Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al.

Author's Note: I have to say, this part of this chapter remains one of my favorite pieces of this entire story, it was one of my targets, this place I longed to get Meredith to when I first set out to write this all down. Enjoy.

Chapter 21 – Alive and Kicking – Part 3 of 3

I couldn't say how long it had been since my CT scan; all I knew was that it was normal. I was whole. I was healed. Derek said it was all up to me now.

"You lift me up, don't you ever stop … I'm here with you!"

Some time ago I heard the Chief stride in via my door-swing and from that moment on I felt him all around me. He kept checking my vitals; his energy overpowered the room and I found myself shrinking inward, maybe it was too much or too real for me. We were in a holding pattern – I was waiting to come into this world again – while he was anxiously awaiting my rebirth like an expecting father.

From his visit, I learned what happened to me as he discussed my case in detail with Derek … likely as a means to calm each other more than anything else. I listened with a still heart and an open mind. I tried my best to absorb all that had happened – slowly, slowly – I let it sink in, thankfully it did not pull me under; rather I was relieved to know in advance what I was up against.

It turned out that I ended up with a basilar skull fracture from my fall against the floor when the bomb detonated in Dylan's hands. I do remember the force from that fall and if I thought about it now, it still gave me the shivers – it literally knocked me to the ground and took all I had – it became the precipice for the dream of the second chance … now more appropriately, the second chance for the dream.

I remembered a lot from the aftermath – some fact, some fiction – but one thing was for certain … I clearly remembered seeing Derek just before I slipped under. I was okay until I just wasn't. I recall Cristina and Izzie helping me with a shower; I can so clearly see the remnants of Dylan circling the drain under my feet. If I focused hard enough, I could see the red, brownish substance of a man with incredible substance wash away like he was nothing. I also swear to God I made it home that night, but I now know I never did. The brain is a fragile mystery and can be protected with illusions when injured or impaired.

A CT scan – one I clearly do not remember – performed that night revealed a bleed, a slow one, but a bleed nonetheless and from that my intracranial pressure became elevated. My condition became precarious enough that Derek assisted the Chief as he performed an angiogram of the head, which sounds scarier than it is. During the angiogram they were successfully able to clot the bleed in my head.

The vain side of me was happier than hell to hear that this was the route they chose – for an angiogram is a procedure in which the blood vessels under pressure in the brain are actually accessed via the femoral artery in the groin – which means I do not presently have a shaved head! It's serious proof that there is a God (and I'm only half kidding when I say that)!

In order for my skull to heal properly, it was decided I should be put into a barbiturate-induced coma. There is some controversy surrounding comas such as these, but in my case, it seemed to work … so a month and some unknown period later, I was all whole and healed. The time had come for them to take me off of the barbiturate drug and they apparently did that this morning. It all sounds ideal, perfect even, but here's the tricky part – and the reason why everyone is so worried at this juncture – some patients placed under drug-induced comas suffer a variety of ills only after they are pulled from their sleep-state.

One of the more serious conditions is ICU Psychosis. The condition's name is exactly that, patients of the ICU sometimes have episodes of delusion or delirium after being secluded for a period of time … they can appear confused, distant, perplexed. Episodes can be dangerous, even deadly if the delusion is "real" enough. The same risks are present for patients coming out of drug-induced comas in which they have been internally isolated and secluded from the world.

So, the differences between coma-dreams and reality can be disorienting to say the least … hell my dreams were a testament to that!

The onset of ICU Psychosis is usually sudden and frequently occurs at night. Episodes can last for a day while in ICU or even start weeks later once the patient returns home. It can be treated with medicine, but the best way to combat it is by having friends and family close by – not all at the same time – but someone trusting should be with the patient to calm and soothe them because episodes can be confusing and frightening. I sighed inwardly now, of course all of these points reminded me of my mother and how she reacted when this happened to her – usually at night, alone in her room at the home – I could cry just thinking about how lonely and scared she must be at times.

I let my mind roll back and forth over my mother now … how was she? Who was looking after her? Was she okay? Did she miss me at all?

Answers to those questions and so many more were imminent – any time now – any moment could be it. And as much as I wasn't looking forward to certain aspects of my recovery, there were some positives … Derek and his elusive plan. Because if Derek's plan was for him to stay with me; then I couldn't be happier. I just hope I'll remember to be happy about it when I finally wake up. I hope none of this is lost in translation.

"'Cause you say you'll follow through … you follow me and I follow you!"

Like Derek told my pack, I may be confused and I may not be able to discern my dreams from my reality. I know everyone will be on heightened alert – I would have to focus, hold on to my dreams and my reality, keep them in silos for now – because that fine line between the dream and chasing the dream would only become more blurred as I became more lucid.

