Chapter 43:
It took Mark a while and some maneuvering back and forth to get the catheter in the right position. It looked so easy when the nurses did it but he had not done it in years. Finally the urine started to flow and the immense pressure in Face's belly started to let up. So did the pain which made him feel the burning sensation all the way from his penis to his bladder even more; not to speak of the pressure the catheter left in his penis and the humiliation from having five people watching everything.
"That's better now, is it?"
Face was not so sure what Mark wanted to hear. The pain had lessened but he didn't feel better, only different.
"Sorry, normally lidocaine is inserted into the urine tract through the penis before the procedure but that's not a possibility with you. It's gonna burn for a while but you'll get used to."
"Mark, you don't really want to leave it inside? The risk of infection is higher the longer it stays and with his track record we can't increase the risk for another infection. It's high enough as it is. We can't put him on more antibiotics just jet."
"Ah, hadn't thought that far, you're right Maggie."
When the flow stopped Mark gently tugged at the catheter and slid it out. Face moaned in displeasure but was relieved that the pressure was gone.
"Will he be able to go on his own next time?" Hannibal was concerned that Face had to go through even more pain.
"The symptoms are supposed to vanish within two weeks post surgery…."
"Two weeks? You want to put this…thing inside me for two weeks? Noooo," Face was close to tears. This could not be happening.
"Sorry Face, but you won't be able to go on your own until the symptoms vanish and the urine needs to come out. Either Maggie or I will feel your stomach every few hours to see how full your bladder is and drain it when necessary. You tell us when you feel the need to go or any pressure in your belly."
"Every few hours? Just leave it be…when it's too full it will come out, won't it?"
"Sorry, no. The bladder will extend bigger and bigger and can even rupture."
"Then I won't drink again."
"Face, don't pout. I know it's hard on you but you'll even drink more. I'll have you drink at least two litters a day to prevent infection. Trust me, you don't want to experience the catheter being pushed through an infected urinal tract."
Face was frustrated. The team was mad at him and now this. Hannibal was already keeping his distance, had removed his hand as soon as Face had revealed that Lynch had taken him that night. He could understand that he was disgusted and Hannibal didn't even know what Lynch and his men had done to him that night and why getting a tube pushed up his penis had triggered that horrible memory. How was he going to go through this without their support? Anyway, he had gone through the pain then, he could do it again.
"I can see that Maggie is dying to speak to the team minus the lieutenant and I want to have a private conversation with our patient here. Why don't you four go out of the room and talk while we attend to our business here?"
In fact, Maggie was about to burst. How dare they ignore her and crowd the room, obviously causing Face distress by whatever was discussed. They were in for a good long lecture about bedside manners and following doctor's instructions.
When the door closed Mark turned to Face. "I'm concerned about the way you screamed when I inserted the tube. It is painful without any anesthetic and you are in a generally weak condition but it shouldn't have been that painful. Also it was difficult to shove it inside and I didn't use a large tube. Have you ever had an injury to your urinal tract? Could it be that scar tissue is making the passage more tight than it should be?"
Face really didn't want to tell a stranger what Lynch had done to him. Also no doctor had ever looked at it and it hadn't caused any problems so far. Why should it start now? It had hurt like hell when he peed for some weeks and had bled a little but that was a long time ago. This wasn't also the first time he had been catheterized but the other times were in hospitals and for surgeries and he had been sedated. Always hurt when they took it out but he thought that was normal. He looked away and shook his head 'no'.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. Yes I'm sure."
"When was your last prostate exam?"
"What?"
"If nothing is causing the tightness inside your urinal tract something must press it together from outside. I guess your prostate is enlarged and causing the trouble. That can happen after surgery."
Face was just starring at Mark with horror written all over his face. "You mean…you want to…"
"Yes, I want to examine your prostate. I figured you would prefer I do it than Maggie. If that turns out to not be the problem then I would like to check your urinal tract with a little camera to find out why it is so tight. This needs to be looked at Face, it could be something serious and here we have all the tools necessary. It's noon already and we have only the rest of today and the night to use this facility before other people start coming. I hate to spring all this on you but we are in a hurry here."
Face's expression was unreadable but inside he was torn. He really didn't want to have to explain anything Mark found in his urinal tract. He hadn't even thought of it for so long, nothing should be visible after all this time, or should it?
Mark sensed he wouldn't get an answer from Face. "Come on then, turn to your side and draw your knees up. Be careful of your belly, try to find a comfortable spot. You want me to call any of the guys inside to be with you?"
