Ah, the end is nearing and Fay isn't the only one who has hard time letting go! I seriously don't know what I will do, when I finish this fic, haha!

I had so much fun writing this chapter. I adore Matt and Mello, and I hope you appreciate the way I wrote them. If you do, please leave me a comment! I'm dying to hear your thoughts. :)


January 7th, 2010

Walking straight wasn't easy, with head in clouds.

Matsuda's kisses and his surprising confession of love, had turned Fay's heart into a hummingbird, or so it felt - the fluttering in her chest just wouldn't calm down.

Can it be… can it be I'm falling for him?

Me? For Touta Matsuda?

That thought was both exhilarating and terrifying, and it so completely engulfed her mind, that she didn't notice the thin man in black leather, before almost walking straight into him.

"Shit!" she shrieked, her heart jumping to her throat. "Mello, you scared the crap out of me!"

Mello leaned his back to the wall, his jacket open, revealing the bare skin of his lower abdomen, as if making a point that he couldn't have cared less about the freezing weather. He looked young, still childish in a way, but there was a new scar on him, big, raw and red, covering the left side of his face and forehead. It made him look… dangerous. Like his face finally matched his clothing style

"So, you're sleeping with that dude, who was sucking your face?" he smirked.

"None of your business." Fay snapped. "Mello, Christ! I haven't seen you in almost five years! What the Hell are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question. Last I heard you were playing mommy at Wammy's."

He said those words with so much repulse, it made the air sticky. Not for the first time, Fay wondered what had happened to Mello, to hate Wammy's so much. To hate everything and everyone, so much. But it would do no good to ask, she knew. Mello only respected those who didn't show their weakness.

She raised her chin, to stare him down.

"Asshole. You know why I'm here." she said. "And you're here for that same reason. To kill Kira."

Mello made a low chuckle.

"Nice to see motherhood hasn't destroyed all your spunk. So, who's taking care of little L?"

"Roger."

"He's still alive?" Mello rolled his eyes. "Gods - I thought he was old when I was a kid."

"You're still a kid, Mello." Fay stated. "And yeah, Roger is alive. Wammy's is the safest place for Lily to be, in case-"

She stopped mid sentence, but Mello caught her meaning nevertheless.

"In case you and Near lose this game."

"Yeah."

"Hmm." Mello sighed. "I need to talk to you about that."

"I gathered. It's not like I walked into you by accident." Fay replied, stuffing her hands to the pockets of her hoodie. "So, talk to me. What do you want?"

Mello glanced around, as if suspicious of everyone and everything around.

"Not here. Let's go inside."

There was a small coffeehouse not a block away, and Fay followed Mello in, slightly annoyed, but more curious. She'd be late because of this, but then again - Near had probably suspected that Mello would try to contact her. Why else would have he mentioned that possibility?

She ordered a large coffee with soy milk and sugar - it was breakfast time anyways - and sat down at the table, across to Mello. And Matt.

"Well, good morning." she said, turning her eyes to the redhead. "So, you're in Japan too."

"Obviously." Matt muttered, not turning his eyes away from his handheld game console.

That made Mello gave out a small smile, and glance at the redheaded boy by his side. The ashes in Matt's cigarette were hanging low, but he was engulfed in his game, probably not even noticing. Mello gave a sigh, and took the cigarette from Matt's lips, ashed it for him, and offered it back - Matt accepting it in such a natural way, that Fay knew it wasn't the first time Mello did this favor to him.

Fay suppressed her need to comment.

Gods, those two - still together?

What was it with Wammy's kids - could they really find their soulmates, their peace, only amongst each other? That thought made Fay suddenly saddened. If that was the case… what did it mean for Lily and her future?

She took a sip of her coffee, turned her eyes back at Mello.

"You wanted to talk about something?"

"Was that Touta Matsuda, you were snogging?"

That surprised Fay - her cheeks blushed, to her irritation.

"Yeah. So?"

"For all that I've heard, he's a lame ass idiot."

"A - He's not." she snapped. "B - he has a big dick and he knows how to use it."

Mello let out a low chuckle.

"Nice reasoning." He smirked. "So, you're not fucking him just because Near told you to?"

There was no way Mello could know about that. Not unless…. unless someone from the team was leaking information. It sure as Hell wasn't Near or Commander Rester. Or Gevanni. So that left only...

