Part 3: Reflection, Chapter 14

Elizabeth sat for what felt like the longest time, just staring at the door that Charlotte had rushed out of, not sure what to think. She certainly was prepared for a number of improper offers, and even got used to a number of proper ones from gentlemen that she had not ever considered marrying. She'd always considered herself not that much of a prize, marriage wise, but compared to Charlotte? Considering the number of offers she'd had, she was a veritable rosette winner.

Elizabeth had not ever considered Charlotte's situation. What would it be like to never have an offer? To be passed over, ignored and unwanted. And then have her nose rubbed in it by a few careless comments by someone that professed to be her best friend. Elizabeth had been grateful for Charlotte's understanding of her own mistakes regarding Mr Darcy, and then, however unintended, she shown none of the same consideration to Charlotte. Wasn't her automatic assumption of further offers a form of conceit? Pride in her infallible discernment of character had caused her complete mistake Mr Darcy's character. And now she had selfishly ignored her best friend's pain. While the nature of the conversation illustrated the depth of Charlotte's pain, Elizabeth still had not bothered to discover if Richard and Charlotte had come to an understanding, something that Charlotte's excited behaviour or Richard's cryptic statements suggested could have occurred, either then or at any time over the previous week. Was that not a form of arrogance, her own feeling of loss with Georgiana and Richard's departure more important than the state of Charlotte heart? Well, there it was; arrogance, pride and conceit, the very three things that she'd accuse Mr Darcy of. The irony would have been amusing had it not been that this had caused further hurt to Charlotte's battered heart.

There would have been, must have been, any number of opportunities to talk to Charlotte, but she was too wrapped in herself to even notice Charlotte's own misery. What sort of friend did that make her? Elizabeth was now ashamed of herself, and wondered what she could do to make up for this neglect. But nothing came to mind before Amy-Jane interrupted her thoughts, by wanting attention after waking from an afternoon nap.


Elizabeth only had the opportunity to apologise two days later, as the intervening days were too busy to find time to be alone with Charlotte. Once again it was as Amy-Jane was asleep that Elizabeth asked, "Charlotte, do you want some tea and a few scones. We can have it in the parlour." Noticing that Charlotte, who was still acting frosty towards her, looked reluctant, she added, "Please?"

Charlotte nodded and went to put on the kettle.

"Charlotte. I've realised that I've been very selfish and have ignored you dreadfully. I am so sorry. I should have been far more sympathetic to your situation. Can you forgive me?"

"Oh, Lizzie, of course I forgive you, if you will me also. I don't hate you. I don't know why I said that."

"I don't blame you, I was very insensitive. I was only thinking of myself, not of you at all. So it was really my fault, you were provoked."

"But I still shouldn't have said it. It was just… Oh Lizzie, he didn't… he didn't ask…" Charlotte leant on the table and burst into tears. Her shoulders slumped as she collapsed in on herself and sobbed deeply. Elizabeth dropped the scone she was buttering and rushed over to her, turning her to face and wrapping her in a strong hug, and just held her.

Charlotte was still inconsolable when the kettle whistled. Elizabeth stretched out but couldn't quite reach the handle. After what seemed like an age, Elizabeth could not stand the loud high pitched whistle anymore, so she carefully shuffled Charlotte left, close enough to reach out and lift the kettle off the hot plate, to her relief. The sudden silence seemed to prompt Charlotte to regain her composure as well.

"Sorry Lizzie. I don't know where that came from." Said Charlotte, as she disengaged and sat at the table.

"No. Don't apologise. I do understand, really I do."

Elizabeth pulled a chair over to sit alongside her and put her arm over Charlotte's shoulder.

"But I really thought he'd ask, Lizzie, I did. Was I so very wrong?"

"No. Actually so did I. There were several comments that strongly hinted he would."

"So why Lizzie? What's wrong with me?"

"Don't think that Charlotte. I'm sure he considered it, seriously considered it. But he is not his own master, you know that don't you?"

"What do you mean? He's a colonel, the son of an Earl, he could have any woman he wanted."

"In some ways that could make it harder for him. He's used to a life of luxury, but everything is likely to be entailed on his brother, I doubt he'd get anything other than an allowance. He once told me his father would not let him marry an heiress with less than fifty thousand pounds."

"Fifty thousand! Oh dear…" Charlotte began to cry again.

"Shh dear Charlotte, it was said half in jest, but yes, there was a bitterness to his remarks that suggested it was more truth, and more painful to think of, than he let on. He mentioned he would expect to be sold off to some wealthy heiress to improve her family's connections, with little or no choice on his part. It would be that or cut off. Military pay is a lot less than most realise, although we can see the effect of that here in Ramsgate."

