48. 16 Weeks


The cat ragdoll that accidentally hit her in the face made her open her eyes with a groan. She didn't quite glare at her daughter but it was a close thing. April was very busy trying to roll from her back to her side, in a better mood, it seemed, than the previous night.

It was probably for the best, Effie thought, discarding her daughter's favorite toy by tossing it toward the pillow. She couldn't really afford to drift off, not when Haymitch had wandered downstairs and had left her in charge of the baby. She rolled on her side to watch April, noting the barrier of cushions and pillows lining the edge of their bed so the baby wouldn't fall.

"How is your little tummy now, sweetie?" she hummed, gently rubbing the cartoonish giraffe on April's stomach.

It had been a short night. A baby with an upset stomach was no fun and, at long last, Haymitch had brought her back to their bed in the early morning, arguing that neither of them were sleeping anyway so it wasn't like their daughter would be in any danger of getting crushed in their sleep. April had been very upset and had cried half the night until eventually giving in to slumber around six. Haymitch had been unable to shake off the headache and Effie hadn't felt so good herself so there had been no rest to be had.

April let out a sharp noise and, despite how tired Effie felt, she smiled and reached for her daughter. She carefully sat her up – something their daughter loved – making sure to hold her up so she wouldn't fall. She briefly let go from time to time, to get her used to sitting on her own. The baby let out more noises and eventually tried to grab the ragdoll that was out of her reach.

With a chuckle, Effie placed April on her chest and handed her the toy. Her daughter wasn't interested in a cuddling session, though. She wanted to suck on the ragdoll. One of her favorite activities.

Still, April was calm, lying on her stomach and Effie felt herself drift off again, lulled to sleep by the soft hair she was gently petting.

At least until a loud bang and an even louder curse echoed throughout the house.

"Haymitch?" she called, immediately sitting up, cradling April close to her chest. She couldn't control the instinctive hammering of her heart or the flight response in her brain. She stretched her neck to avoid the grabby little hands that wanted to take hold of her hair.

"Sorry! All fine!" Haymitch shouted from downstairs. "Just dropped a pan!"

She allowed herself to breathe and placed her daughter back down on the bed with shaky fingers. She made sure April was in the middle of the bed and there were pillow barriers on every side before making a quick trip to the bathroom.

"Good girl." she praised when she came back to find the baby right where she had left her – not that April could have gone far by herself. She contemplated getting dressed while Haymitch made breakfast and then give up on the thought because April was getting fussy. It was a little past her usual feeding time and their daughter must be famished. She was starving herself anyway.

"You are getting heavy." she sighed when she scooped April up, nuzzling her baby cheek with her nose, breathing in her smell. The baby laughed in apparent delight, tangling her fingers in her loose curls. That wasn't a habit Effie was fond off. Her tugs were brutal and painful and she wasn't the only one suffering from it – Snowball had learned not let himself be grabbed and Haymitch always held her at arms length when she attempted to do the same to him. "You're such a big girl now… But you will always be my baby, won't you?" She took the chirping for an approval. "I love you so much… I will never get tired of telling you that."

She rolled her eyes when she stepped in the corridor and glimpsed the open door of the not-cupboard. Getting rid of all the dirty junk in there was taking absolutely too long and she hadn't been able to step in yet but she had made some calculations and the proportions seemed good enough that she could settle her workshop in there.

It annoyed her to have been fooled by the storage space excuse for so long.

Only Haymitch.

She was careful carrying April down the stairs as always but she gagged halfway through and froze on the step, wrinkling her nose at the awful smell. The dizziness and the nausea hadn't really disappeared in the last couple of weeks but she had done a good job of hiding them from an overprotective Haymitch… They were minor inconveniences she imputed to her lack of sleep and the panic attacks she still had from time to time. This, though, was something entirely different.

The smell was… repulsive.

"Haymitch, what in Panem are you doing?" she snapped as she hurried to the kitchen, pressing her nose to April's shoulder while keeping her hand not too far from her baby's face to spare her most of the awfulness.

