Fan Letter Fifty-One

This one sent me two emails and so I thought I would kindly put them together, which will undoubtedly make this a very long reply!

From: Atropa Belladonna

To: Bakura the spirit thief

Subject: NONE.

Dear, Bakura,

First off I'd like to say you're the reason I am still buying Yu-Gi-Oh! manga.

I got the first volume because Yugi is so gosh darn cute! He seems to have a problem with attracting psychos with Yami/Yugi-oh/Atem/Atemu as psycho numero uno (meaning he was the first one Yugi encountered not that he out-psychos is that a word? you in any way; except where the Dark Magician is concerned but let's not go there). And then I bought Volume 6 and I knew the awesomeness that is Bakura.

Anyway, I have a question for you:

Are Kurama and Hiei in the Silver Haired Evil Guys club? Or did Kurama get kicked out for have red hair most of the time now? Hiei does have a little silver hair, but he's the type that eats all the ice cream and animal crackers and doesn't buy more (he still owes me a carton of rocky road). Sephy wouldn't like that. Kurama could so help you get the puzzle from Pharaoh Amnesia/Identity crisis. How can you go wrong with a 1,000 year old fox demon helping you?

Oh and please don't goth-up Ryou too much (trust me I have a good reason for this). If you allow women in the Secondly Silver Haired Evil Guys club he could so convince Iferita (of El Hazard) to join.

Okay, so she's not a thief or 100 evil, but she does have silver hair, and she rocks! The fact that she's technically a weapon of mass destruction has got to count for something. And she digs nice, sweet guys like Ryou. She would totally fall for his marshmallowy yumminess. And then your club would have an awesome babe and Ryou would never have to worry about fangirls again.

Good luck on you dastardly plans,

Atropa Belladonna

(part 2)

From: Atropa Belladonna

To: Bakura the spirit thief

Subject: NONE.

Dear Lord-of-the-never-ending-fanfic Bakura,

Yeah, yeah I know I emailed you already but there's this one question I just gotta ask.

Remember I said I read the Yu-Gi-Oh! manga? Well, I got my hands on the capsule monsters movie and finally saw the Yugi-tachi in action for the first time.

So here's my question:

I know he's your bud and all but, how in the world do you put up with the Pharaoh?

I swear listening to him talk was like having a bottle cheese whiz spontaneously develop vocal cords and start chattering. He's cheesy! Cheesy, cheesy, cheesy! You could, like, spread him on Ritz crackers and feed him to munchkins. And they'd eat him too. Seriously, they would; have you ever played Munchkin? Those little guys are vicious. Great game though, you'd love it! I don't think the Pharaoh could handle a game were you're supposed to cheat, heheh.

And that whole scene were he merges with the Dark Magician? OMG I did NOT want to see that! It's so wrong on so many levels. Bet, Mahaado enjoyed it though. ewww...

Egypt should thank you for taking this guy out. I mean really, when he died they dodged a bullet.

So, in closing I know you can't kill him but you can at least annoy him by taking his wet (clean) laundry out of the washer and putting it in the freezer at the Base (although I can't imagine Kaiba would enjoy finding icy Dark Magician boxers next to the frozen waffles). Or you could just kick his butt at Munchkin. I figure you'd be the king at a game with the tag line, "Kill the monster, steal the treasure, stab your buddy".

Tootles,

Atropa Belladonna

P.S. I showed a pic of Ryou to Iferita and she's totally into him. So I hope you don't mind me setting your hikari up on a blind date with a Demon god/weapon of mass destruction from an alternate reality.

Xxx

I suppose you would be correct in saying that Yami WAS the first psycho, but then he went all soft and turned into a good guy who didn't destroy people's souls any more…So therefore all of his good deeds kind of cancel out his once upon a time badliness…And yes I am awesome. I still lost, but I'm awesome no doubt! One day I will win and it will be a sweet sweet victory! Bwahahahahahaha!

Hiei isn't part of the Evil Silver Haired Guys group because, while he has SOME silver, he's got more black hair than anything else. Though Kurama isn't allowed, Youko is! So we're not TOTALLY kicking him out. He still gets pissy about that. But you know rules are rules. I didn't make them…Sephiroth did. I'm only the Vice President. I suppose you guys would like to know who is currently in our little gang wouldn't you?

Okay here are the current (major) members of the ESHG group!