"Oh the poor man! How terrible for him." Elizabeth could not see how her friend had sympathy for the man that had just broken her heart, but this must be love in action. Still it stopped her tears.

Elizabeth continued, "I doubt it would be that bad, but I suspect however much he wanted to, this would have held him back. You can at least have that consolation." She didn't really believe this, but hoped that it would help her friend. While she would never put economic considerations in front of love, but Charlotte was self-confessed to be of a different mind.

"But of course. I had not thought of that. Thank you Lizzie, I had not realised. Makes perfect sense, really, quite prudent of him, don't you think?"

Now this made Elizabeth mad. "If he'd been truly prudent he would have taken more care not to raise your expectations as he did! He toyed with your heart, Charlotte."

"He could not help it Lizzie. I don't blame him, honestly I don't. He can't fight his family. I would not ask it of him. My happiness is nothing to his. Even if he did ask now I'd have to refuse, to save him from himself. He deserves a far better wife than I. What could I offer him? No, it is better this way."

Elizabeth wanted to shake her. How she wished she'd never told Charlotte of his need to marry well. That she did not value herself even a little, it was almost impossible to comprehend.

"Don't think of yourself like that Charlotte, you have a great deal to offer. To any gentleman, who ever his family is."

"No he was right. I am proud to have known him, proud to at least make him consider a future of us together, but no, I understand my position in life Lizzie. In fact, I've known it for years now. I've just refused to accept it."

"What do you mean Charlotte? There is someone out there for you. I know it?"

"I wish I had your confidence Lizzie."

"Don't doubt it Charlotte, you have qualities even an idiot would have to be blind not to see."

"But it'd take an idiot to offer someone as plain and with so little a potion as I. But if an idiot proposed, I would accept him."

"No don't take my words to mean you should accept an idiot, I mean that only a blind man could not see your finer points."

"Maybe a blind man would be better, he'd not notice how plain I am."

"You are not plain. You… You dress well."

"Be honest Lizzie. Dress well… See your honesty does not allow you to say I am anything but plain."

"But looks are not everything. Did you meet Lady Sophie, Richard's younger sister? No, I suppose you didn't. She had looks, but nothing else. I pity the man that can't see past the pretty façade, and marries her, honestly I do."

"Still, without some looks, how can a woman attract a man in the first place?"

"You did. Richard looked." Elizabeth noticed Charlotte blushed strongly at this, and wondered what that was about, "and once he looked, he saw past the exterior. I am sure he admired the woman he then got to know. Pity both your circumstances were not just a bit different."

"Maybe Lizzie, you could arrange for someone else, a little less elevated to get shot, so when I nurse him it might end in a better outcome."

"Any ideas? Another army officer or maybe swap to a naval man this time?"

"Don't really care, maybe a little stupid. That would actually help. Even an idiot, but not a drooling one."

"So idiots are fine? What about man that drools, but is not an idiot."

"Depends."

"Depends on what?"

"The size of his estate, of course…"

Let's just say the conversation slowly grew sillier from there, with more and outlandish defects and deformities, missing limbs or facilities, and all the combinations thereof, until a newly awoken Amy-Jane came in to demand her share of her mother's attention, which was all of it.

While that conversation was fun, and appeared to lift Charlotte's heavy heart a great deal, Elizabeth was worried how much of it was actually in jest. While it was her friend's life to live, Elizabeth hoped that somehow Charlotte would not accept an unsuitable man, just to be married, as she deserves better. But, as Elizabeth was already well aware of, what you deserve and what you actually get can be different, and at times, very different, indeed.


It was later that night, after putting Amy-Jane to bed, and changing into her own night clothes, Elizabeth went into Charlotte's room, finding her already in bed.

"How are you Charlotte?"

"I'm fine Lizzie. Sorry I was quiet after dinner. I've been thinking of my future."

"Have you? So have I. I've realised I've not told you, but you first."

"Nothing really to say, I haven't decided anything yet."

"So what were you thinking about?"

"It's not important. You want to tell me your news, I can tell. So, out with it."

"Only if you let me know what you are thinking afterwards. Promise?"

"Promise."

"I'll hold you to that. So…"

With that introduction Elizabeth hopped up on the end of the bed and laid out, in a dramatic pose, throwing her hand back and resting the back of her wrist on her forehead.

In a stage whisper she leaned forward, breaking her pose. "Think of me as a Juliet, no as that girl, Marianne from Sense and Sensibility." Before lying back into the pose again. "Oh woe is me. It's the fifth anniversary of my learning of the death of my dear departed Mr Smith. I loved him with a passion that the years have not diminished. So I live out my widowed existence here in Ramsgate, waiting without hope for his return. A return that will never occur."