Haymitch frowned at her over his shoulder, clearly confused. He was standing in front of the stove, in nothing but sweatpants, cooking breakfast. The backdoor and the window over the sink were both open and she could hear the dog chasing after the geese in the backyard, fresh air was coming in but it wasn't enough to chase that smell away.

"You're okay, sweetheart?" he worried. "You look a bit green…"

She hurriedly placed April in the baby seat that had been abandoned on the table and pressed her hand to her mouth, feeling her stomach churn. He put the spatula down and turned toward her, a hand outstretched to prevent an eventual fall.

"What are you doing?" she insisted, glancing past him and to the pan in which eggs were sizzling. "Can't you tell they're off?"

"Off." he repeated. "They're not…"

To her horror, she couldn't control herself anymore. She barely had time to reach for the trash bin before she was throwing up the meager content of her stomach.

She hated being sick.

Her legs wouldn't hold her up but Haymitch's hands gently helped her down to the kitchen's floor and then rubbed her back while she threw up some more. She was mostly dry-heaving and it was an awful sensation.

And with every breath she took, all she could smell was the stench of the rotten eggs.

"Get rid of them." she hissed, trying to control the spasms of her stomach.

There were some movements behind her. She thought he had tossed the pan and its content outside because Snowball joyfully barked and the geese honked. Not that she really cared. April was crying, either picking up on the tension or upset because nobody had fed her yet… Effie was trying really hard not to be sick again.

She felt ridiculous sitting there, clutching the trash bin… And she hated that Haymitch had seen her throw up. It was as unglamorous as it got and she was determined to keep the flame alive by any mean necessary. Throwing up wasn't sexy. At all.

She sniffed pitifully when he crouched down behind her, horrified to realize she was about to start crying as well. Tears burned her eyes and no matter how firmly she told herself to get a grip, they rolled down her cheeks in fat drops.

"It's okay, sweetheart…" he said softly. One hand rubbed her back, the other settled on her shoulder. "You think you're good now?"

She wordlessly nodded, letting him tear the bin from her deadly grip. She remained there while he took care of it, mortified beyond words when she heard the garden hose. She should have at least cleaned after herself.

But on the other hand…

"Why were you cooking rotten eggs?" she accused when he came back, letting him pull her to her feet. She also let him guide her to a chair because her legs weren't that strong yet.

He took a long time to answer. He seemed a bit stunned himself and she wondered if they had all come down with something. Maybe April didn't have colic at all like they had thought. Maybe it was some bug going around or…

She watched him as he prepared a bottle for their daughter in complete silence. It was only once he sat down next to her at the table and started feeding April, leaving the baby in the baby seat, that he spoke again as if ten minutes hadn't passed since Effie's last question.

"Yeah… About that…" His voice trailed off. She couldn't quite tell what was going on with him. He looked as if someone had hit him very hard on the head. "Thing is… They weren't off."

"They must have been." she scoffed, pushing herself to her feet. "Did you smell them? I don't know how you could bear being in that room, it was…" She made a face as she angrily poured herself some coffee. Faint traces of the stench were lingering in the air and she felt a little better next to the open window. "We have a baby now, Haymitch. You have to be more careful. I am sure she could have caught food poisoning from that smell alone."

His gaze tracked her every move. "You might want to pass on that cup of coffee, sweetheart."

The mug froze halfway to her lips and she frowned with suspicion. "Why?"

Wasn't there anything edible left in the house?

"Cause the eggs weren't off?" he replied and it almost sounded like a question.

She shook her head. "You make no sense." April was done with her bottle and he placed it down on the table, automatically making sure their daughter was fine before standing up to join her near the counter. He plucked the mug from her fingers and her frown deepened. "What is going on with you?"

She was tempted to fight him for her morning coffee – because after the night she had had, she needed her morning coffee – but she didn't want to stay too close to him. She suspected her breath wasn't up to par after the throwing up incident.

"The eggs weren't off, Effie." he insisted as if it was a proper answer. Her stare was blank and he grew frustrated. He took a long gulp of her coffee – and, really, if he was trying to aggravate her he was off to a good start that day – and then rubbed his face with his free hand. "You've been dizzy. And nauseous. You're really gonna make me spell it, Princess? Cause the eggs weren't off."

