A/N: Wow! I can't believe this story has reached 1,000+ reviews! That's well-worth celebrating. Thank you to all of you who've helped this little story reach such a milestone!
Furthermore, thanks to CutieAnimeGirl19 for getting the 1,000th review! And special kudos to Mrs HH, who tried to get it first, LOL. ;)
I had a challenge to present to you all with this chapter, but we reached that bench mark before this chapter could get up. My plan was to ask whoever the 1,000th reviewer was to send me a pompt for an SSHG one-shot. I'm waiting on hearing back from that reviewer if she's interested, but since Mrs HH was also super close to getting it, I have a prompt from her all ready to go. I'll try to have it up in the coming weeks.
Perhaps if this story hits another milestone, I'll try for this prompt exercise again, if anyone's interested. On we go...
Note: You can also find the second half of this chapter on my LiveJournal account (accessible from my Profile.)
Many thanks to my wonderful beta reader, Brittny.
Disclaimer: Harry Potter is copyrighted to and belongs to JK Rowling. I'm just playing in her sandbox.
Chapter 45: Shifts and Changes
"Of course they want me to pay, Hermione. You didn't really expect me to weasel my way out of this, did you?"
Hermione glared at Severus over her copy of the latest Daily Prophet. "It's nice to see you in such high spirits about all this."
Severus rolled his eyes dramatically and shifted against his pillows. Hermione enjoyed seeing more color in his cheeks for a change. He had a healthier complexion now than he had in weeks; an encouraging sign. His lips weren't as blue either and, today, he was finally off any sort of oxygen aid and breathing freely.
It had been well over a month since Severus had been admitted to St. Mungo's and progress towards recovery had been slow, but Hermione was all too happy to see Severus making any strides to focus much on the negative. A combination of tonics were starting to show signs of positive effects, his strange shifts in temperament were growing less severe, and Harry had been by a few more times to relay news to them about what was happening outside of the four walls they had occupied for weeks.
Harry informed them of several Death Eaters who had already been caught and were awaiting trial, including Lucius Malfoy. Kingsley had assembled virtually an entirely new staff in the Law Enforcement Department, which had been overrun during Lord Voldemort's reign. And there was a lively debate between the Board of Directors, Hogwarts' staff, and the Order to construct some type of memorial to commemorate all those who served in the wars, as well as those whose lives were lost.
Severus didn't say much about that. Hermione suspected he didn't think he would be included and wasn't exactly pleased when Harry told them he was making an effort to see that the wizard would make the cut. In fact, Severus wasn't all too pleased with Harry's visits in general but tolerated his former pupil's presence, nonetheless. Hermione was far too busy enjoying the fact that the two were actually on speaking terms and attempting to be cordial with one another to care about any of the lingering uneasiness.
"Look, they need someone to blame," Severus grumbled, almost sounding bored with the topic they were on. "Many Death Eaters are already locked away in Azkaban awaiting trial, yet I'm still here, roaming freely, as far as the public's concerned."
"To hell with the public!" Hermione growled with feeling. "You've been fighting for your life in here. It's not like you're lounging about, sipping Firewhisky, and playing Wizard's Chess. These people are daft idiots!"
"Everyone wants a scapegoat," Severus affirmed patiently, taking a bite of his mostly unconsumed breakfast. "The Dark Lord's gone, as is Dumbledore, and I killed the man, remember?"
"Stop it, Severus."
"What did I say?"
"I won't listen to any of your unwarranted sarcasm before noon. It's my new rule."
Severus sighed and closed his eyes. "In that case, I shall make a few of my own."
"Oh? Quit talking and eat."
"I'm not hungry," he groused, much like a stubborn child, to which Hermione couldn't help but smile.
"Yes, well, tough. You need to eat."
"No, I don't."
"It's the only way to keep up your strength, Severus."
"I'm fine, Hermione," he hissed, getting flustered. "I'm just not hungry."
"Well, you can either feed yourself now, or we can have one of the Mediwitches stick you with an IV later. Which would you prefer?"
Severus made a low, disgruntled noise and took his fork in hand, never diverting his beady eyes from Hermione as he took another small bite of his fried eggs. Hermione grinned and returned to reading the front page of the Prophet, unperturbed by Severus, who continued to surveying her unreservedly as he ate.
"Aren't you sick of this?" he whispered after a while, causing Hermione's eyes to flutter towards him.
"Pardon?"
Severus had put down his fork and pushed his tray of food away, most of which he hadn't eaten, and the tray hovered in the air nearby. "Haven't you had enough already?"
It took Hermione a moment to gather what Severus was getting at, but the guilt in his eyes was unmistakable. Hermione put down her paper and walked over to the bed. She bent down and placed a tender kiss on his forehead, hearing him sigh heavily in response, perhaps with shame; she wasn't sure, but she didn't like it one bit.
"Stop it, you," she scolded gently, taking a seat on the bed facing him with her thigh touching his. She leaned over him and brought the wizard into an embrace. "I love you. That's why I'm here."
"Hermione—"
"Don't."
The harsh lines on Severus's face sunk when she moved back to look at him. "But you didn't sign up for any of this..."
Without replying, Hermione met his mouth for a kiss, illustrating her resolve as best she could. She realized instantly how deprived she had been, and for far too long; she had missed kissing him, pined for the feel of his soft lips pressing against hers, ached for that familiar, all-consuming taste of him in her mouth. And he did as well.
Severus's eyes were weary once she withdrew, and the shame of his situation was etched all over his worn features. She tried to ignore the gravitational sadness, but it was difficult.
"What exactly did I sign up for?" she prodded in an attempt to lighten the mood. "Something unattainable, perhaps? I believe you once told me you couldn't make any promises, Severus, but that you were willing to try."