"Widow Smith! But I thought…"

"Yes, well…" Elizabeth sat up again and hugged her legs. "…As much as I hate to admit it, Mrs Carter was right. Even you suggested being a widow at the time I recall. Well… I recently overheard two ladies talk about Amy-Jane as if she was no better than I. I can bear it for myself, but it's not a cross that she needs to carry."

"Don't listen to the vicious gossip of a couple of nasty old ladies, they don't know you or her."

"That is the problem Charlotte. I know who they are, they know me well enough, and Amy-Jane. They even stopped their sons playing with Billy because of it. To be totally honest, it was a decision I made five years ago, for what I thought was the right reasons. And if it was just me, it would still be fine, but I have Amy-Jane to think of. It showed me that as she grows up, without the protection of a father, my long departed husband, she would be prey to all the… the Wickham's, out there. I cannot have that happen. You can see that can't you?"

"Yes of course I can. Which was why I suppose I would have suggested it at the time, but you seemed to know best. You were always smarter than I. You had good reasons. I remember you wrote to me with them. They made perfect sense."

"Yes. And in some way they still do. But being smart or right will provide me no solace when Amy-Jane is rejected and scorned for no reason than the circumstances of her conception. So a widow I've become. I suppose it won't make too much difference to you, as it will still mean travel, but Mrs Carter, Amy-Jane and I will be going to Lambton to live. We are likely to go this summer to find a house and then be shifted by Christmas."

"She'll do that for you?"

"Actually she's wanted to leave for years, but stayed for me, only because I was settled here."

"And now you want to move?"

"Not really, however my sudden conversion to a long widowed woman is not going to be believed here, but in another town my history can be whatever I want it to be. Mrs Carter already has written about me to her friends there as a widow, fortuitous really, however annoyed it made me at the time. And because Mr Smith's been long dead, I don't even have to wear widow's weeds for him."

"So who was the lucky man? Did I get to meet him?"

"Sadly no. I thought it best to have a history that explains at least some of who and why I came here, you know, just in case."

"In case what?"

"In case someone knows of the Bennet scandal via my Aunt and Uncle, which could well be a possibility. So there has to be a scandal of sorts."

"A scandal? No, not that…"

"No. Not that."

"So what have you invented?"

"Well, Mrs Carter made a few suggestions, but I think I've come up with something that fits very well, even for people that knew me from my trips with my Aunt and Uncle as a child."

"And…"

"So, it is all as it actually happened, Jane and I go with my parents to London. But I decide I want to see India, where some of Uncle Edward's cotton comes from. Yes? Yes. But papa says 'No it is not a suitable trip for a young girl'. But I didn't want to take no for an answer."

"You wouldn't."

"See how believable it is? Anyway, I didn't take no for an answer, I stole, no borrowed, some boys clothes, cut off… no tucked my hair up inside my cap and ran off to sea."

"You didn't!"

"Yes I did, but I got caught. The ship was going to India, eventually, but only after sailing to Portsmouth first. So there I was, exposed as a girl, right in the middle of the English Channel. Horribly compromised. Ruined. Disgraced."

"Oh no!"

"So that is where dear Mr Smith came to my rescue. Proposed marriage to me on the spot. He was a handsome devil, and had been kind to me and, since I was in a spot of bother, I accepted his offer. Now this an important bit. The Captain married us, so the marriage lines are in the ships log."

"Why is that important?"

"It becomes important later. So there I was, now a married woman. With Mr Smith and I having one month's shore leave while they did something… boaty with the ship."

"What?"

"How should I know? I don't know everything. I don't know, keeling the mast or something. Mr Smith explained it to me but it was so long ago. Anyway we had a month of bliss."

"Bliss?"

"Well if I'm going to make up a marriage, I might as well make it a happy one ."

"True."

"So sometime in that wonderful month... Oh, it also explains why I've not remarried. Wearing the willow for him you see."

"Of course."

"Yes, well, not that much though, not to want to only wear black. Anyway, that's how I have Amy-Jane, but then he left, as naval men do, back to Portsmouth and his ship, and then on to India."

"Why didn't he take you with him?"

"Apparently it's bad luck for women to be on board, although some captains take their wives with them. Not sure how the whole luck thing works out for a wife, but Mr Smith was a lowly second lieutenant and would never be allowed to take me. And that was a good thing, see, when he got to India he died of malaria in Bombay. The captain sent me a letter of condolence to tell me."

"No, not sick like that, that's not heroic."

"But that's the point, I don't want him to have died heroically, someone might expect him to be remembered because of that."

