I'm all for irony, I really am. But this has got to be the most ironic thing I've ever been a part of. I watch Zuko and Aang as they finish up their firebending practice, which isn't an unusual sight now. Aang has been spending pretty much all of his time with Zuko lately, and with me as well, since firebending is what he's much less experienced with.

And I'm not the only one who feels the irony. Katara does as well. "Doesn't it seem weird that we're hiding from the Fire Lord in his own house?" And her blunt way of putting it makes me want to slap my head in frustration.

Zuko sits down to deal with the sweat from their workout. "I told you, my father hasn't come here since our family was actually happy. And that was a long time ago. It's the last place anyone would think to look for us."

I roll my eyes. "It's still ironic…let us revel in that for a little while…" And my gaze wanders from Zuko to the mountain. I remember the map that Pakku gave to me, sent from Piandao. According to that map, my family's palace should be up that mountain. But I have no idea how much of it is still standing. Still, I want to find out.

Sokka and Suki come back later, and Sokka is holding a piece of paper "You guys are not gonna believe this! There's a play about us." Suki points to it eagerly. "We were just in town and we found this poster!"

Katara seems a bit skeptical. "What? How is that possible?"

"Listen to this." Sokka turns the poster around and starts reading from it. "The Boy in the Iceberg is a new production from acclaimed playwright Pu-on Tim, who scoured the globe, gathering information on the Avatar, from the icy South Pole to the heart of Ba Sing Se. His sources include singing nomads, pirates, prisoners of war, and a surprisingly knowledgeable merchant of cabbage." And I immediately think back to that poor cabbage merchant from Omashu, as well as seeing him again when we escaped from the pirates, and from a bunch of other places. It's like that guy was stalking us.

"Brought to you by the critically acclaimed Ember Island Players." And Suki must be pointing out the local acting troupe.

Zuko, seems displeased about that. "Ugh! My mother used to take us to see them. They butchered Love Amongst the Dragons every year!"

"Sokka, do you really think it's a good idea to attend a play about ourselves?" Katara points out the single biggest danger to us on this island. Being recognized.

But Sokka is undeterred. "Come on, a day at the theater? This is the kind of wacky, time-wasting nonsense I've been missing."


I've got a bad feeling about this. But we all go along with Sokka anyway. And we see at the back, trying to avoid having anyone recognize us. The last thing we need is to be having a fight in a theater in the middle of the Fire Nation. We try to avoid any fights over seating, but Aang looks like he really wants to sit next to Katara, which happens to be where Zuko is sitting. I sit next to Toph, since she's probably going to be more interesting than the play.

But she's not happy. "Why are we sitting in the nosebleed section? My feet can't see a thing from up here!"

I roll my eyes. "Don't worry, if they cover anything that we haven't already told you, I'll tell you about it. Judging by Zuko's reaction to them, they're probably going to butcher this story anyway."

"Whatever…"

The curtain rises, and already, I know that this is going to suck. The actress playing Katara is wearing too much make-up, and she looks like she's going to entertain some shady men, not go on an adventure. And right away, they start off with depression and food jokes, which Sokka takes some offense to. ""This is pathetic! My jokes are way funnier than this!"

But Toph just laughs. "I think he's got you pegged!"

The actress on stage gets started with a speech about hope, and it takes forever. Katara may talk about hope once in a while, but she's never this dramatic, or this long-winded. And she doesn't talk about keeping hope alive until we die, or beacons of hope. And she doesn't cry this much either.

Katara is already taking offense. "Well, that's just silly. I don't sound like that."

Toph just keeps laughing. "Oh man! This writer's a genius!"

We move on to the freeing of Aang from the iceberg, and I suppose that the effects are alright. But the dialogue could use work. I mean, I've never heard a water bender use "Hi-ya" as a battle cry. But what really puts this act over the edge is when the actor playing Aang appears. But it's not an actor, it's an actress.

And when the actress talks about coming to spread joy and fun, Aang catches on. "Wait! Is that a woman playing me?"

I shake my head. "Boy…am I glad that I haven't shown up…I don't want to know what they would do with me…"

"Just wait, you'll probably show up later." Toph seems to be looking forward to that. But this is the Fire Nation, and I have a feeling that a portrayal of me isn't going to show up.

The actress Katara goes off again about hope, and starts crying…again. They must really have gotten some bad information on the personalities of our group, because only the organization of events is going smoothly so far. And then, the actor Sokka starts crying too, providing the actress playing Aang with the perfect opportunity to pull a prank.

Aang is completely shocked, as well as offended. "I don't do that! That's not what I'm like! And I'm not a woman!" And I agree, Aang was never very much for pranks. Fun and games, yes, but not pranks."

"Oh, they nailed you Twinkletoes!" Toph just keeps laughing her head off.

Of course, when the actors for Zuko and Iroh appear, I almost choke on air. "Oh jeez, they really have butchered this play…"

Zuko isn't pleased either. "They make me look stiff and humorless."

Katara smirks. "Actually, I think that actor's pretty spot on."