"Yes, but..."
"So, here I am, willing to try, and I'll keep trying, because I love you."
"But aren't you having second thoughts?" Severus's arms reached around to glide over her back and press her closer. "I may not ever be cured, Hermione. I... I may never get well—"
"Don't say that!" she was unable to prevent herself from snapping.
"Hermione, be reasonable."
"I am being reasonable."
"No, you're not. I may not make a full recovery. Is this who you really want to spend the rest of your life with? An old man like me who needs constant supervision? Constant taking care of? Who can't do a bloody thing for himself?"
Hermione couldn't help shaking her head, not at the prospect of the future he was picturing for her, but at how little he regarded himself, and her choice, for that matter. "Oh, for goodness' sake, Severus, you're not an old man, and you're not helpless either." She brushed her fingers through his hair and felt his head lean into her touch, his long eyelashes fluttering as she weaved her hand slowly through his tresses. "I'm here because I want to be here, love. No matter what the outcome may be, I'll still be here. I love you, and your health isn't going to change that. I'd be pretty heartless if I let that be the case."
Hermione inclined for another kiss and then moved her mouth over the man's face, kissing him lovingly—the deep bridge of his hooked nose, his long eyelashes, the ridges around his mouth—enjoying his sighs of gratitude. When she was through, Hermione brought her forehead to his and stared deep into his eyes, which were only half open and on the verge of nodding off.
"I'm not going anywhere, Severus. You can't get rid of me. You should know that by now."
"I'm not trying to," he muttered quietly. "I just..."
"What?"
"This is no kind of life... Not for someone like you."
"Someone like me? What on earth do you mean?"
"You have so much potential, Hermione," he murmured, his words starting to slur. "Please don't waste your talents..."
Hermione shook her head again. "You're infuriating, you know that?"
"I mean it."
"Yes, well, that doesn't change the fact that you're still infuriating."
"Please, Hermione," he insisted, sounding desperate; his eyes closed as he attempted to reach her. "Please listen to me... For once..."
"No, sorry, but I won't. Not now, anyway. No more of this." Hermione nudged his nose to keep him awake. "And no going to sleep yet, Mister. You have to finish this meal or else Augustus will have a fit, and so will I."
"Insufferable," he growled at her, reopening his eyes and stifling a yawn.
"And you're still a stubborn, bullheaded arse. What else is new?"
Severus lazily arched an eyebrow. "You're more bossy than usual today."
"Being around you so much, you bring it out of me, so the fault is yours."
Hermione's heart fluttered when he actually gave her a gentle, halfhearted smirk. She hadn't seen him smile much, and even if it was brief, it still warmed her to see its return. She inched the tray back in front of him and brought a slice of toast to his mouth.
"I can feed myself, you know," he reminded her with some minor irritation.
Hermione, however, snickered back. "I know you can, but I'm your Mediwitch for the time being, so you can either take the food I give you, or have me force feed it to you by shoving it down your throat. Take your pick."
"Witch."
"Git. Now eat."
Severus finally caved and allowed Hermione to feed him without any further complaints. He didn't eat everything, but Hermione was too happy to care, as he consumed more than he had in weeks, another positive sign that his prognosis might just be improving for the better.
"I'm proud of you," she whispered against his mouth, pecking him several times when he was through. "You're doing a lot better, Severus."
"Mmm. That remains to be seen."
"Oh, come off it. Don't be a downer."
"I still think you should rethink matters, Hermione."
Severus's eyelids closed and he inhaled deeply, letting her vanilla scent infiltrate his lungs. Did she know how much he enjoyed her smell; what it did to him? Her aroma was soothing and reminded him that she was there.
Always there...
"And I've already told you my decision," she continued, unawares.
"I wish I could...persuade you..." Severus yawned behind his hand and turned away from her.
"Well, you won't, so give it up already, would you? You're starting to annoy me."
"You've annoyed me from the very start," he sputtered, causing her to giggle.
"I know, and, believe me, it's a lot of fun unnerving you. It's far too easy."
"Insufferable..."
"Mmm, yes, you said that already." Hermione kissed him again, then his forehead, and proceeded to stroke his cheek as he slowly drifted away from her.
"Hermione..."
"It's all right, love. Rest. I'll be here when you wake up."
"Thank you..."
"No thanking me, remember?"
"Oh... Right..."
"Go to sleep."
Before falling asleep at last, Severus mumbled a very soft "I love you," that made Hermione freeze. It still wasn't a phrase he said too frequently, and hearing it now squeezed and constricted her chest. It was immensely gratifying, and often unexpected whenever it came. She pecked his cheek and nuzzled against his face, not ready to pull away.
"I love you more."
Hermione wasn't sure how long she stayed in that position, hugging Severus as he quietly dozed in her arms, but eventually she moved away to watch him sleep. Then someone else addressed her, and it was a voice she hadn't heard in a very long time. It nearly catapulted her off of Severus's bed, and she turned to the open doorway, where the outline of a redheaded young man came into view.
"Ron!" Hermione breathed, hardly able to believe her eyes. She instantly lowered her voice. "What are you doing here?"
Hermione gawked for a long while at the sight before her. In her wildest dreams, she never would have expected Ron to make an appearance, and had chalked it up to him being too wounded over learning the truth about her feelings for someone else to face her. And yet, here he was, standing by the door—albeit very awkwardly—and forcing a smile across his freckled face that was reminiscent of the boy she once adored.
Gradually, Hermione found her footing and stood up, progressing quietly across the room to greet him with a strained sort of hug; not the warm embrace they had once shared as close friends.
"Erm, sorry, is this a bad time?" he whispered, his blue eyes darting nervously from Hermione to the sleeping professor and back again.
