"He's coolin' his ass in a holding cell as we speak, has been since it happened. Frank spoke to the Prosecutor's Office immediately after we got off the phone the night it happened and by the time we went in for her statement, they had labeled the case top priority."
Sarah sat there nodding as Sam spoke.
"Don't kill me little brother but Andy, I need to know if you can tell me what happened."
Sam growled slightly.
"I know, Sammy, that's why I said she was gonna need you."
Sam looked at Andy.
Andy smiled as she squeezed his thigh and nodded. "It's why you brought me here, isn't it?"
Sam smiled sheepishly. He'd sincerely hoped his motive for the trip wasn't that obvious.
Andy leaned over, kissed his cheek and whispered, "I can do this."
Sam rubbed the lion's heart charm. As strong as it beat he didn't doubt she could, he just wasn't 100% sure he could hear it again.
Sarah could see the inner battle Sam was having and touched his hand as she spoke. "I'm not gonna act like this isn't hard for you, little brother, because I know it is. Just because you lived it once doesn't mean it's easier ... besides, I'm your sister, not your wife ... that alone makes this a whole new ball game. If you can't be here ..."
Sam squeezed his sister's hand. "You're right, it's not easy, but there's no way I'll let her do this alone."
Sarah smiled at her brother before turning to Andy. "Don't rush it, don't force it, take as long as you need to ..."
It was one thing to say she could do it, another to actually do it and the breath Andy took before she began told Sam she was about to try and fake her way through it ... and he wasn't gonna let her do that.
Dropping his arm from her waist, Sam looked at Sarah who nodded.
Sam swiveled his seat and pulled Andy around to face him. He cupped her face in his hands. "Forget she's here, it's just you and me ..."
"Ok," was her softly spoken acknowledgement.
Sam dropped his hands to her thighs and waited for her to begin ...
Andy squeezed Sam's thigh and began to recount in detail the events of that shift ...
"We got back to the barn and while Nick was with him in booking seeing he got processed, I was in Frank's office requesting a new shirt before going to Sam's office. I couldn't tell him at the station, I wouldn't tell him so close to the .. thing ... that did it, so I offered to take a cab home if he wanted to go to the Penny. Sam being Sam, a cab was outta the question ... he hasn't really trusted cab drivers since Gail was taken ... We got home, had a shower and after he brushed my hair, I gave him the watered down version. I didn't give him the entire play by play until the next day in an interview room where it was required for the prosecution's office to have it in detail. I don't remember giving my statement yesterday, I don't really remember anything ... until I woke from a nightmare last night to your brother sitting on the edge of bed instead of being beside me. Then today, I had the pleasure of observing as Nick questioned him since Sam wasn't allowed because of our relationship ... surprise, surprise, he heard somethin' he didn't like, next thing I know I'm standing in a room with the guy who was too wasted to keep his hands to himself, only he's just as revolting sober as he was drunk. I was supposed to be Officer X ... except the asshole asked if I gave him a lap dance so I introduced myself and instead of telling him what I gave him, I showed him. Now Frank has video of me giving him a knee to the groin."
Sarah was shocked. "You didn't?!"
Sarah looked at Sam. "Where were you? Where was Nick?"
"Nick had just pulled me off him, we were both standing right there."
Sarah couldn't help it, she burst out laughing. "Sorry, I know that musta been uncomfortable."
Sam smiled. "You could say that. But I'll tell ya, Sis, I was very proud of her."
"What happened then?"
"I ran out ... and here we are."
Sarah smiled at Andy's natural progression from being at the station to her kitchen. "Anything else?"
Sam and Andy shared a look.
"Nope. That's it." Andy gave a tearful laugh. "That's enough."
If he thought it was hard to sit in that interview room at the station he was pretty sure his sister's kitchen had become hell as he sat there and listened. She'd been in shock, so there was no emotion as she'd given her statement ... the same couldn't be said today.
Her voice began to crack as soon as she started talking, she cleared her throat a few times. He wasn't surprised when the tears filled her eyes or when they began to fall. It wasn't enough to feel his hands on her thigh, as soon as she allowed herself to go there she reached for his hand. The harder it was to talk, the tighter her grip became. When the first tear fell, he gave a gentle tug on her hand and she slipped off her stool and into his lap.
The moment she felt his arms around her the flood gates opened and all the hurt, fear and embarrassment Andy felt made it difficult to look at Sam.
Sam thought maybe Sarah would've tried to calm or reassure her but she never said a word, allowing Andy to do exactly as Sam had said - forget that she was there.
Sarah smiled as she watched Sam rub Andy's back in comfort and had to swallow the lump of emotion in her throat as he told Andy the same things he'd told her all those years ago.
There were tears in Sam's eyes as he listened yet again to a story he wished he'd never heard once never mind twice in graphic detail.