And as much as I wanted to move on from this whole experience … I wanted my dreams too! I desperately needed my dream-memories to survive! I know I simply will not feel complete without them. The memory of Derek, as my lover and friend, the memory of Derek as my everything must survive this ordeal, because if it doesn't – if he doesn't – then it will surely change who I am.

Change was gonna come ... it was around the next corner ... it was in my next breath ... it was in me ... breathe in, breathe out ... time was almost mine again. I relaxed and focused, small pieces of my dream world ebbed away ... far and away ... and then I felt it: life.

Without warning I heard my door-swing open again and the sound cracked through my reverie like an electrical storm at the shore …

It was so loud it rocked my soul …

The crash called for me, it broke through that last barrier of my subconscious effectively waking me up and pulling me from that protective silo I had been living within …

I heard a shuffle and the door creaked shut and I was alone …

Engulfed in silence …

I heard the faint, consistent beep of my heart monitor and for the first time since I had regained that small cognitive part of myself … it wasn't the only thing I heard. I heard myself breathing! I felt my heart thump and my chest as it rose and fell with every breath. I could feel the scratchy hospital linens against my skin and under my fingertips as my hands lay at my sides. And finally – my eyes were not heavy – no longer laden with sleep and the need for repair.

I was back.

And I was 'me'.

I felt sore, like I had fallen asleep on the couch with my neck in an impossible position. I felt stiff as a board, but that light-as-a-feather feeling was gone ... a distant memory now. I could feel my fragile body as it pressed into the meager gurney. I could feel everything … and now all I had to do was dare myself to open my eyes.

And then I did it, just like that. I lifted my eyelids and opened my gateways to the world once again.

I sighed; I heard and felt myself react to that breath. A chill covered my skin and I was suddenly freezing, but I had no care for that. I was back and I was alone and as much as I wanted to see a friendly face right about now, I was secretly glad to have this cherished moment all to myself. This moment in time belonged to me, and right here and now I would bid farewell to the dream and start living again.

My dream had survived and I would keep it with me forevermore locked away until I was ready to share it. I would suffuse it to my reality and never set my sights lower than reaching for the pinnacle, the zenith once again with Derek at the mid-point of where heaven meets the earth. This second chance at the dream was mine to keep and to live.

"Oh you lead me on, till the feelings come …"

Only then did I move my eyes around the room, slowly, slowly, frame by frame. My vision was blurred and I tried to focus on the doorway in front of me. I watched with bated breath as the edges gradually became more defined. I locked my gaze on the hinges and smiled to myself – my swing, my door, my swing – momentum filled my veins, nerves, cartilage, bones, heart, soul and everything in between!

I was back.

And I was 'me'.

It was evening time; the dim overcast light offered muted and blurry shadows and I watched with interest as they danced a slow waltz along the four walls of my room. I glanced down and let my eyes roam over my body. I sent a signal from my brain … 'wiggle your toes' … it took a second and then I did it. I smiled inwardly. My throat was indeed sore; Derek was right about that … it felt raw and dry. I let saliva pool in my mouth and then swallowed; I did it again … already better.

Without moving my head, I let my eyes wander around the room some more. Against the far wall was a simple cot, the bed unmade. A set of dark blue scrubs were neatly folded and lay on top of the pillow there. A lab coat hung on the back of a chair in the corner. A pile of medical journals lay next to the bed on the floor. A vile of eye drops there too. My heart stilled, pulsed, pumped and then stopped: had Derek been sleeping here too?

My eyes drifted to the table right next to me. I spotted the edge of something bright green and familiar under a journal someone had placed there. It was a book, tattered and torn around the edges – a book I had seen before, a book I knew intimately – but hadn't seen for my own eyes in a very long time. My heart shook as I dared myself to turn my head and take hold of it, but as I did … my door-swing swung open … and the world and my heart stopped again.

Derek stood in the doorway in front of me and gasped. His energy instantly took over the space around us. We were frozen in time, for I had been in this precise moment before! I locked my gaze with his as he stood in the doorway now as if not one minute had passed since the last time I truly saw him … since the moment he stood in the doorway and told me about our last happy kiss. He stepped into the room and let the door creaked shut behind him, all life remained outside. It was just the two of us again.

"You lift me up, don't you ever stop, I'm here with you."

Fear crippled me and my mind became fuzzy with confusion. I stilled my heart. Derek was wearing the same clothing! The same jacket, the same pants … was this all part of the elaborate dream? Was I already experiencing some kind of psychosis? My heart rate spiked and suddenly a fever pricked my skin, for I was losing it! I stared at him now … he had the same expression on his handsome face as he did that night – it was one of wonder, relief and gentle kindness – it was one meant just for me.