"Oh! Um, well, he just fell asleep..."
Hermione couldn't even begin to unravel how uncomfortable this was. Discussing Severus with Harry was a walk in the park compared to trying to breach this same topic of conversation with Ron. She painfully spoke through her uneasiness whilst Ron's timid eyes darted all about the room, except for Severus's bed.
"It really isn't a good time, Ron. I don't want him to wake up. He needs to rest."
"Could we maybe go somewhere else then and talk?" Seeing the skepticism marring Hermione's face, he added, "I won't keep you long, I promise. I just... Well, I haven't seen you in a while, and I'd really like to catch up. We haven't spoken since..."
Hermione let out a prolonged sigh. "Yes, I - I know. It's been too long."
"So, what do you say?"
"Um..."
"He'll be all right for a couple minutes by himself, won't he?" Ron raised an eyebrow. "He's just sleeping, 'Mione. And there's an Auror outside the door here."
"I really don't want to leave him alone, Ron. In light of all the recent threats..." She took in a deep breath to keep herself calm; Ron simply didn't understand, that was all, and likely wouldn't if she tried to explain further. "I don't want to leave the hospital, if that's what you're thinking. I can't, Ron."
"Erm, all right," he nodded towards a few abandoned chairs in the hallway not far from Severus's room. "How 'bout there then?"
Hermione wanted to protest again but didn't have the heart to. She knew this conversation had been coming, and that she owed it to Ron just as she did to Harry, but it had crept up on her without warning, and now she felt entirely ill-prepared for any sort of a confrontation. Harry's warning about how peeved Ron was rang in Hermione's ears as she took a seat, followed closely by Ron, who shifted and grunted, trying to make himself more comfortable; or less nervous, more like.
"How are you?" she asked in an attempt to break the ice.
"I'm all right," he grumbled unconvincingly. "It... It's been hard."
Hermione noted how terribly sad the chap looked. She yearned to reach out to him with another hug but questioned whether or not that would be appropriate, or even what he wanted. Instead, she gently patted Ron's shoulder and offered him a sympathetic ear.
"I'm so sorry about Fred. It's still really hard to believe he's gone..."
The frown on Ron's face deepened. "Yeah, I - I know."
"How's everyone holding up?"
"Not well. Dad doesn't say much, Mum cries at every whim, Percy keeps having nightmares about Fred's last moments, and George... Well, he's taking it the hardest. He doesn't speak to anyone. He spends most of the day in his room. Mum can barely get him to come downstairs for meals. We're all just miserable right now. It's been trying on everyone..."
Hermione felt her eyes brewing with tears, heartbroken over the Weasley family's loss. "Oh, Ron, I'm so sorry..."
Ron kept his eyes glued on the floor and scuffed his shoes. "I just keep thinking I'm going to wake up and he'll be here, you know? That him and George will come barreling down the stairs to show me their latest inventions, or Apparate and Disapparate on Mum, just to scare the pants off of her, or come up behind me and crack a joke at my expense. The house is really quiet without Fred. Without the pair of them, the laughter, it... It's gone."
Hermione was struck down by Ron's forlorn words, unsure of what comfort she could provide her friend; and to her, he was still her friend. She could only hope he wasn't too mad at her now to consider her the same.
Hermione glided her hand down from Ron's shoulder to take his hand, feeling him squeeze back appreciatively. She hadn't realized that he was also on the verge of tears, too, and that was awfully trying to see.
"I'm sorry I haven't been there for you..."
Ron's mouth twitched. "Don't be. You have, erm, your own priorities right now."
"Yes, well..." Hermione hesitated between bringing the touchy subject up and just waiting for Ron to address it first. Evidently, he was finding it difficult, so she hastily resolved to be as straightforward as possible. "This is where I need to be, Ron. I - I hope you can understand that. Maybe eventually, if not now. Please know it's not that I don't care about what you're going through, because I do. I wish I could be in two places at once..."
"Too bad you can't use that Time-Turner," he returned with a faint grin. "That'd make it a lot more convenient."
Hermione willingly laughed, grateful for the break in the tension. She took in a calculated breath, ready to get out what needed to be said that she had been avoiding telling him for far too long.
"Ron, you're my friend, and I want to be honest with you. I haven't been, and I'm sorry for that. I didn't know how to tell either of you, and I knew you and Harry would be shocked and furious with me, so I shied away from telling the truth. I don't want to do that anymore."
Inhaling another sharp breath, Hermione reached for the words that were on the tip of her tongue. "I'm in love with him, Ron. I've loved him for a really long time. For a while, I was confused and didn't know for sure, but it's never been more clear to me than now. We've been together—secretly—for over a year, and I'm sick of hiding our relationship. I'm tired of not being open and honest about my feelings, which is why I'm telling you this now."
Ron didn't speak for some time—too long to Hermione—which made her increasingly apprehensive about what his reaction might be once it finally came. She would have loved to use Legilimency to decipher what he was thinking. Whatever it was, however, she suspected it wasn't positive.
"Snape..." He sounded both awestruck and abhorred just saying the man's name. "You... You're in love with him? With Snape?"
Hermione willed herself to remain calm. It was just the sort of doubtfulness and ill-favorable response she anticipated, and she braced herself for the worst.
"Yes... I love him, Ron, and he loves me."
"But - But how?"
Hermione bit her lip. "During all those months in detention, I... I got to know him. He opened up to me; we talked a lot and became well acquainted with each other. Things sort of progressed from there. It was just a natural feeling that grew between us..."
"I... I still don't understand," he replied, disgruntled, his brow furrowing at the idea.