"Han…no, no I'll be fine." He really wanted Hannibal to be there but he was mad at him and disgusted enough as it was. There was no need for him to watch this as well. Face tried to fight the fear and total humiliation he was feeling as he got into position. Mark put on his gloves and got ready while explaining what he was going to do but Face didn't hear him. He didn't also hear Maggie's loud voice outside in the hall. He was just repeating the mantra 'this is just Mark, it's not Lynch…or the VC…or uncle'
Face really tried but as soon as Mark pushed inside him the memories all flooded in and he screamed and bucked and kicked. It was all Mark could do to prevent him from falling off the table by pinning him to it using his weight. That, however, made Face fight only more. Tears were streaming down Face's cheeks as he continued to struggle against Mark, thinking he was fighting off another brutal attack.
It didn't take long for Mark to gain control of the situation…at least physically. Face only had a modicum of his usual strength left and was fading fast. "Face, calm down. It's okay. It's Mark." Face was looking at him, but he wasn't quite sure at who the anguished man was seeing. "Face…you're okay. It's all over. Can you hear me? It's Mark."
Face's body went flaccid when he heard Mark's voice and realized where he was. "S…s…sorry." He took a few shaky breaths trying to slow down his racing heart. He felt humiliated at what had just occurred. It brought back all the feelings of fear and shame; it was as if he had just been raped all over again. He wasn't angry with the doctor as he was only doing what he thought best, but he needed to be alone. "P…Please. Go. Go…away," he begged.
In the short amount of time he was able to actually examine Face from the inside Mark was able to determine that his prostrate was not enlarged. That coupled with his patient's extreme reaction to the routine procedure meant that something else was going on. Something that he wasn't quite sure he wanted to know. Normally he would have insisted that somebody stay in the room with Face, but hearing the man's broken voice was enough to make him oblige his wishes. "Please lay still…you just had surgery and need to heal. I'll be outside if you need me."
Maggie was mid-sentence when they heard Face scream. "What in the world did you do or say to Face to make him…"
"AHHHH!"
They went running in the direction of the piercing cry. Maggie reached out and stopped Hannibal from opening the door. "John, wait. It's quiet inside now…give Mark a minute. We don't know what just happened and we don't want to make anything worse by barging in on them."
"But, did you hear that scream? We have to help him." Murdock was practically bouncing off the walls with the need to get inside and check on his friend. So much so that B.A. had to put his hands on the pilot's shoulders to keep him still.
"Maggie's right," B.A. agreed. "We don't know what happenin' in there. Sides we didn't 'xactly help Faceman before."
Hannibal was about to open the door anyway when Mark pushed it from the other side. He looked tired and disheveled, the opposite of his usual neat appearance.
"What in the hell happened in there?" Hannibal demanded a bit too rough for the doctor's liking.
"You want to ask me that question again?" he retorted sharply.
Hannibal took a deep breath realizing that he had been out of line. "I'm sorry. It's just that we heard Face scream and…"
Mark held up a hand to stop Hannibal. "No need…I understand. I'm sorry, too. Things got a little hairy in there." He then went on to explain everything that had happened as his audience listened in dismay.
Maggie shook her head and placed her hands on her hips. "So if it isn't an enlarged prostate, you think Face has a blockage in the urinary tract?"
"Quite possibly. It could be something that has been there for years."
"Wouldn't Face have noticed that by now?" Hannibal asked.
"Maybe not…it could have just been what he considered normal."
"If it ain't been broke 'til now…why fix it?" B.A. asked.
Murdock teased, "B.A….ever the mechanic."
"Because, he may have just been lucky to this point," Mark explained. "And as he gets older, or experiences illness or injury like he has over the past few months, his risks of damage increase."
Hannibal was becoming concerned. "What kind of damage?"
"If Face isn't able to empty his bladder properly, bacteria can build and back-up leading to all sort of infection." Mark paused unsure of how the group would respond to what he had to say next. "I want to insert a tiny camera inside his urinal tract to see what is going on in there."
"You wanna put what? Where?" B.A. asked for the second time that day.
"Exactly," Mark sighed. "It isn't going to be pleasant and I don't know how we are going to get Face to agree to it. But, I'm afraid it's of great importance and that we don't have much time left before we have to vacate the premises and we lose access to the equipment."
The group gave Face some time to be alone, but then it was time to go in and break the news about what was to come.
Hannibal went in first to see how Face was doing. He found the lieutenant still on his side, face to the wall, back to the door. He had pulled a thin sheet over himself to cover his nakedness, the other blankets had fallen to the floor during the earlier struggle and Mark had not noticed that Face could not reach them. His body was trembling and his shoulders were shaking. He was silently crying.
Hannibal advanced slowly. "Face, kid, it's me."
Face sniffled and tried to stop the trembling.
"Oh kid, I'm so sorry you had to go through this alone. You know you could always have called for one of us to be with you." Hannibal reached out to lightly touch Face's shoulder but Face jerked away.
"No, I'm disgusting, I'm dirty."
"Shh Face, you are anything but. Don't say such things."