"How could you say that?" Zuko is completely shocked at the insinuation. But, to be fair, at the time, he was rather stiff and humorless. And after the next line of dialogue, Katara smirks at Zuko again, who hangs his head in embarrassment.

Next, they go over our journey to the Southern Air Temple, and how Aang found Momo. And of course, they butcher Aang's character, again. Then, we go to Kiyoshi Island, and Omashu. We see the battle with the pirates. And of course, this whole time, my character is suspiciously omitted. Even when it comes for the Blue Spirit to rescue Aang.

Of course, when the actress portraying Aang gets a little too friendly with the Blue Spirit, Aang and Zuko give each other identical, uncomfortable looks. They're definitely not cool with this overly flirtatious portrayal of how that rescue went down.

Next we see Jet, whose hair is seriously out of control, and the actress Katara is crying, again. I swear, she spends more time crying than actually talking. And she's also overly seductive. This is a pretty bad mockery of all the crap we've gone through, trying to survive long enough to get to this point.

They skip right through the Great Divide, and on to the North Pole, which, of course, means that Sokka gets to revisit the time when he lost Yue. It's a pretty cruel blow. But when they show Aang in the Avatar State, that drives our poor little Avatar a little batty. They make him seem like a little kid, instead of the truly terrifying force that he becomes when he goes into that state.


Finally, we get to the long-awaited intermission. And most of us are pretty relieved to be out of that theater. Zuko is fuming the most. "So far, this intermission is the best part of the play."

Sokka comes to sit down with us. "Apparently, the playwright thinks I'm an idiot who tells bad jokes about meat all the time."

"Yeah, you tell bad jokes about plenty of other topics." Suki decides to poke some fun at Sokka, just because she knows she can get away with it.

Sokka stuffs a little food in his mouth. "I know!"

Aang, on the other hand, is thoroughly pissed off. "At least the Sokka actor kind of looks like you. That woman playing the Avatar doesn't resemble me at all!"

"I don't know, you are more in touch with your feminine side than most guys." Turns out it's Toph's turn to start poking fun. And Aang is just frustrated.

"Relax, Aang. They're not accurate portrayals. It's not like I'm a preachy crybaby who can't resist giving overemotional speeches about hope all the time." But when everyone else looks at Katara, she gets confused. "What?"

"Yeah, that's not you at all." Aang sits down, still fuming.

Toph justlaughs again. "Listen friends, it's obvious that the playwright did his research. I know it must hurt, but what you're seeing up there on that stage is the truth."

I shake my head a little. "No, it's a twisted perspective. Katara isn't that whiny, she doesn't get nearly that emotional, and she definitely doesn't dress like that. It's like that actress is trying to seduce all the guys in the audience. Sokka isn't nearly that stupid. And Aang, jeez, Aang isn't nearly so focused on pranks. Fun and games, sure, but he tended to draw the line at outright pranks. He's always been too innocent for that."

Aang turns on me. "It's easy for you to say all that, they didn't even put you in!"

My gaze darkens as he says that. "You're right, and there's probably a very good reason for it. Like Toph said, the playwright did his research, that's why the order of events is as accurate as it is. Which means, that if he found out who I am…there's no way he could have put me in there. He would have risked starting an uprising and getting himself killed. There's no way to know how many loyalists there are here…after all, this island is the location of my family's central palace. So there's bound to be some loyalists hanging around. Loyalists like Piandao…"

"Piandao?" Zuko stares at me, shocked. "You know Piandao?"

I glance at Sokka with a smile. "Yes, but not as well as Sokka. He's the one who trained under him. I'm just the one who got a present from the old man."

"Hey, guys, the play's starting again." Toph gets up and heads back inside. "Who's coming?"


We all exchange some nervous glances, before filing back inside to finish watching the play. And it kicks off in the Earth Kingdom with Toph's entrance. She's excited to see what kind of portrayal she's going to get. And it's not what any of us were expecting. Nor does it fit with the order of events, or what really happened. I guess it means that Earth Rumble Six is getting left out.

The actor who comes out to portray Toph is a huge, muscly guy, who spits and acts all tough. We all laugh our heads off. Except for Zuko, who just drops the poster in shock. And Toph sounds confused. "Wait a minute, I sound like a guy. A really buff guy."

Katara decides to give Toph a taste of her own medicine. "Well Toph, what you hear up there is the truth. It hurts, doesn't it?"

"Are you kidding me? I wouldn't have cast it any other way!" It backfires and Toph starts laughing. "At least I'm not a flying bald lady!"

The whole sonic wave part is complete bogus though. And it only gets worse when we get to the battle against Azula, where we all had her cornered. The firebending is so fake, and we get to see how bad the portrayal of Azula is. She's way more stuck up and arrogant than that. And she doesn't wear pink.

The drilling of Ba Sing Se is next, and everyone is starting to fall asleep. I barely even pay attention when they get to the Lake Laogai stuff. But when they kill off Jet, it's all a little weird. And Zuko turns to Sokka. "Did Jet just…die?"

