I Think I'm Gonna Like It Here- S9E1

Lily couldn't sleep. No, it wasn't that. She didn't want to sleep. All she could think about was Sam. Sam, laying in the hospital bed, not waking up. Not moving.
"Lily, you gotta chill out. You're freaking the kids out." Dean said quietly.
Her kids. Her kids who were sleeping next to their dying father.
Lily pulled Dean out of the hospital room. "I can't just chill out, Dean. He's dying and I can't help him. I can't do anything but sit there and watch him rot in a hospital bed! I can't do this, Dean. I can't just watch him die. Not again."
Dean licked his lips. "You're not going to have to. I'm gonna find a way to fix him. Just keep yourself calm. It's not good for my little namesake." He patted her stomach.
Lily sighed. "I can't have another baby without him. I know what he looks like when he gets older, Dean. Who he looks like. I can't do it."
"Like I said, you won't have to. Get out of here for a little while. I'll watch Gemma and Henry. Go shopping, eat some food. Just get outta this hospital." Dean kissed her forehead and brushed past her as he went back into the room.
Lily looked down the hallway. She wasn't going to go shopping. And she didn't have the stomach to eat. There were two things that would make her feel better. And one of them was in the hospital.

"How are you today, Mrs. Rockefeller?" The doctor walked into the room, clipboard in hand. She shut the door. The woman was tall, short reddish brown hair and dark eyes.
Lily shifted. "Actually, I'm not a Mrs. anymore. And I'm in the process of returning to my maiden name. So please, Ms. Fitzpatrick if you can remember it."
"Divorce is always tricky. Does he know you're pregnant?"
Lily looked up at the ceiling. "Uh. It's complicated."
Dr. Avery nodded. "You don't have to share. After all, we aren't here about your personal life. We're here about your little bundle of joy."
Lily nodded. "Well, I guess my personal life affects my baby. So...I've been married twice. The first time, with Sam, it didn't work. We have two kids together. Gemma will be four soon and Henry's about six months old now. I got remarried to Finn soon after Henry was born. And uh...Finn was murdered at our wedding." She heard Dr. Avery suck in a breath. "That was about five months ago, I guess. Sam and I are in the process of working things out. When you find the person you're meant to be with, nothing keeps you apart. Sam's in the ICU now. He's in a coma and they aren't sure if he's gonna wake up. I guess...I just need to be sure that our baby is okay. I had a miscarriage the year before Gemma was born so I'm really anxious about everything."
Dr. Avery nodded. "Just some general questions and then we'll get to the fun stuff, okay?" Lily nodded. "Were you trying to have a baby?"
Lily said no. "Gemma was a surprise, I guess. We started trying to have another baby over a year ago but we weren't having any luck. We got in a fight and Sam left. Two weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. That's when I met Finn. And now...Sam and I definitely weren't trying. We were trying to figure things out. But he was so happy when I told him."
She was going to cry. She could feel it.
"Hey, don't cry. It's gonna be okay. How about we take a look at that pretty baby you're growing?" Lily said yeah. Dr. Avery turned the ultrasound machine on and Lily lifted her shirt. Dr. Avery poured the gel on her stomach and moved the pen- or whatever it was called- across Lily's stomach. "Ah, there's your baby. From the looks of it, you're about a month. How'd you know you were pregnant?"
Lily smiled. "I just know. I've always just known. My first pregnancy, I got violently ill. It was the same way with Henry. They were both boys. And Gemma...she was the easiest kid to carry. Except she grew like a weed." She laughed.
"Well, it's a little early to tell if it's a boy or a girl but I'll get you a copy of this printed and you can give it to Sam when he wakes up." Dr. Avery smiled.
Lily said yes, that was a great idea.
If he woke up.

