46 – Prelude – May 3, 2016
"It's been ten months since Avenger Aspen Tolvar publically denounced her team's protection of the Inhumans. Since then, hate crimes have increased as more Inhumans make an appearance in the world. A rogue group of Inhumans has been fighting crime along the east coast, and it seems as if they've waged their own war against the terrorist group known as the Watchdogs. There have been half a dozen civilian casualties since the rogue group first made an appearance last fall. Many people are calling the Avengers to action against the Inhumans, but though they are no longer protecting them, the Avengers have made no move to stop them."
Aspen clicked off the television in her mom's apartment. Lately this was all the news was talking about, and it made her nervous to show her face in public. People were desperate to place the blame somewhere, and somehow most of it had ended up on her team's shoulders. It made what she was about to do even more terrifying.
"Are you ready?" Aspen looked up to find her mom standing in the doorway, dressed in a black skirt and white button up shirt. Aspen herself had donned a deep blue dress - nothing too fancy - and a pair of black heels.
"Ready." She forced herself to feel confident. It wasn't like she was making a speech in front of the entire world or even the press, although the local news reporters would be there. She was giving a speech at her old high school in Phoenix, Arizona. It was the first time she'd been back since she'd graduated, and she'd never thought she'd be invited back to give a motivational speech to the students. They'd reached out to her out of the blue, approaching her mother first and asking her to relay the invitation. The thought had terrified her at first, but then she'd realized that she had been given an opportunity to reach out to a younger generation. She didn't want to be aloof and unreachable - she wanted people to know she cared. That's why she did what she did. Not for the glory or the attention – never for the attention. The recent limelight had awakened Aspen's anxieties. She was recognized on the streets now nearly every time she went out, and she finally had her own merchandise. Lady America. She hadn't picked it, but she had to admit she didn't hate it. She'd first seen her action figure in the window of a comic book store. The likeness was uncanny. She had her own symbol too: a single navy star in a thin circle. Not completely original, but she didn't really care. She didn't have the defining shield or bow or hammer. Even though she was used to seeing her teammates as figurines and their faces on lunchboxes, seeing herself was surreal. She didn't feel like she was cool enough for that, but she must have made an impression somewhere along the line. Her press statement last summer had certainly caused a stir. Since then the appearance of Inhumans had become more common, and the subsequent reaction had been alarming. Aspen had tried to stay as involved as she could, but the government had all but shut them out.
The ITCU, despite their initial outreach toward the Avengers had gone silent after a few months, and Aspen had learned frustratingly little about the Inhumans who the organization claimed they were helping. As far as Amber's group of now rogue Inhumans, there had been smatterings of rumors in the news, but very little solid evidence to give Aspen any idea of where they really were.
Ava had insisted on coming with Aspen to the school. She wanted to hear her speech and, though she didn't come out and say it, she was there to give Aspen the moral support she needed. Because getting up in front of crowds to speak still terrified her beyond anything else she'd ever dealt with. She'd take a dozen Ultrons and a couple Hydra agents over getting up in front of a crowd to make a speech. Shutting the car door behind her felt like she was sealing her fate - there was no turning back now.
"Have you got your notecards?" Ava asked, well knowing that Aspen didn't need them. Not really. With the Superhero Serum she could recall information like that with ease, but having the notecards to twist and turn in her sweaty fingers was a comfort.
"Right here." It wasn't a long speech. She just hoped it was a good one. If she could leave a good impression on at least one kid, then she guessed she was doing it right. Her phone buzzed from her purse and reminded her she needed to turn it off. She pulled it out to see that Steve was calling. Probably to wish her luck. "Hey," she said.
"I know you're about to go into your speech. I just needed to call you to tell you we have a lead," he said, sounding almost out of breath. "A lead on Bucky."
Aspen felt her own breath vanish in her lungs not so much from excitement but because she'd heard the words so many times before but so far none of the leads had turned up the missing Winter Soldier. "Another one?" She tried not to sound too hopeless, but this wasn't the first time he'd sounded so sure only to have the lead yield nothing but disappointment.
"I know." He let off a sigh, and she could hear the weariness in his voice. He wanted so badly for this to be the lead.
"Where?" Bucky had led them, whether knowingly or not, all around the globe following dead ends and false leads. None of the leads ever led home. Back to Brooklyn. It's like Bucky was afraid to come home if he even remembered where home was. With Hydra gone or at least not controlling Bucky's mind (they hoped), he was on his own. But if he was free of their control, why hadn't he let Steve find him? That led to a myriad of thoughts and guilt, and she knew Steve partially blamed himself, but it was impossible to protect someone when that someone didn't even want to be found.
