Part 51
"Married?!" Ginny squealed and Hermione thanked her lucky stars that she had thought to cast the privacy spell around the curtains of her bed before she held out her hand to show the youngest Weasley.
"Not married, not yet, just engaged Ginny."
"Oh, how terribly romantic, I can just imagine his face when he asked you, how sweet and anxious he must have been."
Somehow Hermione doubted very much that Ginny was picturing Severus looking the slightest bit romantic, but, perhaps she was wrong. All of her friends were starting to see him in a different light than before, and having that knowledge brought another measure of peace to her soul, which was often scattered these days, threatening to sink into sadness again if she did not unburden her fears to someone.
"It was really lovely." Hermione smiled as she thought back to how it had come about. "Not really traditional I suppose."
"Well, it isn't like he could go and ask your Dad for your hand in marriage I guess."
"No, I suppose he couldn't." The happiness, which had been filling her chest felt suddenly deflated, and Ginny could see it.
"I'm sorry Hermione, that was a really thoughtless thing to say. I didn't mean it that way, really." Backpedalling was difficult for Ginny; she spoke her mind, very much like George did, only she didn't have the wisdom he did to censor himself periodically.
"It's alright Ginny." Hermione sighed, "It's the truth, and I understand that. Besides, I really can't see Severus doing that anyways. Not that my Dad was a really imposing fellow, but he isn't much older than Severus, and I could see him having issues with that."
"You'll just have to get married first, and when they see how happy you are I'm sure they'll approve."
"Well we can hope can't we?"
"Have you told anyone else?"
"I told George."
"I bet he had a silly comeback for that."
"Oh yes, asked if he could be a bridesmaid."
"Sounds like George. Have you done any planning yet?"
"Not so far, I want to concentrate on finishing up school first and getting started at my internship."
"You always were sensible that way. I swear, if Harry asked me to marry him I wouldn't give him that long to change his mind, I'd have him hauled in front of a Justice before he knew what was happening." Both girls giggled at the imagery.
"You gonna tell Harry?"
"I suppose I better, I don't think he'd forgive me if I kept something like that from him."
"Everyone has been kind of expecting it since Christmas Eve."
"So you were talking about me over your vacation then?"
"Well Hermione, you have to admit that it is a pretty compelling story; you and Severus Snape, and a curse and all. Can you blame us?"
"No, I can't Ginny. Did you all come to any conclusions I should know about?"
"I'm not sure I should say."
"Well you have to now."
"Well, George is a romantic and thinks you guys are going to spend the rest of your lives together having great adventures. And Mum just thinks you should get married and start a huge family just like hers, after you have an exemplary career established of course." Both girls giggled again.
"And you and Harry?" Ginny got a little quiet.
"Harry didn't want to talk about it too much." She screwed a little smile on her face.
"Oh Ginny, I'm sorry."
"Don't be Hermione, I've known for a long time that he loves you. The thought of you being with anyone is going to hurt him a bit. But I've tried to make him see that he has to let you make your choices, and that he should respect them. Don't worry, I'll make sure he's at the wedding, even if I have to hex him."
The dorm was growing noisy with the return of the other Gryffindor girls, and Hermione and Ginny cut off their conversation in favor of being sociable, and joined the girls to hear about their holidays. Hermione continued to hold in her sense of disease, but she knew that she was going to have a talk with Harry at the earliest opportunity. Never again was she going to leave him out of her life; perhaps if he didn't feel the need to constantly protect her, he could finally let her go. She had six months to accomplish the task.
"Harry? Do you have a minute?" Hermione had just come into the common room of the Gryffindor tower after the first day of classes. They had about an hour before dinner and she had spent the whole day avoiding Harry, or hiding her hand from him, until she could take the time to break the news to him, somehow.
"Yeah sure Hermione, what's up?" He crossed the room to her.
"Can we go for a walk?"
"Yeah." Harry wrinkled his forehead as he looked at her, but still followed her out of the room, down through the portrait hole and out into the castle. She seemed to have a path in mind and so he followed her, trying not to let his mind start wandering to the worst of conclusions.
She led him to the owlery, where she finally stopped and turned to him, trying to smile for him, but feeling a churning in her gut.
"What's going on Hermione? You've been avoiding me all day."
"I wanted to tell you something Harry, I just wanted to make sure I did it the right way."
"You're really scaring me now Hermione." His breath puffed around him in the cool of the tower, but he didn't feel any chill, in fact he was starting to feel hot with anxiety.
"Severus asked me to marry him Harry." She held out her left hand to show off the ring, not to flash it in his face, but almost reluctantly. Harry took her hand; it was cold, that he could feel.
"I guess you said 'yes'?"
"I did Harry."
"And you were scared to tell me?"
"Not scared Harry. But I wanted to tell you privately, especially after talking to Ginny."
"So she knows does she?" Harry's tone was clipped, emotionless.
"I told her this morning."
"Anyone else?"
"George."
"Wow, left me till last did you?"
"Are you angry with me Harry?"
He said nothing, just looked at the ring in the hand he was still holding.
"Harry I didn't want to hurt you."
-Too late for that- was what he wanted to say, but he didn't, only kept staring at the ring.
"He has good taste," a pause, "in a lot of things."
"Harry?"
"I'm sorry Hermione, I want to be happy for you."
"But you can't?"
He sighed. "I don't want to be just yet, not about that."
He knew the tears were welling in her eyes and she tried to pull her hand away from his but he wouldn't let her go, in fact, he pulled her closer to him and it caught her off guard so she tumbled into his arms. He looked into her face, caught in the tangle of his body. The eyes were truly hers, the eyes he remembered seeing in that accursed tent, in the Malfoy's drawing room, on the field at Hogwarts. His Hermione. And he kissed her, forcefully, pushing his tongue into her mouth, taking her breath, and crushing his lips against hers.
When he pulled back from her it took him a few audible breaths to regain himself.
"Harry?"
"Tell me that you felt nothing Hermione. Tell me you feel nothing for me Hermione and I will be happy for you right now."
"Don't do this to me Harry."
"Tell me that you feel nothing for me."
"I can't say that Harry, you know I can't say that. Why are you doing this to me?"
"Because I have failed you Hermione. I drove you to him."
"I love him."
"You love me."
"Of course I do Harry. But not like that."
"I stepped aside for Ron, and I should never have done that. I should have been honest with you."
"Harry, stop this, I am going to marry Severus, I need you to be happy for me, this is the way things are supposed to be."
"It isn't the way things are supposed to be. You are supposed to be with me."
But he did none of that, spoke and heard none of those words. He only let her hand go, and looked up into the eyes that were no longer his and smiled at her.
"Congratulations Hermione, you deserve to be happy after everything we have been through. I know you love him. I'm not angry, you're my best friend, how could I be angry at you?" He said the words, but they were killing him inside, and it hurt even more to take her in his arms and hug her; except in the knowledge that it was what she needed from him.
