RVB Arrancars Meta Arc
This One Goes to Eleven!
F.I.L.S.S: (voice over) Alarm, security breach, level Alpha. All personnel report for duty. This is not a drill.
Fade in to the Reds running from Tex, and Di-Roy in a control room overlooking it.
Findor: Run!
Nirgge: Oh crap! Where is she?
Findor: I don't wanna die!
Di-Roy: Loly, we have to help them.
F.I.L.S.S: Help who?
Di-Roy: The Reds! Tex is attacking them, we have to stop her.
F.I.L.S.S: Stop Agent Texas? Oh no, absolutely not. We should never interfere with an ongoing battlefield simulation test. Our job is to observe and document.
Di-Roy: But she'll kill them.
F.I.L.S.S: Oh, that would be wonderful! What a successful test.
Cut to the Reds.
Baraggan: We need to keep moving, men. Come on, double-time. Hell I'd settle for single-time.
Findor: Maybe we should just fight. I'm afraid she's gonna start picking us off one by-
Suddenly Tex punches right through the wall and grabs him by his throat.
Findor: -one!
Tex then pulls him forward, slamming his face into the wall, then steps back and kicks it away, sandwiching Findor between the wall and a pile of crates.
Quickly Baraggan raises his shotgun and points it at Tex, but she darts forward, lifts the gun up just before he fires, then punches him in the stomach and flings him towards Nirgge. Baraggan stumbles forward as he is thrown and his helmet rams right into Nirgge's crotch, causing him to scream in pain. Suddenly, Tex barrels straight into them, crashing through a crate before flinging them into a pile of barrels, sending them scattering across the floor.
Findor emerges from the sandwich and runs for heavy armaments.
Findor: Oh man, forget this. I need to get a bigger weapon. Di-Roy, help us!
Di-Roy: How? The computer won't let me. She's mean! This place is filled with mean ladies.
Findor: Push some buttons, I don't know!
Di-Roy: Buttons!? Oh man, I love buttons! Beep bup bup boop beep bup boop.
A crate of large weapons tips over and drops them next to Findor.
Findor: Wow. That actually worked perfectly. Thanks!
Di-Roy: Great! How the heck did I do that?
Cut to Rey running into the scene. He encounters Findor.
Nirgge: (off screen) Ow!
Rey: Hey Findor, what the hell is going on in there?
Findor: You gotta help us! Do you know how to use that thing?
Rey: My sword? Fuck yeah I know how to use it. What's to understand about swish-swish-stab? It's a fuckin' sword dude, it's not a fighter jet.
Findor: Just come and help me.
In the storeroom, as Baraggan and Nirgge stagger to their feet, Tex kicks a barrel towards them. Nirgge quickly ducks down and lets the barrel hit Baraggan before getting up and firing his battle rifle, but Tex rolls forward to avoid the bullets. She then grabs Nirgge and Baraggan by their throats and smashes their heads together before knocking Baraggan away with some punches and kicks.
Nirgge opens fire again but Tex knocks his rifle away and begins pounding on him with some powerful punches before knocking him to the floor, holding onto his right leg with one hand then raising her other in a fist.
Nirgge: Wait wait wait-!
Tex strikes Nirgge really, really hard in the groin, then kicks him across the room, right into a crate. As he struggles to get up, a teleporter falls on him and he flies out the other end just as Tex knocks Baraggan aside.
Nirgge: O-ho o-ho.
Rey: (off screen) Hey Sweet Cheeks!
Tex dodges a plasma grenade that zooms past her. Cut to Rey, who pulls out his sword.
Rey: Remember me? Step away from the idiot!
Tex slowly approaches Rey and the two stand off. Findor is seen mounting himself atop a crate from afar.
Findor: Oh God, please don't let her see me.
A huge crate falls between Tex and Rey.
Di-Roy: Yes! I saved Rey! Oh wait... I saved Rey.
Rey: Di-Roy, what're you doing? You're messing up my plan with Findor. I was supposed to distract her for him.
Findor: You ratted me out, you son of a bitch!
Findor fires a rocket out, but Tex jumps aside, grabs a teleporter and flings it towards him.
Findor: Oh shit!
Findor fires another rocket but it simply goes through the teleporter and out the exit that is right next to the pile he is standing on!
Findor: Oh shit!