"Lagos, Nigeria." That sounded far-stretched; a hope that wasn't really a hope. Aspen didn't say so though. She always supported Steve in trying to find Bucky and helped him whenever she could. Even if it were false hope, it would be remiss not to chase it after all. Steve would always try to find Bucky; it wasn't negotiable.
"Do you want me to fly back?"
"No. No, you give your speech. I'm taking Sam, Nat, and Wanda with me."
"Good. Wanda needs a mission to test her training. She's ready." They'd been training harder than ever together and though the team dynamics were still different, they were a good sort of different. Aspen would be the first to admit that she didn't like change. It heightened her anxieties and left her feeling defenseless. The team was her family, and when people had started leaving, it seemed like her whole world was caving in. Despite the fact that some of the changes were good – her marriage for instance – her self-doubt had raged for months. While she'd stayed with her mother, she'd had her look further into the long-term affects of the Superhero Serum. No one had ever had the serum in their system for as long as Aspen had, so it wasn't really known whether there were any side effects. Ava had run tests and concluded that Aspen was perfectly healthy but that the heightened senses might cause her to feel overwhelmed more often than usual. The normal emotions she felt on a day-to-day basis were accentuated by the serum. To put it simply, she felt more. When she doubted herself, her mind could recall everything she had to doubt. When she felt angry, it was difficult not to lose control. When she felt happy, it flooded her like a storm. And when she couldn't save someone...it felt like the guilt might crush her.
"It's all a matter of putting things into perspective," her mom had told her. "Think it through. Your brain might be telling you to feel all these things in ten fold, but what's the use in letting guilt weigh you down when it's not really your fault? When you feel yourself start to overload, just let go." Aspen had worked on breathing exercises. She'd trained. And when something felt like too much, she opened up to someone.
"Communication is key." Ava knew how Aspen was prone to bottling up her own emotions. "When you feel something, let someone who cares about you know. Steve is always there for, and you have an entire team of friends who understand. And you can always call me, of course." Her mom didn't know if there were any other effects of the serum. She didn't know if it was permanent though she had once told Aspen it might become that way. It was something she and Wanda connected on though Wanda had chosen to be experimented on. They trained together frequently, each testing the limits of their abilities. For once Aspen didn't feel afraid of her powers. She felt like a part of something.
"I hope he's there," she said, drawing herself back to the conversation with Steve. "I hope you find him."
He was quiet for a moment. "I hope so too. I'll keep you updated. Good luck with your speech."
"Thanks. Love you."
"Love you too."
"Did something happen?" Ava asked, glancing sideways at Aspen.
"They have another lead on Bucky," she told her mom. "In Nigeria. Who knows if it's any more certain than any of the other dozens of leads we've already followed. I just hate seeing him disappointed over and over. I don't understand why Bucky won't let himself be found."
"Maybe he's afraid of what Steve will think of him after what he did as the Winter Soldier."
"Steve would never think differently of him."
"No, but if Bucky remembers who he is, he'll think differently of himself." It was true. Bucky had been a sergeant in the war. He'd been one of the good guys. What had happened to him...he didn't deserve that. He couldn't take back what he'd done under Hydra's influence, but he could move forward.
"Maybe it's not that simple," Aspen said softly. "What he's done...that information is out there. Hydra's files leaked. He's probably wanted by the government. People will want him to pay for what he did even if it wasn't really him. They'll want to put the blame somewhere."
"Can the Avengers protect him?"
"We can, but people wouldn't approve. It would put us in a difficult position. Part of me wants to say, screw it. Bucky is way more important than what the government or anyone else thinks of us, but it's never that simple. If we harbor someone wanted for that many crimes, that many assassinations...they might come for us too, and we won't be able to protect anyone."
"So what happens if this isn't a false lead?" Ava asked.
"That's up to Steve, I suppose. He wants his friend back. He believes Bucky is still inside of him, that he can be saved. He wants it to be that simple. I just don't think it is."
They reached the school, and Aspen found she was no longer nervous about her speech. Now she was nervous about a whole array of problems all revolving around the Winter Soldier. She wanted Bucky back because it would make Steve happy, but she knew Steve could be blinded when it came to his friend. She didn't blame him, but she wasn't completely sure how far he'd go for Bucky. If it meant going against powerful people who wanted Bucky behind bars...well, she wasn't sure just what Steve would do.