Sephiroth, me, Kadaj (a.k.a. Pretty Brother), Yazoo (who I SWEAR is on SOME kind of drug), Loz (a.k.a. Ugly brother), Ryou (because he's been corrupted just enough), Youko (still pissed off at me), Vicious (I think that's the guy's name, I don't rightly remember), Aion (who is entirely too chipper for his own good), and Sesshoumaru, who refuses to speak when I have this typer thing on. No matter how much I prod him. Oh and also Heero. Even though technically he SHOULDN'T be in the group. There are other members but of course, but they're obviously not worth mentioning.

And yes, Sephy doesn't like it when his animal crackers go missing. He gets very mad, that's REALLY what happened to Vincent's Arm.

It is not…

Oh come on Vin, you ruined my dramatizing Seph's horrible temper.

Don't call me Vin, and I don't care. Asshole.

Geeze…are you sure you're not related to Sephiroth? You are as hell get pissy JUST like he does…

We've had this discussion already…

And I don't believe you! Between you and Hojo! Come on, be realistic man! Sephiroth CAN'T POSSIBLY have Hojo's genes! Sephiroth is sexy, you are sexy, and Hojo is CLEARLY not! And I meant that in a NON-GAY manner. So there's only one possible answer!

I'm NOT Sephiroth's father!

LIAR!

I'm no- you know what I'm not going to argue with you because it's like talking to a brick wall…Or worse, it's like talking to Sephiroth.

Psssshaw…I still think the resemblance is there…You're just in denial. Anyways, sadly, we don't allow females in the group (why do I have this feeling of déjà vu? That's freaking weird….or that could possibly be my leg falling asleep…) After all the group is called Evil Silver Haired GUYS. Soon we will have a Women's Association too though, once we can round up enough candidates…Sadly I think Ryou was serious in that letter he sent to me about hooking up with…Jounouchi…EW. Actually yes I permit you to set them up on a date…Dear god, I would let my hikari be with ANYONE but that damn…flea bitten DOG.

Heh….CHEESE WHIZ! That's actually quite a humorous comparison! But you'd be surprised to know that the pharaoh is not ALWAYS Cheesy….Just 90 percent of the time. Which really isn't bad considered it used to be a 110 percent sort of thing. One day I will finally break him down to a point where you could ALMOST tack the word cool to him. Of course the only way to ACTUALLY call him cool is if we were to shave his head bald, but as I've spoken once before his hair re-grows, therefore, that's a near impossible feat.

Too bad the bastard can't STAY dead…and yeah I seriously think Mahaado was the pharaoh's little bitch… you know what? Egypt should make me their national HERO!

Actually I'm almost tempted to do that! Freezing his boxers would definitely be hilarity at its finest! I have to wait until I finally get Vincent's cloak back before I do that though. His damn cloak takes up much of the extra freezer space, what with everyone's Popsicle obsession hogging up most of the space and all.

So you DO have my cloak.

Uh….no?

Give me back my cloak or prepare to die.

Ack, you know you REALLY sound like Sephy too…It's creepy stop that. AH! And put that claw down! Don't kill me yet! I'll give you back your damn cloak! Just don't go all CHAOS on me okay?

You've got ten minutes, or I'll hunt you down.

Freaking A, that's not fair! How about ten minutes AFTER I finish this letter?

No.

Damn! Okay uh…Again I don't mind if you hook my hikari up with someone as long as it's not Jounouchi…dear god that would border wrong on more levels than one! Meh, Vincent is giving the "I will kill your ass dead" look, so I think I will go find his fecking cloak now…Is it just me or are these people slowly taking over my so called story? Oh my god I'm being run out by a bunch of raving lunatics!

Who are YOU to talk?

If it weren't for the fact that you have a brass/golden claw in place of a real left arm I would tell you to shut up, but I seriously don't want to know how good your left swing is…

Wise of you.

Okay, I've stalled enough. I hope I answered your questions dear! I'm glad you think I'm awesome! (Because it would be silly to think I'm not!)

Your inquiries are much appreciated (haw haw big words),

GOD.

Xxx

Leo: Yes I intend to somewhere put just about every Final Fantasy character I can think of. And plenty of others from other series! You guys will adore the premiere of Heero and Duo! Trust meh! Anyways, I hope you guys aren't getting bored with this fic, because truthfully I could probably stand to put more effort into it, these responses just kinda flow with ease. Those following along and even contributing, I LOVE YOU!