Findor is thrown into the air by the explosion, right into the flying teleporter and out of the other end – straight into Tex who grabs him and kicks him into Rey, sending them sprawling to the ground.
Rey: That was awesom- ow!
Cut to Di-Roy.
Di-Roy: Um, can we use turrets on her or, some explodey firey thing?
F.I.L.S.S: That would be outside the bounds of my standard safety protocols. I cannot do that.
Cut back to Baraggan, Nirgge, Findor, and Rey. They prepare themselves, while Nirgge picks up a cone to defend himself.
Nirgge: What do we do Sarge?
Baraggan: I don't know, I've never hit a girl in my life.
Findor: Yeah, I noticed. Try harder!
Nirgge: Hah!
Tex charges forward, snatches Baraggan's shotgun out of his grip, punches Rey aside and kicks Findor into another teleporter.
Findor: WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUU- (flies through a few teleporters) -UUCK!
As she turns towards Nirgge, Findor flies out the exit from the previous teleporter and into another teleporter. He exits the teleporter and knocks right into Nirgge, knocking him straight into another kick in the groin. Tex slams Nirgge onto the floor with her foot and points the shotgun right at his head.
Nirgge: Ha-how!
Findor: Oh no, Nirgge!
Nirgge: Yipe!
Tex tries to shoot Nirgge in the face with a shotgun, but it's out of ammo.
Baraggan: Private Nirgge, you should be ashamed of yourself. We've run out of ammo again! That's your responsibility!
Nirgge: Huh. I guess this is the first time my laziness has ever saved my-
Tex steps on Nirgge's chest.
Nirgge: -oof! Protect me cone!
Nirgge holds a construction cone over his face, and Tex hits him in the crotch with the shotgun, knocking him quite a distance into Findor.
Findor: Watch it!
Nirgge: You watch it.
Baraggan: You idiots, let me show you how it's done.
Tex punches Baraggan in the face and knocks him back to Findor and Nirgge.
Nirgge: Nice demonstration Sarge.
Baraggan: Ah shut up.
Findor: Hey guys, look up there.
Rey finally gets up, and sees a giant crate looming over himself and Tex.
Rey: Uhh, what? Hey Di-Roy! Remember when I said not to help me? Forget that, I need you to help me. Right now!
Di-Roy: What holds up that crate?
F.I.L.S.S: Mechanical controls are on the left side of the console.
The crate drops, Rey dives out of the way, Tex catches the crate.
Rey: I can't believe that worked! ...Aw fuck, that didn't work!
F.I.L.S.S: I knew that would not work. Agent Tex is a bit of a badass.
Tex throws the crate at the Reds and Rey.
Nirgge: We gotta get outta here!
Findor: We'll be crushed!
Rey: Don't worry guys, I got this. SWISH!
Tey splits the crate with his sword, and the two halves go to either side of the Reds, covering them in medpacks.
Nirgge: Ow! We were crushed.
Rey: Aw fuckberries. Tex, can you- oh!
Tex kicks Rey in the helmet.
Rey: Alright, you know what, that's it. Come here.
Findor: Oh thank God, thought I was a goner. Sarge, where are you?
Sarge pops up out of a pile of medpacks
Baraggan: Rrr, what happened? I feel defeated, yet inexplicably rejuvinated.
Rey swings his sword out towards Tex, making swishing noises as he does but Tex dodges each swing and strikes Rey's exposed parts. As Rey thrusts his sword out, Tex grabs his arm, twists it, and then kicks him across the room, disarming his sword in the process.
Rey: Swish-fuck! Swoosh-fah! Ah, stab- God dammit! Gah! Oh come on. O-aow, bullshit!
Rey skids across the ground, hit his head on a teleporter, flips over and then tumbles straight through it.
Nirgge: Whoa, did you see that?
Findor: How could I have missed that?
Rey emerges from a teleporter into Tex's grip, Tex grabs the sword, and the sword goes out.
Rey: What's the matter Tex, you having trouble keeping it up? Don't worry, it happens to everybody. Well, not me but...
Baraggan: That rocket launcher's one of the older models, right?
Rey: (off screen) Ow! Ow! Ahow!
Findor: Yeah.
Baraggan: That means it's got heat seeking.
Rey: (off screen) I didn't know that was there!
Baraggan: Now lock on and let her rip!
Findor: Oh right, I forgot about that.
Rey: (off screen) Ow, holy crap, you just don't know how to use it-
Rey flies through a teleporter, emerging completely black again.