It took a few seconds for the implication to set in.

Her first reaction was to scoff because it was absolutely ridiculous.

Her second one was to place a hand on her stomach.

Her third one was to lose complete control of her limbs.

He caught her and helped her back to a chair before she could properly faint. She wasn't sure she wouldn't have preferred that option rather than being forced to face what he was saying.

"It can't be." she muttered, looking up at him, forgetting all about bad breath and teeth that needed to be brushed. "We just had one."

"Four months ago." he countered flatly, dropping on the nearest chair. He ran a panicked hand through his hair. "Have you… I mean… You still don't have your…"

"If my period had come back, you would know by now, don't you think?" she hissed, angry at him for no real good reason. Aside from the fact he was the one making preposterous statements. Like the fact that she might be pregnant. She shook her head at him, eyes wide. "I can't be. It's… It's not that. Maybe there is something wrong with me. Maybe it's just a bug or…"

She didn't even finish that sentence.

She had gained some weight lately but she had put that on giving up her daily jogs. She still hadn't wandered too far from the house since the incident with the former Peacekeeper. The furthest she had gone was the Village's gates. She had been doing some exercising in front of the TV but it wasn't the same and thus she had thought…

And she had been eating a lot of chocolate, far too much chocolate. But it was so hot outside… Surely it wasn't that incredible to be craving chocolate ice-cream at odd times of day? And she had always had a weakness for Peeta's cupcake. So what if she was developing a sweet tooth?

And… Yes, she had been dizzy and nauseous, particularly in the mornings, but she had good explanations for that too, didn't she? Lack of sleep and anxiety would do that to a person.

"Maybe." he nodded, too ready to cling to that hope. "'Cause we've been careful, yeah?"

"Not all the time." she reminded him in all fairness. She pressed her hands against her face. She had been meaning to talk to Larcher about contraceptive measures a little more reliable than plain condoms. She and Haymitch hadn't been using condoms in ten years, it wasn't something that came naturally and they were often too passionate to think properly. For the most part, they had been good at remembering but… There had been lapses. "This is so not happening… I'm too old for pregnancy scare, Haymitch."

Perhaps this was all a bad dream, she told herself. She would wake up in their bed, exhausted by a night of looking after their daughter, and she would laugh it all off as a silly dream.

"How bad would it be if you were…" he hesitated after a long moment of silence. He was taking obvious pain to sound detached. She looked up at him, incredulous. He lifted both hands in a defensive gesture. "Honest question. Didn't turn out so bad the last time."

His grey eyes fell on April and he smiled. And, just like that, she could see the tension leaving him. The fear. The panic. The apprehension.

One look at April was all it took.

"How bad?" She almost laughed but it was more shock than real amusement. "One accidental pregnancy is bad enough but two? How are we going to explain this, Haymitch? Two accidental pregnancies. Two. People will think we are irresponsible." She rolled her eyes. "And do you know what? They will be right. If it was anyone else I would be lecturing them right about now!"

"So you're just worried about what everyone else is gonna say." he commented with obvious relief. "It's not about… We never talked about… Do you want another one?"

"Another one?" she repeated, feeling as if she had stepped into some weird alternate dimension. Haymitch Abernathy was asking her if she wanted a second child. Haymitch Abernathy. She knew April had changed him. She hadn't been aware just how much. "April is four months old."

He shrugged, tapping their daughter's tiny hand with his finger until she made an attempt at grabbing it. "Being close in age isn't a bad thing… What do you say, sweetheart? Do you want a baby sister? Or a baby brother?"

He sounded almost excited now.

"Haymitch…" she whispered.

She, on the other hand, sounded very afraid.

His attention immediately shifted from the baby to her. He clasped the hand she had placed on the table and squeezed her fingers.

"Look…" he said nervously. "I ain't saying that's what we were planning for but… Might not be a bad thing, yeah? Might be good. April… She's the best thing that ever happened to me…"

"To us." she corrected quietly.

He smiled at her. A real genuine happy smile. "To us. So… I ain't saying I'm not freaking out too 'cause two babies might be a little bit more than we can chew but… If you're really…"

"Pregnant." she supplied when he failed to say the word.

