Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Harry Potter.


Dear Students,

I wish I could tell you this is a happy story about cute baby bunnies, but it's actually a new list of rules.

635. Harry Potter is not Spongebob.

He doesn't live in a pineapple under the sea.

636. Professor Flitwick would like me to remind you that he will not dress up as Yoda for your amusement. No Professor is here to amuse you.

637. If anyone from the Ministry asks no one knows why Hogwarts is overrun with seagulls. I mean it, deny all knowledge because they're still not over the hedgehog incident.

638. I don't know why some students are digging a tunnel in the middle of the Quidditch pitch, but they're to stop immediately.

639. A rubber duck does not have the authority to cancel any Professors orders, but I am pretty sure you knew this already.

Just to make myself clear writing Professor on a rubber duck doesn't give it the authority to cancel any Professors orders.

640. Next week some parents will come to visit Hogwarts. All of you are to act like normal children for the day, and for those who are thinking of ignoring this order just remember I am Albus Dumbledore, I know everything including the things you don't want your parents to know.

641. It is extremely unhelpful in potentially dangerous and deadly situations to make every hundred times worse by setting fire to things.

642. Never have I told a student to start a war to cover up their failures.

Dumbledore