One other thing would make her feel better. Except she couldn't get to Heaven. Castiel had locked Heaven up. She had to go to Hell. Find a powerful demon. Get Sam back.
She had to make a deal.
This is Dean Winchester. And I need your help. The deal is this- Linwood Memorial Hospital. Randolph, New York. The first angel to help me gets my help in return and you know that ain't nothing. We ain't always seen eye to eye but everyone knows I'm good on my word. I wouldn't ask if I didn't need. So...if any of you angels are listening. I, Dean Winchester, need your help.
What the hell? What the hell was he doing?
Lily stormed into the chapel of hospital, grabbed Dean by his collar and dragged him outside of the hospital.
"What the fuck are you doing?" She hissed at him. "Calling on the angels for help? Are you fucking stupid, Dean? They can't help us!"
"He's dying, Lily! What else am I supposed to do? We can't ask a demon for help because we can't trust them!"
She rolled her eyes. "Well, we don't exactly have good cause to trust the angels either, Dean. So you send another message, calling off the SOS. We'll find another way. Find a witch to do some hoodoo. I'm not signing off my husband to an angel's hands."
"He isn't your husband." Dean told her in a soft voice.
He wasn't. Not anymore. "Don't remind me." If things kept going the way they were, he'd never be her husband again.

A grief counselor. A fucking grief counselor. The hospital was allowing Lily to let Gemma and Henry stay in the hospital day care, free of charge until further notice. Which either meant until they took Sam home or until he died.
"I don't need a grief counselor because I'm not grieving." Lily snapped at Dr. Kim Schortz.
Dean put a hand on her shoulder. "She's right. We aren't grieving. So we don't really see why you're here."
Kim sat down in one of the chairs. "I believe this is a good time to talk to you both about what's due to happen to Sam. It's inevitable."
Lily snorted. "We don't believe in that word where we come from. There's always a way. Always." Whether it was selling your soul or calling on the angels. There was always a way.
Kim clasped her hands together. "That's a nice thing to believe. And I believe in miracles as well. But I also believe in science. And science is saying that Sam doesn't have much longer. So unless you've got a direct line to God..."
Lily's heart surged. "No. Not God. But I've got something a lot better."
"Right. We have the King of Hell chained up in my trunk." Dean stood up. "Be back." He left the room.
Lily stared Kim down. "You can go. I'm not going to need a grief counselor anytime soon."
Kim left her there, alone with Sam.
Lily stroked his cheek. "Hey. It's about time for you to wake up, lazy bones." She smiled. "I've got a pretty cute ultrasound to show you. Our son is doing great. Soon, you will be too. And then we can all be together in a few months. Me, you, Gems, Henry, Dean and...Dean." She laughed. "It's gonna be confusing, having two Dean's to take care of. I was thinking of calling the little one DJ, just so no one gets confused."
She pushed his hair out of his face.
"You need a haircut. I mean, in the eight years that I've known you, have you ever had one? Even a trim?" Lily sighed, slumping her shoulders. "Gemma keeps asking for you. It breaks my heart every single time. I just...Sam. If you can hear me, you have to fight. I need you to fight. Because I'm about to do something very, very stupid."
Like, going to Hell, stupid.

Miraculously, she had found a Hell Gate. And she knew exactly where she was going to go. There was only one person who could even remotely help her. One person who could bring Sam back to her.
Her father.
Lily held her hand out, pressing her palm against the stone wall. "Me in inferum." Lily said. When she removed her hand, the door appeared. She swallowed before entering.

This was a part of Hell she had never seen. It was dark, darker than most parts of Hell. She only had her hands as a weapon. And her phone.
She used her senses to find the room she was looking for. The door was heavily bolted. Guarded by spells, locks, sigils. Lily assumed that those sorts of things worked on regular demons and angels. But not on her. Being the best of both worlds really was the best. Hannah Montana got that right, at least.
With a wave of her hand, the door blew open. And there it was.
The cage.
It was a literal cage. Three clouds swirled around inside of it, unable to get out. One black and white, one white and one grey.
What she was about to do was very stupid. But anything to save Sam. Anything.
She stepped towards the cage slowly. "I need a favor and you're the only person I know who can help me right now. Sam's dying. He's not going to make it much longer and...you're the only person who can save him. I know you need consent from him but I can't get it for you. He's in a coma. He's going to die. I'm bending the rules already so I'm thinking, what the hell?" Very stupid. "I just need you inside his body for a little while, healing him until he can make it on his own. Then, you have to come back. I know it isn't a fair trade but it's all I have. After everything, after all that's happened, I need you to do this for me. Sam deserves to live. He deserves to watch his children grow up. I can't live without him. Please help me...Dad."
Not without his consent. You know how it is, Lillian. I cannot reside in his body without Sam's consent. Get me consent and I will agree to your terms.
He was going to help her. He wanted to help her.
"You'll really do this? Even though you know you have to come back here?"
For you, I will do anything. You are the one thing that I'm proud of. The one thing I have done right in my time.
"Thank you. I know just how to get him to say yes."