"Yeah." he chuckled. "If you're pregnant… I say we've got room for another kid, sweetheart."

"If I am really pregnant we are stopping at two." she warned. "Two is a good number."

And she honestly didn't want any more than that. She thought about all those District women with a gaggle of children with a shudder. She didn't want to have so many children that she would be too busy trying to take care of everyone and the household to actually enjoy being their mother. She didn't want to be like them.

She wasn't sure she could deal with two as it was. Most days, April was all she could manage.

"Yeah." he agreed. "Two's a nice number."

She rubbed her eyes. "That would make four actually."

"Peeta and Katniss are grown up. They can handle it." he smirked, bringing her hand to his lips and pressing a long kiss on it.

"We are not telling them." she declared immediately. "We are doing it by my rules, this time. We do not tell anyone until we know for sure and even then…" Her old fears were poking their ugly heads. April might have been a fluke. Nothing said this pregnancy would go as well as the previous one. "We will wait a little. Three months, at least."

Three months were a reasonable limit. Most miscarriages happened in the first trimester. All her previous ones had anyway.

"We need to find out." he decided, suddenly bolting to his feet. "Let's go to the clinic."

"Without an appointment?" she snorted. "There is no emergency and I would rather not attract attention."

He frowned. "There's an emergency. We need to know."

"Haymitch, if we rush to the clinic first thing in the morning, people are going to ask questions." she sighed. "You could get a pregnancy test from the store but they aren't one hundred percent reliable and it would be all over town by noon. The press has been after us for months… I do not want the next headlines to announce my pregnancy to Panem when we don't even know I am pregnant for sure."

She had a valid point and he couldn't dispute it. Besides how safe would it be if the news were to leak now? If one baby had been enough to tempt a man into attacking her – and she forced herself not to think about Clay, she forced herself to look at her hands and focus – what would a second pregnancy trigger?

He started pacing, clearly agitated.

April started crying and Effie picked her up without a second thought, sitting her on her knees. The baby had been growing upset when they left her line of sight lately or when they didn't answer her sharp noises, she liked them to talk to her. With Haymitch walking right in front of her, she was happy.

His eyes were resting on their daughter, thoughtful. "Let's take April for a consult. She's been sick all night…"

"She had an upset stomach… It happened before…" she frowned. "She is fine now, she doesn't need…"

"Yeah, well… They don't need to know that, right?" he insisted. "Once we're alone with Larcher, you ask for a blood test."

He looked very proud of himself for that ridiculous plan.

"I will call and make an appointment." she dismissed. "They can probably fit me in tomorrow."

If it was just a scare, she would need to see about contraception anyway. She had been on the pill before but perhaps an implant would be easier to manage with the baby taking up all her time. Except if this had put ideas in Haymitch's head and he wanted… But she dismissed that thought. Accidental pregnancies were one thing, purposefully trying to create another life…

She wasn't sure how she felt about having another baby so soon. April was so little still and it felt like she had just got her body back… However if they really wanted to have another one, they would need to start trying soon because she wasn't getting any younger and…

What was she even thinking about?

"Tomorrow!" he exclaimed before shaking his head. "Tomorrow's too long."

"You are being unreasonable." she sighed. "Tomorrow is perfectly fine."

"You don't wanna know or what?" he snapped, getting angry. "Tomorrow. You expect me to wait until tomorrow?"

She might have been a little cruel to make him wait instead of simply calling Larcher and requesting a favor but he had accepted the whole thing too calmly when she was inclined to freaking out. It was petty but it would be punishment for that.

Besides, she could live in denial a little while longer.

Two babies. How would they handle that? She silently kissed her workshop goodbye because if it was true… The new baby would need a room. Or more likely they would have to move April out of the nursery and in a room of her own. She would need to convert the study after all. She had been toying with the idea of making it a guest room but now…

How was it the house felt so small when it had been so big when it had just been the two of them?

"I expect you to make me breakfast." she countered, more unsettled than she wanted to let on. She batted her eyelashes, aiming for levity because she didn't want him to catch up on that. "Because I am famished and you wouldn't want your pregnant wife to starve now, would you?"