"You know, it was really unclear." And I have to agree. I wasn't there, and I'm pretty sure from what Katara told me, that Jet died there.

And it all goes from bad to worse when we see the actress Katara hitting on the actor playing Zuko. I was there, I know what happened, and it really didn't happen like that at all. And the coming on to Zuko is so strong, that I actually feel just a little weird about it. Not jealous, just weird for watching this. Especially since I remember this part very differently. And Aang seems to take offense at the very thought that Katara would like Zuko instead. He's forgetting this this is a play, and not at all true, and he storms out of the theater.

And with the battle ensuing, worse, doesn't even begin to cut it. It shows Zuko's betrayal of his uncle, taking Azula's side, and insulting Iroh pretty bad. Katara whispers over to Zuko. "You didn't really say that, did you?"

"I might as well have." Zuko sounds really ashamed of himself now. I don't blame him, but he just made some really bad decisions because of his sister's goading. I doubt that Iroh will hold that against him. Iroh is the forgiving type.


After that, we see Azula taking down Aang while in the Avatar State, which they replicate with glowing make-up. And the curtain falls, ending the second act. And after that, we all head right back outside to get some air.

"It seems like every time there's a big battle, you guys barely make it out alive." Suki really points out the obvious there. Then she drives the knife even deeper. "I mean, you guys lose a lot."

Sokka counters. "You're one to talk, Suki. Didn't Azula take you captive? That's right, she did!"

"Are you trying to get on my bad side?" Suki's voice takes on a distinctly ominous tone, and I snicker, thinking that Sokka isn't going to get very far by taking on his girlfriend.

"I'm just saying."

"Does anyone know where Aang is?" Katara looks around for our little airbender, looking worried.

Sokka looks around. "He left to get me fire gummies, like, ten minutes ago. And I'm still waiting!"

"I'm gonna check outside." Katara runs off to look for him, not that I blame her. After that act, I would be worried about him too.

The rest of us head back inside, and Sokka starts talking to Suki about getting backstage, while Toph walks up to Zuko. "Geez, everyone's getting so upset about their characters. Even you seem more down than usual, and that's saying something!"

Zuko really is down. "You don't get it, it's different for you. You get a muscly version of yourself, taking down ten bad guys at once, and making sassy remarks."

"Yeah, that's pretty great!"

"But for me, it takes all the mistakes I've made in my life, and shoves them back in my face." Now, Zuko's guilt starts coming out. "My uncle, he's always been on my side, even when things were bad. He as there for me, he taught me so much, and how do I repay him? With a knife in his back." He bites the words, spitting them out venomously. "It's my greatest regret, and I may never get to redeem myself."

Toph sits down next to him. "You have redeemed yourself to your uncle. You don't realize it, but you already have."

"How do you know?"

"Because I once had a long conversation with the guy, and all he would talk about was you." Toph sounds like she had the time of her life talking to Iroh, even if it was annoying to only head about Zuko.

Zuko now sounds just a little more hopeful. "Really?"

"Yeah, and it was kind of annoying." Toph's blunt lack of tact knows no bounds.

"Oh, sorry." I doubt that Zuko even knows what he's apologizing for.

Then Toph changes her tune, and a smile crosses Zuko's face. "But it was also very sweet. All your uncle wanted was for you to find your own path, and see the light. Now you're here with us. He'd be proud." And she shows him her affection by punching him in the arm.

"Ow!" He rubs his arm a little. "What was that for?"

I laugh a little. "Don't worry, that's just how Toph shows affection. She does that with all of us."

A little boy whizzes down the hallway, stopping in front of us and looking at Zuko. "You Zuko costume's pretty good, but your scar's on the wrong side."

I cover my mouth to stifle a laugh as Zuko pulls up his hood. "The scar's not on the wrong side!"

I choke down my laugh and smile at Zuko. "Don't worry, I think it looks fine. Don't get too sensitive about it…these people don't know the truth." I turn to the theater and grin. "Let's go, it's time to finish this awful play."


The two of them get up and follow me back inside, where we sit down and the curtain rises again. They cover Aang's recovery, our trip into the Fire Nation, and the time when Katara pretended to be the Painted Lady, Sokka's sword, and the death of Combustion Man, all before Aang gets back. And next up is the invasion.

But those jokes get worse, and even our Sokka makes them funnier than this guy. We somehow pick up Zuko on the way, and leave the palace, and despite everything being caught up to the present, the play isn't over. And I have a feeling that, because this is the Fire Nation, it's going to end badly.

And it does…we get to the part about Sozin's comet, and a confrontation between Azula and Zuko, as well as the Fire Lord and Aang. First up is the duel between the siblings, ending with Zuko going up in a torrent of fire. And then, comes the duel between Aang and the Fire Lord, which ends with Aang being caught up in a big flow of what looks like lava. The ending is a Fire Nation victory. And the crowd goes wild, leaving all of us speechless.

Afterwards, all we have is a bunch of grumblings about how bad the play was. Because to be honest, that was the worst production I could ever have imagined. Especially since we're not going to lose.