Editor's Note: The song from this chapter is called "This is Home" by Switchfoot - and I would strongly urge you to look it up, so you can get the full effect.


It was around 9am on the day before Christmas, when Raphael decided to pop in on Master Splinter. The door wasn't closed all the way, so he glanced inside and saw his Master fast asleep. He nearly walked away to give him his peace, but instead decided he would wait him out for awhile.

He didn't like usually like listening to his Sensei's breathing when he was asleep, it somehow seemed more strained than when he was awake. But this was where he wanted to be, so he hunkered down silently to wait, fighting off emotion as he watched him sleep.

I'd rather it were me than him. If I could give him my lungs, I'd do it in a heartbeat. We still need him, dang it! This isn't fair!

Raphael sat back in the chair, clenching his fists ever so slightly. He didn't think he'd made any real noise, but his Master was stirring a moment later. He rolled his neck slightly towards Raphael, and managed a weak smile when he saw him.

"Hello my son. How long have you been here?"

"A couple minutes. I didn't wake you up did I?"

"I do not think so. What time is it?"

"A little after 9. Can I get your tea for you?"

"I will be ready for that in a little while, you may just stay put for now. Have you and your brothers prepared for tonight?"

"Yes Sensei we have...been working with Jenna too."

"Is everyone doing alright?"

"Sorta. We're up, we're down, not really one thing or another right now."

"So long as no one carries it alone." Splinter said pointedly.

"I'm not Sensei, honest. I...I think I've changed, at least a little in that respect. We all have to grow up sometime, some of us just take a lot longer."

"You are not your brothers Raphael - there is nothing wrong with that. Unity does not mean that you all must be the same, it is a combination of your strengths and weaknesses. You have much strength my son."

"I've still got a lot of weaknesses too."

"You must be patient with yourself Raphael."

"If I haven't worked it out by now, it's hard to believe that I ever will."

"You said yourself that you have changed - and I am quite certain these next few months will be telling as well. But you must decide now how you're going to react. You can do that you know."

"What do you mean Sensei?"

"You do not choose your feelings my son, but you can choose what you do with them. Leonardo feels the heavy burden of responsibility, and he is going to need you Raphael. Your brothers are going to need you."

"I'm trying, I really am. The thing is I'm...I don't think I'm as strong as I try to make to everyone think I am."

"You know what the true measure of courage is Raphael, that it is not the absence of fear, but..."

"But your actions in spite of it." He finished obediently.

"Mmhm. You see my son? It is all in there."

"Not all of it Sensei." He replied quietly.


Raphael spent about another hour with him, before going to meet Donatello in the Lounge. He was already sitting behind the keyboard, playing with some random chords and sound effects.

"Hey bro, you wanna work on some of the vocals like we talked about?" Raph asked him.

"If you're ready, that's cool." He replied as Raphael pulled up a stool alongside him.

"Okay, why don't you start it out then? We should probably do the full version, I'll come in with you on the chorus, and the bridge. Then maybe we can break down both our parts if we need to."

Donatello nodded and started to finger out the opening, leading into the first verse. The two of them hit the vocals hard for about forty minutes, ending with the acapella portion.

"Raph, the part sounds really nice, it's got a great blend."

"Yeah, you're letting me sing harmony for once."

"Don't kid yourself, I know you love leading." Donatello told him with a grin.

"It's cool to sing something different Donnie."

Donatello went back to playing with some chords as Raphael walked over to retrieve his guitar. He started lightly strumming along with what his brother was creating, and they lapsed into a creative silence. About ten minutes had passed before Raphael caught a sideways glance from him, and could tell Donnie wanted to say something.

"You know what I was thinking about before you got here?" Donnie asked him. "That first night that Jenna and I played in here, when we wrote 'Night Owls'."

"And you got busted by Doc at 4 in the morning?"

Donatello laughed. "It's hard to pull a fast one on him. I was remembering how Jenna asked me what was wrong that day I found her, why I was so mad. I didn't want to tell her the story at the time. I basically just summed up that I didn't feel like I fit in here. That we would always have each other's backs physically speaking, but aside from that...that I just felt really cut off."

Raphael stopped playing, looking down for a long moment. "I'm really sorry Donnie. I know we've been pretty rotten to you and Mike over the years."

"The thing is, I don't blame you guys." Donatello told him. "I was so awkward, half the time living in my own little world. It was easier that way, it was something that I could control. I've always felt like the square peg, trying to fit into a round hold. After awhile, I just stopped trying so hard. For years most of my effort had gone into trying to earn approval, and never feeling like it was enough.

But the point of saying all that is, it's not the same anymore. It feels like things have evened out, and we're all living on the same level. For the first time I feel like I can belong...just the way I am."

"I would never wanna change you for anything Donnie. I'm so sorry for all my crap."

"Raph, I'm not saying any of this to make you feel guilty. I just wanted you to know where I'm at. This is part of the reason I asked if we could do this song, I just connected really strongly with the lyrics. Is that corny?"

Raphael laughed. "I don't think so. But so what if it was? It's Christmas - you're allowed to be corny."

"Is that some unspoken rule?"

"Donnie, you've got chipmunks on your media player. What other time of year do you listen to chipmunks?"

"I put that on there for Mike." He laughed. "He gets a kick out of it."

"I noticed. We all noticed. If I have to hear it one more time, I might throw something."