My heart raced as he approached the bed – momentum was finally upon us – and within seconds he was there, right in front of my eyes! He stood at the side of the bed. His gaze never left mine as he gently moved the bedrail down. Tears welled in his eyes and spilled from them like a bathtub overflowing.

He sat down on the bed and took my hand in his."Meredith," he whispered, but it came out a warbled, tortured cry.

He became blurred around the edges as thick tears filled my eyes. "I'm here! It's me!" wanted to shout, but I nodded instead and only then did he crumble into pieces. He lowered his head and sobbed into his body, his forehead resting on our hands, his elbow on my hipbone. His hot tears covered our flesh; his cries of relief filled the room. I slowly moved my other hand and rested it on top of his forearm. His temperature was warm and familiar despite his jacket. Tears splattered from my eyes and ran down my face as he raised his head to find me again.

He leaned in and moved his thumbs over my flesh, soothing those tears away. Through clear eyes I watched as his gateways came to life again … they sparkled and glistened under the dim fluorescent hospital lights just for me now, just like they did in my dreams over and over and over again. His eyes scanned mine and he pressed his lips together. He was lost in the moment. I could feel the energy of his heart and soul and everything in between and only then did I realize I was back inside our bubble!

"'Cause you say you'll follow through …you follow me, and I follow you."

"Meredith," he cried again, his eyes never leaving mine. "Are you there?" he asked so softly, barely audible as if he was afraid of the answer.

I smiled all the way up to my eyes and nodded, I squeezed his hand. Relief consumed him, I watched as he melted with relief inside, tears pooling again. He cupped my face with his hand and I felt his breath breeze across my wet cheeks. His eyes scanned mine – back and forth – and I knew he was in denial, I knew he needed to know: had he done right by me? I knew he was trying to survey the damage without saying too much.

"You're okay," he reassured us both. "I promise I'm gonna tell you everything, okay," he soothed. "Don't be scared, I have you. Is your throat sore? You were intubated, I can have someone bring some ice for you now," he rambled on, leaning up to move away from me, perhaps to call someone.

But before he had a chance, I pulled him back down to me, half-grunting from my effort. I gripped his forearm tightly with my hand … holding on for dear life! Don't leave me, not yet, it's too soon my dream-lover, my buoy! I couldn't be alone, not now! I didn't want life to begin just yet either! I wanted this moment alone with him – selfishly I wanted the moment to last a little longer – before all of the bustling; the intrusion of life and the tests of my recovery began.

I wanted him. Only him. I was back. And I was 'me'.

I smiled and pushed more saliva down my throat, better still. Derek moved even closer and I got lost in the sea of his deep blue eyes. He scanned my whole face again. His familiar earthy scent wafted up and stuck to my nostrils. I took a deep breath in and tried to savor him, I ached for him … for proximity … for intimacy … I had truly missed him!

"You're beautiful Meredith," he sighed, sitting back down. "I missed your magical eyes … oh God, how I missed you, there's so much I have to tell you –" he stopped himself. "I missed you so much," he said softly again before his face became laden with uncertainty and his eyes glassed over with emotion.

I watched as he began to cry again; I brought my hands up to his face, flanking his skull, feeling his stubble-rough flesh under my fingers. I held his face in mine and locked my gaze with his trying my best to allay his fears without words. Our bubble came and housed us, if I closed my eyes it would be as if no time had passed. It was just like a dream … except it wasn't! It was just us, safe and sound and warm and lost within each other once more.

I brought his head down and he leaned into me – tempting fate, calling for destiny to come for us – I kissed his temple … 'kiss it better, actions are better than words', I silently chanted.

I let my lips linger on his warm flesh, I heard him stifle a sob, but I kept them there still, trying to soothe him in the only way I knew how. I pulled back slowly and let my action seep into his heart … silently hoping he would get my message. He took my hands into his and brought them down to the bed.

"You're gonna be fine," he confirmed again, his voice cracked wide open while I watched as he finally folded from the pressure, breaking down, resting his head on top of our hands. He trembled so fiercely the whole bed shook from his release.

I closed my eyes for a moment and listened to his cries. He was breaking my heart. I had to do something, so I opened my eyes again and straight away lifted his face in my hands. I watched his eyes quiet down as we allowed ourselves to be calmed by our mutual proximity … I took a deep breath of our air, it was still true, I simply could not get enough of this man.

