"This is what I would once have called an epoch in my life," said Anne, as she took Roy's violets out of their box and gazed at them thoughtfully. She meant to carry them, of course, but her eyes wandered to another box on her table. It was filled with lilies-of-the-valley, as fresh and fragrant as those which bloomed in the Green Gables yard when June came to Avonlea. Gilbert Blythe's card lay beside it.
Anne wondered why Gilbert should have sent her flowers for Convocation. She remembered the conversation they had long ago while they were still together.
They were lying under an old oak tree Anne dreaming about the great possibility of BA in the distant future. Gilbert lying beside her playing with her hair smiling at his companion. He had kissed her lightly and had smiled "I shall get you flowers of course and you can carry them." He said happily having no idea of the fate which would soon come upon them.
"Flowers?" she smiled. "What kind of flowers?"
"Well the best kind, like those lily of the valleys which grow in green gables, give you a reminder of home as you gallop off on your wild adventures of Miss Anne Shirley BA. Just promise me one thing?" he said with a grin.
"Yes?" she asked.
"When you're done come back to me." He said with a sad smile.
She touched his face with her hand. "Why don't you come with me?" he smiled then kissed her again.
"You promise to send me flowers?" she asked.
"Promise." He agreed.
And there before her lay those beautiful lily of the valleys. She was torn, she knew it was expected of her to wear Roy's flowers, they were... but it didn't feel right as she held them in her arms. She flung Roy's violets aside and put Gilbert's lilies-of-the-valley in their place. She could not have told why she did it. Somehow, old Avonlea days and dreams and friendships seemed very close to her in this attainment of her long-cherished ambitions. She and Gilbert had once pictured out merrily the day on which they should be capped and gowned graduates in Arts. The wonderful day had come and Roy's violets had no place in it. Only her old friend's flowers seemed to belong to this fruition of old-blossoming hopes which he had once shared.
The Arts graduates gave a graduation dance that night. When Anne dressed for it she tossed aside the pearl beads she usually wore and took from her trunk the small box that had come via Gilbert to Green Gables on Christmas day. In it was a thread-like gold chain with a tiny pink enamel heart as a pendant. Tonight she fastened it about her white throat with a dreamy smile.
She and Phil walked to Redmond together. Anne walked in silence; Phil chattered of many things but Anne took little notice she was in her dream world creating another place for her conflicted self to feel at peace.
She saw Gilbert across the room and smiled to him. He gave a faint smile then headed towards them. Was her or did her Gilbert look thinner and sick? Her Gilbert? Where had that came from?
"A dance Miss Shirley?" he asked her knowing it was going to be one of the last chances for him to hold her in his arms "For old times' sake."
"Of course." Anne said with a smile not knowing why his eyes looked so dim, gave him her dance card. He filled in a dance number "Gil..." She started.
"I look forward to it." He said giving her the dance card back then quietly leaving quickly. Anne looked confused for a moment before Roy took her arm and led her further into the room Anne smiling at Roy.
Anne kept stealing looks at Gilbert. He honestly didn't look well and she was worried. He was always so very healthy what was wrong with him? Later, when their dance number came, Gilbert came to her and took her hand, electric bolted through them both.
"You look lovely Anne." He whispered getting them ready for the dance, he looked to the necklace "It suits you, I knew it would." He smiled sadly.
"You look unwell Gil, are you alright?" she asked him stepping into his arms. As a familiar tune started to be played. Strauss, Vienna blood.
They both wanted to pull back and suggest they wait for another song but they couldn't move from each others arms.
Instead Anne closed her eyes and let Gilbert hold her close at the recognition of the music.
Both of them being propelled back in time, to the woods where Gilbert held this tune and spun her around in his arms. Their hearts raced in prefect rhythm with each other they could feel the woodland beneath their feet, their young love filled their blood screaming for the closeness they once had shared.
She felt like she was twirling in air. She was in Gilbert's arms, his wonderful gentle arms. Her heart jumped against her chest! This dance! Her heart suddenly ached she belonged to him! He was perfect! What was wrong with her! She looked up at him. His eyes opened and fixed on her, just as those days of old, filled with love and affection. He drew her in closer.
The dance came to an end, the music stopped, but the pair remained in each other's arms, their hearts racing. Anne was blushing she was about to pull back when Gil's soft voice whispered in her ear "Please, Anne, please don't marry Roy." Anne froze to the spot as Gil moved away and then walked away from Anne. Anne could feel the tears in her eyes. She quickly regained her senses and ran to the bathrooms before anyone saw the tears falling from her eyes. She gasped as she entered the bathroom. She couldn't! She wouldn't let these feelings come to the surface! She had let go of him years ago! She was with Roy now!