"But what will Amy-Jane think? No, he doesn't have to be very heroic, just brave. Tell her he died fighting in a battle with a French frigate. They don't have to have sunk it. I'm sure they don't always sink each other, and one or the other gets to sail off. He then can be proud of a father that fought and died for his country. You would still have got a letter."

"You're right, will help against any that would tease her for not having a father. So the, captain wrote his condolence letter and sent it as soon as the ship arrived in India.

"What's the ship's name?"

"I don't know. I never thought about making up a name for it. How about I just say I knew its name but I've forgotten it?"

"But it would be on the letter, wouldn't it?"

"Ah, hadn't thought of that. Do you think I have to create a letter as well?"

"Wouldn't hurt. Maybe get your Uncle to write it, so it's in a masculine hand. He must see any number of letters from seafarers, so could do something that uses the right words."

"That's a good idea. I'm sure he'd do it for me, if I ask him nicely… Hmm, maybe next time I'm in London I could look up a ship that sank at the right time."

"But Mr Smith is already dead, why does the ship need to sink?"

"Ah. Remember how I said it was important the marriage was in the ship's log? Well, if the ship then sinks before arriving back in England, it's tragically lost at sea, then the ship's log went down with the ship. So that is why there is no record of the marriage."

"That makes sense, but why then did he die before the ship was lost? Why not just have him go down with the ship?"

"I have thought about it and thought about it, but I am still not sure whether I'll eventually tell Amy-Jane the truth, and the man she thinks of as her father is an invention. What if she hates me because of it? Maybe I won't tell her, maybe I will. So if there is already a letter confirming he died before the ship is lost in a storm, she'll never think maybe he survived, and go off to search for him, or something. I don't know, probably one of those irrational fears mothers get sometimes."

"Looks like you have it all worked out."

"Yes. Even that he was an orphan so there is no Smith family to worry about, same as my scandal explains the..."

"No Lizzie! Not an orphan. That won't work."

"What? Why?"

"If you are pretending to be a widow to give Amy-Jane respectability then don't give her an orphan as a father. He could be anyone. They'll all think he's illegitimate himself, which is just about as bad for Amy-Jane as them knowing her real history."

"Oh." Elizabeth felt her hopes dissipate. She'd been so certain this story would've solved Amy-Jane's future problems.

"Don't worry Lizzie. Make it that he is the same as you. You know, he ran off to sea as well. His father was a drunk… not don't say that, no, better say he and his father are estranged because the father wanted him to join the church, but he wanted to help defend England, and ran off to sea. That way his father can be a gentleman from the north, making Mr Smith perfectly respectable as well."

"Hey, that's good Charlotte, yes that'll work, he's from somewhere close to the Scottish border, up past Newcastle, what do you think? Yes… Good and he promised me that he'd let me know more about his family once he returned and we could go visit them, so I know nothing of their direction. Yes! Charlotte, you're a genius. Thank you." Elizabeth leant forward and gave her a brief hug and went to get off the bed.

"Don't go yet Lizzie. You forgot to tell me what he looked like."

So Elizabeth described her theoretical 'handsome devil' which Charlotte found very amusing. It was only later, after telling Mrs Carter and in her next letter to Jane, that Elizabeth realised she had described Mr Darcy almost exactly, other than making him shorter, which caused her to blush furiously, even though at the time she was alone in her room.

Description over, Charlotte had no further questions. Elizabeth climbed off the bed, and walked to the door, just before leaving, she realised that with all the questions Charlotte had not said what was on her mind. "Good one Charlotte, you've just about had me leave without you telling me what you've been thinking." Hopping back on the bed, Elizabeth continued. "So, what is it?"

"Elizabeth, promise you won't be upset with me?"

"Of course… Fine, yes I promise. Well?"

"I can't keep hoping like this Lizzie I can't…" Charlotte's distress was plainly written across her features. "I'm… it's just too hard. I can't keep hoping for someone, for Richard to offer. It won't happen now I know it won't."

"Oh Charlotte, you can't know that, he's only just left, give him some time to miss you. You know they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder."

"That's only something they say to women like me when the gentleman leaves you with nothing. No I know he won't, for all the reasons we talked of yesterday. No. It is time for me to put on a lace cap and retire to the back of the dance hall with all the other matrons and spinsters."

"No, give it time. Remember Mr Darcy was just about not speaking to me when we went to London together, but when he came back after a month, the first time he found me alone he offered, so it is true. Please Charlotte, if he does return and finds you in a lace cap, and that puts him off? I don't know, but is it worth the risk?"

"You know I have to return home soon, now that our patient has gone. Father was quite insistent in his last letter. He's saying I have to be back before Easter, as Mother wants me to help keep an eye on Maria, now she is about to come out. So you know I'll never see him again. What possible reason could he have for visiting Meryton?"

