Hello beautiful people! So sorry for the late update! I've been kind 'eh' as of late, but the main reason is I'm particpating in GISHWHES this week Misha Collins scavenger hunt if any of you don't know. I'm loving it! So I'm SO happy I got an update done for ya'll! Thank you all so so so so much for the reviews, favs, and follows. We will be going to Asgard in the next chapter or the one after, playing with it! Love you guys!
As the evening progressed Frigga became hyper-aware of Loki's nerve sprung state, she knew full well it was the emotional states of afterbirth causing his eyes to glisten every now and then as he rocked one baby and then the other. But she also knew it was all the company, she knew her child well, the young woman with the bright red hair and her partner, excused themselves giving their goodbyes. So soon enough it was simply Farbauti and herself, "Darling," she spoke up, drawing Loki's eyes forward, "We will make our leave, I am sure your father is anxious for news, how kind your friends are to produce images he will be thrilled." she elegantly rose from the couch, leaning forward and kissing his forehead, "All four of you must rest now, once you have had time to adjust, would you consider visiting Asgard?"
"Of course mother, I would like that very much," Loki heaved a sigh, a tired smile curling his mouth.
"Perhaps you might meet your brothers soon as well, mayhap I bring them here, when you are ready that is dear. I know you are not comfortable visiting my realm," Farbauti said, rising alongside with Frigga.
"O-Of course, when I have regained some of my strength," Loki tried not to chew the inside of his mouth in a sudden wave of anxiety, it even made him shiver and he wasn't sure why.
"No rush, dear," Farbauti reiterated, "I do not wish to push you, and if you need anything, I am not too far away."
"Thank you, truly, for everything these past few weeks," Loki said, eyes burning once more.
Farbauti kissed the top of his head, deliberately on the protruding bone, "I will see you soon." he swept a large thumb over Silva's brow, "I will see all of you soon."
"You get rest too papa, it's going to be dare I say, an exhausting next few weeks," Frigga smiled, kissing Tony on the cheek.
"Sleep when babies sleep, gotcha," he smirked with a wink, he had a sneaking suspicion that Mattie's quiet nature was indeed a ruse. His periwinkle face was completely lax, thumb in mouth, every now and then making ridiculously adorable smacking noises and a contented little hum.
Loki gave his goodbyes to his parents, Bruce arrived shortly and gave the kids one more look over, and had eventually retired to bed. Loki had finally asked 'where Thor had gone off to' and Frigga had said he wished to retrieve Jane. It seemed his number one priority was to show off his niece and nephew.
It was late, sometime after midnight that Tony and Loki were lying on the bed, both children nestled between them. Tony watched Loki carefully as his ruby red eyes scanned over their babies face, running long delicate fingers over their brows, carefully threading through their dark baby fuzz. Only the soft hum of the oscillating fan was filling the air, besides their children's soft sleepy breathing.
"Hey," Tony whispered a bit worried at the seriousness in Loki's face, when he didn't seem to realize Tony was speaking, his brow scrunched, "Loki." he reached a hand over and rested it on his hip, pressing gentle circles against the sharp bone exposed ever so slightly as his t-shirt had ridden up, "You haven't said anything in over 15 minutes, what's up? And you look worried…"
"My apologies, my mind seems to wander quite often this evening," Loki sighed, "I know not what ails me…"
"You're still healing up, that's okay, why don't we put the blueberries to bed and catch some sleep while we can." Tony offered a smile.
A ghost of a smile graced Loki's pale blue lips, "I suppose that would be wise." much like the entirety of his pregnancy, a new emotion or feeling would crop up and he struggled to identify it. It was hard for Loki, who had made it a goal to hide any emotion at all these many centuries, to quite suddenly be forced to feel them all. With the two precious lives lying between him and the love of his life, he didn't know if he felt like bursting into tears or smiling till his face broke, or both.
"They'll be okay, they're in one bed to keep each other company, you need more sleep sweetheart." and as Tony said this he was easing himself off the bed, sliding one palm to support Mattie's neck and the other around his bottom. He snuffled loudly in his sleep and only fell deeper. Loki followed suit with Silva's limp limbed body tucked close to his neck, leading them both into the nursery right next to the bedroom.
