and kissed her. He started to roll her over. "Oh, no you don't." She said as she pushed him onto his back. She kissed him on the lips and then kissed along his jaw and neck, down his chest and continued past his ribs.
"What are you…" He said as he started to breathe harder.
"Chapter 27." She said.
"What?" He said.
"Trust me." She said as she continued to kiss him.
He leaned his head back and grabbed the bedpost. "Maker!"
49.4 Alistair
After settling up the bill at the Pearl, they went back to the Gnawed Noble Tavern to gather the others. He had nodded to Zevran to indicate that everything had gone extremely well.
Given all their recent purchases and expenses, and the inflated prices at the Gnawed Noble, Alistair suggested they try someplace different for dinner, and the group made their way to The Broken Sword.
As the group walked in, the owner hailed Alistair by drink, Antivan brandy. They put a couple of the tables together for them and even got a Qunari sized chair for Sten, and a bone for Drake. They ordered a feast of roasted pig with plum sauce and vegetables, bread and wine. They all ate until even Jowan was stuffed.
As the sun set, the place filled up quickly with dock workers, merchants, travelers, and mercenaries, human, elves and dwarves. Then as the moon rose, they cleared the tables away and prepared to dance.
The tavern bard started with the group or circle dances common in Ferelden. Everyone danced except Sten who Leliana insisted play the drums and Morrigan who stood in the back looking disdainfully at the rest who quickly forgot she was there.
In the group or circle dances there are no partners, so all danced together. Then they switched to pairs dancing where everyone has a partner even though you dance in a group or in small groups. Jowan asked Kathryn to dance in front of Alistair. Jowan had guts, Alistair had to give him that. Alistair sat back and sipping his brandy, watched them dance. There were several of these dances and many of the other patrons asked her to dance as they also asked Leliana and even Wynne. After each dance Kathryn presented her hand for them to kiss.
He couldn't help but think about how no one here had any idea him and Kathryn were together. In public, she didn't treat him any different than any of the rest of the group. In private, of course it is a different matter entirely, but he knew that the lack of any displays of affection was the only reason Jowan thought he had any chance with her. Alistair knew part of it was because she was a noble and they don't do that sort of thing and then there is the fact that she is in charge.
But the truth of it was that she did not claim him. He wanted to tell everyone they were together for he was proud to be with her. But then he would be, a cynic would say, for he had bedded a noble, while he was a bastard and a commoner. She could have ten of such men at the snap of her fingers. She said such things didn't matter to her but on some level perhaps it did. He knew she loved him but he had to wonder that she may not be proud of him in the same way.
The bard announced a waltz. Alistair remembered how he and Kathryn had danced together the night Leliana and Zevran had taught them this dance, despite her being with Roland. It would be hard for him to now complain that she was dancing with others when she had danced with him under similar circumstances.
Alistair saw Jowan ask her to dance. Jowan would no doubt be thrilled to be able to hold her. Alistair took another drink, finishing up his brandy. He set the glass down and looked back as the music started expecting to see Kathryn teaching Jowan the steps and turns but instead Kathryn was standing in front of him.
She offered her hand to him as she had to the others. He stood and started to reach for it, to gently touch her fingers with his and give her a proper and formal kiss on the hand. Then as he brought his hand to hers, she turned her hand over, exposing her palm to him. It was a simple gesture, a turn of her wrist, a twist of her arm but he knew enough about the subtleties of the nobility to know that meant everything.
He saw out of the corner of his eye the disappointed looks from the others. He grasped her hand firmly, as she pulled him to her. He took her hand, putting his on her waist. Her hand gripped his shoulder, as they joined the dance.
They stepped and turned and twirled through a number of dances, scandalously close together. Finally, they bowed out and retreated to a corner by the fireplace, but she didn't let go of his hand. He stood behind her, as they watched the others. He put his arm around her. She didn't move away but leaned against him, looking over her shoulder at him. He leaned in, grazing his lips against her forehead, her cheek and her lips. She turned around to face him, breathless. He gently pushed her against the wall. She didn't resist, wrapping her arm around his shoulders, touching his face with her hand. He leaned forward close enough to kiss her and waited. She looked at him, eyes searching his face. She considered and then leaned forward as she closed her eyes and kissed him.