He glared at her, clearly sulking. "We don't know you're pregnant. You don't get the pregnant treatment until we know for sure. See how it works?"

"Very well." She let out a deep sad theatrical sigh. "Then, nothing forbids me from drinking my coffee…"

He snatched the mug away before her fingertips could so much as brush the faience.

Another part of being pregnant she hadn't missed: Haymitch making note of everything she swallowed to make sure she either got enough food or that nothing she ate would harm the baby.

"Fine." he grumbled. "But you're getting toasts and orange juice. I ain't cooking for you. You're a pain in my ass."

"Language." she chided before sitting April on the edge of the table, making sure to support her. Their daughter was drooling all over her little fist, Effie quickly wiped it off with a nearby dishcloth and popped the brand new red pacifier in her mouth instead. "Isn't your papa a funny man, April? Look at him… He's pretending to be mad at us…"

"Not at both of you. Just at you." he scowled, putting bread in the toaster and fishing butter from the fridge. He tossed it on the table and lifted the baby up, his face immediately lightening. He dropped a series of kisses on April's stomach, making her laugh out loud. Effie would never get tired of that sound. "How can I be mad at this pretty shrimp?"

The picture they made relaxed her a little.

Most of her terror when she had been pregnant with April had come from the uncertainty that they could pull this off. Be parents. Be normal people.

So far… They hadn't been too awful at it.

Well… If they excepted the thing with the Peacekeeper and her mad dash through the woods. But that was her.

Haymitch was always so good with their daughter… He would have denied it to his dying breath but he was a natural with children. And he looked so happy when he was with their baby… She could watch him take care of April forever. There was just something about him in those moments… A sort of peace she had never known he would ever be able to find. It gave her hopes she could find it too eventually.

It wasn't that April was a miracle cure to all his wounds but… She helped soothe scar tissues that had already been healing.

"What are you going to call the next one? Jellyfish?" she mocked, her voice softening with fondness.

His grey eyes were pleading when he met her gaze. "Let's go to the clinic…"

"No." she denied.

He glared. "Effie."

"Haymitch." she retorted. He rolled his eyes and propped April on his left arm to catch the bread the toaster had just spat out. He looked deeply unhappy when he placed the plate in front of her and turned to grab glasses from the cupboard. She felt a little bad. "It isn't out of spite." she whispered, staring at her toasts. "The clinic… I haven't been that far since… I just need some time."

Going back into town wasn't something that she was overjoyed about, truth be told.

He froze and then softened a little, settling back at the table next to her and sipping from the mug of coffee. April was bored and he quickly passed her the rattle before she started crying. Effie lost count of the number of times the toy fell down during breakfast. Every time one of them had to pick it up and hand it back but they didn't really mind.

"You're scared?" he asked, once they couldn't pretend to be eating anymore. They had been sitting in silence for the past ten minutes, watching their daughter delight in making a lot of annoying loud noises with the rattle.

"A little." she admitted. "Not as much as before." Not having April seemed such an absurd idea now… She couldn't even phantom how she had thought she would have been able to give her up even if it had been in the child's best interest. She was a selfish person at the core. And she loved her baby so much… No, she would never have been able to part from her. It made the prospect of being pregnant again less frightening on that front. She knew she could be a mother now. Perhaps not the classical kind but she did her best and with Haymitch there to help, it was manageable. "What about you?"

He took his time to answer, combing the blond curls on their daughter's head with his fingers. "I'm sober and I'm mostly okay. Peace is holding… It's not as scary as it was before." His lips stretched into something that looked more like a smile than one of his trademark smirks. "Can't imagine my life without April, you know. If we're gonna have another one…" He shrugged. "If there's a new baby, there's a new baby. I can live with that."

His cheeks were flushed and he looked a little uncomfortable but he seemed determined to get his point across. Even if it implied feelings.

She reached for his hand and placed her other one on April's little foot.

Her family.

She supposed they could find room for one more.


Soooo... What do you think? Is she? Isn't she? Denial is strong in this one haha. And you can bet Haymitch had a nice private freakout while cleaning out the trash bin outside XD Let me know your thoughts!