Chapter 48
October 31, 2018
"Did you bring something?" Spencer asked.
The nights on the mountain were getting colder; everyone could tell that snow was threatening. There was a race on to see how many people they could get over the line before they were snowed in for months on end. They'd been sending out a team every other day, staggering them as loosely as they could since larger groups were easier to notice. The housing next to the clinic was filling up fast.
But tonight was Halloween and tonight Penelope was throwing her annual Day of the Dead party. As he did every year Spencer had brought Maeve's picture and a picture of a scientist or inventor he hoped was wherever they were keeping her company. He'd already told Ruth about his first love, and she had accepted that Maeve would always have a place in his heart. "It's not like we're sheltered sixteen year olds." She said. "I come with an ex-husband after all. I do understand."
Now they were heading up the stairs to Penelope and Morgan's house. "I did." She said. "Will we have to talk about it much?"
"No." He said. "Whatever makes you comfortable."
Before supper they all gathered around the altar. As they had before Penelope put down a picture of her parents and one of her cat, whom she hoped was giving them lots of loves and cuddles. Morgan put down a picture of his Dad and his enlistment papers, saying that his Dad would be proud of what he was doing. Will put down a picture of his father and some Marti Gras beads he'd found, saying that his father would cherish any memento of the city he loved so much. Spencer put down a picture of Maeve and a picture of Ada Lovelace, saying that he hoped that Maeve and the woman who wrote the first computer program were having a fascinating conversation. And finally Ruth put down a small pink and white box. "For Hannah." She said. "I don't need to give her anything. This town and all of you are all she would need to be happy."
After dinner was over and the trick-or-treaters were done for the night Spencer gathered their things and left to walk Ruth home. Once it was just them walking down the cold, crisp street he turned to her. "An empty box?" He asked. "I mean, you don't have to tell me, but…"
Ruth gave him a sad smile that was layered with something else. "I don't actually have anything to remember her by." She admitted. "How do you put hopes and dreams on an altar?"
"I'm sorry." He said. "You don't have to tell me." All of a sudden he realized what she meant. "How far along were you?"
"Nineteen weeks." She said.
"What happened?"
"Placental abruption. I never did figure out what started it. It could have been that I was still young for my age even at twenty-two or that I never did eat enough to be healthy enough or I could have had an infection. It doesn't really matter. But the Brethren practice corporal discipline on women throughout their lives, which did not help."
Spencer was very quietly furious on her behalf. "He beat you?"
"Of course, same as my father did. It wasn't until after he went to work the next morning that I realized that I was bleeding. See, his big mistake was letting me have an open internet connection."
"Oh?"
"I had joined this online social network for knitters. It had a lot of different boards on it. At first I stuck with the Brethren approved ones, but eventually I became curious about the others. I wondered what they were doing that made them so awful."
"What were they doing?"
"Nothing. Oh sure some weren't Christian, but most of them did believe in God and the Bible. They just didn't follow the correct Elders, weren't modest enough, dated, had jobs, went to school…"
"They were normal people."
"Yeah. Of course this was seven years ago, before the Brethren reached the tipping point of popularity. So there were a lot more mainstream Christians then. But I started making friends there, of all kinds. Anyway I started bleeding and all my Brethren sisters told me to pray, but my secular friends told me to get to the hospital, that something was wrong. I waited all morning but no matter how hard I prayed the bleeding and the pain kept getting worse. Finally I broke down and called 911."
By now they had reached her porch. They settled into the small swing, curling into each other's warmth. "What happened?" Spencer asked.
"I honestly don't remember, I was drugged to the gills." Ruth sighed and leaned into him. "I remember waking up to find Peter and the Pastor looming over me, furious that I had such a lack of faith. The doctor wanted me to stay the night but Peter insisted I go home for the first of what promised to be many good switchings."
Spencer swore the night was getting colder. "He beat you for having a miscarriage?"
"Of course. It was my fault, my sin that cost him his child. As I left the nurse gave me a note, to call her if I ever needed help. That was when she told me it was a girl; I never got to see the body. Peter insisted it be taken away. I always thought Hannah was a lovely name."
"It's beautiful."
"I spent the next few days being condemned by everyone for the horrible sin I must have on my soul. Problem was, I couldn't think of one. I always did exactly what I was told to do, followed every rule to the letter, never even thought about…Well, when Peter went back to work I finally logged in to that message board again. I found my mailbox full of messages from all my secular friends expressing their sorrow at my loss and offering all the support they could. They didn't question my sin; all they cared about was Hannah." Her voice broke, and for a moment she buried her face in his side.
"What did you do?"
"I went to the bible, like I always did. First verse I found was in Second Corinthians. Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. I realized that if God was anywhere he was in the hospital staff who saved my life and the secular friends who wished me nothing but comfort and support, not in the church that judged and added to my suffering. So I called that nurse and met with her and told her everything and she got me in touch with the battered women's network which led me to Berkley." She looked up at him and smiled, finally. "They said I can try again. I'd like to someday."
"I always wanted children." Spencer admitted. He was far enough past the potential date of onset of schizophrenia to make it an acceptable dream now. Just then a particularly cold wind came down off the mountain. "You should get in, it's freezing out."
They got up and she went to the door, but then she turned. "Will you stay?" She asked suddenly. "I know it's a lot but I don't want to be alone tonight." She looked around at the quiet town. "Too many ghosts out."
And they were both too haunted to be alone. "Yeah, I'll stay."
"Just to sleep." She said as she opened the door.
"All right."
That night he slept on her couch.
When the pale light was just coming over the mountains something woke him. He opened his eyes and found her standing there, a shawl wrapped over her nightdress, watching the light touch the frosted trees sliver.
He came over to look. She turned into his arms. It was the most natural thing for his lips to find hers, for her to lead him back to her bedroom.
By dawn they knew it would last.
.
Thank you all for your patience. Hopefully regular posting will resume shortly