The sight of her old school effectively distracted her, and Aspen tried to push her worries to the back of her mind. As they walked through the front doors, memories pressed up against her, some bad, some neutral. She couldn't say she had any really good memories of high school. She was quiet, kept to herself. She spent a lot of free time in the science lab and library. Pretty enough not to get picked on, plain enough not to be noticed. She hadn't really made friends. Her home life had been tense with her aunt and her drinking problems, and she'd had little patience for the petty problems of teenagers. Now looking down the linoleum hallways and past the dented lockers, Aspen felt a twinge of nostalgia. There was a before and an after for people like her. Before she was famous, before the world knew her name, and now. In a world of paparazzi and internet hoaxes, she wasn't sure she wanted anyone's attention to be on her, but that came hand-in-hand with being an Avenger these days. There was no turning back from the world knowing who she was.
A man was waiting to greet them at the doors to the auditorium, and Aspen did a double take. He'd grayed at the temples and bore a few more worry lines around his eyes, but he was still wearing the same polka dot tie she remembered. "Principal Yancy," Aspen greeted before he could speak.
"You remember me." He looked surprised.
"I was never in your office," Aspen told him with a smile, "but yeah, I remember you. It wasn't that long ago."
"It's nice to see you again, Aspen." He shook her hand and then her mother's. "Thank you again for accepting our invitation. You're all the students can talk about these days."
"I'm honored," Aspen told him. "It still takes some getting used to."
"I can only imagine. As I asked in my letter, I was hoping you might talk a little about how you came to be an Avenger. How you got from here," he motioned to the halls of the school, "to here." He looked back to her. "The kids want to know they have potential. Even if they're not going to become a superhero, they want to know they can make a difference."
"Of course."
"Fantastic. Would you like a drink of water or anything?" When Aspen and her mom shook their heads, he said, "Great. I'll just have you come behind the stage. I'll announce you, and you can go out. Mrs. Tolvar, we have a seat saved for you right up front." They took the back way to the stage, and the principal ushered her mom to her seat before taking the stage. Aspen peered out from the shadows, her stomach dropping a little at the sight of all the eager faces. She had felt a rush of warmth though at the principal's words. These kids wanted to know they were worth something, and she wanted to convince them that they were. She knew all about vulnerability and feeling like you weren't worth anything and would amount to nothing. She was no longer ashamed of her past, no longer embarrassed that she'd worked as a smuggler or that she'd taken in a dangerous demi-god. Her past was her past, and it had shaped who she was now. Through all the pain and hard lessons, she wouldn't take a single thing back. Her eyes slid to where her mom was sitting in the front row. Well, maybe one. She wished her dad could be sitting there too. She hoped he'd be proud of her. Even if he hadn't been there to raise her, she understood now just how much he and her mother had sacrificed. As she looked on, she saw her Aunt Violet slide into the seat next to Ava. Aspen stiffened for a moment, her mind going back to high school when she'd been sixteen and wishing more than ever she had a real mom. She was surprised that her aunt had made it. She'd been halfway across the country, and Aspen hadn't thought she'd fly in in time to see her speak. Her heart warmed at the sight of her small family. It didn't matter that they hadn't been there in the past because they were here now when Aspen needed them.
"Ladies and gentlemen, if I could have your attention, please." The noise in the auditorium quieted down. It looked as if every seat of the two-story room was filled. The local press was scrunched up along the walls, cameras focused on the stage. "I am very excited to introduce a very special guest speaker to you today," Principal Yancey continued. "She was a student here not that long ago, but you all know her as an Avenger. Please give a warm welcome to Aspen Tolvar!" He turned and motioned for Aspen to take the stage. The applause was ear splitting, but she found herself grinning as she stepped out onto the stage. Lately the press had not been very complimentary about the Avengers, so it was nice to have a group of people who were actually excited to have her there with them for once.