"It was a gradual process, Ron. I never expected it to turn into what it's become, and neither did he. It took Severus a long time to open up to me—"
"Severus?" Ron repeated, his blue eyes gazing at her in amazement.
Hermione willed herself to remain unfazed. "Yes... I've called him that for a while. As I was saying, I've always suspected that he wasn't all bad. You and Harry know this; I know you can recall moments when we disagreed about Severus's intentions. But the longer my detention sessions went on, the less suspicious I became about him, because I got to know him, and he's terribly misunderstood, Ron. He... He's a good person at heart and that's who I fell in love with."
Ron scrunched up his nose, still having trouble accepting the whole truth. "So, when you were serving detentions with him, you were..."
"No, Ron, not like that. It wasn't until the second half of term that we both acknowledged that we had feelings for each other, but nothing like that ever happened while we were at school."
Ron's eyes flickered unnaturally. "Have you... And Snape..."
Hermione's stomach started doing flips. That question was not one she was prepared to answer, and her cheeks turned scarlet. She instantly removed her hand from his.
"Ron... That's really none of your business."
"Isn't it?" he squabbled, narrowing his now fierce eyes at her.
"No, it's not."
"I don't have the right to ask, particularly when you were dating me during our sixth year?"
Hermione recoiled in her chair. "No, you don't, because I just told you nothing happened while we were at school." Her cheeks were now on fire, but she pushed through the awkwardness and kept going. "I... I didn't realize how I felt about him at first when you and I got together; I was still very confused then. But that was partly why I broke it off between us—"
"So, all that talk about being there for Harry, that was a lie?"
Hermione could see his face starting to change and reared further back. "No, it wasn't. It was an exaggeration, yes, but I wasn't sure what would happen with Severus. I didn't know—"
"You led me on," he whispered with low, heated contempt that set her on edge.
"Ron, I honestly never meant to hurt you. That's why I broke up with you. I was conflicted. Would you have rather us carried on and gotten serious before I broke it off? In the back of my mind, I think I already knew how I felt; I just didn't acknowledge it at the time. It was never my intention to hurt you—"
"Yeah, well, so much for that!"
Hermione's eyes fell. "I'm sorry for hurting you, Ron. I truly am."
"So, when you were giving me all that flack about dating Lavender for a while... That was a lie, too?"
"I... I'm sorry for giving you a hard time; I shouldn't have. That was all wrong of me. But that wasn't a lie, Ron. I did have feelings for you then."
"Before you started detentions with the greasy git—"
"Ron—"
"And lied to all of us!"
"Ron, what would you have liked me to say? 'Oh, hey, I have feelings for Professor Snape, the man you and Harry despise more than anyone'?"
Ron snorted. "Yeah, no."
"Then tell me what you'd have liked me to say? Tell me what would have made learning my secret easier for you to stomach?"
Ron met her eyes again, now filled with hurt and rejection. It made Hermione's insides churn with guilt.
"I wish you'd never led me on to believe that I might stand a chance with you. When we were looking for Horcruxes, why the hell would you lead me on like that? Especially if you had feelings for him?"
"Ron, I never made any promises to you—"
"You asked me to be patient with you! To give you time!"
"Severus had disappeared by then, Ron! I hadn't seen him in nearly six months by that point! I thought it was over between us; I never expected to see him again after... After what happened."
"Should I pity you?" Ron spat, his hands balling into fists on top of his thighs.
"I was showing my reservations about you even then, Ron. Don't deny it. How many times did I actually let you touch me or kiss me without shying away? Two? Maybe three times in all those months? No offense, but shouldn't that have been an indication to you that maybe I wasn't that interested?"
"Are you actually blaming me?"
Hermione sighed heavily. "I'm sorry, no, I'm not. I just... I thought you knew? I thought you were aware that I never made any promises that we would start something up again? Because I didn't, Ron. I never promised you we'd get back together."
Ron shot forward in his chair, and his beet red face was inches from hers. Hermione startled and drew back, alarmed.
"How dare you!"
"Ron, please—"
"How can you love him? How? After everything he did! Knowing the kind of man that he is! It's appalling, 'Mione! It's absolutely disgusting! What the hell are you thinking?"
Hermione's eyes darted about the bustling hallway. Though the place was crowded and busy, several Healers were now staring or peering over with curiosity, including the Auror standing outside Severus's door, undoubtedly overhearing parts of their heated argument.
Hermione quickly shifted her eyes and spoke in a hushed voice, "He's not what you think he is, Ron! I would have thought—after seeing his memories for yourself—that you'd have accepted the truth."
"He killed Dumbledore, 'Mione! None of that changes the fact that he killed him!"
"He did so because Dumbledore asked him to, Ron!"
"And you're just going to accept that?" Ron's eyes expanded, as if she had sprouted several heads. "How can you love someone like that, 'Mione? What's happened to you?"
Hermione's eyes narrowed and her mouth curled into a snarl. She could feel the temperature rising in the center of her chest, and she gripped the sides of her chair to keep from smacking Ron across the face.
"You don't know him, Ron! You haven't a clue! How dare you make such assumptions about him and my choice to be with him! Especially without knowing all the facts! Don't talk about him like he's tainted or bad, because he isn't! I know who he really is! You don't!"
"I don't need to! His actions over this past year speak louder than words, 'Mione! You shouldn't be with him! It's sickening! He's ten times older than you, for Merlin's sake! What on earth do you even see in Snape, 'Mione? Seriously?"
Hermione felt like she had been struck down by a curse. It took every ounce of her composure not to run away from Ron, and not before sending a hex or two his way first. The emotional injury was horrid and difficult to bear.
"How dare you, Ron! Don't ever tell me whom I should or shouldn't fall in love with, as if I need your permission! You have no right!"