"At least give him until the end of the season Charlotte. If he wants to, he'll find a reason."

"Oh Lizzie, it's hopeless. What can I offer any man? The smallest of portions, no connections, not even looks to make up for it. No, don't make me hope in vain. Better to accept that I'll always be a spinster aunt to my nieces and nephews. If George's wife even lets me live with them once Father is gone. Otherwise I will have to rely on whatever Tom is able to make of his life, or who Maria is able to catch. Always the extra mouth to feed, body to clothe. Better to put on a lace cap and get used to it now. I just hope I can help Maria find someone for her even as I couldn't for me." Charlotte's despairing expression made Elizabeth's own heart ache and she reached over and clasped her hand. Knowing from having been in similar states before, there was likely nothing that could be said that Charlotte would consider, so she just sat there in companionable silence.

A little while later, Elizabeth suddenly realised she had at least something that might give Charlotte something to be cheerful about and, more importantly put her in the path of Richard occasionally, he would have to visit Pemberley once in a while. "Charlotte, how would like to come to live with us in Lambton?"

"What?"

"You know, when we all move to Lambton towards the end of this year, you can come with us. I am sure we can find a house that will fit another in just as easily. Say yes Charlotte, please say yes."

"But what about the cost, it would cost both of you as much as my family, at least George is keeping up the family business."

"We don't need much. Maybe talk with your father about a small annuity. He knows of the antagonism between you and Harriet Long, so he'll understand, I'm sure he will."

"I don't know Lizzie. What if we fall out?"

"We've been together all this time and been fine. And Amy-Jane will love to have her Godmother always around as well, I know it. Please say yes, or at least say you'll talk to your Father about it."

"Can I think about it? It's a big step."

"Sure, but promise me, you'll give it serious consideration."

"Yes I will. It might take a few days, will you not pressure me until I've decided." Elizabeth was very pleased to notice that Charlotte's expression was looking a lot more positive.

"As much as I want to convince you to come, yes I promise to give you the time to come to your own decision, but only if you promise not put on a lace cap until at least the end of the year. By that stage I'm sure you'll be coming with us."

"I promise."

Elizabeth smiled broadly and slid off the bed. "It's late, and you have a lot to think about. I'm off to bed now. Sweet dreams."

"Goodnight Lizzie."

"Night Charlotte."

Then just about out the door, Elizabeth turned back towards her friend she asked, "Charlotte, one more thing. This just might help cheer you up a bit as well... How about tomorrow we both go to buy me a cheap ring I can pretend is my wedding band?"


The next few days were a real struggle for Elizabeth not to break her promise of not trying to talk Charlotte into coming with them, as the more she thought about it, the more she wanted it to happen. Elizabeth also saw that once in Lambton, she might convince Charlotte to delay entering spinsterhood at least a year or two more. There might be another gentleman willing to offer, if Elizabeth could not prompt Richard to come to the point, given that once Charlotte was in Lambton he'd have so many more opportunities to meet her and see more of what attracted him to her in the first place.

At the end of the first frustrating day of having to be silent, Elizabeth realised she'd never promised not to tell Mrs Carter. So that night she went into to see her and explained about the possibilities for Charlotte's future. Mrs Carter was pleasingly enthusiastic about the prospect, and when Elizabeth explained that she was not allowed to say anything, but made no promise for her, Mrs Carter smiled and said to leave it to her. Later Elizabeth listened with a good deal of admiration as Mrs Carter subtly steered any conversation to talk of pleasant memories of Lambton or various friends she still had in the area, noticing how this led to Charlotte taking an active interest in the town and its environs.

Whatever the cause, Mrs Cart's reminiscences, or her own deliberations, Charlotte announced that she was also keen to join them in Lambton, if they would be willing to have her. Both Elizabeth and Mrs Carter agreed to this very quickly with a great deal of enthusiasm. The remaining evening was spent celebrating this decision by all concerned.

The next morning, still in an ebullient mood, Elizabeth received a letter of invitation from Georgiana, almost begging her to visit. As she explained, she would be on her own for some time as her brother was away visiting a friend in the north of England, but as soon as he returned he would be away to Wales, before returning to London and then away again for at least three weeks visiting their aunt over Easter, leaving her on her own for such a long time. A time she'd not survive without her dearest friend to keep her company. As an additional incentive, Georgiana had asked Jane as well, who only waited her sister's agreement to say yes. Not only relying on that, Georgiana added the inducement that if Elizabeth was agreeable, she should be able to send the Darcy coach to pick them up and return them to Ramsgate, and this offer included transportation of Mrs Carter and Charlotte as well.