Sarah sat silent until Andy raised her head from Sam's chest and looked at her. Sarah knew why Andy looked at her instead of Sam as she recounted what she did before walking out of the interview room.
Sarah reached for Andy's hand. "I know that wasn't easy," she extended her other hand, "Sammy, gimme your hand," Sam allowed her to take his left hand, "for either of you."
Andy dropped her head back onto Sam's shoulder and he kissed her temple.
"Sammy, I don't have to tell you that it doesn't get easier the more you hear it, in truth, it's the opposite. The more you hear it, the more holes it'll rip in your heart because of what it does to her. Andy, it may not feel like it right now, but you know you were lucky ..."
Andy nodded.
"But that doesn't mean what did happen isn't a big deal. I know some people would say what happened to you doesn't even qualify as an assault,"
Sam growled.
Sarah squeezed the hand she still held. "I know, Sammy."
She turned her attention back to Andy. "But it was. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. They both leave their mark on us. But if there's 1 thing this guy right here," she smiled at Sam, "has helped me accept, it's that it doesn't define who we are unless we let it ..."
Sam smiled at his sister as he squeezed Andy's waist. She looked at him and laughed softly as she nodded.
He had told Andy that different times over the years. "Did you tell her to say that?"
Sam laughed. "No, McNally, I didn't."
"As a cop you've probably heard this before, but it's true ... I thought it was my fault."
Sam growled again.
"I know, Sammy, but whether you like it or not, that's how I felt."
Sam raised his eyebrows at his sister.
"Don't look at me like that, Sammy, I said felt, I don't feel that way anymore."
It was automatic, the concern he felt every time Sarah spoke of thinking the attack had been her fault.
Her next words confirmed the fear he'd refused to give voice to. "As much as you're not gonna want to hear this Sammy," she looked at Andy, "You're gonna blame yourself, if you haven't already,"
Sarah wasn't surprised when Sam growled ... again ... and squeezed his hand before continuing, "but it wasn't your fault. I don't know about you, but after I was attacked, I wondered how Sammy could still love me ... I doubted anyone would ever look at me romantically because I was "damaged" ... Sammy, don't,"
too late, Sam was already growling.
"Are you finished?" Sarah asked.
"Depends, are you finished?"
Sarah rolled her eyes before she said, "It's how I felt, Sammy, whether you like it or not."
Sam huffed out, "Not," under his breath.
Sarah shook her head as she focused on Andy again.
"He's been here before, he knows what he's in for, don't push him away, let him be there for you. Because no matter how much he growls, there's nowhere else he'd rather be than right here with you."
Andy looked at Sam with tears in her eyes and asked, "Was that what you wanted her to tell me?"
Sam gave a soft laugh as he kissed her temple. "I had no idea what she was gonna say, baby ... besides, this isn't about what I wanted, despite the growls, my sister knew what you needed to hear and that is all that matters."
Andy leaned away from Sam and turned so she could lean in and kiss him. Before she touched her lips to his she whispered, "Thank you."
As his lips met hers, Sam whispered, "The only thing my sister didn't tell you was that I adore you and would do anything for you."
Sarah slipped out of the kitchen and went to get Sami. As emotionally charged as that conversation was, Sam was going to need Sami to decompress and take his mind off of it for a while.
"Hey little miss," Sarah said as she came into the room.
"Our grown up talk's all finished ... and I think Uncle Sammy could use one of your hugs, what d'ya say you go give him one?"
"Is Uncle Sammy ok, Mommy?"
"Uncle Sammy's fine, he just needs a hug from his Princess."
Sami got up. "Ok ... where's Uncle Sammy, Mommy?"
"Kitchen, come on," and Sarah took her daughter's hand.
Sarah cleared her throat as they walked into the kitchen. Sam and Andy looked up to see Sami with Sarah. Sam smiled, his sister knew him so well. He kissed Andy's temple as he stood and put her on his stool before bending down with arms open.
The moment he bent down his arms were filled. Standing up, he looked at his sister over his niece's head and mouthed, "Thank you," before hugging her tight and kissing her cheek.
"How did you know I needed my Princess?"
Sami giggled. Sam tickled her making her giggle more.
"What d'ya say, Princess? Think you can put up with me for awhile?"
Sami lit up at the thought of spending time 1 on 1 with the uncle she worshipped.
Sam leaned over and kissed Andy's cheek and whispered, "Stay, talk. The hard part's over, now .." Sam smiled softly, "she can tell about the things I don't want to know about my sister!"
Andy laughed as she kissed him. "Ok ... thank you ... I love you."
"I love you."
Then to Sami, he said, "Let's go, Princess."
Sami kissed Andy's cheek and said, "Bye Aunt Andy, bye Mommy," before Sam carried her out.
Once they were out of earshot, Sarah started the questions she wouldn't ask in front of Sam. "Can you still feel him?"