Rey: -bitch! Damn it I hate this black stuff, what the hell is it?
Nirgge: There she is!
Rey: Huh?
Baraggan: Get her!
Findor: Wait, guys...
Baraggan and Nirgge start beating on Rey, but Nirgge quickly loses steam.
Rey: Ow, come on! I'm not Tex, I'm a Blue! I'm not the one you're fighting. Leave me the fuck alone!
Nirgge: (tired) Kicking's hard.
Baraggan gets Rey in a headlock and punches the top of his head a bunch.
Rey: (muffled) Why are you hitting me, I'm not Tex!
Findor: Sarge, hold on, hold on!
Baraggan: Hm?
Findor: I think that's Rey, not Tex.
Rey: See I told you!
Another punch. Rey moves away from Baraggan.
Rey: Ow, you fucker! Why'd you do that?
Baraggan: Meh, force o' habit.
Rey: Man you guys are n-ah-
Rey, staggering backwards, trips over a medpack and into Nirgge, and they end up leaning against each other on either end of a teleporter on the ground.
Nirgge: Hey, watch it- whoa-
Rey: Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa-!
Nirgge: Don't fall in the-
Tex looks at it from the adjoining teleporter.
Nirgge: Hold still, hold still, I can see her. She's right over there by the other-
Tex puts her head through the teleporter and emerges beneath Rey and Nirgge.
Nirgge: Uh oh.
Rey: Nirgge, I see her.
Tex punches Nirgge in the crotch, and he falls into the teleporter, leaving Rey off-balance.
Nirgge: What is your problem with my balls?
Rey: Whoa, who-whoa, hawhoa! Aw crap.
Rey falls through the teleporter and backs into Tex, who suplexes him and goes for the mount and starts punching him.
Rey: O-ho, wow, right into the mount, huh? O-hoa, not even gonna buy dinner? Come on, I like your style.
Findor tries to position himself to fire at Tex.
Baraggan: Findor, what're you waiting for?
Findor: They look the same, which one do I shoot?
Rey: (from afar) Ahow, shoot the one who's winning dumbass!
Nirgge: Ow.
Nirgge, cradling his balls, staggers into the line of fire
Simmons: Nirgge! Watch it!
Nirgge: Uh-huh-huh.
Tex kicks Rey forward, knocking him into Nirgge before grabbing his leg, pulling him back and punching him to the ground so hard that the black ash flies off his armor as he skids back towards Baraggan and Findor.
Rey: Ahoww, ow.
Sarge: Wow, knocked the black right off ya.
Rey: That's racist.
Baraggan: You're all clear Findor, now shoot her!
Simmons: Fire in the hole!
Findor fires at Tex, who takes off and leaps into a teleporter, flipping out the other side and then running straight towards Rey and the Reds; the missile still on her tail.
Rey: Are you fucking kidding me? Run!
Rey bumps into Baragga and Findor. Then Tex runs up and knocks all three of them down with a single punch before sliding right under Nirgge's legs. Nirgge looks up and spots the missile moving right towards him.
Nirgge: Oh God, not my ba-
The missile passes through his legs.
Nirgge: Oh thank God. I thought I was-
Nirgge turns around, just as Tex leaps into a second teleporter on the floor and the missile flies past her and towards a pile of propane tanks.
Nirgge: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKED!
As the missile hits, the tanks ignite and jet towards Rey and the Reds like mini-rockets. Nirgge is sent flying by a tank that hits him square in the groin while the others are knocked into the air by the tanks' explosions.
Meanwhile Tex rolls out the other side of the teleporter and watches as Rey, Baraggan, and Findor come crashing down to the ground. Tex then approaches a cement barricade and carefully pushes it aside and soon pushes it a few more inches. She then waits as Nirgge finally comes crashing down on top of it... crotch-first.
Nirgge: Ooaaah! Why won't you just kill me?
Skullak: Hey Tex!
As Nirgge slides off the barrier to the floor, Tex turns and starts towards the others… but then a monitor bounces off the side of her head and she turns in its direction… to see a cobalt-blue soldier standing in the doorway, holding a sniper rifle in his hands.
Skullak: How 'bout you pick on somebody your own size?
This was a enjoy one to do because Cirucci just owns them all and I love it. Please reveiw and like and more fun and action will come if I'm happy and feel like it, since no one review my work anymore.