"Oh, yes, I do!" he shot back at her, moving even closer. "I'm your friend, aren't I?"
"Yes, and friends are supposed to be supportive!"
"Don't even go there! You have no right to expect me to accept this! It's wrong, 'Mione! It's just wrong!"
"How can you be so prejudiced, Ron?" Hermione's voice was unsteady, and her hands were shaking, though she wasn't aware of it. "You know the truth! You know what he did for Harry, for all of us—"
"Don't start on me about what he did for us! Have you forgotten what a bastard he was to us at school? How he treated you? Or are you so far gone now that all you see when you look at him—at that pitiful louse—is hearts and roses? It's despicable!"
"Don't you dare call him despicable, nor pitiful, Ron, because he's neither! And I haven't forgotten his past behavior! But I'll tell you something: Severus has apologized to me for the things he said and did, and I've accepted it! I've accepted him!"
"Wow... You are seriously delusional!"
"Speak for yourself!"
"I am! I'm only telling you what everyone else is thinking behind your back but doesn't have the balls to tell you! You're living in a fantasy world if you actually think your relationship with him will ever be accepted by me; or by anyone else, for that matter!"
A few tears leaked out of Hermione's eyes, and her disposition and face sunk heavily along with her heart. "You're in denial, Ron," she whispered, injured more than she could possibly express. "You're just feeling sore that it didn't work out between us, and now you want to hurt me. I won't let you make me feel guilty for loving him. I won't let you..."
"I'm not in denial!" he snarled, rounding on her in a flash. "You are! Do you actually think he's going to walk away from all of this scot-free, 'Mione? After all the shit he's pulled? He's going to pay for it! They'll lock him away where he belongs! Wait and see!"
Hermione shot to her feet and glared Ron down with all her excruciating pain and fury. She still wasn't aware of the trembles or the tears trickling down her flushed cheeks. She tried not to sob when she attempted to reply to Ron's vindictive remarks.
"How dare you! Just go!"
Ron jumped to his feet as well, giving her a deathly glare that was reminiscent of the time he took off and left her and Harry in the woods. Hermione hated to see that look again, almost as much as she despised the hurt he was putting her through now.
"Go ahead!" he baited, leaning into her and getting far too close for comfort. "Go ahead and believe that Snape's the good guy! You're the only one in this whole world who thinks so! Even Harry still holds rightful resentment for how the ugly bastard treated him! You want to continue to love and give sympathy to that filthy, conniving, despicable old son of a bitch, then be my guest! But you're on your own! You won't get any support from me or from anyone else for standing by that traitor! Not even full support from Harry! You're on your own!"
"FINE!" she shouted, losing all sense of her surroundings. "I don't care if you don't understand! I don't care if you want to remain in denial and not accept the truth about who Severus really is! I don't care if I don't have your support either! Some friend you are!"
Ron snorted abrasively. "As are you!"
"Oh, get over it, Ron! I've tried to be patient with you! I've tried to be a good friend as much as I could! All I was to you was an opportunity to ace homework assignments and get ahead academically! I never mattered to you anyhow! Why would you expect me to continue having feelings for someone who doesn't even respect me? You always mocked my intelligence! You always made fun of me! Why on earth should I love a bastard like you?"
Ron cheeks glowed and he blinked several times, trying to digest everything she had unleashed upon him. "I... I never used you," he whispered, seeing as people were now blatantly staring at the pair of them. "You weren't a doormat to me, 'Mione. Honest. And if I... If I mocked your intelligence, I was only teasing. I didn't mean it."
Hermione angled her jaw, stating acidicly, "Too little, too late."
Ron slunk back, freshly shamed and embarrassed. Finally taking notice of some of the gawking faces and hushed, excited whispers reverberating around them, Hermione cleared her throat and tried to keep her chin from wavering as she stared hard into Ron's eyes and spoke in a normal tone of voice.
"If you can't be supportive of me, if my decision offends you that much, then you have no business being here, Ron. Just go, and leave us alone."
Ron opened his mouth to speak but words escaped him. A wave of panic struck as Hermione swiftly turned on him to leave.
"'Mione!" he called after her.
Hermione paused at the doorway to Severus's room, tears streaming down her face. The look she bore was both severe and pained, and her mouth was quivering from the sobs that wanted to escape.
"I won't take this from you," she whispered, her voice filled with agony. "I won't listen to you berate me for falling in love with someone else. I won't stand by and let you degrade him to my face. You know the truth. You know now who Severus Snape is. Do with it what you like, but leave us alone."
With that, Hermione didn't wait for a reply but returned to Severus's room, trying to stifle her cries as best she could as she closed the door—shutting Ron out, possibly for good. She didn't want to wake Severus, but she was emotionally scarred and overwrought with feeling.
Heaving and crying heavily, Hermione sunk against the stone wall opposite Severus's bed, collapsing to the floor in a heap of her own sorrow and tears. She brought her knees to her chest and clung to herself, burying her face from view as she sobbed over the loss of one of her closest friends.
"Hermione? Hermione! Wake up."
Hermione felt someone tugging on her shoulder, but she was too spent to open her eyes, and her head was throbbing, rolling back and forth in protest. "No... Stop..." she half whined, half mumbled.
"Hermione, please wake up. What's wrong?"
Finally, she was jerked hard enough that her eyes shot open. "Wha - What?"
"Are you all right?" came a deep purr she recognized. "What the hell are you doing lying on the floor?"
As Hermione's eyes soaked in her familiar surroundings, she shot up from her perch against the wall at the unexpected sight of Severus, out of bed, crouched down beside her, and looking white as a sheet. He seemed to have laboriously struggled to get to her, as he was panting hard with pearls of sweat dripping from his forehead.
"What on earth— Severus!"