"Jarvis will be keeping a sharp eye on'em they'll be fine, he's the newly appointed nanny huh?" Tony had the notion to add as he pulled the furs Farbauti provided over both children. He chuckled lightly when Silva turned on her side, ever so slightly, a chubby fist resting against Matthew's.
"Y-You did say you updated security, yes?"
"Of course I did, first thing," Tony tried not to frown.
"A-Alright, I suppose we should sleep then." he couldn't keep his eyes off his sleeping babies.
Tony snaked an arm around Loki's waist, "Come on, let's get you snug, they'll have us up in a couple hours anyway." once they were back in bed, Tony reached out and stroked the hair away from Loki's face, taking one indigo lobe between two fingers, "You sure you're feeling alright?"
"Simply tired," Loki sighed, eyes already closing, his sooty colored lashes such a beautiful contrast to his flesh.
Tony took one of his hands and intertwined their fingers, "Get some sleep, babe."
Loki tried, he really did, to allow his exhaustion to take hold and pull him down into unconsciousness, but his thoughts were swimming, darting and changing direction before he could really fathom what it was that was keeping him awake. He pushed the covers away, glancing down at Tony who, unlike himself, was completely dead to the world, dusty pink mouth parted with soft snores. He shimmied off the bed, like a cat he moved out of the room and went to the nursery. He peered down at their tiny chests rising and falling, his own, however, was hitching without control. He sat down in the rocker next to the crib, trying to even his breaths, he'd felt it ebbing on the outside of his true form, as if cautious. He knew it was the return of his glamour and he found himself fighting it. It was an all-consuming warmth and it spread like a deep breath. He took a moment to contemplate that, he was fighting it? And even as he was saying this, he could see the shimmering paleness of his other skin starting at his fingertips, he flexed both hands, watching with an increasingly panicked feeling as it tracked slowly up his arms, he could feel the change as the mounds of shockingly sensitive bone disappear. He didn't know how long he saw there, panting, heaving, it was a whimpering cry that snapped him out of it. He skimmed both sets of fingers through his dark hair, it felt somewhat wrong, to be changed now after all these weeks but he hurried to the side of the crib and Silva was staring up at him with far more intelligence than an infant should possess. Her deep, chocolate colored eyes were brimming like Loki's, bottom lip jutting out. And he knew a cry was about to burst through and he both felt utterly awful and horrified.
He just as hurriedly scooped her out of the warmth cocoon of furs, Matthew made a tiny high-pitched sigh and settled further. But even as he held Silva, she wasn't quieting, her large eyes were unblinking and wet.
"Darling, it's alright, it's mama, you're alright," and then came a horrifying through, does she not recognize me like this? And that very thought sent panic coursing through his veins, and he swallowed a tremble aching in his throat. Her cries began to grow in strength as well as her squirming body, he set her to the changing table, checking her diaper only to find it dry. He couldn't remember the time or when she'd been fed. At the moment, in his sudden panic simply couldn't remember.
He found himself in the kitchen, heating a bottle, all the while Silva shrieked and squirmed, face scrunching and delving into a deeper shade of blue, "Sweetheart, please, please, one moment." he pressed the nipple to the baby's mouth but she only shook her head and grunted, "Then what? What do you want? You don't know me do you, oh Norns, you don't know me…I frighten you…" he had a frantic need to return to his Jotunn form but he was so exhausted, still not able to accurately control his magic, and he certainly wasn't going to risk hurting any of them with uncoordinated flows of sedir. He swayed her back and forth in his arms, "Silva, what's wrong?"
He was about to ask Jarvis to alert his mate, but as soon as his mouth opened, Tony appeared at the edge of the kitchen, "Lokes, why didn't wake me up?" he rubbed at his sleep swollen eyes, "When did the," he waved hands in Loki's direction, "ya know whatever come back?"
"Just now, and that is why she is crying, she knows, I am making her cry because-because of this!" Loki felt hot, fat tears rolling down his face, and with that action Silva only screamed louder. And then they could hear the soft and sure growing cries of Matthew down the hall.
"Loki, baby, it's okay, that's not it, it's not you!" Tony was quite suddenly, very awake, "I think she's upset because you're upset, she doesn't like seeing you sad, hold on, let me get Mattie, sit tight."