"You know it. Lynch, the VC, uncle… and the others…they made me dirty…can't get clean again. You know it…removed your hand from mine earlier. "
'The others' just how much more did you have to suffer through, kid.' Hannibal was at a loss of words.
Face misunderstood the silence. "I'm sorry…should have died that day…not all the others."
"Kid, don't you ever say such a thing…don't even think it. You are neither disgusting nor dirty nor should you have died." This time Hannibal reached for Face's shoulders and firm but gently pulled his body closer to himself so that there was some physical contact between Face's back and Hannibal's belly.
"But…but you wished I had died instead of the others."
"Why are you saying such a thing Face?"
"You…you…they were good men, loyal …and I'm responsible."
"Kid, I'm sorry I said that but even then I never wished you had died. I grieved for the lost ones but I never whished you dead instead of them. Never. "
"But…but you all…you treated me like thin air afterwards. And…and BA…he was so mad."
"I'll be honest with you kid. I had thoughts of why did I take you to the training to punish you instead of leaving you behind and taking the others as planned. But I dismissed those thoughts as soon as they came on. You couldn't have known that the base would get hit. It was a war after all. And as much as I grieved for all the dead I would never wish to exchange one of my men for another, no matter what happened. And now that I know all that happened, you are not responsible kid. You didn't do anything wrong. Tell me Face, what would have happened if I had not cancelled the training?"
"You woulda found the whole platoon drunk."
"And I would have cancelled the training then because there was no way to do it with a horde of drunkards. And in that case we would all have been at the base that day and likely be dead by now. If anybody was responsible it was me. I sent you to get the stuff; I got you the day pass. I should have noticed that you were still away and had an eye on the platoon myself. They were all grown, responsible for themselves. If they thought they needed to get drunk knowing they had training coming on in the morning then that was there decision."
Hannibal wanted to lighten the mood to be able to prepare Face for what was to come. "It was difficult enough to drill you that day. You played the drunkard really well, including swaying on your feet in some situations. But I should have noticed you were acting because you made a mistake. You should have stopped the swaying after some time as the alcohol would have left your body."
"S…sorry. Wasn't acting…pain…Lynch."
Hannibal kicked himself. The kid had been in pain from the rape and they had pushed him well over his physical limit. "I'm sorry kid. Come here." Hannibal wanted to hug Face and provide some comfort but that was not possible, instead he pulled him even closer wrapping his arms around Face's shoulders as good as possible while Face was lying on the table. When he pulled Face back he winced and cringed.
"What is it kid?"
"Belly…still hurts."
"Speaking of belly. Mark wants so do another exam on you…."
"The…the camera. He told me….no way….I won't let him."
"Face, it's not like we have an entire clinic with all equipment to ourselves every day. This needs to be done and it needs to be done now."
"No, no, I won't let him. The catheter hurt so much, how much worse will the camera be? Besides there's nothing there for him to find."
"Face, it will get done. You can either agree willingly or I order you to take it. Your decision."
"You can't order me. We aren't in the army anymore."
"No, but you are still on this team and I need to know every medical condition in my men. I need to know if you are likely to develop a problem on a mission, endangering us all." Hannibal felt bad pulling guilt on Face but he knew he would get a reaction to this.
"But…but it has been there for so long and never caused a problem."
"You just said there's nothing to be found."
"I…I …no…please. I don't want to."
The rest of the group had been listening in front of the open door and Mark had split from them some minutes ago. Now he was coming back, pushing a monitor on a stand and carrying a small case.
"Ready or not, here I come. How are you feeling? Any new pain in the belly?"
"Hurts bad, …but not new. Please Mark, this isn't necessary."
"Sorry Face, it is." Mark was already starting to attach something to the sides of the table. Something with straps on it, Face noticed in horror.
"Okay, here we go. Hannibal, help him to maneuver flat on his back. I want you to rest your legs in these holders. It will keep them still, open and slightly elevated."
"No, no, no please, this is really not necessary. There's nothing wrong inside me. Let's just get through the two weeks and all will be fine."
Face's pleadings fell on deaf ears. He was maneuvered into position and his legs were placed into the holders. If he had felt humiliated before, it was nothing compared to this. With his legs spread and elevated he didn't have any dignity left. Nobody even bothered to cover his exposed private parts while Mark explained. He felt himself blush beet red. It was bad enough having Mark doing the procedure but now Maggie advanced on him with cotton balls, a flat bowl and something that looked like a syringe without a needle.
"While I explain everything to you Maggie will prepare the tip of your penis and upper part of the urinal tract by thoroughly cleaning it. She will pour some disinfectant from the syringe into the opening of your penis and on the outside and then wipe everything with cotton balls. Look at me please. This is the camera, it's not much bigger than the tube I inserted earlier on but it is stiff. It won't be a pleasant…"
"Ouwww, stop, that burns."