Fay took a gulp of her coffee.

"Halle Linder?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. "Is it just you, who is fucking her, or do you share her with Matt?"

Matt didn't react to her comment, but Mello let out a melodramatic sigh.

"Please! It only took a few sloppy lines and my looks to get her to my side. No need to prostitute myself."

"So, we have at least that in common."

He laughed, leaned closer to her over the table.

"You have a sharp tongue." he noted. "But you didn't answer my question. Are you getting anything out of Touta Matsuda - anything else than what comes from his praised dick?"

"Come on! Like I can't have sex for sex's sake? Told you already, he's great in bed, and that's all there is to it."

There was a moment of silence. The beeping sounds of Matt's gaming console were loud enough to fill it, to annoy Fay and sting at her nerves.

"Just out of curiosity—" said Matt, not looking up. "—how was L in that department? I mean, it's hard to picture him—"

"Don't." Fay snapped, shaking her head. "Just… don't."

"Huh. Still so sensitive about it?"

Fay didn't answer. Her hand was shaking slightly as she took a cigarette from Matt's pack without asking if she could, and lit it. She didn't smoke often, and inhaling the nicotine was an instant high. It went straight to her bloodstream.

These kind of moments were the worst. When something triggered the memories so fast, she didn't have time to prepare and harden herself.

Matt's words sent her through time to the past, and in a heartbeat the pain struck her core like a spear.

The pack of Koala cookies on the floor. The mom and the baby staring back at her with their smiling, black cartoon eyes.

The stillness of L's chest under her touch, the excruciating pain of her heart breaking.

"I loved him." she stated silently. "I'm sure you can relate."

Matt didn't meet her eyes, continued playing, seemingly untouched by her words, but Fay noticed how Mello glanced at him, his eyes soft and vulnerable.

Fay took a few deep breaths of her cigarette, trying to find her calm again.

So, it was love between those two. At least from Mello's side. Fay wondered silently if Matt loved Mello as fiercely as he loved Matt.

Though, Mello was probably too proud to hang around with someone who didn't love him back. Maybe Matt was just better at not showing his love in public.

"I thought you asked me here for a reason." she finally said, stubbing out her cigarette. "What is it?"

"Near's plan." Mello replied.

"What about it? I'm sure Linder has already given you all the information you could possibly want."

"True. But I need a second opinion."

Fay shrugged.

"I think it's a good plan, and we can outsmart Light with it."

"By forging the notebook."

"Yeah."

"Who's going to be the one to do it?"

"Me and Gevanni, probably. I have experience, and Gevanni, well, he is a superman. There isn't much he can't do."

"And you don't think Kira is going to see through that? After all, he's been one step ahead of you all this time."

Mello gave her a sideways smile. His blond hair fell to his eyes, as he leaned forward. Matt was still furiously hitting the controls of his game console, the goggles hiding his eyes. If he was listening, if he was even remotely interested, he didn't show it.

So, maybe he was in this, just because of Mello. Fay hoped he wouldn't come to regret it.

"Sometimes you have to take risks in a case." Fay stated. "It's the only way to bring this to an end."

Mello was silent for a long while. He turned his eyes back at Matt, the softness on the line of his jaw revealing more of his emotions than he probably realized.

"Fine." he finally said. "That's all I wanted to know."

Fay took a sip of her coffee - and almost choke to it. Her heart fell to her knees and jumped right back to her throat, making her cough.

L was sitting in the next booth, staring at her with his huge, black rimmed eyes. There was a small smile playing on his lips, as he brought his index finger to them, signalling Fay to stay silent.

But Mello saw her face, the look in her eyes and her cheeks that had gone pale.

"What?" he asked. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

She took a few deep breaths, to calm down. Mello glanced over his shoulder to the next table, but clearly saw nothing of interest, as he turned back still looking confused.

Fay made a small chuckle, shook her head.

"Do you believe in them?" she asked. "Ghosts?"

"I have seen stranger things. Why?"

"No reason."

L was smiling at her from the next table, his beautiful lips curving up. Fay felt that smile in her heart, in her core, in her bloodstream. She tasted those lips on hers, remembered how it felt to inhale his breathing when her fingers slid through his hair and he pinned her down on the bed.

Her eyes teared up.