Loki hadn't even realized he was crying, he wiped uselessly at his eyes, tears raining endlessly, his pale fingertips scooping away Silva's tears as well, "I'm so sorry, sorry…"
"Loki," Tony arrived with Matthew in his arms, who had quieted some, "Loki, honey, look at me," he spat firmly, Loki did, he was almost startled at how green those eyes were now, "Let's sit down, take a breath for me, can you do that?"
They both settled on the plush white couch, "Okay, let's switch," Tony marveled at how they'd already mastered the switching babies thing, "Okay, okay, Silva, darlin' what's wrong?" he rubbing circles into the baby girls' back as her cries were nearly in unison as her mother's, every time Loki's chest hitched hers' did too, "Were you upset before she started crying?"
Loki's lips were buried in Mattie's hair, eyes pinched shut but he nodded, "The change was overwhelming, I did not expect that and then she started screaming."
"I think it's safe to say, that the bonding thing is just as strong as your folks said, she's upset because you're upset. Not because of what you look like, damn Loki, she loves you, even I can feel that and I'm not magically inclined." Tony frowned, "Now take a deep breath, everything's okay."
Loki did as told, still wiping at his eyes, soon enough his cries were merely watered down huffs and then so were Silva's, "There now, see?" Tony smiled, wide palm still caressing his daughter's hiccupping back.
Loki merely nodded, brought out of his stupor with both the silence and Matthew sucking on his knuckle loudly. Loki managed not to squeak when he realized Matthew was the same pale hue, "Matthew Stark, you really must stop that."
Tony was truly laughing now, "See? What did I tell you?"
Loki bit back another cry, but this one was out of amusement, "I must admit, I feel strange, I never thought I would say that about my true form."
"I think you had some time getting used to it, nothing wrong with it, if you wanted to go blue all the time I wouldn't care."
"I'm not sure I'd be willing to do that, but I feel…conflicted…our children are clearly far more Jotunn than human…and here I am hiding my heritage, what does that teach them? What kind of Mother am I? What if they resent me later, or-or feel just as useless as I did..."
"Lokes, baby, breathe," Tony interrupted.
Loki hadn't even realized Tony had moved, until his chin was gripped firmly in Tony's strong hand, a rough thumb brushing away unrealized tears, "I'm sorry," he murmured.
"Don't apologize, you got overwhelmed, I'd say that you're warranted, hell baby, you've been crazy stressed the last few weeks. Your body alone has gone through a lot of changes. Also, your mom said you might be over emotional like you were in the beginning."
"What, she told you this but not me?" Loki groused.
Tony shrugged, "She didn't wanna bring it up just in case you weren't like that. Because she knew then you'd worry about it. But she did say you'd be anxious, moody, you're adjusting, it's normal."
Loki made a sound somewhere between a grunt and a growl, eyes falling to Matthew, "How is he already asleep again?"
Tony chuckled low and soft, "I have no idea, but I need that talent."
"Let me have her," Loki exhaled tiredly, once Silva was back in his arms, "I'm so sorry I distressed you, my darling," he was peppering kisses over her flushed and wet face. When he finally took the chance of taking her gaze, she looked relieved and sleepy again.
"You think we can get these two asleep again?" Tony smiled.
"I believe so," Loki clenched and unclenched his jaw, trying his very best to keep his emotions in check in fear of upsetting his daughter, he was brought out of his thoughts when Silva firmly gripped his thumb, eyes already drooping.
"Mattie's already gone, let's get'em back to bed, they'll be up in an hour, you're catching more Zzzs if I have to make you watch reality television just to bore the shit out of you."
"Alright, alright," Loki complied.
The new parents settled back into bed, and Tony tugged him close, raking fingertips through is hair and tickling his scalp, "Baby, if you're having a hard time, or if your brain feels like it's all over the place. Tell me, huh?"
"I simply do not know what is wrong, or I would have," Loki breathed against the flesh of Tony's throat, sleep finally beginning to take hold.
"Well I'm here, always," Tony whispered, kissing Loki's forehead.
"I know," Loki mumbled.
And just as the two were dozing the shrill and powerful cry of Silva broke the silence, a very 'I'm hungry' cry.
"I do believe that is payback for earlier," Loki grunted, pushing up from the bed.
Please review! Cupcakes for everyone!