Severus shifted his weight to one side with some difficulty, wincing as he did so. Hermione hastily scooted onto her knees and wrapped her arms around him to keep him from tumbling backward.
"What are you doing out of bed?" she gasped, rattled to find him this way.
"I saw you lying here and was worried." He paused to draw breath. "I was trying to get your attention, but you were unresponsive. I tried calling for a Mediwitch, but no one heard me..."
More like you were ignored, Hermione reflected with an inner heartache that made her want to scream. She brought Severus as close as possible.
"I just fell asleep, that's all. I'm sorry I didn't hear you. Did you need something?"
"No. I just wanted to make sure you were all right."
Sweet man. Utterly ridiculous but adorable.
Hermione eased him against her carefully. She didn't want to think on how long it must have taken him to get to her and focused instead on getting him off the floor.
"You shouldn't have done this, Severus. C'mon, let's get you back in bed."
"How did you end up here?" he asked as she took out her wand.
"I..."
"Your eyes are red, Hermione," he insisted, skepticism outlining his harsh expression. "What's wrong?"
"It's nothing, Severus. Don't worry about me. We need to get you back in bed."
Severus continued to prod her for answers, aggravated when Hermione levitated him in order to get him to his feet; but once back in bed, he quieted down, though he continued to push her for answers.
"Why won't you tell me what's going on?" he questioned her, for probably the seventh or eighth time.
Hermione plopped down beside him and shook her head. "You're extra stubborn and annoying today, you know that? Be quiet."
"Hermione, please—"
"All right, all right. If you must know, Ron stopped by." She mumbled her response and brought the blankets up to Severus's exposed neck, hoping he hadn't heard her as she tucked him in.
"What?" His eyes narrowed. "When? What did he do?"
"Nothing, Severus. He just said some things I wish he hadn't."
Severus's face softened a little. "Why didn't you wake me?"
"You know why." She scolded him playfully with her eyes, but Severus grumbled and ignored it.
"You have my wand, remember? It's not like I could have done anything."
"Yes, well, you could still pull a thing or two without it. Don't think I don't know that."
"Maybe." He reached up and surprised her by stroking her cheek as she fiddled with situating his pillows. She stopped what she was doing and gazed down at him. "Are you all right?" he pressed, his touch exceedingly gentle.
It was just the sort of comfort she needed, and Hermione leaned into his touch, taking his hand in her own and kissing the inside of his palm. "No," she confessed sadly, "but I will be. Thank you."
He studied her for a long moment in silence. Then he traced her bottom lip with his thumb, brushing it thoughtfully.
"I suppose this is the price you pay for being with me..."
"Oh, rubbish. Don't start that, Severus. You're worth it to me. I wouldn't be here if I felt any differently."
"I don't understand you."
"You don't have to. Just accept me."
"I do..."
"Good." She bent forward and kissed his forehead. "Now go back to sleep."
"I'm tired of sleeping," he grunted and attempted to sit up, but Hermione pushed him back down with ease.
"Oh, no you don't. I can't believe you did that. That wasn't at all smart, Severus."
"You were unresponsive!" he snarled in frustration, which Hermione secretly found wonderfully endearing. "What was I supposed to do?"
Hermione smiled and brought her lips to his, kissing him tenderly for a time before addressing him again. "I'm sorry for scaring you. I guess I was more put out than I thought."
Hermione was surprised when she felt Severus ease her carefully over top of him and kiss her again, deepening it with his one hand pressing the back of her head, the other weaving around her back and easing her onto his warm, relaxed body. Hermione reacted readily, a deep ache from somewhere inside making itself known for the first time in eons.
Merlin, I've missed this, her mind kept repeating, egging her on for what she craved, what she desperately needed, until she came to her abrupt senses. Shit.
"All right, you." She reluctantly pulled back for air, as did he. His face was flushed, his breathing excited. "Not here," she tittered, to which he growled in protest.
"Why not? No one's here?"
He provoked her with a dark smile that nearly made her cave in to the suggestion. "Very tempting, Mister, but no. We're in hospital."
Severus gave her a dark look. "So?"
Hermione stifled a laugh. "Severus! One of the Healers or Augustus might—"
"They won't be back for another twenty-five minutes," he insisted, inclining his neck to kiss her again.
The more his lips touched her skin, the warmer she felt, and the more her needs grew. Hermione soon felt overwhelmed, especially once Severus's lips steadily made their way from her neck back up to her own, and of his hands, which grazed up and down her back, pressing her into his growing erection beneath the covers.
"Oh... Oh, no," she panted excitedly against his mouth before drawing back. "You're a scoundrel! Cut it out."
But Severus wasn't about to comply that easily. Grabbing her forcefully by the arms, he brought her closer and locked lips again, this time in earnest. Hermione didn't necessarily want to pull away and found the act of trying to far too difficult now. Her body had been aching for this for so long that she soon couldn't think straight.
Severus's hands slid down her back to pry her belt loose from her pants. Hermione couldn't help but laugh as he did so. This was very unlike her, and very un-Gryffindor at that. But Hermione played along, feeling freshly spontaneous.
Severus spread his legs apart, allowing Hermione to crawl in between them. She reluctantly unlocked her lips to unfasten the front of her belt. Severus watched her all the while, licking his lips greedily as she pulled down her pants and removed them, sending them to the floor somewhere next to his bed, taking a moment to check that the door was still closed.
Yes... They were very much alone.
Giving him a wry smile, Hermione crawled to him for another long, ravenous kiss. His hands scrunched her curls, his body inclining forward for more from her mouth, for more from her.
Whipping out her wand haphazardly while continuing to explore Severus's lips, Hermione locked the door with a backward flick of her wrist. "This probably isn't a good idea," she cautioned against his mouth, but only half-heartedly.