With such care taken to entice her to London Elizabeth could do nothing but reply in the affirmative, including both Charlotte's and Mrs Carter's heartfelt thanks, although requesting an arrival date that put it hopefully, if correctly guessing at Mr Darcy's movements, after he had left for Kent. Ashamed of how she treated him, Elizabeth realised that he must dislike her now as much as she had him last year. How could he not, with the way she had flung his offer back in his face, including all those nasty accusations, she thought were completely justified, but that was before she realised how generous and honourable he really was. So she did not want to antagonise him with her presence, when this little bit of planning would avoid aggravating him at all.

Elizabeth also was quick to write to Jane, to let her know of what she had proposed to Georgiana and to find out more of how Jane and Georgiana could have been introduced to each other. She hoped that a series of direct questions might make Jane be more considerate in her writing, as her letters still were exercises in brevity and blandishments.

This offer had another, if unexpected, bonus as it allowed Charlotte to argue for a delay of her return to Meryton for at least as long the Darcy's coach trip to London, countering her parent's increasingly strident demands for her to leave. The honour of this, and more likely the bragging rights quipped Elizabeth, meant Charlotte's parent's next letter insisted she stay to take advantage of the offer, although they did expect her to return from London as soon as it could be arranged once there.

Georgiana's eagerly awaited next letter came about a week later, explaining that after her brother arrived back he agreed to their use of the coach that very evening, before he headed off again in the early morning hours of the very next day. To Elizabeth's great relief, Georgiana had agreed to the delay in their arrival, to the date she had requested.

The week remaining was spent keeping busy while trying to contain their own and especially Amy-Jane's excitement for the coming trip, although this was tempered with the sadness that this also meant Charlotte's departure.


The trip in the Darcy coach was as pleasant as they all expected, their smooth travel assisted by the milder weather heralded by the start of spring. While there was much to remember about this trip, taken in much more enjoyable circumstances than the last, one incident particularly stuck in Elizabeth's mind.

It came about because they left Ramsgate late morning, as Mrs Carter was a ditherer, and stayed the night in Canterbury rather than further on as originally planned. It was the next morning, Elizabeth managed to get them on the road early enough to make London before dark, and was riding up with Wilkins, the others having gone back to sleep, and Mrs Carter snoring had driven Elizabeth out of the close confines of the carriage. How the others slept through it, Elizabeth had no idea. In any case, it gave her a ready excuse to break strongly with convention and ride atop, alongside the coachman. Initially Elizabeth just enjoyed the feel of wind through her hair and the added view the extra height gave, but now she had the added pleasure of being instructed in the finer art of driving a coach. After what was only a disappointingly short time, Wilkins re-gathered the reins before pointing out an inn they were just passing.

"Mrs Smith, remember that place do you? You stayed there last time."

"Yes I remember that trip."

"Were you as disappointed with that night as the Master?"

"If you are talking about my sleep being disturbed, yes I was."

"He was mighty displeased, more with himself than me, even though I'd recommended it to him. Although he was the one that chose not to take the rooms at the back of the place thinking that they was going to be noisy, being next the stables and all, so took the ones at the front of the house instead. 'ow was he to know some foxed gen'leman and his doxy was to take the room next to you both?"

Hearing this, Elizabeth realised her only remaining example of Mr Darcy's possibly immorality was as false as all the others, was shamed to silence. It appeared Wilkins took this to mean she wanted to hear more.

"I blame the owner myself, he should've know they'd be like that, I'm sure them being locals and all, and sent the noisy buggers… oh pardon me… the noisy pair to them back rooms, or at least the other end of the hall from you. I 'eard them all the way from the common room! It were the owner that should have apologised to you not Mr Darcy. Takes too much on 'imself he does. I only pointed it out 'cause I owe you an apology me-self for recommending the blasted inn in the first place. I supposed I'd not thought of it if you weren't riding up here, but as you is, will you forgive me Mrs Smith?"

"Of course I will. Nothing really to forgive, it was not as if you or Mr Darcy had any control over any other guests. Think nothing more of it… Now we've got that out of the way, any chance of getting another go with the reins?"


Thankfully, either by good luck (which was Charlotte's assessment once she found out) or Elizabeth's own ability (her own view of the matter) or Wilkins' good teaching (Mrs Carter's more realistic assessment, although she was more than a little displeased at Elizabeth's improper display) they arrived in London, having spent two very enjoyable days together, entirely in one piece.

Now, having swapped Mrs Carter for Jane, the four of them were on their way to Darcy house at last. Elizabeth felt considerable nervousness. What if she had misjudged the timing and Mr Darcy was there? Or maybe his trip had been delayed or cancelled. What then? She was trying to think of a plausible excuse to turn back and stay with the Gardiner's, however cramped that would be, when the coach stopped and a Jane looked out the window and confirmed they'd arrived.