There was a knock at the door a second later, and Leonardo ducked his head in a moment later.

"Hey, you guys need to get out here. You're not gonna believe the fudge that Victoria just put out."

They abandoned their instruments and met in a friendly embrace, before going back out to the living area.


Mike and Victoria spent a good portion of the day preparing for that evening, and for the next day.

In the late afternoon, Donnie took a moment to steal away on his own, while Leo and Raph were getting ready to start "Christmas Vacation" for everyone else.

"Where'd Donnie go?" Jenna asked when she walked back in with a bowl of popcorn.

"He's working on his little tradition upstairs." Leo told her. "We're supposed to steer clear."

"Hm." She said thoughtfully. "Go ahead and start the movie, I'll be back later."

She trotted up the stairs, knocking on their bedroom door.

"We're closed." Donnie called in a feisty tone.

"Don it's me, will you open up?"

He came to the door, pulling it open just enough to stick his head out.

"Do you come alone?" He asked mock seriously.

"Yes." She replied with a half laugh.

"Oh alright. C'mon in."

"What are you doing in here?" She asked when she saw various piles of things strewn over the rug.

"Stockings. I've been doing 'em for years. I like to wait until the day before Christmas, something to look forward to."

"Do you mind if I'm here?"

"Nah - yours' is already set aside. You wanna help me?"

"Can I?"

"Sit down, I'll explain what goes where."

They spent the next hour slowly filling stockings, and exchanging Christmas gift stories.

"The biggest surprise?" Donatello repeated. "It was probably the year I bought Raph his Stratocaster. I'd gotten that first big payout a couple of months prior, and I used a portion of it to help get the Lounge up on it's feet. I think he about had a coronary when he opened that case. He and I had been sharing an acoustic we'd trash-picked before that. Thing was a piece of junk, couldn't hardly hold a tune. 'Course Master wasn't too keen on the idea of an electric guitar, until I explained about sound-proofing."

"I can only imagine his reaction - must have been something to see."


When they finished with the stockings Donnie and Jenna went back downstairs to watch the rest of the movie with everyone else, and to get their hands on the mini buffet Mike and Victoria had been working on. When they finished the movie there was an automatic shift towards the Lounge, where they'd already hauled some extra chairs earlier on that day.

Luke gave Marcus a little bit of a dirty look when he tried to help him.

"Again Marc, there's nothing wrong with my legs."

"Sorry, my hands are off." He assured him with a smile.

April had arrived a few minutes ago, after signing off from the station. Now she threw and arm over Luke's shoulder in a friendly manner.

"Go easy on him Luke - you know it's hard to pull it back."

He gave her a wry smile, and held out his good arm towards Marcus. His friend met him with another arm around the shoulder as they walked into the Lounge.

Master Splinter, Katherine, and Victoria were already settled inside, waiting while the guys were finishing last minute set-up. Once everyone was inside and seated properly, Donatello nudged Jenna to go ahead, and she took her own place at the front. She exhaled sharply and cast a smile back at him, nodding for him to start it.

As she sang the song it became almost like an out of body experience, as if she were standing there listening to someone else. Jenna was surprised by the calm that had descended over her in the moment, and how easily a smile graced her face as the music picked up around her. It was over almost before she knew it, and she felt a small tremor from the rush of performing. Jenna had been careful not to focus on any single individual watching so that she could keep from getting too emotional, but now she left her guitar to the side and went to meet Splinter's open arms.

"Thank you Jenna. You were wonderful - I could listen to you all night long."

She ducked her head slightly, wiping away a stray tear.

"Well it's the guys' turn now, but maybe you can twist my arm again later."

Donatello shook out his own jitters and grinned at Raphael.

"Take us away genius." He called over to him.

Donatello settled back on his stool after adjusting the microphone and started the intro on the keyboard, looping it over a couple of times before actually starting to sing.

"I've got my memories
Always inside of me
But I can't go back
Back to how it was
I believe you now
I've come too far
No I can't go back
Back to how it was

Created for a place I've never known..."

As he hit the chorus his brothers came in a little stronger with him, and Raphael joined him on the vocals as well.

"This is home
Now I'm finally where I belong
Where I Belong
Yeah, this is home
I've been searching for a place of my own
Now I've found it
Maybe this is home
This is home."

They backed off again as he led them into the second verse, and he briefly made eye contact with his Sensei before continuing.

"Belief over misery
I've seen the enemy
And I won't go back
Back to how it was
And I got my heart set on what happens next
I got my eyes wide, it's not over yet
We are miracles and we're not alone."

Donatello stole another glance at his brothers to remind them to hit it stronger moving into the bridge.

"And now after all my searching
After all my questions
I'm gonna call it home
I've got a brand new mindset
I can finally see the sunset
I'm gonna call it home

Yeah this is home
Now I'm finally where I belong
Where I Belong
Yeah, this is home
I've been searching for a place of my own
Now I've found it
Maybe this is home
This is home..."

They let the instrumentation fall away for a moment, fading out so that it was just his voice with Raphael's.

"I've come too far
And I won't go back
Yeah, this is home."

They came back in for a few seconds more, and as Donatello hit the last chord, he saw Raph give the signal to cut the others off with a small dip of his guitar. He let out a very deep breath as if he'd been holding it in for eternity, and gazed around the room at the faces of everyone he loved in one place.

This is Home.