As she expected, Severus ignored her warning entirely. Hermione was now straddling his lap, her head falling back as he proceeded to nip and peck at her neck again.
"Mmm, we...should...stop, Severus," she tried one last time, to which he chuckled against her collarbone.
"That's not very convincing."
"Git."
He lightly bit her neck, causing her to jerk and laugh, before continuing his exploration of her every curve with his mouth. Hermione bent her head to watch his large hands keenly exploring her body, massaging her breasts, her abdomen, her warm, inner thighs...
Hermione responded with low, soft moans of pleasure, and when one of Severus's hands finally wove between her legs, she bit hard on her lip to keep from making an audible noise. Severus's fingers reached inside her knickers, rubbing at her nub and canal simultaneously, teasing her as only he could.
"Severus..." she groaned, smiling down at him. "Oh, god... S - Stop..."
"You'll have to do much better than that," he hissed back, smirking up at her as his two fingers slid deep inside her, causing her to gasp and tighten around him.
Hermione's head fell back, feeling herself growing wet and hotter with each mindful stroke of his fingers. "There... Yes... Oh, Merlin, yes!"
Then, like some cruel joke, Severus's fingers slipped out of her and Hermione let out a whimper, frustrated as all hell. "Stop teasing, Sev—"
"Muffling charm," he instructed, to which she blushed.
"Oh! Right. Of course..."
Severus arched an eyebrow. "I can do it if you'll lend me my wand?"
Hermione narrowed her eyes. "Nice try."
Still holding her wand in hand, she cast the incantation, silencing the room so that they could proceed, hopefully without any interruptions. This is not a smart idea. Not at all... Too bad that her desires now overpowered her intellect.
Severus started to take off her knickers when Hermione twitched nervously. "Severus... We - We could really get caught."
"Do I look like I care?"
Hermione couldn't help but smile, even if she was apprehensive. "Well, I care!"
"Don't put that away yet." He nodded to her wand, still clasped in her hand. "Contraceptive charm."
"How utterly romantic. You've thought of everything, haven't you?" Her stomach fluttered when he chuckled, his laugh soft and deep. "No wonder you were so eager to wake me up."
"I can stop if you'd like?"
"Don't even!"
"Impatient, are we?"
"You started it."
"Mmm, yes, I did..."
Hermione snickered and leaned down to kiss him. Fumbling to place her wand on the table, her hands guided his in removing her knickers, which was accomplished with some difficulty, being seated in his lap. She kicked them aside and carefully slid her hands beneath the pile of blankets, pulling them back half way to eye Severus's erection beneath his hospital gown.
Still kissing, Severus's lips smiled encouragingly against hers, which was more than enough to entice Hermione further. Pulling his hospital gown up to his waist, her curious hand reached down to find his engorged shaft, which she then gently began to stroke. His head soon fell back against the pillows and he moaned, his pleasure exotic and robust, and reached his own hand down between Hermione's legs again to fondle her appropriately, just as she did him.
It was wonderful, enticing, and warm, and Hermione welcomed this equal, synchronic pleasuring of one another, watching each other fight off their own increasing arousal as they attempted to stimulate the other. Hermione caved first, however, and clenched between Severus's fingers. It had been far too long, and she was easily overcome. She came with a pounding gasp and cry of Severus's name.
Severus soon removed his fingers and waited for Hermione to come back to her. When she did, she felt euphoric, pleased and contented, and was met with her hand still wrapped around Severus's erection.
"Hermione..."
"Yes?" she moaned, her breathing hot and heavy, matching his own.
Her eyes bore into his, dark and seductive, and found that they were practically begging her to continue. She wasn't sure if any of this was even good for him right now, but it didn't matter anymore. Seeing the burn in his eyes, she wasn't going to refuse him, and she was too far gone now herself to put an end to it.
Rather excited and lured in by his silent encouragement, and without reading his thoughts, Hermione shot him a seductive grin and moved her hand away from his hardened length to kiss him passionately. When their lips parted, she gave him a serious look over.
"I... I've never done this before..."
"It's all right," he murmured, brushing a few curls away from her reddened cheeks. "You don't have to if it makes you uncomfort—"
Hermione placed her fingers over his mouth and shook her head. Then she made a decision. Her lips made their way with care down his neck, over his Adam's apple to his collarbone. She instinctively drew the hospital gown as far up as she could to peck and lick at his exposed chest, feeling his hand touch the back of her head, easing her onward, guiding her along as her lips made their way down his front. His soft moans of encouragement were more than enough to keep her going.
She appreciated his scent, the smell of his skin, even the scars that drew across his chest, and she kissed them all attentively, giving them their proper due as her mouth moved on to his torso. She made a point of watching Severus all the while, wanting to sense and judge his reactions to her slow, steady progress.
For whatever reason, she wasn't all that nervous. Her curiosity had taken over, and she was more than a little aroused at the prospect that awaited her. She was aware of how apparently undone men could be by such a practice, and she was more than a little fascinated at the prospect of seeing Severus give himself over to her completely.
Propped up against his pillows, Severus's dark eyes watched her intently, and he shuddered at the feel of her hot breaths once her mouth reached his base. Crouched between his thighs, Hermione pecked at them, hearing his low rumble of want, of need and desire...
"Spread your legs, love," she whispered, which he did without question.
Hermione took a moment to study his length. In the past, the prospect of pleasuring a man orally like this would have made her squeamish, but now...
Merlin, yes.
Slow and deliberate, she pecked first, then licked her way from base to head, taking in the unique taste of him—a mixture of salt and masculinity—and heard an audible rumble somewhere from the back of his throat. Stroking the head with her tongue, she lovingly kissed the tip of him, shuddering at the sigh of anticipation that followed.