Elizabeth was last out, and as she descended she looked up. Oh Good Lord, was this where Georgiana and Mr Darcy lived? She always knew the Darcy's were wealthier as they owned a larger property than her father's modest estate at Longborn, but this was a different level entirely, as evidenced by the width and height of the imposing façade, the liveried footmen (men! not man) already assisting to unload the coach, the rather imposing butler standing impassively at the front door, its situation in one of the best if not the best area of London and a myriad of other smaller things that just were not possible without income well in excess of what she remembed of her father's.

Elizabeth almost stumbled down the coach's steps as she paid so little attention to what she was actually doing. It was both very humbling and a little exhilarating to think that Darcy wanted her enough to propose, when he clearly would attract pursuit from all but the highest eligible daughters of the ton. It also explain a little of his certainty of her positive reception to it. Realising she was staring Elizabeth rushed up the stairs to catch up to join the others. As she did so, she noticed a wry smile from the Butler, before he ushered them all upstairs to where Georgiana was waiting.


Four weeks later, back at her favourite thinking spot at the very end of the Ramsgate's east pier, Elizabeth stood, arms clasped around herself thinking of the weeks just been. Remembering how nervous she'd been on arrival, in hindsight, how silly those fears had been.

Her main fear of meeting Darcy was unfounded, he was in Kent, just as Georgiana letter had stated, and stayed there the entire three weeks Elizabeth visited Georgiana. Her only disappointment was their cousin Richard had gone with him, as Elizabeth had hoped to engineer an accidental meeting between him and Charlotte before she got to return home.

Another fear was cleared up as soon as Elizabeth had a few moments undisturbed with Georgiana and she told Georgiana of her news. First it was her likely move to Lambton. After the Georgiana had stopped squealing in joy and gave Elizabeth chance to carry on, she was then able to explain her recent decision to 'become' a widow, and asked her to promise to keep her secret, even from her brother and cousin. Elizabeth was a little afraid that the well demonstrated Darcy propensity for honesty would prevent Georgiana from going along with it. But she was only too happy to introduce her as a widow to those she knew back in Derbyshire, and in fact, admired her ring while pestering Elizabeth for details of her fictitious husband. Thankfully the sister did not notice the similarity between Mr Smith's description and her brother, as Elizabeth, having now told several people of Mr Smith's description, had to continue with it as it was now an established 'fact'.

Her last fear was that, now Georgiana was at home, she would display the arrogance Elizabeth had observed at times from her brother, or lord it over her visitors, showing off their considerable difference in status. But, unlike some Elizabeth had known, Georgiana was as warm and welcoming as she always was. An example of Georgiana's continued generosity occurred the very first day. When discovering they were going to purchase a ticket for Charlotte to return home on the stage, Georgiana insisted Charlotte use the Darcy coach. As that meant a delay of a few days to let the horses rest, they were all happy to agree. Elizabeth was certain Charlotte's parent's agreed to it because being actually dropped off home by private coach would be far better than just telling everyone she travelled to London in one, than anything to do with saving the cost of a fare, which was the reason given in their letter.

But the best example of the Darcy generosity was displayed a few days after Charlotte left. It so happened that Amy-Jane's birthday fell on the Saturday after Good Friday, but as they were visiting Elizabeth had not arranged to do anything special at the Darcy's, reserving that for a visit later that day to the Gardiner's. By this stage, unbeknownst to Elizabeth, Amy-Jane had already became the darling of all those that served downstairs, so when Georgiana learned of it, she talked to Mrs Taylor and the entire staff collectively pulled of a huge surprise birthday party in the morning, with small gifts from everyone there, which led to a very excited young girl and a mother reduced to tears.

Over the weeks, Elizabeth had numerous opportunities to talk with the Darcy servants. They all spoke of the Darcy family's care and generosity towards them, and of a master that took a personal interest in their own success, even going as far as finding them positions in other households where there was no chance of promotion within his household.

One these conversations stood out more than the others. It was in a discussion with Mrs Taylor, where Elizabeth mentioned Richard's name, that Elizabeth learned, while the Colonel was welcome at any time, in fact there was a room set aside for him on the second floor, his brother had been banned for a number of years. This antagonism between her master and his cousin went as far as having family occasions set up so Mr Darcy and the Viscount would not meet. Later, from Hannah, who was far too open with her history than she probably should be, Elizabeth learned that Hannah's daughter Lisa was Amy-Jane's half-sister, although she had the sense not tell Hannah of this fact. And Hannah was not the only woman ruined by the Viscount that Darcy had rescued. Hannah knew of at least one other, and there were rumours of several more in Pemberley. The injustice of her accusation that Darcy was just like his cousin hit her full force at that moment, although thankfully Hannah took her tears to be a reaction of learning of her own situation, so Elizabeth did not have to explain it.