Mello's eyes narrowed as he observed her.

"Righ." he said, still looking suspicious. "Anything you want to tell me?"

"Nothing." Fay had to look away from L, to be able to keep her balance. "I should probably get going, but Mello-"

"Yeah?"

She scribbled her phone number on a napkin.

"Call me if there's anything I can help you with."

Mello took the napkin, stuffed it in his pocket standing up.

"Yeah, whatever." he said. "Matt, let's go."

Matt groaned in response, and stood up too. To Fay's surprise he shut off his game, and stuffed it in the pocket of his fur edged vest.

"Matt." Fay said.

"Yeah?"

"Take care of the hotshot, will you?"

Matt's lips turned into a crooked smile. "I always do."

Fay watched the couple walk out of the coffee house, Mello leading the way, Matt following him, hands stuffed in his pockets. It wasn't until she was sure that neither of them was in the view, that she took her coffee and moved to the next table.

"Lawliet." she said, raising her eyes to his.

"Felicity."

"You startled me. I wasn't expecting to see you-"

"Pick up your phone." he interrupted. "And pretend you're having a phone call. People will think you are crazy if you sit her talking by yourself."

"So it doesn't matter that I think I'm crazy?" she asked. "You got any tips to avoid that?"

"Just do it, Fay."

Fay rolled her eyes, but did as she was told, taking her cell phone and bringing it to her ear.

"Good." L said. "Now, stop staring at me. Look out of the window, to make this seem as normal as possible."

"There's nothing normal in my life." Fay said to the phone. "And you are to blame, you know."

"I know. And I am sorry for that."

His voice was soft and gentle and low, and it sent shivers to Fay's spine.

"I didn't mean it like that." she breathed. "There's nothing you need to be sorry about. I'm glad that you're here."

A short silence. From the corner of her eye, Fay saw how L glanced at her, how deep and dark and wide his eyes were.

"Have you tried to… to do what I asked of you last time?"

"What, trying to let go?"

"Yes, Fay. That."

"Well, what do you think? I'm sleeping with other guy's for Heaven's sake."

L was quiet for a few moments. He blinked his huge saucer eyes, brought the fingers of his left hand to his lips.

"Guys, in plural?"

"And that's what you decided to hear?" Fay sighed. "A guy. One guy, okay? I haven't slept with anyone else than Matsuda in these five years, you know."

"Is that all there is with him? Is it just because you want to be… touched?"

Fay glanced at him.

"Why do you ask? It was you who told me to keep on seeing him."

"Hmm. What might be the right thing to do, is not always the easy thing to do." he replied. "I want happiness for you, but at the same time I find myself haunted by the thoughts of you with someone else."

He said it in the same monotone voice he always used, as if he was talking about the weather. But Fay noticed the way he cast his eyes down, how his pale cheeks blushed slightly.

And he has the nerve to tell me he's here, because I can't let go.

"You shouldn't be jealous." Fay finally replied. "I can never love anyone like I love you."

L didn't reply. He pulled his knees closer to his chest, kept biting at the edge of his thumb. Fay knew he had noticed she hadn't used the past tense.

"Don't look at me." he said after a while. "The waitress is starting to get suspicious."

"Fine."

Fay turned her eyes to the window. A clock on the building on the other side of the street, told her she was late for work, and she had no idea what she should tell Near - but she couldn't make herself to stand up, to walk away from L.

"This thing will soon come to an end." L said, silently, very softly. "Maybe after that-"

"If you're going to tell me, you'll leave me once this is over, I swear-"

"Fay. I could never leave you against your will."

And there it was again. He was asking for her to set him free.

Tears burned in her eyes, tears of pain and loss, frustration and anger, love and heartache.

"And I can never stop loving you." she exhaled. "You're a fool to even ask that of me."

"I am only asking that you try." He stated. "Matsuda-san loves you. Maybe when this is over you can try to-"

"Please, don't." Fay blinked, to stop the tears from falling. "Please don't ask me to love him. Whatever it is between me and him, it's not…"

"I know." he said. "But it might be."

"Like Hell!" she snapped, and turned to look at him-

Just to notice he was gone.

She was sitting alone in the booth, holding the silent phone in her fingers, feeling how her heart broke for the thousandth time.


Come on guys, review! I'm in serious need of encouragement.