To Be in Hate with You
There were many things Anne Shirley hated about Gilbert Blythe.
She hated how there were certain things he would always outdo her in. No matter how hard she tried, no matter how long studied.
She hated the way he smiled at her in such a confident and cheeky way. Almost as if he believed he would be worth her attention. Or as if he wanted to rub in that she wasn't the only one being successful in school.
She hated that he kept on being friendly towards her, when she had made clear she would hold her grudge, ignored him since years, and loathed him. It simply wasn't the point of any relationship that only one person behaved in the right way. And this person - of course - was her.
She hated it whenever he would somehow – she had no idea how – accomplish to sneak into her dreams, without her permission. It was as insidious as any common thief would be!
She hated all those gestures of his – just as picking up the rose which had fallen off her hair, or looking straight at her when reciting 'There's another, not a sister' - which gave everybody something to gossip about. Or worse – caused them to try and convince Anne that she ought to forgive him. She was sure Gilbert only did such things to infuriate her.
She hated it whenever her eyes would meet his mischievous hazel ones across the classroom, and the way they twinkled as if he wanted to tell her something. As if he believed they shared some bond which they certainly didn't.
She hated it how whenever she saw him, she was suddenly so aware of her red hair again. Actually she was not only aware of her hair, but all her irritating freckles, her far too skinny body, and everything else which was not the way it would be, if she would be divinely beautiful.
She hated the way he uttered her name. It sounded so different coming from his lips, and she didn't understand how such a thing was even possible.
Indeed, she hated his voice. How low it had suddenly grown along the years. Why should this make her feeling sheepish?
She hated the way his hair curled. It had something so untamed to it that of course it was itching every normal person to … do something about it.
She hated the way his fingers held the pen. It was far too gentle than he could really mean to.
She hated his lopsided grin. The epitome of his name.
She hated his wink.
She hated how every other girl was 'dead gone' on Gilbert and couldn't see how much there was to hate.
She hated his handwriting, and even more the fact that she would recognize it immediately.
She hated the sound of his laugh, especially then when she didn't know what it was he was laughing about.
She hated it when they shared the same thought. It was something far too intimate for her comfort.
She hated his scent. Not that Gilbert smelled in any way unpleasant, it was just too… too… too much of him in her senses. She simply shouldn't know his scent at all. It was all Miss Stacy's fault who forced them to write something on the blackboard together once.
She hated that it had been no less than Gilbert Blythe who had saved her from drowning just like Mr. Barry's dory. Why couldn't it have been anybody else? There were hundreds of other people in Avonlea, but of course it had to be him.
But most of all…
'All right! I'll never ask you to be friends again, Anne Shirley. And I don't care either!' it resounded in her mind, and stung as if dozens of tiny needles would meet her skin all over her body.
Most of all she hated waking up the morning after, realizing that she had stopped hating him long ago.
And missed the chance to let him know.
AN: Love and hate are indeed two sides of the same coin…
Verostar1221: Thank you so for saying this! You wouldn't believe that I actually wondered (more than once) what Montgomery would think of all this. I know I have my own style of writing, but I truly hope we have the same characters in our mind (and heart). (Of course! It was all the liquors fault! My lips are sealed ;))
RHrGreatness: Of cooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuurse, I will write all my 200 years long (now I finally know why you and Mario are so persistent!). You know, if you would have already been CCT in 1800 then I know the coin would have landed on the right side for Anne ^^
Guest: Thank you :)
Amybf19: Oh, I'm pretty sure Anne thought such things about Gil too sometimes! ;)
