Am I Really That Big?
20 Weeks To Go
"Hey what's up?" Jo says to me as I enter her apartment.
I step into the apartment. "Not much." When Jo and I were roommates she was always complaining about my housekeeping. She might not be neat freak but she is close. Everything had a place. Especially her cloths.
"Hi Kat." A very cheerful Clove says as she bounds out of the bedroom. She starts looking under every piece of furniture. Tossing things all over. "Shit. I can't find my shoe. I look over and see a black sneaker on her foot.
"A black sneaker?"
"Yeah."
"Here." I pick it up from underneath a pair of jeans and hand it to her. She runs into the bedroom. "Bye hun." I can hear her kiss Jo. She comes out. "Bye Kat. You look great." She rubs my belly and runs out of the apartment.
"Where's Clove going?" I call to Jo.
"She's working a private party." She yells back from her bedroom.
I look at the mess in the apartment and Jo isn't coming out of the bedroom so I walk over to it and peak in. "Are you alright?" She is standing there looking stunned.
"Look at my apartment. My stuff. It's like living with the messy guy from the "Odd Couple."
"Oscar Madison."
"What?"
"Oscar Madison was the messy guy in the "Odd Couple. I have to admit Jack Klugman's Oscar on TV was messier than Walter Matthau's in the movie."
"I don't need a movie review right now. Look at this place... Yeah you're right. It's definitely TV "Odd Couple" messy."
"What happened?" I ask. "It looks like a tornado came through here."
"Worse. A hurricane... Hurricane Clove."
"Has she moved in?"
"Not fully. But you couldn't tell from the look of it." I take a deep breath and sigh as Jo continues. "We started hanging out here more and more because I couldn't stand being in her messy apartment. But now she's transformed my place." Let me take her mind off her place.
"Um...Can you look at my laptop?"
"No problem." She slips in a cd while it boots up. She types and types and types."Where's Peeta today?"
"Diving range."
She looks puzzled "There is about a foot of snow outside."
"It's an indoor range on the piers." She reads what is on the screen.
"There's your problem. You got a virus."
"That's what I thought."
"Peeta must have been on a porn site and downloaded a virus. It's not unusual."
"That he's a guy on a porn site or that a virus was downloaded?"
Jo shrugs "Both I guess."
"Listen. Don't embarrass him by bringing this up. Okay."
"Yeah okay. Why is he looking at porn. You not putting out?" She laughs.
"Oh come on. You know people go on those sites even when they are getting as much sex as they can handle. And to be honest with you... I'm putting out. It seems that all I can think about is sex. Sex when I'm in bed with him. Sex when I'm alone. Sex when I'm in the shower. For Christ's sake I have one sexy dream after another. I wake up soaked in sweat with my heart going a mile a minute."
"Pregnant woman hormones?"
"I guess so."
"AH! It was you on the porn site!" She starts laughing hysterically. "What's wrong? Peeta not putting out?" More laughter. I can feel my face blushing. It's burning up.
"Jo stop it!" I demand.
"It's okay. I've been known to visit one or two in my day."
I frown. "Just tell me you can fix the computer."
"Of course I can." She says with a giant smile. "I put a anti-virus program in. You, I mean Peeta can watch as much porn as you, I mean Peeta wants to in safety." I can't help but roll my eyes.
"Let's go shopping."
"I can't believe I'm that big."
"Sorry. But you are."
"I shouldn't be this big so fast."
"Well you are. When do you see El next?"
"One week."
"She'll check your weight and advise you I guess."
"My sonogram is also next week. I'm so excited. I can't wait to find out whether it's a boy or girl."
"What do you think you will have?"
"We both think we'll have a girl. Peeta has been convinced since day one. I started to feel that way a couple of weeks ago."
"I don't even know where to start? I need everything. I'm sick of wearing Peeta's cloths."
"You have always worn his cloths."
"Yeah, because they were loose and oversized. Not because they fit."
We go through Macy's like a typhoon. Before we know it I've bought at least one of everything. Even shoes. "I can't believe even my feet have gotten bigger. Jeez, my feet."
"Well they go with your..." I glare at her. "Uh, never mind."
"I need to look for a dress for a charity event in March. I'll be this big." I put my hand in front of me. "No maybe this big." I move my hand a little further out.
We look and look and look. We see nothing. "Let's go."
"Hey, your fashion shoot is scheduled just before the charity event. I think they'll let you borrow something for it."
"That's a good idea. I'll call Effie." I can't believe I just said that. But she has been nice to me since I got pregnant. I guess she has given me a reprieve until I give birth. "Let's eat."
We stop in for lunch at a small restaurant near Herald Square. It's crowded and our shopping bags make it even more difficult to move around "Sorry, excuse me, sorry, excuse me, sorry, excuse me." I say as we try to get around everyone in this restaurant. I get a nasty look from a woman.
"Hey what are you looking at? She's pregnant." Jo says to the woman with a snarl thrown in for good measure.
"Here's your menus." The waitress drops them on our table and walks away.
"We seem to have come at a bad time." Jo says. We open the menu. She closes hers. "Tell me about the apartments you saw."
"No elevator, rats, too small, one bedroom, too expensive, too much subway, not enough boobs, murder scene."
"Let me hear about the boobs and the murder scene."
"I investigated a murder in the apartment and ... well you know... that's too creepy." I say shivering my body.
"Pansy. What's wrong? You afraid of ghosts?" She stares at me. I don't answer.
"And the other one thought Madge and I were a couple." Jo starts to laugh.
"Madge?"
"She was actually doing very well until I opened my trap. I should have signed the lease before bringing up Peeta."
"See. I told you. You have to be creative and sneaky. You want me and Clove to rent that one and sublet it back to you guys?"
I shake my head thinking, maybe. "Nah. That's okay. What are you having?"
"Fruit salad." She says.
"That doesn't sound like you." I say to Jo.
"I'm trying to set a good example for you." My first instinct is to have the cheeseburger deluxe platter and a non-diet soda.
"Yeah you're right." The waitress comes over. "We'll both have the fruit salad. And two ice teas." Jo looks at me. "Unsweetened please." The waitress snaps her gum, takes the menus and walks off. "I can't believe you're getting me to eat rabbit food."
"Actually rabbit food would be vegetables not fruit." I glare at the skinny bitch.
"When you're right you're right." I change the subject. "So, what are you going to do about Clove and your apartment?"
"I don't know."
"You could always clean it yourself." I say.
"Clove is my girlfriend. Not my daughter. I shouldn't have to clean up after her." She shoots back.
"Try and change her. You changed my cleaning habits."
"You were a little untidy. That was easy. Plus you were young. She's a grown woman."
"Well, you do love her."
She relaxes her face and looks away "Yeah." I can see a tear sneaking out of the corner of her eye.
"Alright. A different question. Are you in-love with her?"
She shakes her head no. I'm kind of sad to hear this. They make a cute couple. "Yes. I'm in-love with her." My eyes get wide.
"You're sending mixed messages Jo."
"I'm sorry. My heart and mind are in conflict. I have a lot of thinking to do."
"I know Clove loves you but is she in-love with you?" She looks up. I don't think she ever thought of it. "I don't know. I never asked. If I were to guess I'd say yes."
"Well you're right. You have some thinking to do." I hope it works out for them. They make a cute couple. And I want Jo to be happy. Because under that wise cracking sarcastic façade is a sweet and loyal friend.
