so, this is the last chapter. there'll be an epilogue up later tonight or tomorrow, depends.
thank you to everyone who's been reading this for the past year and a half. kudos if you were around since the beginning. this is the longest fic I've ever written (70k words!) and I'm grateful for the experience. when i started this i had just turned 15, now I'm closer to 17. my writing style has changed a lot since then so thank you for the people who stayed despite the amount of changes this fic went through. you're the best! i read everyone's reviews and although i don't really reply to them nowadays, i really truly appreciate it.
title taken from: "Willst Du" by Alligatoah (english translation)
They held hands until the very last moment. Pam's father in the car, the belongings long since transferred from her room to the vehicle. Mr. Beesly was - graciously - looking away as Pam and Jim parted, perhaps due to a kind wish to give them some privacy, or (more likely) a sense of paternal awkwardness at witnessing her daughter with her college boyfriend.
Pam hadn't exactly planned for their goodbye to be so - well. Uncomfortable. She supposed it was because, for all the dramatics (and tears, God, she really didn't want to cry but somehow it just happened) it wasn't really a goodbye after all. More, see you later.
When Jim got home he had already promised to FaceTime her. They'd be apart for just a few hours, spending time with family and settling back into their regular home life, before they were able to speak again.
So it wasn't a goodbye. Shouldn't be sad, really. But there was just so much hinging on it. Like the final scene from an old romantic movie, it was supposed to be the overdramatic climax, all tears and passion and "I'll never let go, Jack!"
But in the end they just stood in the parking lot, holding sweaty hands and running over potential leaving scenarios in their heads.
"Why is this so hard?" Jim eventually burst out.
"I know, right?" Pam agreed, thankful that she wasn't the one to break the silence.
"We're gonna see each other again in a matter of hours."
"Yeah."
"So why's there this…" He seemed to have trouble finding the correct word.
"Awkwardness?" Pam suggested.
"Yes! Exactly."
"I don't know."
"Me neither."
They stood for another long moment, Jim shuffling his feet, Pam glancing worriedly to her father in the car. Surely he would want to leave soon; avoid the oncoming rush of traffic. They didn't have much time.
"Maybe if we don't treat it as goodbye…" Pam mused aloud.
"Huh?"
"Well, like you said, it's not really goodbye, is it? We'll see each other soon. It's only really goodbye to the building, and even then, maybe we'll be in the same building again next year."
"What is it, then? I mean, we can't just…. Leave, without saying anything."
Pam thought about this. It was a strange dilemma.
Her father honked the horn.
"Um," she began quickly, brain going into overdrive. Fidgeting with the hem of her laundry-day shirt.
Another impatient honk.
"I'll see you soon!" She practically squeaked, impulsively flinging her arms around his neck. Jim reciprocated the hug, albeit a little bemusedly, and watched as she scurried away.
Pam had almost reached the car when she turned once more. The words just came out of her mouth, not thinking, not really remembering the importance or significance of the phrase. It felt natural and right, like something she'd said thousands of times before - and she had said it thousands of times before, right?
"Love you!"
It was only after seeing the shock - no, not shock, far happier and positive - surprise on his face that she realised. Oh no. Though it might have felt natural, this definitely wasn't something they had done before. (Or, she hadn't, at least.)
She was all set to apologise, all red-faced and flustered, when Jim grinned. Classic Jim-grin.
"I love you, too." He called, waving a little. "See you tonight."
Thought it was still kind of embarrassing, Pam found herself smiling too. Love.
She climbed into the passenger seat of the car.