"Sorry Face, there must be some spots that are raw from the earlier catheterization."
Face watched the rest of Marks explanation through tear filled eyes.
"As I was saying it won't be pleasant. Howl if you need to, your friends are all here for you. It is equipped with a light and a tube to remove liquids from the front so the camera will get a clear view. Once I reach the bladder we can drain you and at least spare you from the next catheterization. Okay, let's get started."
Mark inserted the camera and Face felt the immense pressure. It was okay for the first view seconds but then a sharp pain started and spread through his whole abdomen. Face was bucking and thrashing and screaming and his teammates had a hard time keeping him still. Mark was looking at the screen with an increasing frown, moving the camera front and back and very slowly getting on with the job. He finally reached a point where liquid started to flow and the shame and humiliation hit Face full force again. Not only was he getting his bladder drained while all his family watched, it was recorded by the tiny camera too.
When it was done Mark pulled the device out and released Face's legs and covering him up before turning back to the screen with an ever increasing frown. For that Face was thankful. The room was deathly silent and he felt sick.
After what seemed like an eternity Mark removed his lenses and rubbed over his eyes. "Face, you told me you were not injured before. You were lying. There are scars running through the entire first half of your urinal tract. Looks like something sharp or pointed was pushed inside. The scars end in a round, bigger and elevated scar. That's causing the most trouble. Care to inform us how and when that happened?"
Face went pale. He could see it. There was no way to hide now. How would they react? He was afraid of rejection and didn't want to see their faces as they realized just how damaged he was. But now it was all spilling forth and he couldn't do anything but tell. He only whispered "It was that night, when I was coming back to base. I started from town when there was still light. It was late but I would have been able to return just some minutes after darkness. Three kilometers before my destination my tire was shot out. I thought the VC had got me but it was Lynch and four of his men. They hid mine and their jeep from view and dragged me into the bushes. I wanted to fight and kick but they were five and larger than me and then Lynch reminded me to be still or he was going to hurt you. He even forced me to pull….to open…to expose….you know…myself. He ordered me to my hands and knees and they took turns. Always one …you know…one to…one in my….you know..to gag me so I wouldn't scream and one in…in my…from the other side…entering me." He really wanted to tell them now but couldn't bring himself to say some of the horrible things that had happened to him out loud. When he looked up in their faces he didn't see disgust and that gave him the strength to go on.
"While two were r…r…doing it, the others would joke and laugh and cheer them on and sometimes bend down and reach under me to…to touch…..my p…p….my private parts. When they had all…when they were done…all of them…Lynch crouched down in front of me. He told me to get up. I did and reached for my pants but he barked at me that I was not done. I pleaded and begged they should release me, I needed to get back to base, get the supplies to you for the general's birthday but they just laughed and kicked me in….in….you know…where….where it hurts most." Face was beet red just from telling them.
"I was made to stand at attention and Lynch slowly walked circles around me. Then he spoke. 'Why, lieutenant, didn't you enjoy yourself tonight? Is it so hard to get you off? We can't have you going round telling people that I and four of my strongest men could not even get your little soldier to stand at attention. Maybe you need to show us what you like, take it in your own hand. Come on Peck, show us.' And I tried, really, but it wasn't working and they kicked me and laughed and…and…those that went first….one of them…he…he…he got behind me and he…he …he pressed….he…did….he …again, gripping my hips and …and …and it wasn't…still…couldn't ….no reaction. Then Lynch said I needed help, aid and he left. I heard him wrenching something free from a wreckage laying at the side of the street while, while the guy…the one…behind…me, he was ….was done. Passed me on.
Lynch came back holding a stiff and long wire in his hand. He came close while the other guy was…was…I couldn't stand still. Lynch got mad and he gripped my….my….he gripped it very hard jerking forward and then up. He said 'this is the angle a good soldier should stand' and then he …he…he inserted it. First slowly pushing but then he rammed it all the way in. I only remember the guy screaming with me and trying to get out but it wasn't working, he couldn't remove…. and the pain and then I was on the floor and the guy was out and holding his penis and screaming. Then they were gone. I don't know how long I laid there then I pulled it out and got into my jeep and drove the rest of the way with the blown out tire."
Almost not audible he added "It hurt so much." Then Face's eyes closed; exhaustion and the strain of telling the story claiming him.
There wasn't a dry eye in the room. Maggie was openly sobbing, while the men stood quietly letting their tears flow. It was unthinkable and unlike any atrocity they had heard of before.
B.A. was the first to talk, anger replacing his sorrow. "I'm a gonna find Lynch…and I'm a gonna tear him apart limb by limb."
"Get in line, sergeant…get in line," Hannibal spewed.