It was easy, really. Getting inside his head. Even from Hell. All she had to do was think about it. And it happened. She arrived in the forest inside his mind, just in time to see Dean stab Bobby.
Wait, what?
"Dean! Are you nuts?" Sam shouted at him.
Sam. Her heart surged.
"Bobby was the part of you that wanted to die! You gotta fight, Sammy."
Sam asked him what there was to fight for anymore.
"Me." Lily told him. Sam turned to look at her. "And if you won't fight for me, fight for Dean. Fight for Gemma and Henry. Fight for our unborn son. Fight for yourself, Sam." She told him.
"There's always something to fight for, Sammy." Dean encouraged him. And then he punched him. "Always something to give a damn about. You can't say there ain't nothing."
Sam stared at his brother as Dean held him by the jacket. "That's not what I'm saying. What I need, it's in that cabin." He pointed to a cabin not too far away. "You don't like it, but you have to accept it."
Sam touched Dean on the shoulder, causing him to disappear. He looked at Lily. Just the two of them inside his head.
"Sam. I'm working on a way to make you better. I can't really explain it right now, but it's going to fix you. It's going to help you. All you'd have to do is say yes."
Sam sighed. Lily closed her eyes. "What version of me are you? Dean wants me to fight, Bobby tells me to move on. What're you?"
"I'm me, Sam." She whispered, cupping his face. "I'm not some figment of your mind. This is me. I'm trying to help you."
Sam pushed her hair behind her ears. "My way. Let me do my way. If it doesn't work...we'll do it your way."
She didn't know what his way was, but she was already afraid. But maybe it was better than her way.
And he kicked her out of his head. She was back in Hell, standing in front of the cage.
What's the verdict?
"He didn't say yes. But he hasn't said no. I know he will agree. Shortly, he'll say yes and everything will be okay again."

Lily, where the hell are you? We got a big problem. And I ain't talking angels. I mean Death. He's workin a number on Sam. We ain't got a lot of time. Dean's voice was in her head.
Sam was with Death? No. No. No.
"I have to force him to say yes. Or he's going to die." She whispered.
It is your decision, daughter.
Lily let herself go to Sam's mind.
She was in the cabin, standing between Sam and Death himself.
"Sam. Don't go with him." She pleaded him. "Please, let me help you. Just for once in your life, listen to me, Sam."
"I found a way." Dean's voice came from behind them. They both turned. "I found a way to fix you, Sammy. You just gotta let me in."
Let him in?
Lily touched Sam's arm. "Let me help. Trust me, Sam. My way, it's foolproof. Nothing will go wrong. It's going to give you a long, full life. The life you deserve."
"You made a deal." He said softly. "You gave your soul, for mine."
What? No. No. "No, Sam. I didn't. I wouldn't do that and you know it. But just trust me on this. I've never betrayed you, never done you wrong."
"Sammy, I'm your big brother. My entire life has been about protecting you! That's what I'm doing now! Just let me in!" Dean argued.
Sam looked at his big brother. "What do I do, Dean?"
No. What had Dean done? Had he made a deal?
"Is that a yes, Sammy?"
Yes? Yes. A yes was all he needed. That wasn't Dean. Dean wouldn't beat around the bush.
"NO!" Lily screamed.
"Yes." Sam breathed.
Dean grabbed Sam roughly by the shoulder, morphing into another person. Lily covered her face as the room flooded in white light and she was ejected from his mind.
She stared back at the cage.
"Something happened. Dean let an angel into his body, tricking Sam. And Sam said yes. There's an angel in his body."
You tried. You did your best. My hopes were not risen too much, my daughter. Everything, in time, will work out.
Lily sighed heavily and disappeared.

