HAPPY NEW YEAR LOVELIES SORRY FOR BEING GONE SO LONG MY LIFE WAS ONE HELL OF A ROLLERCOASTER. But I think I can breathe a bit more easily now, so here I am writing again. I hadn't planned on not updating before the new year, actually, I was quite sure I would be able to update to wish you all a happy new year. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Um. Not the case. Because family and church and things and stuff and Jesus Christ, I couldn't have been more busy. And to top that all off, a friend had to bring her cats to me because she had no one else to babysit, so now I have two cats and I don't even know what to do with them. Lucky for me, I have the internet, so they'll hopefully be alive when she comes and picks them up again.

Anyway, talking for too long, let's get this chapter started!

**NEWSFLASH! (not really it's a disclaimer, but still) I do not own Death Note or anything related to it. I only own my original storylines and characters. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.


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53. Some Distance is Required.

Ryuzaki had the habit of staring at the ground while walking. A terribly inconvenient habit to have, you see significantly less when your head is facing downwards. But sometimes, seeing less is an advantage. Other times, seeing less it simply easier.

'You know, if I wanted to talk to you right now, you would notice,' the voice said, already preparing himself to leave.

Ryuzaki simply sighed. He wasn't supposed to do this sort of stuff, but for now he felt like he had to. 'You cheated.'

The smile on the other man's face disappeared, but Ryuzaki was staring at the bottom of the screen and didn't see. 'I did not.'

'You gave me impossible tasks,' Ryuzaki said. He always sounded so calm. But then again, he was always calm. What good would stress, anger, sadness do? He tried not to feel such emotions, ever.

A short silence, a smug smile. 'I never said you had to agree to do them. That was your idea.'

'You knew I would have to kill you to give her her memories back, so you can never not win your own challenge. If I win, you win even more so. Despicable.' Clever, Ryuzaki thought.

Now he sounded even more amused, happy almost. As if he was reliving something very, very pleasant. 'Ah yes, her memories. Hmmm. I like them. I like her, as well. Quite a lot. Especially her screaming…'

Finally Ryuzaki looked up and saw him, the exact copy of him. The embodiment of his mistakes. Not this time. Almost, almost he snapped, but he didn't want to give Beyond Birthday that pleasure. 'So that's it, then. You want to die so badly that you made it even more tempting than it was before.'

'Oh, yes,' Beyond Birthday replied. 'Because I know that's the last thing on earth you want to do, isn't it? Even just letting me die was too much for you. And the only will stronger than your will to keep me alive… is your will to keep Allison Severs unharmed and safe, is it not?'

Ryuzaki then decided that this had not been worth it. Beyond Birthday was just enjoying himself at this point and Ryuzaki refused to give him this amount of satisfaction. 'You did not want to talk to me, did you? So you can leave now.' He made a wavy hand movement.

'Oh, I will. For now. Bye, L.'

The screen went dark.

Ryuzaki sighed and took a lollipop out of his pocket. He needed more sugar if he was going to solve this problem the way he wanted to.


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'What is it?'

I walked into Watari's office without answered the question. His workplace was a bit hidden away for some reason, the last room in a corridor, close to the entrance, yes, but in a corridor no one would ever really look.

I said on the ground, since Watari was sitting on the only chair, and stared at the screens that didn't tell me much. No matter how hard Matsuda had tried, I still hadn't a perfect imagine of everything that had happened.

Watari let me sit there in silence. Maybe he hoped I would leave if he did that, maybe he had nothing interesting to say.

Light was Kira. Had been Kira? No, Light was Kira. And now he was dead. He died trying to kill me. Me. I couldn't believe I had forgotten that. I couldn't believe any of this. When Matsuda told me about the memory loss regarding the Death Note, I immediately knew what that meant for me. But then Matsuda wasn't exactly sure why I had been an owner of any of the Death Notes in the first place (he said he forgot, but I think he just never really understood), so that wasn't helping. But the thing that bothered me the most right now was that L had left me.

Matsuda was sure of that. Absolutely, one hundred percent, sure. He had gone away without me. Hadn't cared at all.

So yes, I was wrong. L didn't fancy me. We weren't a couple. L had left as soon as the case was solved and for some reason, I became entangled in the web again. Who knows why. I might have followed him, though I couldn't believe I would ever be that desperate.

So, what was the alternative? Matsuda didn't know. So maybe L had come to me after a while, after a few months. But I had quit the police force and moved, so finding me wasn't easy. Well, maybe for L it was, but for a normal person, not so much. Still, that seemed unbelievable to me somehow. L letting anyway come that close.

'Alarm, intruder, alarm, intruder, alarm intruder!' the female computer voice sudden announced and I shot up.

'What's going on?' I asked Watari, confused when he did not look scared or alarmed at all. He looked… happy. What the hell was going on?

'It's the doorbell,' he told me and I rolled my eyes. Of course. I forgot how much of a drama queen L was sometimes. Watari pointed to the cameras that showed us who was in front of the door. A boy. Small. White hair. Somewhere, somehow, I knew him.

