(By anonymous chick.)

"To Deputy Headmistress McGonagall and any Concerned Parties:

Due to your idiotic actions in leaving a child on a doorstep overnight, one Harry James Potter froze to death only hours after escaping the clutches of the Dark Lord Voldemort. Also, the piece of 's soul that was sealed within his scar dragged the poor child's own soul to Hell with it.
Being too weak to fend for himself in the pits of Hell, Harry's soul was torn to shreds and devoured by myself and my fellow hellhounds.

Thank you for the meal:
An Extremely Intellectual Hellhound
P.S. I can hardly wait to become acquainted with your Headmaster."