Taking a calculated breath, Hermione slowly took him into her mouth, immediately taken aback by how big he was. He grunted and hitched a sharp breath as she sucked and eased her way down the length of him, though not even half way before she had to pull back and try again. He struggled to remain still as she repeated the motions—kissing his tip and sucking again—and was enthralled by the power of his erection and the new noises emitting from the man she loved.
"That's it..." he moaned, and a shiver ran down her spine. "Oh, Merlin... Yes..."
Hermione moved back and forth in a calculated, deliberate pattern, each time taking him further and further into her mouth, getting used to the feel and rhythm of what she was doing. The further she delved, the more her throat spasmed, but soon she got used to the motions and found herself surprisingly turned on by watching Severus's arousing response.
"Uhhh... That's it... That's...it... Oh, god..."
Severus's hips shifted with each suck, his breathing growing heavier the further his length was encased in her mouth. There were several sighs and delicious moans of delight, of encouragement and gratification, and just as Severus became consumed, so did Hermione.
Peering up at him, she was able to witness that wonderful loss of control, and it was admittedly fascinating to behold. The blackness of Severus's eyes grew hazy, fluttering at her actions and the sheer bliss her mouth was bringing him. His hands knotted into fists, clutching at the bed sheets, desperate for something to hold onto. His chest heaved excitedly, though more strenuously the quicker she sucked him, bringing him closer and closer to climax.
Once her lips made contact with his body at last, what followed was, to Hermione, bloody fantastic. She hadn't expected it to be this much effort to take him in, and with the full length of him in her mouth, Severus pierced the room with a fiercely drawn out hiss. And the erotic sounds that followed were unlike anything Hermione had ever heard from him before. She wanted more, to see that loss of control, of Severus bending to her will and trust...
Hermione continued to glide him in and out of her mouth, and once he started buckling against her, Hermione eased his thighs apart, her fingers gently pushing against them to keep him still; but he was straining not to move, and finding it difficult not to thrust with each sensual peck, lick, and suck.
"Uhhh... Oh, god! Uhhh, god!" he cried out several times, completely helpless and lost to her.
Hermione loved it.
It was a glorious sight—Severus's tremors and excited cries of ecstasy—and Hermione became completely wrapped up in it. As her breath stalled and she pulled back to peck his tip again, she baited him softly, "Come for me, Severus," and drew him into her mouth one last time. She knew he was close.
Sure enough, as her lips met the base of him, Severus finally caved. With one forceful thrust of his thighs against her hands, his back arched and his eyes rolled back in his head before squeezing shut. He let out a torn, ferocious cry of release and came hard in her mouth, spilling down the back of her throat as she swallowed and took in the taste of him—bitter and musky and a taste that was uniquely his own.
His body withered against the sheets, his thighs slacking against her fingers. Hermione pulled back and lapped at the last of him, watching Severus succumb to and enjoy his remaining seconds of delirium. He gasped for air, sprawled before her, a few muffled words—or moans—escaping him as he drew out of his wonderful moment of euphoria.
At last, he opened his eyes, which were freshly weary, to look at her. That achingly attractive smirk that she loved resurfaced. Hermione inched her way back up to him, kissing him lovingly all the way—his torso, his chest, his scars—until she finally reached his face, where she allowed him to taste himself in her mouth.
He groaned, one that was embedded at the very back of his throat, and wrapped his arms around her. She lazily fell over top of him, enjoying their sweet, lip-locking and felt the covers draw over top of her naked frame.
They completely forgot where they were for the time being, lost in the bliss of the moment. When their mouths parted, there was an appreciation in Severus's eyes that was unmistakable, and it caused her to blush rather sheepishly.
"Hermione," he rasped, his breathing still somewhat furious.
Hermione hushed him and brushed a few damp hairs out of his eyes. "How did I do, Professor?"
Severus chuckled, making Hermione's heart skip a beat. The rosy complexion of his cheeks was warming to see.
"Outstanding, Miss Granger."
"Really?"
"Really."
"I rather enjoyed that."
Severus grunted happily and collapsed his head sideways, closing his eyes. Hermione nuzzled his cheek and then pecked him a few times, enjoying the small, contented moans he made in response.
Once his breathing evened out, he attempted to move, but Hermione quickly put a stop to that. "It's all right, Severus." His head collapsed against her hand, and she could tell without question that he was worn out. "Another time."
"That isn't fair..."
"I don't mind."
"You're a saint."
"Hardly," she snorted, kissing his drenched forehead. "I know you'll make it up to me. It's fine."
Severus exhaled deeply and mumbled against her face, "I'm sorry..."
"Don't be. It's all right, Severus."
"I can't believe you went along with that."
Hermione snickered softly. "I'm not as saintly as you think I am. And anyway, you really are a terribly bad influence, Professor."
"Mmm. Both points are true."
"Whatever. Sleep now."
"Thank you..."
Hermione wasn't surprised by how quickly Severus fell asleep, even with the weight of her on top of him. Her eyes trailed from his serene, composed face to his neck. The violent snake bites stared back at her, unforgiving and arresting. It forced a lump in the back of her throat.
How fast, in the heat of the moment, had she forgotten such horrible visualizations as those bites. Tears formed in her eyes, and she bent down to kiss them several times, as if that might magically drive them away. Severus made a noise but didn't reawaken.
Hermione brought her face to his and laid over him for a while, watching him sleep. She didn't think about Ron, or the possible loss of a friendship, or the fact that she and Severus were now very much alone in the world. This was still what she wanted—a life with him—and she would pray to have it, no matter what the consequences might yet be...
A/N #2: Reviews welcomed!