'Near,' I whispered, no idea what I meant by it. What was near? The end? I hoped not. But then again, I wasn't psychic or anything like that, so I wasn't really worried about that.

Watari pushed a button then and talked into the microphone installed in front of the screens in his office. 'Near!' he said, which made me frown. Was it… could it be… the boy's name? 'You're here! You made it! Where… where are the others?'

Near looked directly at the camera I had been looking at and in his eyes I saw something I recognised. Something… L-like. The boy's awful posture also looked kind of L-like. And I knew right then and there that I had known this boy once. He was hidden somewhere in my lost memories.

After starting into the lens of the camera for a while, he finally opened his mouth. 'They're having a fight, sir.'


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'Matt, seriously, you have to come with me!'

'No, I don't!'

'Why? For her?! You don't even know her! Are you out of your mind?! It's not like she can't handle herself.'

'He is right, you know,' she tried to say.

'Shut up!' the two boys said at the same time.

'She can't come with us to L. We don't know him well enough! Who knows what he'll do to her! He will take away her freedom, Mello! And she won't let that happen! I won't let that happen!'

'Oh, pull yourself together, you idiot,' Mello said, rolling his eyes. 'You barely know her. And it's L we're talking about. She's really not on his list of things right now. For all he knows, A is dead. Maybe he won't even recognise her!'

Now she rolled her eyes. 'Are you really that stupid? Of course he will!'

'Fine then! But I think he'll let it slide for now!' Mello shouted back.

'How do you know that?' Matt asked. 'You don't know him!'

'And you don't know her!'

She sighed, putting a hand over her forehead. This was going to be a very, very long day.


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The boy – Near – was taken to a room by Watari, which meant that I was in his office alone. When the door finally opened again, I had no reason to assume it was anyone other than Watari. 'So, who is—' I started as I turned around, but I stopped when I saw that it was – in fact – not Watari.

'So, who is… who?' he asked me, clearly bothered by the unfinished sentence.

I decided not to answer, instead I looked at his face. Properly looked, for the first time in… well, it felt like ages, but it might not be. Maybe I had stared at him in my lost memories, too.

I could see it in his eyes when he noticed that I wasn't going to answer. I could ever see the exact moment he made the decision to just let me stare. He stared back, not with as much interest, but with an expression I couldn't comprehend. He didn't look interested, but he also didn't look bored. As if he was looking at a chair that had been there for ages and he knew it was there, but now he took the time to look at it.

'Near is here,' I decided to say then, carefully looking at his expression.

It did not change. 'I was informed, yes.'

Dammit, Watari. Why was that man so goddamn perfect at his job?

Another long stare. Then I opened my mouth again, but regretted the question I asked, simply because I did not want to know the answer. 'Did you leave after Light died?'

This time, his face changed. Only a little. The deep dark pools that were his eyes seemed to close, as if the endless darkness now that an end, simply because he did not want to show what was beyond that. He gave no answer with words, but that was more than enough. He had done it. But there just might be a part of him that was regretting that decision.

Probably because he secretly blamed himself for what happened to me.

The idiot.

I stood, kept observing him while doing so. 'Can I ask you a question?'

He thought about that for a second. 'Will you refrain from asking the question if I give a negative answer to that question?'

'No,' I honestly replied.

He sighed, but I saw the beginning of a smile on his face. It wasn't genuine enough to come all the way through, though. 'Then ask your question.'

Now there were two things I could do. Just ask the freaking question I wanted to ask, or keep it simple, keep it easy. Both seemed tempting, but I wasn't sure if I could live with the simple solution any longer. Not like this. Not when his very presence in a room confused me and my heart was trying to fly out of my chest, as if it had anywhere to go.

'L,' I asked, using his more famous alias because that felt like the right thing to do. 'Are you in—' No, those words were strong. Too strong. I didn't want to voice those feelings. Yet. 'L,' I tried again, with a bit more (but not much more) confidence this time. 'Do you like me?'


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'Why come to me?' the dark Shinigami asked.

'Because you were there, you moron,' she bit back, pushing a strand of dark hear behind her bone-like ear. She had only one ear, on the right side of her face. She liked to push her hair behind it, to show it off. Not many Shinigami had ears like she had. Well, she had one ear, but it still counted. And her ear looked… human. It kind of freaked her out sometimes, but usually, she found it cool. She always thought she was the closest thing to a human the other world had.

'Rem's eyes. I looked for them, they weren't there. Shinigami eyes are the only thing that remains after a Shinigami turns to dust. You were there, so you must know what happened to it.' The eyes of a Shinigami were not like what you'd think. They weren't actual eyes, they were a gift. A power. When a Shinigami disappeared, all that remained was the dust and a solid red flame that – if handled correctly – could give the new owner Shinigami eyes. They weren't something to just keep lying around.

The dark Shinigami smile became even wider. He was almost always smiling, the jerk, but now he smiled that smile that told her that he was finding this highly amusing. 'And suppose I did see where it went, you want me to tell you that?'