I sighed inside as his soft magical eyes scanned mine for reassurance. He leaned forward and gently took my skull in his hands. There was just a millimeter of space between us now – our exhales collided with one another – twirling up and around us. We were holding each other, maneuvering through limbo together. With every passing moment another part of me woke up … time was moving again. Derek kept his eyes trained on mine as he began to speak.

"I can say anything to you, can't I?" he asked softly, his hot breath fanned my face; his eyes bore into mine. I smiled in response. "I missed your eyes Meredith, without your eyes open it was like you weren't really there, but you're here now, aren't you?" he asked wistfully. I smiled under his palms. "I want a second chance to be with you," he stated evenly and then he smiled. "But you already knew that didn't you?" he breathed through his tears and so did I; my heart went nuts over his confession. He chuckled. "You want more, don't you?" he smirked slightly. I nodded slowly, for I loved his professions. "Hmm … I've been in love with you for …ever," he declared, tears sprang from my eyes. "And yes, I can say that freely now, I'm free … we're free," he said, his nose brushing against mine, the meaning of his words began to sink in. "There's no one for me but you and we'll get there together … I promise I'll wait until you're ready, I would wait forever and a day for you," he chuckled softly with a sniffle. "But you already knew that too, didn't you?" he asked and I watched a small tear pop from the corner of his eye, it traveled down his face and collided with my fingers, I felt it under my hold and I set it free.

"You'll take me home where the magic's from …and I'll be with you."

I smiled; yes I did know all of those wonderful things. My heart rate pulsed and I felt like I should say something too, that my actions were not speaking loudly enough. But I knew it would have to be one word … one word to say it all, it would be all I had because my throat was truly on fire and I would need relief soon. But not before I let Derek know in no uncertain terms that I wanted the living dream too! I wanted him in my life and I wouldn't tolerate it any other way!

I moved his head closer to me and turned my head slightly. Derek sat back and leaned into my ear. My heart beat so wildly in my chest – thump, thump, thump – I felt like it might give out. A fever chill coursed up and down my body and I felt my skin prick in response. My mind was moving a mile a minute, millenniums into the future as I stared at Derek, locking my gaze on his, focusing … concentrating … willing myself to return a sentiment!

"Do you want to say something?" he whispered into my ear hesitantly, leaning back slightly. The warmth from his body still filled the space between us. "You can try, it might hurt … you can say anything to me Meredith," he encouraged.

I looked into his deep eyes and nodded. Derek ducked his head down so he could hear me; his eyes remained locked on mine. The world stopped again and everything was silent, still.

I heard our breathing.

I felt my heart pumping.

My heart monitor beeped on in the background. I reached up and pressed my hand over Derek's heart and he smiled. "I love you," I chanted silently, thick tears came, but I willed them away. "I'll love you until the day I die, for real," I confessed silently, his heart muscle moved under my hand – thump, thump, thump – it beat for me now, for my touch. I kept my eyes trained on his; he became fuzzy around the edges. I pushed saliva down my throat once more … almost time. "I'll love you for an eternity and beyond, I'll love you fo –"

"Forevermore," I said out loud, my voice was harsh and raspy and broken, but I said it. My waiting tears spilled from my eyes … I felt Derek's heart stop on my sentiment, skipping a full beat.

He leaned closer and grabbed my eyes with his, hovering over me for a split second before whispered into my ear. "I'll love you forevermore too, Meredith."

From there, he closed that millimeter of space between us and kissed my neck; I promptly melted inside. His lips lingered there and he pressed them into my flesh, it felt like no time had passed since he had last kissed me that way. And I knew with some work, I would be able to hold onto my precious dreams and live in the here and now with Derek. It would be hard at first, but eventually they would be fused together and become one in the same.

For now there was no doubt in Derek's mind that I had indeed heard him whilst I was "gone". One word could do that – forevermore – one word could mean the world between lovers. It was like a precious code to our souls. Derek knew that now and I too wanted the second chance for a living dream and that's all I really wanted for the moment. I wanted to calm his weary mind and soul and assure him that he did right by me.

I was back.

I was whole.

I was healed.

And I was 'me'.

And without a doubt in my mind … I still loved Derek more than ever before.

So, what's it gonna take to make a dream survive?

I suppose we're about to find out … together.

Chapter 22 to follow.

Author's Note: I did a fair amount of research for a medical condition I could Meredith in this story, should anyone feel compelled to know more, I have a complete listing of the sites I used ... where I have drawn information on skull fractures, angiograms of the head and ICU Psychosis, but as with many works of fiction, the pieces don't work unless there is some degree of suspension of disbelief ... so I can only hope the entire package intrigues you here.