101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks
In this chapter, Jar Jar Binks will die thanks to a certain vampire we know from virtually everywhere…suffice to say it's self-evident how he's going to kill him.
Unfortunately, he's probably going to kill Jar Jar Binks' friends too considering he's an extremely bloodthirsty one…oh well, you can't have everything.
Chapter 52: Exsanguination
For their next vacation (how many times they were going to do was a mystery), our heroes decided to hang out at a spooky castle at a rather ominous-looking planet, one that was shrouded in darkness.
"I can't figure out why you decided to visit such a place." C-3PO spoke his opinions.
R2-D2 beeped that this didn't seem like such a good idea.
They had received various warnings from the villagers not to go inside the enormous castle on account of there being a vampire that lives there, but our heroes took no heed.
"What a bunch of baloney." thought Anakin Skywalker. His ignorant attitude would ultimately prove to be his undoing that day.
When our heroes entered the castle during daytime, they noticed that everything seemed perfectly normal. Well, aside from the fact that there was a coffin in one of the rooms and the fact that there were portraits of a grim-looking man everywhere. Perhaps that man was the owner of this place?
But our heroes took no heed of that, and decided to explore the castle to see if they could find anything interesting. They nearly got lost once or twice due to how big the castle was, but thankfully they managed to find a map of the castle so nothing happened.
"I don't know guys, this place might be dangerous." warned Padme Amidala.
"I have to say I agree with her on this one." agreed Obi-Wan Kenobi.
"Nonsense apprentice, what's the worst thing that can happen?" Qui-Gon Jinn threw caution to the wind.
At night, while our heroes were sleeping, Jar Jar Binks ended up being the first victim.
"Mesa hungry! Mesa head to the refrigerator so mesa can get a snack or something." exclaimed Jar Jar Binks.
The Gungan thought he heard the sound of the coffin opening, but he took no heed to this.
This was a fatal mistake. As soon as the Gungan examined the refrigerator (and was horrified to discover a severed head in there), he was immediately attacked by Dracula.
"Are yousa da owner of dis castle?" inquired Jar Jar, oblivious to who the vampire was.
"Yes, yes I am." confirmed Dracula, right before he drank all of his blood.
Unfortunately, he wasn't the only victim that night. Anakin Skywalker and Qui-Gon Jinn were also drained of their blood when they went off by themselves. Right before this incident happened, they found a trail of blood leading to Jar Jar's corpse.
"What happened to Jar Jar? Did you kill him?" Anakin Skywalker asked.
"I'm afraid not! Some dark force is at work here." denied Qui-Gon.
"I believe I know who killed your friend." Dracula answered, right before he attacked the two of them.
"Aargh!" they screamed as Dracula drained them to death with his sharp trademark fangs.
C-3PO also met his end that night. While he wasn't a victim of Dracula, he nonetheless became obsolete as he slipped and fell into the castle moat courtesy of a banana peel that Jar Jar Binks carelessly left behind, causing him to shatter into pieces when he hit the ground.
"Curious…" thought Dracula as he examined C-3PO's robotic corpse.
In other words, Padme Amidala, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and R2-D2 were the only survivors of the hassle in the castle. They found the bodies of their friends the next morning.
"I warned them what would happen if we stayed around here too long." Padme Amidala sighed.
"But of course they didn't listen." continued Obi-Wan Kenobi.
After repairing C-3PO and resurrected those that had fallen, our heroes decided to leave the castle before Dracula attacked him again. He had already gotten enough blood as it was.
Speaking of the horrible and dangerous vampire, he was currently sleeping in his coffin with his evil teddy bear, dreaming about killing Jar Jar Binks repeatedly. Apparently he wanted to drink his delicious blood once again.
Next time our heroes should probably bring a stake…or some garlic…or a crucifix…or a flashlight…or anything else effective against vampires…