'Yes,' she answered. 'There's no other solution. My Death Note stays with me. The King will murder me if I drop it now.'

'I agree with that notion,' he answered and it was clear that he liked the idea of the King ridding the world of her.

She shivered. What a very human thing to do. 'Where are Rem's eyes, Ryuk?' she asked, now trying to threaten him. She was younger, yes, but he was an idiot. She bet she could take him on easily.

Ryuk stared back at her, almost as if he'd read her mind and agreed with her thoughts. Because then he said: 'The pale guy took it.'

Someone took them? And not Ryuk? That could be a problem. Especially considering that they could not see her and if they hid the eyes well, she would have no way of figuring out how to get them. Unless she stalked the person until they let her to it, but that could take forever and the King would notice something was going on if she just disappeared from the other world out of nowhere. If the girl had the eyes, he couldn't take them away. But if they were somewhere, not used, but hidden, he could take them no problem. And she wouldn't be able to help out at all. 'Don't play the pronoun game with me, Ryuk,' she said, sounding more hasty now that she'd realised how much there was at stake. 'Who took them?'

He looked at her, join shining in his eyes. 'L did.'


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'Of course I like you,' Ryuzaki replied, in something that sounded so professional that I wanted to stab him right then and there. Or kiss him. I hadn't decided yet.

I got out of Watari's chair. 'No,' I said, shaking my head. 'Not like that. You must know what I mean Ryuzaki.' He didn't pull away when I put my hand on his chest. My breathing became more erratic, but it wasn't so bad that it was embarrassing. Yet, anyway. 'Don't you?' I looked at him, even though I was so scared to look at his face that I almost want to cry. I didn't cry, though, for a change. I just looked at him.

I felt his fingers touching the hand that was on his chest and for a short while I thought he would take my hand in his, but then he gently put it back down my side. 'I must admit that I do understand the concept of the conversation topic,' Ryuzaki said, using more words than necessary, presumable because he liked the sound of his own voice a tiny bit too much. 'But I also have to admit that I do not think this is the correct time to have this type of conversation.'

Another change, I didn't just go with his wishes for once. 'When then?' I asked, not letting him get out of this one as easily as he usually got out of any sort of conversation with me.

Sadly enough, it didn't work. And he just petted my head before saying: 'Later.' And then he turned around and walked away from me. Again.

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Near gave Watari the name of the motel the other three were staying at with ease. He didn't tell them that A was with Mello and Matt, though, since they did not directly ask. Near found that in these kind of situation, it was best to only tell what was asked, and nothing more. Mello would be mad at him, he knew that, but well, Mello was mad most of the time, so that did not make any difference. Matt would be disappointed, but not mad. His sentiment always got the better of him. It's what saved them in the end. If A hadn't developed some kind of childish interest in Matt, she would never have sympathised enough to let them go. So he should thank human feeling in this situation, probably. He did not really want to, though. Most feelings were a weakness. If Beyond Birthday ever found her, he would kill her for her betrayal. That's what sentiment had brought her.

Near never said any of these things out loud and tried to think them only when he could not help himself. Not because he didn't agree with his thoughts, but because no one asked to hear those things. Neither did he. He only ever wanted to hear something else than the sound of screaming children and whining adult. Other sounds than machines and life. More interesting sounds.

L once told the children at Wammy's House that people who study, eat and seek friendships while not having any interest in any of those things, are monsters. But what about the people that did not study, only ate when necessary and never sought friendships, because it never interested them? Were they monsters, too? Or was that what made a true detective without flaws? Without complications?

Without Olivia Upsons?


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And done! I feel like this chapter is shorter. Is it shorter? I don't know. Writing through Near's point of view was scary, though, but I hope I did not totally fail. Anyway, I will reply to your reviews now and then sleep. Because I need sleep, yes. Also, um… I don't know how to tell you guys this… I know I have been gone for long, but January is also a really nasty month for me this year, so if there isn't an update next week, sorry. I'll try harder to update though. These days I gave priority to sleeping and watching movies, which wasn't necessary a bad decision, but not such a good one either. Anyway. Talk to you later, fireworks, see you soon!


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InsaneUnicornCupcake: Ah thank you! And I actually had been planning on getting inside Near's head, but he was even harder than I'd expected, so maybe I won't write from his POV as much as had been the plan initially. And some parts that we didn't get to see will be addressed, Near and Mello being locked up together did change the dynamic and Matt will have to get some major therapy sessions, so that will play a part. And I'm more flattered by that remark than I can say. "The Greatest Piece of Literature Ever". Wow. Jesus Christ. I think I have to sit down and process that for a while… HAHAHA OMG the Near pun at the end. You are amazing. Until next time! :D

Queen-of-Ice101: Thanks, darling! :D I like to write the Matt/A parts a lot, especially since she is so similar to me (only, like, a million times cleverer, more clever? Cleverer? Cleverer sounds smarter, going with that). And I never actually planned to do so many POV's, but when I started, I couldn't stop and now it has become a vital part of the story and everything that'll happen. Great to hear that you enjoyed it and talk to you later! :)


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