It took a long while for the applause to die down, but when it did, Aspen took the microphone in her hand and took a deep breath. "Thank you so much for having me here today," she told the people before her. "It's an honor to be invited back. After I graduated here in 2008, I didn't go off to college to study science like I'd envisioned. I didn't really have the money or, at the time, the support. I went to work for an old friend of the family who offered me information on my parents who had disappeared when I was three. As it turns out, he was only using me. I learned a lot of hard lessons very early on about trust. Trust has always been hard for me. Trust turned me into a smuggler, turned me against the law. Trust nearly got me killed. Fortunately for me, the right kind of person to trust came along and saved my life. To be honest, he was probably coming to arrest me, but he ended up giving me a second chance. You all know him as Hawkeye. I know him as a friend and a fellow Avenger." There were a few whistles and claps, and Aspen smiled. "Hawkeye worked for SHIELD at the time which as most of you probably know was an organization tasked with handling threats organizations like the FBI and the local police force couldn't. A lot of those threats were extraterrestrial. Battle of New York for instance. I was recruited as a level one agent and worked for a while as a scientist. It was fulfilling working for the good guys for once though SHIELD was a secretive sort of organization. It wasn't your typical job, and for a long time, I only had two friends – a fellow scientist and Hawkeye. I started taking classes at a local college, studying science like I'd always wanted. But then a certain soldier from a different time happened into my life quite unexpectedly." Some of the girls in the front rows chattered excitedly. "For the first time I felt like I had a place in the world. I had a new friend who didn't judge me for my past or my mistakes. Then I found myself in the middle of the chaos that overtook our world when a demi-god let loose an army of aliens from space." She paused here, and there was silence at the mention of the battle. "I was still a low level agent, and I had no business being there in the thick of it – in fact, I was rather specifically told not to get involved.
"At this point I'd made some big mistakes. I didn't really feel like I fit in at SHIELD anymore, but I definitely didn't feel like I fit in with the team SHIELD assembled to face the alien threat. I didn't have superpowers back then. I was barely out of high school and had worked for the wrong side of the law half my life. I was terrified of what might happen if I got on the jet that would take me into the thick of the crisis, but I knew I would regret it the rest of my life if I didn't get on. Sometimes you have to take that leap of faith. 'Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear,' as said by Mark Twain. Fear has always been there for me – fear of failure, fear of not fitting in, fear of being alone, fear of losing control. I haven't always been strong enough to resist it, and I certainly wouldn't call myself a master over it, but I've been lucky enough to have a team to help lift me up when I feel I can't stand, a team to tell me I'm worth something even when I don't see it in myself.
"When I joined the team that would later be known as the Avengers to fight in New York, I still considered myself an outsider. I didn't fit in with superpowers and engineering genius and assassins. I wasn't strong or particularly well trained at that point. Not once did they tell me I shouldn't be there though. Not once did they tell me I wasn't enough. Sometimes belief in yourself starts with others. Sometimes it's finding the right people to accept you. We were all misfits in a way – assassins turned agent, a soldier out of time, a demi-god whose brother had caused all the chaos, a billionaire who didn't play well with others, and a doctor who couldn't control his anger. Then there was me. I'd never fit in at any point in my life, but suddenly I did. Maybe not in power or strength or intelligence, but in the stubbornness to save the world in some small way, to make a difference. Eventually I gave up trying to deny that I'd become a part of the team, that I wasn't an Avenger. I embraced it." She smiled at the crowd as they clapped, a surreal feeling of pride washing over her. "I'm not someone special," she continued as the clapping died down. "I'm just a girl who wants to make a difference. I got some superpowers along the way – not by choice, but I've found a way to cope with them, to use them for good. Sometimes it's not about being super though. Sometimes it's just having the will to better your life, the desire to make something of yourself in a struggling world. Sometimes in order to find the courage you need to change your life, you need to fear where you're going strongly enough. We all have different circumstances, but I wanted to tell you that each one of you has the potential for greatness. It doesn't matter if you're simply human. That's all you need. One of the things I've learned throughout my years of being an Avenger is this: humans are strong together. We have an unshakable stubbornness that even the most powerful enemy finds difficult to overcome. Sometimes that enemy is Hydra. Sometimes it's a bully at school. Sometimes your greatest enemy is you.
"Where do you fit in this world? Well, that's the fun part. You have the rest of your lives to find out. I'm just honored to have the job to protect you and fight for your freedom and for your futures. Thank you."
The applause was nearly deafening, and Aspen took a step back from the microphone, hardly daring believe they were clapping for her. Rewind back to her days in high school, and she was the kid walking with her head down hoping no one would notice her. Now she held her head high, heart swelling. It had been a long road, but she felt like she'd arrived somewhere, like she could handle anything the future threw at her. As long as she had her team, she knew just where she belonged. The audience was standing now, kids and teachers alike. She saw her mom and aunt beaming at her and it hit her then that they were there. True, she was no longer a teenager, struggling to fit in, wishing she had a family to support her. Now there they were. Even a little late, they were there for her. When the applause finally faded, Aspen stepped up to the microphone once more. "I'd like to invite you now to ask questions," she said. "Don't be afraid to ask about the dark parts. I want to be an open book."
As she watched, nearly every kid in the auditorium raised their hand. She laughed. "Let's start with the young lady there in the Thor shirt."