"What the fucking hell did you do, Dean? What angel is in his body?" She shoved him against the car. Dean didn't try to fight her back. He took it.
And then she was pulled off of him. By Sam. No. An angel in Sam's body. "You are Lily. My name is Ezekiel. I'm healing Sam."
Ezekiel. "Oh." She backed away. She had heard of Ezekiel. He was one of the rare, purely good angels. One that no one disliked. "Okay. Just...don't take too long. I want him back."
"Sam need never know I was in his body. Unless you tell him. Which I deem unwise until further notice. If he rejects me, he will die."
Lily and Dean looked at each other. Sam wouldn't know. Which meant she would have to explicitly tell Gemma what was going on so she didn't let it slip to Sam.
"You good?" Dean asked her, straightening his shirt.
She nodded. "I'm sorry. I just...I wasn't sure what angel had appeared. But Ezekiel, he's one of the good ones. You did good, Dean."

Someone was crawling into her bed. Someone large. Someone warm was slipping his arm around her waist. "Hey." Sam's voice whispered.
Her spine seemed to shiver at hearing his voice.
Lily had taken the kids back to the bunker immediately after meeting Ezekiel. Dean drove Sam's body back. Lily had been sleeping ever since, Kevin volunteering to watch Gemma and Henry.
Lily turned to face him. His green eyes shined in the darkness. "Mornin' sleepyhead." Sam grinned crookedly.
"What time is it?" She murmured, rubbing her face. He said it was about ten at night. "Where are the kids?" He said he just put them to bed a little bit ago. Lily sat up. "Oh. I've got something for you." She smiled sleepily. She reached into the nightstand drawer and pulled out the ultrasound photo. "This is our son."
Sam took the photo from her. "He's so small." He mumbled. "Like a baby peanut or something. Kinda looks like a lima bean."
Lily laughed. "About eight more months and he'll be what we're holding instead of a photo." She told him.
Sam kissed her on the cheek gently. And then again, closer to her mouth. Then on her mouth. And then his hands were gripping her waist hungrily, fingers digging into the skin. He climbed on top of her, putting the photo away somewhere.
"I love you." He whispered, hands tugging on her shirt, pulling it over her head.
"I love you."

She carefully crawled out of the bed, expertly maneuvering out from under Sam's arm. She pulled on his t-shirt and tiptoed from the room. The clock had read a little after one-thirty in the morning. She went to the kitchen, pouring herself a glass of water.
"You look rough, Lil." Dean snickered.
He was leaning against the bar, glass of whiskey in his hand. Lily took a drink of her water. "Shut up." She smiled.
"Hey, tell me something." Dean prompted her.
She raised her eyebrows. "Ask and you shall know."
"What was your plan? What were you willing to sacrifice for him?"
She put the glass down, taking a deep breath. "Don't get all angry about this, Dean. I was doing what I thought was the best." He said to just cut the shit and tell him. "I went to Hell. A part of Hell I had never been to."
"Where?"
She licked her lips slowly. "The cage. I found the cage." She said softly. His green eyes widened. "I talked to him. My father. I told him the state that Sam was in. What would happen to him if we didn't find a way to save him. He agreed to my terms. If I got Sam's consent, he would go into his body, heal him and then return to the cage."
Dean whistled. "You trusted his word?"
She nodded. "Do you remember when Lucifer and Zachariah were trying to convince you and Sam to say yes? Zachariah kidnapped you, tortured you and Sam in order to make you say yes. All my father did was ask. He promised never to lie. Because he knew if he lied, it would all be over. That's why I trusted him."
He clapped her on the shoulder. "Well, we ain't gotta worry about that. Ezekiel's gonna fix him up, good as new." Dean rubbed her stomach carefully. "How's lil Dean holding up?"
She smiled. "Good. He's good. We're all good."