But the most remarkable thing that happened during their stay happened the Wednesday after Easter. Elizabeth had heard a couple of times in the week prior, while in the hall or on the stairs, a gentleman, who seemed awfully familiar with the Darcy house and talked quite informally with the Darcy Butler, Steele, mention he'd just come in to see how Georgiana was doing. On hearing that she was enjoying the company of her visitors, he seemed happy with this and left again. Concerned with this level of familiarity with young girl that was not yet out, Elizabeth tried to get to see who this man was, but the best she managed was the glimpse of a gentleman in a well-tailored morning coat and beaver departing out the front door.

But on that Wednesday, it was Georgiana in the hall when the mystery gentleman called and convinced him, abet by dragging a very sheepish Charles Bingley bodily into the parlour. Poor Georgiana, who had been doing a fine job up to that point of getting the reluctant Charles to follow her, (by grabbing his hand in the hall and not letting go until he followed her to meet her new friends), was suddenly halted in her tracks as her tow stopped dead as soon as he recognised who he was about to be introduced to. Even now, Elizabeth would not want to have to pick which of Charles or Jane blushed the strongest red.

To say that the first few minutes were awkward would be an understatement. Georgiana was almost reduced to tears, thinking she'd done something unforgivable, so Elizabeth left her sister and Mr Bingley to sort themselves out, while she tried to explain how the embarrassment could be none of Georgiana's doing. But, somehow, leaving the other two their own was the best possible choice, as it was not an hour before Charles and Jane were back on the best of terms, as if nothing had happened. To Elizabeth's annoyance, she was not able to discover from Jane just what he had said in defence of his actions, if Jane had made him grovel before she forgave him or even if she'd even given him a mild rebuke, let alone a full dressing down. In Jane's guarded manner, all she would say is that both acknowledged they made mistakes and that it would not happen again.

But Elizabeth left London with the relief that at least her sister's future was once again looking positive, even if there was no formal courtship let alone offer talked of by Jane. And, to Elizabeth's chagrin, this wonderful outcome was directly the result of Darcy's intervention. Without that, apparently Charles would have stayed in the north moping over what he had lost, unwilling to come within a hundred miles of London.

So as she stood there, in far better weather than the last time she did so, Elizabeth wondered, with so much to be happy for, why was she feeling so down? It was more than the effect of coming back to Ramsgate after her time in London with Georgiana, which had been wonderful, even without the reconciliation with Jane and Charles. It was not even the deception of becoming a widow, she had quickly seen the value of doing it, and immaturity of insisting on maintaining her original decision even as the evidence of the many difficulties it would pose for Amy-Jane mounted.

No, to be perfectly honest with herself, her depression was entirely due to the recognition of what she had lost. Just how her vicious, unjust accusations had lost her the possibility of continued love from one of the finest men she had ever known, and was ever likely to know. And it was her entirely her own fault. How wilfully ignorant she had been. How a single insult, at the very beginning of their acquaintance, blinded her to his good points, and made her only look for fault, something she accused him of doing. Oh the irony! Had she known then what she knew now, she could have, would have, answered so very differently. She'd have thanked him for his offer, even as she refused him. But in doing so, there could have been the possibility of educating him in why she could not accept an offer couched in those terms. But everything suggested he would have listened to rational and reasoned explanation, and be prepared to change as a result. Certainly the evidence of had been in front of her all along or with things she'd learned subsequently.

But now, when her feelings had changed so dramatically from hate to admiration, her actions must have caused the same seismic shift in him, but from love to what must be abhorrence. Gentlemen so humiliated would not risk their heart a second time.

As Elizabeth walked back to Mrs Carter's she knew now that she'd never marry. She'd never meet anyone to compare with Darcy. As silent tears ran down her face, all she could think was the one man she wanted more than anyone was the one man who'd never be hers.


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In case you are interested, I have, after a few comments on another site, re-read the chapters at the start of this story. These comments showed that I had not clearly portrayed what had happen between Elizabeth and the Viscount (they completely missed what I tried to say, getting completely different meaning for the climactic events that end Chapter 6). As a result Part 1: Chapter 6 has been reworded to make my intent clearer, even as the outcome stays the same. I much prefer this newer version, and wanted you to know this had occurred.

Note: there is no need for you to read it again, if you found the original unsettling, it is still unsettling and adult content, if now conveyed in a different way.