Roy led Anne down to the little pavilion on the harbor shore where they had talked on the rainy day of their first meeting. Anne thought it should be very romantic that he should have chosen that spot. And his proposal was as beautifully worded as if he had copied it, as one of Ruby Gillis' lovers had done, out of a Deportment of Courtship and Marriage. The whole effect was quite flawless. And it was also sincere. There was no doubt that Roy meant what he said. There was no false note to jar the symphony. Anne felt that she ought to be thrilling from head to foot. But she wasn't; she was horribly cool. When Roy paused for his answer she opened her lips to say her fateful yes. And then—she found herself trembling as if she were reeling back from a precipice. To her came one of those moments when we realize, as by a blinding flash of illumination, more than all our previous years have taught us. She pulled her hand from Roy's.
"Oh, I can't , I can't." She whispered.
"What do you mean?" he stammered. "I thought..." He trailed
"I mean that I can't marry you," repeated Anne desperately. "I thought I could—but I can't."
"Why can't you?" Roy asked more calmly.
"Because—I, I..." She trailed
A crimson streak came into Roy's face. "Gilbert?" he asked.
"Yes, no, I.. I don't know, I don't know myself anymore!" She said honestly frustrated at her answer.
"I thought you had learnt to love me over the past few months." He said quietly.
"So did I." She admitted sadly.
He took a sigh and saw her tears. "Don't cry Anne." He said softly. He waited a few seconds before he continued to speak. "Anne what I'm about to say could be taken bitterly I don't mean it to be but I feel you should hear it from someone who loves you." He said softly. She looked to him to listen. "I don't know what it was which separated you and Gilbert Blythe and honestly, to me, at this point it really doesn't matter anymore. But whatever it is that separated you, you must tell him the truth." He said with a heavy heart. "You'll never find the peace you crave until you do, and even if it's too late for him and you, I think it will bring peace to you before you find he's given his heart to another."
Anne's eyes widened at his last sentence. "Christine?" she asked Roy.
"I heard it from a reliable source she's expecting it any day." He said to her believing Christine was reliable in all this. "I don't want that regret hanging over your head for the rest of your life, because I don't think you will ever be ready to love again until you are honest not only with Gilbert but with yourself." He said to her. He went towards the edge of the pavilion.
"Forgive me," pleaded Anne miserably, with hot cheeks and stinging eyes.
Roy turned away and stood for a few minutes looking out seaward. When he came back to Anne, he was very pale again.
"You can give me no hope?" he said.
Anne shook her head mutely.
He gave a hollow laugh "You can't blame a man for trying." He said. "Then—good-bye," said Roy. "Our story is complete. I thank you for your friendship, at least. Good-bye, Anne."
"Good-bye," faltered Anne. When Roy had gone she sat for a long time in the pavilion, watching a white mist creeping subtly and remorselessly landward up the harbor. It was her hour of humiliation and self-contempt and shame. Their waves went over her. "I'm so confused." she said. "I.. I... must go for a walk." She finally said to herself.
Ta-da! To all those STILL following this! No its not the end, but we're getting close to it, i think if I do anymore then after Anne of the Island it would be a bit too close for comfort. I hope Roy was done to your liking. The book Roy seemed so one dimensional and not real to me... (oh all those following GFF I hate Annoy! Good heavens that boy is so so... pretentious! And my poor Gil in this last video his lovely happy smile and eyes were just so hollow! That boy has the agony down to a tea!) but I hope this Roy makes him less him a little less annoying!
Yes Christine IS evil in this. You don't really get that impression of her in this book but I've heavily drawn on the Christine who was so mean to Anne on Gilbert's and hers 15th wedding anniversary. She was very condescending to Anne, almost demanded Gilbert's attentions all night and then criticized her for being a bad wife because Gilbert looked tired. And poor Anne took it all to heart. Then later when they got home and Gilbert was saying she was boring and fat... hahaha! But Christine practically said to Anne Gilbert was the one beau she regretted letting go of. Poor Anne in low self esteem wondered if Gilbert felt the same way until they got home.
Thank you so much for all your encouragement. Kim Blythe especially you my dear (who I confided in about this story so long ago now telling her where I wanted it to go) there has been a few times I've been freaking myself out over it but really really it so much fun to write!
And lately oldmoviewatcher a-brunette-rapunzel and PolishMedStudent (sorry for interrupting your studying!) Emilee Amethyst Kalewiz82, Phil Carmody for your reviews and the numberous guests...
